Tango Fire - The Eleventh Installment.

                            Tango Fire                                                 

                               Memoirs

                     

                  Copyright@ L. Hadley 2026

Updated 

Mon. Oct. 05 - 2026 - please - go to 16th Installment - chapter 203.

        Work of fiction. Any similarity to real people - dead or alive - or circumstances - are purely coincidental.

        For a new segment of this exciting story - please - click here - every Monday - Wednesday - and Friday of each week! 

                             Chapter 94

        That last summer quarter at Ohio State University - (three months - June - July and August) with Lizotchka - went fast like a blink of an eye. We both graduated - she got married that fall and the newlyweds decided to move to Vancouver, Canada where Artie got a job offer since he didn't want to be drafted to be sent to Vietnam. I met and married my future husband -  Jack Osborne (a nice looking, smart guy who just finished his U.S. army duty) - also at the end of that magical summer. We decided to move to San Francisco, California where Jack could complete his graduate studies with the university tuition a lot less than that of the Ohio State University's.

                                      *       *      *

       Jack and I left Columbus, Ohio and the university - during the early morning of January 1st - after a super fun New Year's Eve celebration of a beginning of a new decade 1970 - the night before. I was glad to "unload" Columbus, Ohio and the university. It was my intention to do some post graduate work in California - but I needed to work there for a year in order to establish my residency so my college would be cheap. Jack could - immediately - claim his California residency and start his post-graduate degree with cheap tuition - since he just finished serving in the American army. After finishing his army duty - he was eligible for immediate residency rights at any state of the U.S.

      That first day when we drove West towards California using the summer route since the winter weather was decent - we stopped for the night in Illinois after crossing Indiana - however - when we got up early in Illinois - the next morning - the weather suddenly changed with the snow coming down and wind - whipping around. We decided to go sharply south to Arkansas - switching quickly to drier and warmer - winter route - towards California.

       I was looking around Arkansas with a great interest. It was rainy there - as the massive snow changed into moderate rain. Jack was a bit apprehensive since the U.S. Southerners - at that time - considered guys like Jack who was born and raised in the East of the U.S. - Yankees/outsiders. Jack instructed me not to talk too much in the small Arkansas town we stopped for the night since my slight foreign accent might not be a big hit with the locals - who knew each other - while they immediately noticed the travelers who just stopped there for the night.

      Things have changed a lot since that time but the United States has always had various divisions among her diverse segments of population. Still - it has always managed - somehow - to avoid the major conflicts. The United States has been one of the oldest constitutional republics in the world.

                                     *       *      *

       It was an unforgettable journey through the U.S. that January. Arkansas looked similar to Missouri and Oklahoma. I watched the green plains of vast dimensions - interrupted by various, solid looking dwellings of many kinds. However - when we started crossing into the New Mexico and Arizona which borders on California - our destination - I noticed the changes. New Mexico started to look like the Wild West which I have seen in many American movies when I lived in Europe. Many small towns were literally - on both sides of major throughways.

       The big, triple groups of tall cactuses - Saguaros - looked like some beings - guarding the vast scenery covered by huge, round balls of tumble weed. Jack and I got up very early each morning and started to drive - to cover a lot of ground before we stopped for breakfast. That way we beat the morning traffic and could make our distances in a good time.

       It was awesome to get up very early while the outside of our motel was still dark. As we drove through the highway which was opened - as if - privately - for Jack and my - use - with not traffic yet - the early light would come up and the moments when the dark night disappeared while the morning light started the new day - felt breathtaking.

       "The air feels fresh. The temps here in Arizona in the early sixties - are perfect. They have another snow storm in the East," I said to Jack after we got out of the car - to eat breakfast; Jack smiled the youthful grin of undefeated youth.

        "It's a different story here - in the middle of the summer - where they have strings of days with close to hundred degrees. One can almost fry and egg quickly - outside - in that kind of sun heat."

         Both of us loved Texas where the scenery looked a lot like the one in Arizona. We did the same thing in Texas as we did in Arizona - we got up at the crack of dawn when it was still dark -  and drove to meet the early morning before we stopped to eat breakfast. Jack and I spoke briefly as we got out of our big Chevrolet - loaded up to the gills - to eat early breakfast which tasted heavenly after a long morning drive. Both - Jack and I felt much freer there in Arizona and Texas - close to the California border - than we felt back in the South or in the Eastern U.S. I looked at him briefly before we entered the half way full, medium sized, clean restaurant smelling deliciously of bacon and fried eggs. 

