Tango Fire
Memoirs
Copyright@L. Hadley 2026
Updated Fri. - Oct. 05 - 2026 - please - go to chapter 203 of the 16th Installment.
Work of fiction. Any similarity to real people - dead or alive - purely coincidental.
For the new segment of this exciting story - please - click here every Monday - Wednesday - and Friday - of each week!
Chapter 107
A month after that conversation with Jeff - Jack and I made a commitment to get engaged very soon. Jeff kept calling me and swearing that he made a big mistake and so on. I finally explained to him on the phone after I ignored his messages for a while - that I prefer Jack so he should stop calling me - he finally, reluctantly agreed.
"There is no shortage of attractive coeds willing to 'wipe your tears,'" I couldn't help "rubbing it in" a bit.
I still liked him, but I chose Jack and hoped that I made a right choice.
* * *
Jack and I got married a few months after my last phone conversation with Jeff - in a small ceremony following our short engagement. We moved up our wedding plans because he got unexpected "orders" to finish his last six months of his U.S. Army duty in West Germany. As a military wife - I could fly to join him - using less expensive military charter flight. As it later turned out - that charter flight was cheap and lousy. We had to wait in New York's - Kennedy airport - for hours - before we finally boarded a plane to Munich - Germany.
Jack met me at the Munich airport full of travelers of all sorts, but I could immediately pick out the American G.I.'s - many of whom behaved in a loud manner - typical of a lot of them.
"The army can't send only the well-educated officers to their overseas assignments", was the explanation/excuse - I heard frequently.
In any event - Jack and I had a great time in Germany - we travelled extensively through Europe - avoiding the Socialist countries like a plague. It was a great time of my life. My new husband turned out to be smart, good looking and fun - certainly - on par with my ex-boyfriend - Jeff. It was an early spring in West Germany where Jack was stationed on the base near the old city - Nurenberg which had a lot of old mansions in its vicinity. We rented a small apartment from a German family who had the rental unit in the upstairs of their clean family house. I was looking forward to the coming summer in Europe - our first summer with my new husband - Jack Osborne.
We travelled extensively in Western Europe since the G.I. tours were inexpensive, but the Paris trip was still ahead in the coming soon - early fall. Paris was fantastic - especially - the old Paris Opera Hotel - which was subsequently - remodeled - where Jack and I - had the breakfast consisting of freshly baked French bread - the best sweet butter, good raspberry jam and piping hot, delicious and fragrant - coffee!
* * *
Upon our return to the U.S. later that fall - the U.S. appeared different and much more exciting than Western Europe where the elites seemed to rule and getting a good job without some huge connections of every kind - seemed a lot harder than getting a decent job in the U.S. After stopping briefly in Columbus, Ohio - at my parents' home - Jack and I decided to head towards Northern California where both of us would complete our respective university degrees - paying for our tuition much less than it would cost us in Midwest. Even the huge state university like Ohio State was pricey.
It was nice to stop in Columbus, Ohio briefly - at my parents' spacious ranch style home in the east of Columbus - as Jack and I were preparing to make a journey to San Francisco. It was even more pleasant to know that I didn't need to enroll anymore at the huge Ohio State University. Jack and I planned to finish our college degrees at San Francisco State University - where our tuition would be much, much cheaper than at Ohio State University - a gigantic institution - certainly not worth the high tuition they charge.
I had a short but memorable talk with Jeff before Jack and I left Columbus for a very long time; I never really liked Columbus, Ohio - the way I liked Chicago for a big chunk of my life - until I stopped liking it for a lot of reasons. We will get to that - later. Things change.
As I walked down Neil Avenue that late fall day in Columbus, by the huge Ohio State University campus - I saw Jeff approaching me as he walked towards me from the opposite direction. My heart skipped a beat, but he wouldn't know it - I made sure he did not notice it.
"Hello Maggie," he examined me carefully and he was a good judge of people. "You look happy with Jack - so if you are happy - I am happy."
"You look good too," I avoided looking too deeply into his eyes, but after I said it, I immediately regretted it. He - immediately - took it the wrong way and "pounced" on my statement.
"Let's go out to dinner tonight - for our good times' sake - just once - for the last time,"
"Forget it - no way. Why should I be tempted by a different kind of water if I have my own, good spring with crystal clear water?"
I have to admit to myself that I would have liked to follow his "suggestion", but I knew better - even in my young age - that my life is more than grabbing every opportunity for pleasure. Men - usually - make passes at me - and most of them are attractive. I have always liked this sort of energy - I won't lie about it, but I never make it a main driving force of my life; I know that it is a "fleeting" phenomenon; there are more important things in my life than just - men's attention - which passes quickly - anyway.
I watched many times a good movie about Cole Porter's life in which his artistic/hedonistic personality was explored in a masterful manner without "preaching". Towards the end of his life - however - he had to "pay the piper" for his excessive fun; the memories of his "adventuresome" past - haunted him after he got old, lonely and sick. He - evidently - hurt a lot of people while he pursued "every love, every pleasure which life threw his way" (his statement).
He was famous and on the top of the world for a long time with that lucky "spell" lasting for many years. However - later in life - Cole Porter admitted that "all that we have in this life - is fragile". Almost all his songs to which he wrote music and lyrics - are magnificent and bring a lot of joys to many performers and audiences until today. Is it immortality of sorts?
* * *
After Jack and I first got to California - San Francisco appeared glorious in every way including the almost perfect weather with no excessive hot or cold seasons. Our fascination with that city and Northern California didn't last past a few months after which we started to "discover" many flaws of every size and variety. Mainly - California - impressed us as a phony and "plastic" place with many transient people of every kind. The "normal" Midwest with normal people and normal change of seasons - started to call us back.
We couldn't wait to leave California, but it had to wait four years until our university education was completed. As if by some accident it was also a month of January when we got ready to go back to Midwest - to Chicago where Jack got a good job offer for a big Chicago TV station - in their news department - as a television news photographer. We couldn't wait to get on the way. Bye California! Hello Chicago!
Chapter 108
It was a freaky hot January in Southern California where we stopped on our way back to Midwest from our temporary home - San Francisco. It felt freaky to feel the heat in January while the weather forecasts presented winter storm ravaging Midwest on every TV screen we looked. The winter route meant that Jack and I were driving through Arizona and Texas with mild winter weather. We were just as happy to be getting the hell out of California - as we were happy to be arriving in California - chased by a winter storm - four years earlier - also in January.