        Jack looked handsome and sure of himself - after all - he just got out of the U.S. army - after spending a year in Vietnam where the constant danger - taught him a lot even if he worked in the army offices - instead of roughing it out - "eating mud" in the jungle. A lot of men and women in that restaurant in Texas - wore Western style - fancy boots and big Western hats. The waitress - however - spoke without that, well known Texas drawl - which I loved to hear and could listen to - forever. The waitress - most likely - just came West from the Midwest like Chicago - judging by her accent - where the standard English is taught quickly to Southerners who work there - so the smug Midwesterners don't make fun of them. It's a good thing that the New York City accent - is also made fun of and people who have responsible jobs or positions - quickly try to loose it - so they talk like the announcers speak in Chicago region's - television stations.

                                Chapter 95

          We did like San Francisco for the first year we were there but once we lived there - we were noticing the big flaws of their Socialist style - city and state - management - with their politicians - mostly Democrat party - leaders - many of them - corrupt and cynical - mainly interested in pursuing their own - personal advantages - using the sheep like voters to obtain their personal advantage oriented - goals. Jack and I - soon after Christmas of that year decided to get the hell out - back to "normal" - Midwest - as soon as we were finished with our studies. It felt freaky to have spring like weather during Christmas with no snow or the change of seasons which we missed like crazy.

       We also noticed that the people in California appeared phony and different than the folks in Midwest. Our friend - a successful dentist - who "transplanted" himself to Reno, Nevada (exciting, interesting Western town) from Ohio - always said the the Californians are like "prunies" - the slang for dries prunes - with their brains all "dried up in the sun".

      The following January - Jack and I were as happy to be getting the hell out of California - as we were delighted to be entering sunny California - two Januaries earlier when we were chased by the snow storm back in the Midwest. This time we were happy to be leaving California - especially during that freaky hot January - in Los Angeles - where we stopped on our way out to visit some friends - also "transplants" from the Midwest of the U.S. who were dreaming of going back.

      Chicago - covered in light snow - was waiting for us. We barely avoided the winter storm which just passed since Chicago gets a lot of harsh winter events every year - but when we first got there that memorable winter - from freaky hot that January - California - we found just mild snow which turned the scenery into a fairy tale like winter picture - with big flakes gently flying around and landing on the big trees.

      The apartment in Rogers Park which the real estate agent arranged for us - turned out to be lovely, spacious, two level town house with a fenced in yard and nicely trimmed shrubbery in the front court yard. We loved everything about Chicago that winter which still had lovely, Italian style - winter holidays' joys - small sparkling lights everywhere - which looked like small diamonds - all over the city even after the January was more than half way done. 

      "So you like Chicago better than California?" Jack asked me many times during that winter. I thought then that our love will last as long as we live. It lasted a long time but love changes towards the end. When the spring and summer came that year - the city of Chicago put on huge, terrific summer fests of every kind. One of them had quite a few Latin bands - either the local Chicago ones but some were from the Latin American countries like Ecuador. I wanted to - quickly - learn how to dance Salsa/Mambo since I have always liked to dance and could "pick up" the dance steps in a short time.

      "Forget it," said Jack in a harsh tone which he rarely used since we were equal partners in our successful union. "I hate to dance ballroom," he continued "its exhibitionistic and stupid. Those men look like peacocks while women take all kinds of pretentious poses". Since he objected to me going to the local studios to take dancing lessons - I filed away my dreams about dancing Latin ballroom dances.

                                        *       *      *

       I knew that one of my childhood friends lived in Chicago with her second husband so I decided to find her. I have not seen her in many years so I was a bit nervous about our encounter. Luckily - she didn't change too much - she was always herself - the plain but friendly persona - but she was very pregnant with her second child from her second marriage. I later called our third childhood friend - Lizotchka to relate to her - in detail - my meeting with Milochka - our third childhood friend from Europe. The three of us spent several fun summers in the beautiful, Polish mountain resort - before we crossed many thresholds of many kinds after which we found ourselves in the U.S.

      "You know how Milochka who always called the two of us 'stars' when we were younger - nevertheless - managed to marry two handsome guys and have a great looking daughter from her first marriage while she is now very pregnant, looks almost the same as she always did. Her second husband is good looking - though,"

      "Speaking of good looking children - when do you and Jack plan to have a kid?" Asked Lizotchka; she lived in Canada with her American husband Artie who ran from President Johnson's Vietnam war. They settled in Canada where she gave birth to a girl and a boy; they were only a year apart.

      "You know me - I told you before - that as much as I like to look at other people's children - the thought of long pregnancy makes my skin crawl."

                                       *       *      *

       During that first summer in Chicago - Jack and I frequently went out with Milochka and her second husband. She was madly in love with him and it showed - not in terms of them being affectionate in front of Jack and me - which always made my skin crawl - if any couple was doing that in front of other couples - as if to impress the strangers with their "fiery passion".

       It was just the way she glanced at her husband that her eyes expressed tons of love. I was hoping that she would not be disappointed in him since she confided in me - that she was three months pregnant when they - finally - got married. Evidently - he needed a little push.

       At the end of that summer - I was walking fast towards the newborns' glass window to look at Ella - Milochka's new born daughter. I noticed Milochka crawling down the hospital's corridor towards me - she needed to walk slow since she had a Caesarean section a couple days earlier but they made her walk right away.

       Milochka's lips were  parched but her eyes were happy.

      "Isn't she the nicest baby of the bunch?"

      "She really is the cutest. Her head is round. The other babies have long coneheads which look gross." 

                                       Chapter 96

          Those first three years in Chicago went fast. During that third summer in Chicago after crazy California - Milochka and I got together quite a bit. The summers were lovely by the Lake Michigan smelling sweet of the past summers while the green colored Lake Michigan - changed colors - during some summer days when the waters shimmered with blue Safire hues and light breeze smelled of the summer.

          Milochka and I had a picnic in the back yard of Milochka's townhouse in Skokie - a nice northern suburb of Chicago. Ella was already three years old - a beautiful little girl. Milochka and her second husband - separated then divorced - earlier that year. There were lots of reasons for their union falling apart. One of the big "nails" in the "coffin of their marriage" was Milochka's older daughter from her first marriage - a good looking, strong willed teenager named  Marina. It was a good thing that Milochka's mother who lived near by - helped her in raising her daughters - so Milochka could keep her full-time job as a secretary for a middle sized, successful talent agency in Chicago.

         "My bosses want me to bring Ella to the agency - they can photograph her and see if she can be 'making us' some money. She likes to be photographed anyway."

         "Are you asking my advice or telling me about your decision?", I always wanted to make sure that my advice is solicited for sure - or else Milochka got mad. I didn't mind her criticizing me as much as I did - when other people did that - especially if they didn't have any valid reasons to do it. It's good to defend one's self - nobody should take criticisms - without presenting a fair rebuttal.

          The summer weather was glorious that Saturday afternoon in late July at Milochka's big back yard of her large Skokie townhouse. The smell of barbecued chicken made my mouth watering. Milochka and I sipped some red wine. We could hear a hit of that summer - a song - "Maria of my Soul" - from the movie "Mambo Kings"; the sounds were coming through Milochka's townhouse's open windows covered with the screens. 

          Marina - a good looking, dark haired fourteen year old -brought us the quarters of barbecued chicken and tossed salad she made.

         "Hey - Mara - I am glad that you told me about microwaving the chicken a bit before barbecuing," she addressed me. I have known her - even before she was born - as a matter of speaking - so she always called me by my first name but she made it a bit formal - my favorite nickname ''Maratchka'' was reserved only for my family and close friends.

         "You did a good job of that chicken and salad," I said and she smiled. I wouldn't want to get "on her bad side" since I frequently heard her getting "smart" with her mother whom I always defended - of course.

         "You and Jack should have some kids - they could barbecue for you," there was a lot of motherly pride in Milochka's voice.

          "I don't know about that - you pay for it through the nose - in many ways."

          Milochka's younger daughter - Ella who was three years old, spoke well and fast - loved the cameras and had an aura of a little "star" around her - was eating her cut up chicken pieces while she used her clean, pink summer dress as a napkin instead of using her napkin which she dropped into the grass - from her kiddy table. She tried to show off when I was around.

         "I told you to wipe your hands on the napkin - not on your dress," Milochka gave her a couple of new napkins but she ignored her mother and kept wiping her little hands on her clean dress.

         "Didn't you hear me?" Milochka's voice became harsh so Ella started crying.

         "She already dirtied her dress," I tried to make peace.

         "That's not the point,"

          Ella was done with her chicken pieces and was done with wiping her hands on her dress - but she was not quite done with crying. She came over to me as she sensed and heard that I defended her - then she pressed her body against my knees while she smiled at me. A three year old goes fast from crying to smiling. I looked at that good looking child with a super personality and thought briefly that some people will love her for no reason as she encounters them later in life - but quite a few people will resent all the gifts that she was given by God, the accident of her birth and her genes' - combinations.