"I love Arizona with her big, quadruple fingered cactuses -Saguaros - guiding the desert", Jack smiled as we unloaded our station wagon in front of the clean - western style motel where we stopped for the night - after driving a long time. Many of the western U.S. towns like the one we stopped to spend that January night had their businesses on both sides of the main highways. The huge Arizona cactuses - usually - clustered - with four huge "fingers" on each one - always remind me of the U.S. West.
"Let's get some pizza tonight - then we will get up early and start driving for an hour or so - to beat some possible traffic tomorrow morning before we stop for breakfast."
I loved the idea of getting up early and driving in the dark before the day came up. The energy of the new day - just rising from the night - always feels awesome to me.
* * *
When we got to Chicago and got out of our car in front of our nice, high first floor rental condo in Chicago's - Rogers Park - the snowstorm passed but the huge, fat snowflakes were slowly flying in the air. It looked like a fairy tale scenery. I would kiss each chubby flake if I could. I missed the snow, and I was happy to feel the winter again.
"You like Chicago?"
"So far - I really feel at home here. We will be exploring Chicago - but the way I disliked California - any Midwestern, "normal" city would be a vast improvement over the freaky California."
* * *
Jack and I lived in Chicago for many years. It underwent considerable changes but while we were there - a lot of exciting, thrilling things were happening to us - as well. That first Christmas season in Chicago which was always richly decorated in glorious, Italian white lights - was memorable. The city of Chicago felt to us like an international, exciting, fun place - for many years. The summers in Chicago were also glorious with all the different summer fests taking place every spring, summer and fall.
We opened our deli/bakery a year after we moved there, which was located in an up and coming, promising Chicago neighborhood full of rehabbed condos where many Yuppies (Young Urban Professionals) - hung out. They liked our bakery products which Jack and I - developed to be not only good looking but also tasty and nutritious. Our customers also liked the way we decorated our business - it was full of understated, pastel colors and it always had good atmosphere about it as if some magic was always there. Whenever we ground the flour for our products - twice per week - using our big electric commercial grinder with stone blades - Swiss Samap - which did not overheat the flour - the smell in our deli/bakery was enticingly good - much better than the scent of freshly baked bread. Everything went very well for us - in every way - for a long time. However - things always change. Six years after we opened our business - we decided to close it and sell the equipment - recovering 10 cents on each dollar - of our hard earned - investments.
While in Chicago - after renting our spacious, rehabbed condo unit for a year - we exercised our option to buy it. The neighborhood was stable even if it had some crime problem - typical for Chicago. Our condo appreciated a lot when I sold it ten years later. When we were buying it - though - and while Jack and I were signing the documents - I never thought that I will be selling it by myself following our divorce - after many years of happy marriage. It was a hard passage for me - but I have learned to make the best out of all the life's - turns - the expected and the unexpected ones.
* * *
It seems to me now - that our many years in Chicago went by fast - while our lives in Chicago kept changing for better - every year we lived there - the same way Chicago kept changing in a lot of ways. I liked that city a lot for a long time. Even now - after I have been away for several years - I still have tons of good memories from Chicago but I am glad that it stopped drawing me back like some kind of a powerful magnet.
During the last few years while I was there, though - I noticed quite a few negative changes in terms of too many people from all over the world being there without any saleable skills to get a decent job. It became a problem - especially in the city - itself. The city's - normally - high crime rate - intensified - of course.
The suburbs like Skokie - or Northbrook have always been nice and didn't change much in the last few years but the rentals there have always been pricey just like their homes and condos for sale.
Chapter 109
After Jack and I split up following many happy years of our marriage - most of our married friends - disappeared. The few that remained my friends after Jack moved out of Chicago were not afraid that their marriages might unravel - like ours. I made some new, interesting friends - as well - after I started dancing ballroom like crazy in Chicago's ballroom studios. Jack always hated to dance on the dance floor while I constantly dreamt about it - so I - finally - got to do it after he left town.
I will never forget the cool summer day during which Jack was packing all his stuff onto the rental U-Haul since he and I decided that it will be best if he left Chicago which he wanted to do anyway - towards our last few years there while we were still together. After doing the news there for a number of years - he made the decision to leave Chicago - at some point. I - on the other hand - loved Chicago and everything about it - at that time - even though - after moving back and forth several times - from Pittsburgh to Chicago and back - I eventually decided not to go back there. Hilly Pittsburgh has a lot more to offer - it is easier to get around and Pittsburgh's Squirrel Hill looks picturesque and feels like home - most of the time.
It's nice to remember the beautiful Chicago summers in the parks surrounding Saphire colored Lake Michigan. Almost every summer - I went with some friends to Grant Park's - Summer Dance which features a lot of ballroom dancing events - under the stars. The huge dance floor made of big slabs of stone - usually - held a lot of good dancers - unless it rained. The organizers - either engaged good live bands - plentiful in Chicago area or they presented an excellent D.J. with a super good sound system. Before I could confidently dance during Chicago's summer dances at Grant Park - I had to learn how to dance which I did in several Chicago's ballroom studios.
* * *
"It's a new world for you - here. You are going to love to dance confidently on the studio's dance floor," my private ballroom dancing teacher Suzanne - an attractive, Latin looking divorcee - approximately - my age at that time - in her middle forties - always gave me a lot of encouragement; she was a good teacher even if she promoted the current studio a bit much.
I just finished my hour with her - she showed me some new tango moves so she turned off her sound system and stepped out for a moment. I liked that studio but wanted to try another one as well. It was spacious, clean enough and their selection of music was decent - as was their sound system - presently playing a good tango - a classic "La Cumparsita".
Some older people were coming in for a group lesson which Dominick - the wiry Italian studio owner was ready to start. He liked Suzanne since she brought him some new business. The dance teachers can teach in different studios especially if they try to accommodate the logistics of their private students. They also teach group lessons which mean - less money for them and more work.
Her next private student - a young woman in her late twenties - with whom Suzanne exchanged quick greetings on her way out to her short break between her private students - just walked into Suzanne's small studio. She looked like a new divorcee - insecure - not confident in her skills. The woman was well dressed but didn't really make her clothes - stand out. She wore too much make up which was not necessary if her good features would show some spark and confidence.