                                 *       *      *

          My close friendship with Milochka during those Chicago years - kept changing the way everything changes. I often ask myself if those "Chicago years" were the happiest years of my life. I call those times "my life with Jack" - phase. They were happy years - for sure - but when I reflect at those times through the prism of the years that passed after Jack and I divorced - I conclude that the happiest times of my life - come and go and they depend on my goals - at hand. 

         My goals and objectives - change but I don't look for happiness which is like a reflection of some sort so chasing it makes no sense since it comes and goes. When I was a child I read a fairy tale about villagers who - suddenly - decided to "catch" a golden vase they saw in the river; the vase was glowing gold as the sun reflected on it. They all gathered by the banks of the river - one day - and sent the best divers who attempted to fetch the vase - which was located by the big tree by the banks of the river. One smart peasant asked what would they would give him if he brought them the vase to which they replied that he "could name his reward" - then the peasant climbed onto the tree - covered with thick branches where the golden vase was hidden. 

                                    *      *     *

        I remember one New Year's Eve at Milochka's house as being somewhat different than other ones during which we had tons of fun. That winter Milochka became a close friend of Irena - a Polish lady living in Chicago area who appeared suddenly in Milochka's circle. Chicago is full "to the rims" with all kinds of Polish people - quite a few of them illegals - working for low wages - usually - for their countrymen - taking advantage of their illegal status. During that New Year's Eve - Irena prepared the Polish version of the national Eastern Europe's favorite dish - borscht - with dumplings (Polish version) which was a different one than the Russian version which Milochka and I ate as kids. I didn't like the taste of it but - needless to say - I didn't express my dislike - however - I didn't offer any phony compliments - either. It was my first New Year's Eve without Jack since we separated a few months earlier - after which - he left Chicago - moved to Cincinnati where we owned a new townhouse which was turned into a "pig sty" by the renters - so Jack went there to fix our property and live in it. He could do his independent productions from any place.

        All through the evening - Irena talked almost all the time - trying to impress people with how her second marriage was great (she and her second husband separated then divorced a few months after that party). I was trying to be friendly to her - even though I sensed her hostility for several reasons. The main thing that bothered her during that night was that Milochka and I had a lot of memories from Poland of which we didn't want to speak too much in front of Irena - not wanting to offend her since Irena was a Polish Catholic who couldn't wait to get back to Poland - while Milochka and I - normally - made fun of Poland and Polish people.   

                                  *       *      *

       Happy years go fast. Ella was already seven years old - cute, outgoing and smart  - she skipped the grade in elementary school and was thrilled to work in the modeling agency two days per week. I saw her photo on a "funny" greeting card - distributed in  Chicago's drugstores. They put make up on that child. It was not funny or anything like that. I thought that it was disgusting but I didn't offer any derogatory, unsolicited remarks to Milochka. She - however - started to "volunteer" a lot of negative comments about my life - not thinking that it could offend me. I knew that our friendship will have to be put on hold for a while. As it turned out - it was quite a while.

        Her new Polish friend - Irena - was working against my long term friendship with Milochka. I admit that I didn't like her and didn't want to be friends with her. We had bad "chemistry" - and it wasn't because she was an observant Polish Catholic since I was friends with many of them in Poland and in the U.S. - if they were nice people. Anyway - my older half-sister Tina was coming to visit from Israel and I was getting ready. I have not seen her for ten years so when I went to meet her at the O'Hare airport in Chicago - I didn't know what to expect since the photos she kept sending me - might not "tell the whole truth".   

                                  *      *     *

       I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw Tina walking towards me after she got off the El-Al plane at O'Hare airport. She walked like a queen - dressed in the latest Versace outfit - when I hugged her - she smelled of "Dolce Vita" a fabulous Dior perfume.

      "You smell and look great. What's wrong with that picture? You come from war torn Israel and look like a queen while I have been living in the U.S. all these years and appear like a damn Cinderella next to you?"

       "You don't look like any Cinderella to me. You will have all that I have and more. You need to come to Israel to live. That's your country and you know it." 

       "How can I start from nothing in Israel? I love the U.S. - it's been good to me."

       "You can love the U.S. but you know that we belong in Israel - that's our country and you know it."    

                                  *      *     *

         The time was going fast during Tina's visit. Every morning we had coffee and talked about our lives. She showed me beautiful photos of her sons and their families. I had a new goal for my life - post Jack - I needed to learn me some Hebrew and go to visit my sister in Israel.

         That particular early summer evening on the patio of a lovely restaurant located in Skokie's - Old Orchard Mall - one of the most beautifully designed, outdoors strip malls in the country - Milochka, Tina and I sipped some wine as we waited for our salads. I have not seen Milochka for a few months so I was happy when she called and wanted to get together with me and Tina who liked Milochka - right away.

         Milochka's younger brother took Tina and me for a night time trip around Chicago area which was a breath taking night. Afterwards Tina questioned me why I "didn't put some traps" onto Milochka's brother.

        "First of all - I don't need to be 'some man's woman' to feel good about myself - secondly - he is - most likely - very gay - since in spite of his good looks - he's never had any long term relationships with women that anybody know about. He lived with Milochka's mother as long as she was alive. Now he lives in their nice home in Skokie - which he inherited. Something's wrong with this picture. He's always had a good job - though. What's he doing with all his money - is a big mystery into which I would rather not delve."

         The three weeks with Tina went like a day - fast. I felt sad for a long moment when we arrived at the O'Hare early so she could have plenty of time to check into her international flight back to Israel. She gave me a big container of our most favorite French perfume "Dolce Vita" by Christian Dior. Each time I smelled that heavenly scent - I could almost feel Tina's arms around me after she left. I missed her but I had several goals which were like internal engines giving my life new purpose. I needed to work more at my job to save me money for my upcoming trip to Israel where Tina would welcome me into her own "dolce vita" life in Israel - the country of which our father constantly - talked with love - even though he lived in the U.S. - a long and successful life.

                                Chapter 97

        My heart was beating like crazy inside me - as I was landing inside a big EL-AL Israeli passenger plane in the Tel-Aviv Lod - an Israeli's big international airport. The year following Tina's last visit in the U.S. - went fast. My flight from Chicago's O'Hare into Tel Aviv's Lod airport was great in the business class which felt like a first class. Since Tina paid half for my tickets - I decided to "splurge" and the comfort during the smooth flight was well worth the extra money.

        After I got off the plane - I saw Tina standing in front of their black Mercedes with her oldest son next to her. She was dressed in an elegant, blue outfit while he was tall, tanned, dark haired and handsome - in his early thirties. He spoke English quite well like most Israelis. We drove 2 hours from Tel Aviv to Haifa - since we stopped for a delicious lunch - hummus and Mediterranean food which I always liked. Israel looked vibrant, beautiful and familiar to me - even though it was my first time there; I felt that I knew it - somehow.

       "So you like our country?" Her son asked me. 

       "Of course I do - it's my country - too - even if I don't live here - yet."

       The three weeks with my sister's family in Israel - went fast - too fast. They showed me around a beautiful port city of Haifa overlooking shiny, Safire colored, clear Mediterranean sea. One of my favorite coffee shops in that city served delicious coffee - which they call Filter because it's served with the filter on the top of the tall glass. Tina and I - usually went early in the morning to that nicely designed coffee shop on the top of the main store of the shopping mall which opened early during the tourist season - which is during the winter/early spring. The Israeli summers are oppressively hot during the long summer season which lasts till the early November. 

       Tina and I - usually - ordered a slice of delicious apple strudel pastry with our morning coffee which tasted heavenly. The view of the hilly Haifa from the top floor where the coffee shop was located - was no less than breathtaking. On my way back to the U.S. - I was "crunching" the numbers - trying to figure out - how many Israeli shekels I would have to spend every month if I wanted to live in Israel - the way I live in the U.S. I needed to increase my earning power if I wanted to consider that possibility - but at that time I still didn't know how to do it - however - I knew that "where there is a will - there is a way."

                                 *      *      *

       Time went fast after I came back from Israel. Tina and I talked during the weekends and I knew that most "snags" during my working week - will straighten out - so I will have good news for her when I talk to her over the weekend. I missed her a lot but I knew that I needed to be patient and wait before we see each other again. I was happy to hear that she will be coming to the U.S. again - however - she couldn't give me the definite time yet. 

        "Hey, Max - Tina just called me and told me that she will be in Chicago in two weeks," I was talking excitedly to our oldest brother during the late spring the same year which was the year following my last visit to Israel. "Why don't you drive up here from Pittsburgh in your truck - so the three of us can go to Lake Geneva resort for a long weekend or somewhere else after we talk to Tina?"