"All those people coming to a group lesson look like they are - at least - hundred years old. I haven't met any attractive guys in this studio - maybe the one across the street has more of those," she addressed me without introducing herself and hardly giving me a look - possibly - afraid that I looked and carried myself much better than she did.
Of course, I couldn't say anything like - "What do you have to offer to an attractive guy if your insecurity and lack of confidence is written all over you while most men are attracted to confident women like me?". Even though I didn't want to engage in more than necessary interaction with the type like her - still I had to be diplomatic a bit in the way I got rid of her. I have always liked to make friends with people who have substance and charm - while I have always avoided people with a bad attitude - as much as humanly possible. I still do that.
* * *
As soon as I started to go to some other Chicago's ballroom studios a bit - I quickly spotted the types who were rude - mostly old farts - men - looking for much younger partners as if most younger women needed them like an extra hole in a head. The youngsters were looking for younger partners. Still - I made friends with a lot of exciting people going to the dance studios - as well. The ballroom studios offered a good place to get together with a lot of quality people.
It was time for me to fall in love again. The time was right, but a lot of good ballroom dancers were either gay or already attached to steady partners. In the interim - it was a lot of fun to have clusters of women friends who went to the studios. It wasn't as if I was an old maid/spinster or anything like that. There was no pressure for me to "hook up" and be seen with some guy - so I could feel good about myself. Still - it was nice to show up in the ballroom studio with a dancing partner even if they were gay.
Alex started to appear up for group lessons in the couple of Chicago's studios which I liked. At first - I thought that he was a solid type - with his slightly husky build - like my ex-husband Jack - who - by the way - was mentioning on the phone that he was having a good time in Cleveland. We decided that he would go there to take over our new condo since he wanted to get the hell out of Chicago. He headed for Cleveland where our renters turned a brand-new condo (our real estate investment) - into a pig den during the one year they rented it from us.
Alex and I dated for a few months since I had nobody who would interest me more - at the moment. However - he could sense that I considered him "below my expectations" since Jack was a "package" which would be hard to match. As I said earlier - I was not in a big hurry to find me a steady partner. It was fun to be unattached - for a while. Sure - sometimes - it was lonely - but I could feel that way - at times - even when I was sure that Jack and I will be in love - happy together - forever. Speaking of "forever" - my "friendship" with Alex - fizzled out after several months. At least - he didn't behave in a bad manner - following my - breaking up with him. I had to lie a little bit about me - still - being in love with Jack. I wouldn't say anything like - "you are just not up to my standard or anything like that."
I was glad to stay in our big Chicago condo which appreciated tons following our major rehabbing of it. During the finalizing our divorce - Jack and I still had to talk on the phone once in a while - to wrap up our business connected with our divorce. I felt as if I was talking to a stranger - almost every time I talked to Jack during that time.
Things always change in life - but it's aways good to look for a "silver lining" since there are lots of good things that come out of trying times. Certainly - my years in Chicago either with Jack or after we divorced - were important to me - however - it's good to look forward to new events which will happen in my life - in the future. I will never forget what a lovely building manager in hilly Pittsburgh told us - a group of ladies - "Always think that the best is yet to come. Think of the good future for you. Don't dwell on the past even when things were good - the best is yet to come."
Chapter 110
I have always loved Passover time. The spring feels good after the winter. Every Passover is meaningful in some way when I think back about many lovely Passovers spent with different members of our family. When our dad was still alive - our immediate family would gather at his and mom's - big, ranch style home in the eastern suburb of Columbus, Ohio where they lived for many years.
I remember vividly one Passover night when my older niece was only two years old and already knew much about the meaning of that holiday. She was dressed up in a fancy, frilly dress picked by her mother - my sister-in-law - and we put her in a big armchair where she stood up and talked - non-stop - to the guests. She loved all the attention, and she could talk very well for a two-year-old. Her sentences were full and long, and she liked to talk a lot to whoever would listen to her.
The nice, big house of my parents had a festive, spring atmosphere every year at the Passover time. The neighbor knocked on the screen door since it was a warm April night, so the main doors were open.
"Look at this little human being," he smiled at my niece Ali, "she is very important at the table," he continued talking to my dad who appeared from upstairs and started preparing the Passover details on the fancy table - all dressed up like every year.
In the meantime - my ex-husband Jack - also all "decked up" - dressed in his newest clothes - sat at the table - full of Passover delicacies.
"This is matzo," she pointed her little finger at the big, fancy Passover platter filled with the sheets of matzo crackers. She started talking to Jack since she figured that dad was busy with preparing for Passover.
"They carried it on their backs - so the sun could bake it," she continued "lecturing" Jack.
"Is that right - Ali?" Jack patted her little finger. "She talks like a four-year-old - not like a two-year-old," he addressed me.
* * *
It seems as if many years went by - zoomed by - in fact - fast. I remember Ali in the first grade - then in high school than in college then after she got married. It was not long ago when she had her little boy who looked like her when she was a baby. Now he is already ten years old - as smart as his mom.
Needless to say - I got older - Jack has not been sitting at our Passover table for a long time. However - I like my life now. I have a lot of friends and no longer worry if I can pay my rent at the end of the month. Things were rough for me for a while after Jack and I divorced. Everything always gets much better for me - though - following some "rough patches" I have to "negotiate" in my life's journey. The best is yet to come!
* * *
During the last few years since I have been back to Pittsburgh from Chicago area - I have been actively watching the political arena in Pittsburgh's - Allegheny County - which was rumored to put Joe Biden over the top - legally or not - during the 2020 Presidential elections - also the Philadelphia County was suspicious - both of those counties - are widely rumored to be cheating for Democrats when the votes are close.
While there are many drastically different "versions" of what really happened - presently - in 2022 - after two years of Pres. Joe Biden's presidential administration's awful political moves - the trend is not to vote for Democrats who got taken over - in many counties on many issues - by their Leftist/Socialist/Radical - wing. Allegheny county appears to be crucial - again - in the coming up soon - U.S. Congressional Midterm elections - 2022 as well as the major U.S. elections in 2024 - in which the U.S. will elect the next presidential administration for four years.