         "That's a good idea. You can tell her that all three of us will be together again for a long, fun weekend - no matter where we decide to go."

                                 *      *     *

        The two weeks before Tina arrived at O'Hare - dragged but finally Milochka arrived to drive me to pick up Tina at the airport first - after which she would drop us off at the nice hotel by the big Oakbrook Mall where Max would arrive the following day - so the three of us would then drive up to Columbus, Ohio for a long weekend to visit our parents' grave, check the nice home where they lived when they were alive - in Eastern Columbus and I wanted to glance at the Ohio State University campus to bring back some memories of my first weeks with Jack.

       "I wish I could go with you - guys - but I know that the two of you will have a great time talking - to fill each other in - before Max comes - tomorrow," said Milochka after we settled in our spacious room in a beautiful hotel. We went downstairs to a nice restaurant to buy her a soda drink since she was in a hurry and didn't want to stay for lunch. Tina and I ordered some grilled chicken and salads as we sat at the booth waiting for our food. I looked at her and she looked great. All the clothes she wore was the newest designs by the European designers - she smelled of "Dolce Vita" perfumes which I loved since it conjured up a good life in my imagination - but she lived her "Dolce Vita" in Israel - while I struggled in the U.S.

       "How is Max doing?" she asked as she picked up the chicken leg.

       "You know how Max is - Max loves Max more than he loves anybody else in his life. He's always been that way," I said as I took a sip of white wine from my wine glass.

       "So he hasn't changed much - I see."

       "As he gets older - at least - he doesn't get worse. I mean - the negative aspects of his personality - do not get any deeper."

       "True - but his good good qualities don't increase - either."

                                *      *      *

        The following morning Milochka called me early while Tina was still asleep. I had her coffee ready since we had good coffee stuff packed nicely and the electric pot in our big hotel room. I took my coffee and went to pick up the second phone by the large bathroom - not wanting to wake up Tina.

         "You should have been here yesterday - the whole day was tons of fun. After you left - we had a great lunch in this fabulous restaurant downstairs then we rested - Tina changed her clothes - off shopping we go. She bought a lot of beautiful stuff for her family."

         "She will pack it all to fly back with it or will she mail it?"

         "She knows how to pack and she knows to buy light weight stuff. Her family is waiting 'with their little tongues hanging out' - for their American presents."

         "She gives them money too - right?"

         "All the time. Her husband has little to say in that matter."

         "Anyway. Max will be delayed a day so tonight we will go out to eat at this gorgeous restaurant in the Oakbrook Mall - the hotel shuttle takes us there and back. If you could drive up - you could come with us."

          "No - you have good time with your sister. I will call you tomorrow morning."

           The next morning Milochka called me early while Tina was still asleep. I took my "hotel" coffee with my cheese Danish and - again - went to another phone by the large bathroom - not to wake Tina.

           "How was the restaurant and the food? Talk to me."

           "The restaurant was exquisite - the décor, the soft jazz music - all top notch but the food was super. I had lasagna - brought some back to the hotel with me - snacked on it while I watch a good movie - a thriller. Tina had fish - was really good - grilled in some special way. We shared a cheesecake for desert."

           "After you come back to Chicago - the three of us will go out to eat. We'll go to our favorite place with a big outdoor patio in Skokie's - Old Orchard Mall."

           "Okay - that sounds good. Now - I need to give you good news after we come back - how Max didn't get on anybody's nerves - too much - during this trip."

                                 *       *      *

           After Tina left - I missed her and wished that we could see each other more often but the next several years were busy with my Chicago friends, my job and things - in general. Milochka introduced me to her neighbor - Lena who had a similar background to ours so the three of us got together quite a bit since we "clicked" and always had a lot to talk about; we frequently reminisced about the "good old times" in Eastern Europe. The three of us were glad to be in the U.S. and had no desire to travel in that direction any time soon.

                                   *       *      *

           The New Year's Eve party at Milochka's that year was a lot of fun; it was two years after the last one which was "stiff" due to Irena's - Milochka's new friend's - manipulations. Irena was gone back to Poland and our new "trio" member - Lena - Milochka's neighbor - was a lot of fun.

          "Okay Nick - who will you vote for in November?" Lena was attempting to "wake up" Milochka's handsome younger brother who seemed half asleep - not too interested in his sister's friends.

          "I wish Bill Clinton ran again."

          "Come on - Bill Clinton - the biggest pig on this side of Mississippi!"

           "He is a Fulbright scholar,"

           "His politics or intellect do not matter if he behaves badly towards numerous women. That's being generous to him."

           The evening was going fast as we sipped our champagne and waited for midnight. Milochka fixed our favorite dishes which we ate in childhood - chopped liver, gefilte fish and borscht - full of meat chunks and vegetables with the beets giving it the rich, red color.

            Each time we got together at Milochka's townhouse in Skokie - we liked to play some old European musical hits which were popular when we were growing up in Europe. Milochka also played some old, fabulous Tangos - especially for me - the "Tango addict". Those tunes were popular when our mothers were young and we were children. Nick was watching a New Year's Eve concert on TV and sometimes joined us as we reminisced about Europe and laughed. 

            It was already close to 3am when Lena was taking me home after the party. She was drinking a "kiddy champagne" - sans alcohol - since the city of Chicago and its surrounding areas like Skokie - were all "crawling" with numerous Chicago cops who had an easy opportunity to write some big tickets thus making some money for the city. The light snow covered the sidewalks and trees - which shone like precious stones. The Christmas decorations of Chicago's - diamond like, Italian lights - made the winter scene appeared like a scene from a fairy tale.

            When we stopped in front of my beautiful, newly re-habbed, big townhouse in Rogers Park which I put on the market following my divorce from Jack - I reflected briefly - on how things have changed since our last New Year's Eve party at Milochka's.

                                   *       *      *

            When the generous offer on my town house came early that spring - I decided to move to hilly, picturesque Pittsburgh - a middle sized town in Western Pennsylvania where my oldest brother Max has lived for many years. I liked it at first - even though my rental apartment which I leased from my brother - was located in a so-so part of town. He sold this rental property soon after I went back to Chicago. Max divested himself of those rentals which were not in the desirable area of Pittsburgh where he lived - soon after I left Pittsburgh to go back to Chicago which I started to miss like crazy while Pittsburgh began to get on my nerves for a lot of reasons.

             After I returned to Chicago due to being away in Pittsburgh for a year - all my Chicago friends were happy to see me back. I loved being back in Chicago. Things were going well for me. I got a job in sales which paid well. Those sorts of jobs were not available in Pittsburgh at that time.

                                 Chapter 98

            Several years went fast in Chicago while I worked the very decent job which I needed to have so I could - finally - start to collect a part of Jack's generous pension - according to our divorce agreement. My older sister Tina decided to visit me again since she liked Chicago and I was happy to see her in person. I had a bigger apartment not far from Lake Michigan and I requested my vacation from my job to coincide with her visit in early June. We were finally going to Lake Geneva resort in Wisconsin then to famous Door County in Wisconsin with its fun, touristy places since we changed our plans regarding those ideas - the last time she visited the U.S. during which Max was with us and got on our collective nerves - quite a bit. It's not as if we didn't tell him about it but he is stubborn and doesn't listen to his family or anybody else - perhaps - with the exception of his current love interest. He might listen to them - for a while.

                                 *        *      *

            As I was picking up Tina at the international gate of Chicago's - O'Hare airport during the early morning in the beginning of June that year - I thought for a moments that two years since I last saw Tina and her family in Haifa - Israel - went very fast - zoomed by. She finally appeared on the stairs of the entrance of her El-Al plane - she looked like a movie star - the way she always appeared upon her arrival in the U.S. This time - however - I didn't feel like a Cinderella since my steady job in Chicago paid well and my new, big apartment in Rogers Park was close to the Lake Michigan's lovely beach.

           "You look great and smell super - as always."

           "You look good - yourself. I have a big bottle of 'Dolce Vita' for you - so you will smell good - as well. It's not like your current perfume is not nice - but there is nothing like 'Dolce Vita'"- she hugged me.

           "That's for sure - especially if you also live your 'Dolce Vita' in Israel."

            It was a beautiful early June day. We took a taxi to my apartment - quickly dropped off her suitcases in my unit - then went out to grab the lunch in a quaint Rogers Park restaurant - near by - overlooking the Lake Michigan beach - before she started unpacking her neatly packed two light colored, leather suitcases.

           "My 'Dolce Vita' - my foot. Your new apartment is very luxurious."

           "I'm finally getting to be like you a bit. How is everybody in the family?"

          "Everybody is fine but the grandchildren talk back a lot as they get older," said Tina between the bites of our delicious Chef's salad as she took a sip of her white wine. "The view of the lake is nice", she added.