Some of those Socialist Leftists get on my nerves a lot. There is a Socialist radio host in Pittsburgh who entices his listeners to spew a lot of anti-Semitic, anti-Israel - hateful half-truths. When he comes on the air with his listeners - they make my skin crawl. Thank God this well-known radio station has most hosts who are fair and truthful Americans.
That anti-Semitic host - lately - lobbied heavily his radio station - to get more shifts so he could have more time on the air with his hateful callers. So far, the radio station keeps this vicious element - at bay. Many listeners like me - appeal - at least - weekly - to the management not to give him any more airtime. He - presently - has more than enough airtime to spew his hostilities. People have to make their voices known in an effective manner - to oppose the vicious elements like him and his followers - which could be risky at times, but people can't just "look the other way" - so the evil flourishes.
* * *
This coming very soon - summer 2022 promises to be terrific in every way for a lot of reasons. When I think of my past summers in Chicago - almost all of them were memorable in a different way. I remember one summer in Chicago which was unusually hot and bothersome, but the following summer turned to be out cool and pleasant.
The one summer in Chicago which is one of the most remembered - I call the summer of Armando. It was full of big "highs" since I thought that I was "head over the heals" in love with a gorgeous Latin youngster named Armando during the whole year - preceding that special "summer of Armando". He was smart and responsible since he knew to wait until Jack left town following our separation - before he started "romancing" me. We were supposed to be "just" friends and I felt that way for a long time - however - due to the unravelling of Jack's and mine - long term relationship - the friendship with Armando - took on a different feeling since things always change in a lot of ways.
In any event - at the end of that summer I realized that his goals of leaving the U.S. for Mexico since he had a dual citizenship with the purpose of returning to Mexico like many other Mexicans living in Chicago - plus his other important plans were in a total opposition to my objectives of an early middle-aged divorcee getting back into a work force. I started to date men my age and it was a good decision even though it was not easy for me - but I - frequently - decide on steps which are hard to do - at the moment - but they are necessary and prove to be good after the time does "its" work.
Chapter 111
Each year on my birthday - I reflect on the changes which happened during that year. As I get older - the aforementioned changes are for better since many factors of my life get better every year. When I was younger there were a lot of challenges - typical for the younger years - which dissolved with passing time even if some disadvantages appeared as I got older. Overall - however - my life now is much better than it was when I was younger. There were some difficult passages which I taught me how to appreciate good time and it's good to learn from some mistakes which everybody makes. I love all the positive aspects of my life - now - while the challenges do not scare me too much. The positive attitude helps me a lot even if - sometimes - there are times when it's difficult to maintain.
I like the hilly Pittsburgh a lot but it's fun to visit "my" Chicago area once in a while. Each city has a distinctive spirit - just like a living being. When I lived in Chicago - it was still an energetic, old, rich and strong - "patriarch"; now - however - the city - itself - developed a lot of problems which intensified as the big influx of various human elements - with nothing special for them to do - causes a lot more problems than it did before.
I love the Chicago suburbs - though. My favorite being Skokie - where several of my friends - own the townhouses. However - the Skokie's - beautiful Old Orchard Open Strip Mall - has always been one of my most favorite places to enjoy. I love to walk around the nicely designed and decorated - differently - every season - grounds - with the shrubs and bushes looking like the masterpieces of the top landscaping art. It's numerous, stylish shops and restaurants make Old Orchard Mall - one of my most favorable places to visit where beautiful memories dance in my head.
* * *
Last summer 2021 and this summer 2022 - they made "a big hoopla" about the new Juneteenth holiday - which gets on a lot of people's nerves - including mine - big time - since - according to many such opinions posted onto many social media platforms; the aforementioned new holiday - gets "shoved down many people's - throat" while most of the U.S. wants to continue to celebrate 4th of July in a big way. It's a big national holiday which unites all the U.S. inhabitants - whether they are legal, semi-legal and everybody "in-between".
* * *
My memories about beautiful summers when I was growing up in Eastern Europe - always feature prominently several nice Polish resorts where - it was customary for a lot of people - to remain one or two summer months. The breadwinners - usually - stayed in the city while they packed their families and sent them out for most of the summers.
Some of those picturesque resorts - especially the ones located in the Polish mountains - were popular during several seasons. The resort called "Krynica" was located in the mountains where it was named "Krynica - Springs" while another "Krynica" located by the Baltic Sea was called "Krynica by the Sea". Both of those resorts were beautiful in different ways.
I preferred the mountain location even though the one by the Baltic Sea was also impressive even if during one of our vacations the weather was rainy and cold during the entire three weeks while we were there. We dressed in our sweaters and walked around waiting for the sun to come out so we could go to the beach - but no such luck during those vacations.
The Krynica - Springs in the mountains had much better weather most seasons - with its famous mineral water coming out of the mountain spring around which the lovely park was constructed. The aforementioned mineral water was widely consumed out of the fancy drinking dishes during the evenings in the park. While everybody touted the spring water as super miraculous remedy for most human ailments - I and my friends - detested it since it smelled and tasted - strongly of sulfur. We used to - discreetly - pour in onto lush vegetation around the park.
* * *
When I think of my past 4th of July Holidays with the summers connected with them - I have to admit that Chicago summers offers most lavish displays of 4th of July fireworks - so they stand out in my memory. It's not that my other summers were not memorable but the summers in Chicago were most beautiful. One particular 4th of July in Chicago always reminds me about many precious moments which are embedded in my memory while the sadness of those times - pales and becomes insignificant.
My deli/bakery in Chicago's trendy neighborhood attracted a lot of interesting customers most of whom were young "Yuppies" - Young Urban Professionals. There were quite a few creative, middle-aged types in that neighborhood - as well. I enjoyed my nicely decorated business; I was proud of our tasty and good-looking bakery products which I designed with the help of my ex-husband Jack who also worked - at the same time - his demanding job as a news producer for the top Chicago's TV station.
There was a friction in my long-term marriage during that summer. The brewing conflict was caused by a lot of things which grew over the years; still up to that time Jack and I solved our problems without too much effort. That summer things got difficult between me and Jack.
During that memorable, important 4th of July weekend - Jack was away on a news story so my young friend - a gorgeous Latin hunk - Alfredo - was coming around to my business - more than usually.
"You look really nice this morning," he said as he entered my deli/bakery while I was putting freshly baked, big, golden colored muffins onto a big size baking pan onto the peach-colored counter. I - usually - played the sensuous Latin jazz in our bakery since the neighborhood was trending that way like a lot of neighborhoods in Chicago. The smell of freshly baked muffins was heavenly. I stepped into the back, work area of my bake shop to brew some fresh coffee. Alfredo stood in the doorway and looked at me like a puppy into a butcher's shop.
"Don't I look good other times?"
"You always look good."
Alfredo was not overly generous with his complements. He told me at the beginning of our friendship that he respects my husband Jack so he would not be making any "passes" at me. He kept his word - most of the time - as much as he could since he was attracted to me, and it was written all over him - but not nearly as much as it was written all over me. I tried to keep my attraction towards Alfredo under control, however it was much harder during the time when Jack and I had problems.
"Watch the front area and call me if the customer comes in. Make yourself useful," I had to talk loud to him - or at him - since the coffee needed to be ground - thus I had an excuse to be bossy - in spite of Alfredo asking me not to do it. I couldn't let him know how happy I was to see him. After all - Jack had to be more important to me - than this arrogant little shit.
"You think you're so cool or what?" I tried not to look at him too closely since he was gorgeous. The Latin bolero "Maria of My Soul" played in my bakery's sound system. It was a big hit that summer.
"How does this muffin taste?" I asked while we were drinking freshly brewed coffee and ate the warm slices of my top creation - banana walnut muffin of big size. We always sliced it up into several delicious chunks. I closed my deli/bakery and put a sign "back in ten minutes" which - usually - could be easily stretched to 15 or twenty minutes.
"All your products are super - I guess it's because you grind everything in those various sized grinders in your bakery."
"What's your end game for our 'friendship'? You want to get me in bed so Jack and I will divorce so you can put your paws on my settlement money?"
"I never thought about it but now - that you mention it - it's not a bad idea - come to think of it," Alfredo laughed a contagious laugh of the undefeated youth.
"You are such a 'drama queen' about things", he added, "Can't we just be friends and have fun?"
"You mean - 'friends with benefits'? With men - friendships have to end up in bed. Your kind of fun is getting women in bed, right?"
"I don't always get anybody I want. Nobody does that. The women who interest me are - usually - not available - either already spoken for - like you - or - way - out of my league."
"Oh, you poor thing - any place you walk in - the attractive women 'make eyes' at you. Don't tell me you don't notice it. You wouldn't be changing places with some 'Schmock' who doesn't attract the attention of good-looking women - now - would you?"
"You notice everything, and you like to make various comments about people."
"So what? 'On target' observations - you mean? Not to change the subject - but I don't think that I should be out dancing with your young friends this weekend. That's hardly the right first step into untangling some 'kinks' from my long term, happy marriage."
"Whatever you decide - will have to be OK with me. I don't want to have a negative influence on your marriage. I don't want to stand in your way to your happiness with Jack."
* * *
Three days later - Alfredo, I and a young couple - his neighbors - were sitting at the table of the newly opened, nicely decorated restaurant/nightclub in the Chicago's Loop area. It was obvious that the original investment was sizable. Chicago had a lot of new, trendy places opening every year; they were popular for a while due to the vast pre-opening - promotions. However - a lot of them - "bit the dust" after a year or so - perhaps after a few years - due to either mediocre management or stiff competition - so they closed.
The atmosphere was magical in the nightclub that night. The live band played the Latin hits. The band was excited as well as their male vocalist just as handsome as Alfredo who looked more gorgeous than normally. He - glowed - with love but I knew that it was not for me - but for his youth and general feeling in the lush nightclub; still the night conspired against my resolve to keep cool and not to get carried away by a lovely July night.
Alfredo and I danced a sensuous bolero on crowded dance floor which was new, covered with fine wooden squares. Each time he came closer I could smell his cologne.
"That vocalist looks at us and his glance says something to the effect that we will 'continue' this night after we leave here - oh - by the way - the perfume you are wearing smells heavenly," Alfredo was stingy with his complements - as always - as he focused on the stuff about me rather than me - as much as - humanly - possible.
"You look very nice," he added.
"Is it hard for you to say that?"
"Don't all the men around you always tell you that?"
"And that bothers you?"
"Not nearly as much as it bothers you when attractive women look at me."
"Say - why is your 'gringo' friend asking me a lot of retarded questions about my marriage. Is he that stupid on his own or he takes lessons?" I changed the subject right before we finished dancing and came back to our table.
Alredo's friend's Mexican wife was behaving like a smart person. She was pretty and tactful - no wonder that she was frequently giving her husband a special look which said something like "shut up your idiot" which followed shaking of her head and rolling up of her eyes.
On our way back the lovely Chicago's summer night felt intoxicating. Alfredo drove in a deft, self-confident manner his little Honda Civic. He dropped off the couple - his neighbors/friends first - then he let me out in front of mine and Jack's - newly rehabbed townhouse in Chicago's Rogers Park.
"May I come in for a little bit - to chat about the night?"
"It's not a good idea for a lot of reasons. We can talk about this night - tomorrow."
I don't know how I mustered all my strength that night. When I was in bed later on - I couldn't sleep trying to absorb all the magic of that special night. The phone rang around 3 am and I knew that it was Jack. All the magic was gone in a second.
"You were dancing with your young friends in that new Latin joint?"
"I was - and you knew that I might do that. I don't know what you're doing on your 'side of the road' - when you are away so much."
There was a silence between us for a long moment. I thought that we have become almost strangers after a long time of being close in every way. My brother Max - who was married several times - frequently stated that long relationships don't last too long. "Either the personal flaws tear them or time - itself - will pull them apart."
"Okay. Do whatever you want. It's your party," said Jack and hung up. I thought that Max was right. Somehow - time and the events which happened to us tore Jack and me apart and we could not repair - especially since Jack wanted out more than he wanted to stay with me.
Chapter 112
Jack left Chicago later that summer. We talked business on the phone every few weeks. I got to keep the nicer of our two real estate pieces - the rehabbed Chicago townhouse - while he agreed to keep the smaller, less valuable condo we owned in Cleveland where he went to renovate and sell it. The renters almost ran it to the ground in a short time. It's not a good business to be an "absentee landlord."
After Jack moved out of Chicago permanently - I started a new life for myself at forty. Everybody "advised" me not to continue my "friendship" with Alfredo who was too young for me - as if I needed another "steady" man right away or their advice like an extra hole in my head.
"I don't need to marry him or anything like that. I just got out of a long marriage. It could be nice to just sleep with him for a while, have some fun then get rid of him," I was telling my older brother Max - on the phone. He was a big expert in the area of relationships but almost all the women he got involved with - dumped him - in spite of his good looks and smooth "gab".
"He will have you wrapped around his little finger in no time,"
"I doubt it. He already knows that he gets no money - I told him that many times."
* * *
Alfredo and I had wine coolers on the small patio of my newly rehabbed Chicago townhouse with the fenced in patio - decorated in planters with summer flower beds. I wore a lovely, chiffon summer dress with floral designs the colors of which - matched the colors of blue/yellow pansies on my patio. I felt attractive and in charge of my new life after Jack and I split up and he permanently left Chicago - finally at the long last. Our difficult last two years tainted the previous twenty happy years of our union when I thought that our love will last forever.
I always liked the fact that the patio was fenced in - so the neighbors had to make an extra effort to talk to me while I was out there - especially if Alfredo was there with me. The patio opened from my living room - thus I could see it during the various seasons - while I was inside. I thought briefly that I will miss it after the townhouse was sold but my decision to get the hell out of Chicago - was firm - to start me a new life in Pittsburgh - get away from Alfredo as well - to Pittsburgh - where my brother lived for many years with his family and loved it.
It was a lovely summer evening just like my last summer in Chicago. Alfredo and I planned to go out to eat a light supper in our favorite, good small Mexican restaurant of which there were thousands in Chicago. They - normally - opened and closed on a regular basis.
I was glad that I put the townhouse out on the market since it appreciated quite a bit during the ten years during which Jack and I owned it. After the townhouse sold - and I expected the good offer very soon - I was looking forward to moving to Pittsburgh. It was a new threshold for me to cross - bravely.
"Maybe I can come to visit you in Pittsburgh?"
"I don't think it will be a good idea. You need to be looking for a younger woman. We need to make a 'clean break'", after I said that to Alfredo - it made sense to me, and I didn't feel excessively absorbed or obsessed by this "thing" with Alfredo.
In the meantime - my older sister - Tina who called from Israel where she lived for a long time - advised me to be open to meeting "an eligible middle-aged guy - while I am still attractive and desirable" - as she phrased it.
The sensuous Latin jazz was played from my living room into a patio. Alfredo looked glowing. The energy between us could be almost "cut with the knife".
"Are you guys going out?" My next-door neighbor - Julie - a special ed teacher - not outstanding in any manner - who always hung out with her cross-eyed Lesbian "companion" - stuck her head from her patio and stared at me and Alfredo having our summer wine coolers. I was glad that she didn't say anything about Alfredo drinking and driving as if it was any of her damn business other than just a phony excuse to be lecturing us.
She was - normally - making eyes at Alfredo who tried to be polite towards her advances, but she should know better than pursue that issue after she got - turned down - politely but firmly.
"She has big 'hots' for Alfredo as if she was some kind of a movie star or something like that", my sister Tina always commented on the things going on in my life - whether I asked her to weigh in or not,
"She needs to realize that next to you" Tina continued during her weekly phone call from Israel, "she got a 'snowball's chance in hell' with Alfredo".
"It's not that - so much - but I am pretty sure that she hinted around about some kind of 'manage a trio' - possibilities. Even if her Lesbian partner was not 'cross-eyed' - it would still make my skin crawl. Some Lesbians are promiscuous."
"Just tell her that those sorts of possibilities make your skin crawl",
"That would be rude and create unnecessary conflict with a next-door neighbor."
"So, I guess it's better to fart around and 'beat around the bush' - without being honest."
"There is always a proper time to be honest but sometimes it's better to 'beat around the bush' with 'little while lies' - for a while - at least".
I got rid of Julie - tactfully but effectively - so Alfredo and I could go out to dinner and have a great time. It was good for me to laugh since the couple of year before Jack and me finally split - were hard on me - but I was proud of myself - "not to step out of my marriage" before Jack was - permanently - out of Chicago and out of my life.
* * *
That memorable - mostly glorious - "summer of Alfredo" - zoomed by fast. At the end of that summer - I decided to take some steps which I knew will be hard. My brother was also frequently "volunteering" his unsolicited comments about my life - just like Tina did - which always got on my nerves quite a bit.
"Even if it's hard for you now - you will see how many new friends you will make after you come to Pittsburgh" my older brother Max was convincing on the phone.
"Forget about Chicago - to hell with it - it's a heaven for the corrupt politicians of all sorts and it has a lot more crime than Pittsburgh. You need to get the hell out of there while the going is good".
* * *
My first summer in Pittsburgh was nice in many ways. I was busy exploring that hilly and picturesque city with a view of mountains and hills from almost any place. However - the apartment which I rented cheaply from Max in a so-so neighborhood - was not maintained well by Max who wanted to sell his three unit in a shaky neighborhood. His own three-unit, mansion like dwelling - had a super location in Squirrel Hill - a premier neighborhood of Pittsburgh. Max asked a low rent for my newly rented place, but it was a semi-decrepit unit, a far cry from my luxurious Chicago townhouse which I sold right before leaving Chicago. Still - I didn't start missing Chicago like crazy until the following summer during which I longed to feel the light breeze from Saphire blue colored Lake Michigan and smell the sweet scent of the Lake Michigan.
After I told Max that I intended to move back to Chicago - he gave me a big lecture on "how I am making a big mistake". "Big mistake - my foot" - I didn't listen to Max - as usually - and moved back to Chicago area which at that time was - still - halfway decent in most neighborhoods as far as crime is considered. It's gotten worse - lately. I loved my first summer back in "my Chicago" and didn't miss Pittsburgh at all - notwithstanding its picturesque hills and post-card like views of the homes nestled in the hilly elevations - from almost any place.
* * *
Skokie - a nice Northern suburb of Chicago - which lacks the elevations - has always been my most favorite place around Chicagoland. While the city of Chicago - has become even more plagued with crime during the recent years - the situation worsened even more lately - due to the massive influx of tons of additional people who don't belong there - with nothing special for them to do - other than - frequently - semi-legally - voting for many corrupt politicians in Chicago.
Still - Chicagoland has a lot of beautiful places - and if you know the city - itself - well - and stay away from its dangerous spots - Chicago can be magnificent and exciting. When I lived in Skokie - my friends and I - infrequently went to the city - especially during the beautiful Chicago summers. We did go during the summers when the summer fests by the Lake Michigan always were and still are - gloriously - glorious experiences. The summers are beautiful in Chicago area.
Skokie - itself - has a low crime problem since the rentals there are not cheap. I love it and miss it when I'm away. My most favorite spot has to be the big and sprawling Old Orchard Mall. Its exquisite design with decorative plants and sculptures - out in the open air - are breathtaking. The exclusive shops, coffee shops and restaurants attract a lot of tourists - foreign and the domestic ones - the kind who travel with - frequently - noisy, unruly groups of children. It's a great feeling when they disappear come September's Labor Day Holiday. I have always loved the Labor Day Holiday which ends the summer of which I - usually - get tired - at the end of it unless it's an unusually cool summer. Still - my most favorite season - has always been the Fall which zooms by - entirely too fast - every year.
In any event - that week after Labor Day weekend has always felt great and peaceful with all the tourists with their noisy "appendages" - gone for a year. The morning coffee with their super tasty muffins - at the snazzy coffee shop - located "al fresco" - outside the luxurious anchor store - Nordstrom - always tastes different and great during that first week after the Labor Day holiday. I love to visit Skokie and Chicagoland every year during the early summer - but for now - at least - I live in a beautiful apartment in hilly Pittsburgh.
Chapter 113
For some years - following my divorce from Jack - during which my earning power was much less than his - there was this big, fat demon bothering me - namely - the images of myself being evicted from the condo which I rented due to not having money to pay the rent - bothered me. I had visions of all my stuff out on the sidewalk. That ugly demon - subsequently - disappeared with his "tail between its homely legs."
I have - since - established my financial and personal - resilience which keeps all the typical demons/negative energies - at bay - even if they don't ever go away permanently. They come and go while they change. It's good to pray every day and have good goals to achieve even if - at times - it's hard to be brave and make brave choices which can be costly in many important ways.
* * *
At the beginning of each fall which has always been my most favorite season - I think of the past beautiful summers - most of them were in Poland where we lived for many years.
This one gorgeous summer month of July - my mother and I spent in a picturesque mountain resort - Krynica Springs which was - actually - popular in the summers and in the winters. During that particular summer - it was our first time there - so we didn't exactly know what to expect after mother and I got into the taxi waiting for us at the tiny train station.
"We will see if the villa is clean and well maintained," said mother as both of us looked around the mountainous street full of clean villas with different colors of rose plants in front of each one. We had the keys to our rentals following paying all the costs and various fees. The owners moved to a converted shed in the back of the villa. The place looked well maintained on the outside.
"It's nice and clean. It smells good of mountain air," I said as I examined the spacious inside premises. The hardwood floors shone, and the walls were freshly painted. The small fridge in the kitchen was well stocked and the radio played the newest hit of that summer - the tango - "Farewells".
"She has a great voice," my mother commented upon the radio vocalist - who was a popular and famous singer - that summer.
"You had a good trip? Hopefully - you will have a good month in our villa," the owners - a middle aged Polish couple entered the villa with the smile.
"Every week - on Wednesday mornings - the local peasant comes with fresh butter, home baked bread, eggs and yogurt or milk - and she can also bring you a 'dressed' and cut up chicken if you pay her ahead," the husband of the owner examined us - as well. After all - they wanted decent people renting their house for the whole month.
After mother and me realized that our summer landlord paid the week before to the peasant woman - for the chicken which his wife cooked along with chicken soup - mother offered to pay him but he declined stating that it's their gift - to "have good business relationship".
"They're making good money on their rentals," said mother after the summer landlords left - while we ate chicken sandwiches made of cold chicken breasts on the tasty, thickly sliced - peasant bread slices covered thickly with yellow country butter - topped with lettuce and tomatoes slices. We drank a fragrant black tea.
"When we get to the park - you should not disappear from our sight so quickly the way you and Lisa - always do."
My twelve years old best friend - Lisa and her family - rented a villa a street away from ours. She and I had a way to discreetly dump the spring water - spraying out of the spring in the middle of the lush park; allegedly - that "healthiest spring water on earth - cures all the ailment known to mankind". We detested it since it reeked strongly of Sulphur.
Mother and I dressed up a bit for our evening in the park, but we waited for the coming Saturday when the big band played beautiful music and all the newcomers to the resort - who came during the week - showed up for the first time. Every summer Lisa and I looked for attractive friends our age to strike up some summer friendships which fizzled out after the summer was gone - as they did every year.
Even though I knew that my friend was much better looking than I was - with her Shirley Temple like dimples never leaving her face - I knew how to use my early "gifts of gab" to make friends easily. She was shy while I was always super outgoing. I adored her even if I was a bit jealous of her great looks so during that special summer - I couldn't wait for her to arrive at the resort in a few days.
* * *
Our first night in the park after we arrived at our summer resort had a different atmosphere - it was quieter than on the weekends. Saturdays were always super festive with a lot of vacationers having fun and the big band playing various hits of the day as well as old favorites.
"I will go look for some kids my age," I announced to mother who looked around while she watched some vacationers passing our park bench where my mother sat with her back rested on the back of the bench. She wore a silk summer dress with the floral patterns matching the colors of the lush flower beds - nicely landscaped all over the big park - surrounded by the mountains. Her thick hair of bleached blond color was cut to medium length - barely touching her wide shoulders. She always bleached her hair blond and was always dieting to "lose weight" ever since I could remember.
I thought that I could make some friends our age - before Lisa arrived in a few days.
"Okay but come back soon and be careful. Don't just talk to any 'schmuck' who will talk to you."
I considered myself a "streetwise big city sleeker" at thirteen.
After I approached the park's fountain which was in the middle of the park - I noticed two youngsters which got my attention since I remembered seeing them earlier that afternoon, so I followed them - discreetly into the glassed pavilion - right behind the fountain - inside which the small stream of the mineral water was flowing in a steady stream. The vacationers came up with their glass containers and after filling them - sipped the "miraculous" water - allegedly - a cure for all the ailments known to mankind.
The people who tasted it the first time discovered the spring water's strong taste which didn't bother some people while most youngsters found that taste - repulsive - due to its strong smell of Sulphur.
I saw those two boys earlier - they were - maybe 13 years of age - looking a bit alike - like cousins - not brothers. They were laughing and talking loudly - they carried themselves arrogantly as if they owned the resort deli where mother and I stopped before we went to the park. They were dressed in fancy-schmantzy, fashionable style clothes - their hair cuts were long and fancy as well.
"Don't look at them," said mother "you are not making friends with them - they are - way out of you league and - anyway - you don't want to associate with any damn Communist elitists from Warsaw."
"Nobody is 'out of my league' - mother."
"Where do you get all your 'chutzpa' - from?"
"I don't know. Maybe - from God."
When I saw those boys again - on that day - by the fountain in the park - they were looking for new friends since they just arrived in the resort with their families. I knew that my timing was right since they would stay - at least - a month.
"My best friend is arriving in a couple of day. She is very cool - just like me. I will show you how to 'dump' this 'miracle water' so nobody will notice."
"Okay - that sounds good," said the taller one - the cuter one - as he took a pause from making faces at the taste of the mineral water; he gave me a semi-probing look. I passed their initial "inspection" - the way I knew - I would.
* * *
The following Saturday by the early evening smelling sweet of the summer honey suckle bushes in bloom - mother and I got all "decked up" to go to the park. The adults were looking forward to dancing in the moonlight when the large orchestra would play several danceable pieces - one Tango - and maybe a couple of Waltzes - as well. There was excitement in the air. My mother's perfume scent mingling with the sweet smell of the honey suckle - would always remind me of those summers in the Polish mountain resort.
My best friend Lisa/Lizotchka - arrived with her little brother - Cyril. They were also dressed up to the "ninth" and looked like little movie stars. I had several "schemes" ready to get rid of her little brother who was a winey little brat - always ready to "tattle-tale" to her mother about me and her getting in some trouble. The last thing we needed was to have him tag along when we were meeting our new friends from Warsaw - during that night - however - we also needed to "lose" my older brother who joined mother and me - unexpectedly when his summer camp - got cut short.
What she and I did on many occasions was to start walking fast then separate so he would return to our parents while I pretended to look for Lisa - but - lately he was getting on to us - so we had to think of some other tricks to get rid of him. I - usually - came up with some "ideas".
During that memorable night full of magic - Lisa and I - mainly I - needed to get rid of - not only her little brother but also my older brother - a college guy who thought a world about himself for no special reason - also - needed to be successfully "unloaded". He was watching well-dressed parade of women walking by our park bench, so it was a good time to - discreetly - disappear and go meet our teenage friends who were to wait by the big fountain in the middle of the park.
"They talk with their Warsaw accent," I informed Lisa - "they think that it impresses people - big time - and anyway - whatever they will say about their families - will be exaggerated a lot. They always do that. You know how they are."
There was some "pecking order" as far as which town was on the top of the scale - as far as vacationers/kids were concerned - with the capitol - Warsaw - being most of the time - on the top of the list. At times - the "new Communist money" people lived in small towns close to Warsaw, but they claimed that they lived in Warsaw. It was obvious - though - if some people were pretending to be something different than what they really were. There were always "elites" - "the upper classes" - as far as I can remember - with most of their status determined by where they lived.
As Lisa/Lizotchka and I - approached the big fountain in the middle of the lush park - a pair of our new friends - were waiting for us. She and I were all dressed up - we wore fancy frilly summer dresses - mine was of mint green color - to match the color of my eyes while Lisa always looked good in pink which pleasantly contrasted with her chocolate colored, brown eyes.
She frequently told me that she wished her eyes were green like mine, but I never knew if she meant it or just kept saying that to make me feel better. Everybody always told her that she looks like Shirley Temple - which made most people who didn't look as good as her - pissed to the eyeballs with their skin "crawling all over". They stopped saying that when Shirley Temple entered her teenage years and suddenly stopped looking adorable - with the same thing happening to my best childhood friend - Lisa/Lizotchka.
After we approached the main fountain in the nicely landscaped park - our friends waited for us. The guys were dressed in fashionable clothes which looked good on them. The music penetrated the park since the live band was playing a lot of danceable pieces during Saturday nights. The guys - our news friends - immediately - boasted to no end about their respective families - vast business enterprises in Warsaw consisting of strings of beauty shops with numerous masseurs with their tables - in each location.
The people who had money - in Poland - at that time - were either Communist party officials as well as the owners or managers of private enterprises. Lisa's and my parents were managers for leather corporations doing business with the government as well as with the private businesses.
As soon as all of us approached the dance platform where my and Lisa's parents were getting ready to dance their Tango - my mother took me aside after she gave our new friends - a good look. Our parents danced their Tango every week. The sounds of "La Cumparsita" always reminds me of that magic summer night.
"Don't believe all the exaggerated stuff they told you - girls. They - probably - own one puny beauty shop - each - with one masseuse which they - probably - share among their two beauty shops."
After my parents and Lisa's parents finished Saturdays nights' - Tango - quite a few people would come up to congratulate them. I always knew how their dancing moves varied from week to week, but their routine was impressive - especially - when people saw it for the first time.
Our new friends' parents - saw our parents dancing and showing off quite bit - so they were impressed as they came up to congratulate them. I expected some high and mighty elitists from Warsaw - instead - they looked fat and dumpy. We all noticed that they were dressed in expensive clothes - but they carried themselves without any poise or style. I knew that my parents would describe them later as "typical new money" but while they talked to them briefly - I was familiar with my father's facial expressions and attitude when he was meeting new people in whom he was not interested. It was a standoffish manner - without being unnecessarily rude or confrontational.
Chapter 114
It was a memorable summer. Sometimes - I think about it - how many summers went by since that memorable summer ended. Each time when I see Lisa these days - after many years and changes which happened to our lives - we talk about that summer and laugh - remembering a lot of new details - after all those years.
Lisa and I lost track of each other for a while since she and her family left Poland right after that memorable summer ended. My family and I didn't arrive in the U.S. - at least - seven years after Lisa's. Somehow - we lost track of each other following several years of corresponding. She mailed me her teenage photos - she looked like Sandra Dee - the teenagers' idol - the youthful American movie queen sans the bleached blond hair. I always remember her hair color - as light brown.
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