          The light wind smelled fresh of sweet Lake Michigan as we looked at the boats going by and the children wading on the beach with their parents. It wasn't a busy afternoon so we had the restaurant's patio seating - almost all - to ourselves. The time started to go fast. I thought briefly that three weeks will go like a blink of an eye - but the beautiful Chicago summer will still last for a long two months after Tina leaves.

                                  *      *     *

          "So - did you - guys - get on each other's nerves some - at the end of Tina's visit?" Milochka was never subtle or tactful.

          "Not really - not too much - I always love when she comes -  her visits energize my goals - but this time around - I have a good job and lots of things to do with my Chicago friends while the last time she visited - I still didn't have a decent job with opportunities to advance." 

                                 *        *      *

          It was an exceptionally nice summer which went fast. Later that month after Tina left I still thought about her and missed her but I and my Chicago friends - Milochka and Lena - went to many glorious summer fests which the city of Chicago and the suburbs like Skokie - put on lavishly - with many good performers appearing on the summer stages.   

          During that Saturday in the early evening - the Skokie's Old Orchard summer festival had a lovely, late June weather. Lena and I chatted - as we approached the bench on the side of the make shift stage. The beautiful Old Orchard Mall's grounds - were perfect for the summer fests with its plants and landscape decorated in summer motives. There was a festive atmosphere in the air of the coming soon, long Fourth of July weekend with the fireworks shot into the air from the Navy Peer - as every summer.

           As Lena and I approached the festival grounds set up in Skokie's - Old Orchard Mall - the happy sounds of "Autumn Leaves" penetrated the air over the loud speakers.  

         "Let's go get some light beer and warm pretzels first - then we can go to the stage playing 'Autumn Leaves',

         "You mean - the musical stage for 'old farts' - like us?"

         Lena was laughing when she said that since both of us looked and felt attractive. We have been enjoying this summer and it showed in our attitudes. It wasn't necessarily that we wore fashionable clothes which we did - but we acted familiar with the Old Orchard vast area - as if it was our "second home" - so many "out-of-towners" - the tourists could tell that we belonged there. Lots of people love to visit Chicago every summer and they almost always have a lovely Old Orchard Mall - on their list of places to check out - again. The only problem arises when the tourists - frequently - leave their kids unsupervised - so they act up - behave in a loud and nasty manner. My friends and I like to stroll around Old Orchard Mall - at the beginning of each fall - after all the tourists are gone and the kids are back in school - finally - at the long last - until the following summer.

         "I don't know if he is winking at you or at me," said Lena as we sat on the bench on the side of the summer stage. Our warm pretzels - Aunt Annie's brand plus our cold beer in clear, plastic cups - tasted heavenly. The audience part filled with the rows of folding chairs was three quarters full. The good looking African-American vocalist smiled as he easily carried the tune of "Autumn Leaves" which he performed in a jazzy and upbeat manner. The two musicians who accompanied him (one - the young acoustic piano player - looked like a sexy Italian while the other one - the electric guitar player was also "an eye candy" who appeared half Black) - were both good. While they - skillfully - did not over power his vocals - nevertheless - they made sure that their musical skills - stood out.

                                  *       *       *

                                   Chapter 99

         It was a beautiful summer which went fast. Due to good weather - Milochka had the outdoors cook outs more often than during other summers. Her big back yard attached to her spacious town house in Skokie was full of nice flowers and the grass looked lush and neatly trimmed.

       "Lena has been getting on my nerves lately," said Milochka as we were having our favorite cappuccino with apple strudel at the large terrace of a beautiful restaurant attached to a big anchor department store. It was a pleasant early fall day with the Old Orchard Mall already splendidly decorated for the coming winter holidays. They even started to play some holiday tunes - early. 

        "Just talk to her about the problem," I tried to make peace. Milochka - herself - was getting on my nerves - at times. Lately - for some reasons which she didn't disclose which she didn't do - most of the time - anyway - Milochka was unusually jumpy and irritated - a lot. I needed to take a break from her.

        "Lena always has something derogatory to say about anybody and anything."

        "So what? She is not getting paid to be some kind of a top diplomat of some sort who never or rarely express what they really feel. Did she say anything to offend you?"

        "She wasn't very nice towards Ella's new boyfriend."

        "What was she supposed to say? They're just kids. Ella will have several boyfriends before she is serious about anybody. She is only thirteen years old - what God's sake."

                                  *       *      *

         Alice - my other close Chicago friend who was not hanging out too much with me and my other two "buddies" - was laughing when I related to her the nature of Milochka's "beef" towards Lena.

         Alice and I were having freshly brewed coffee and delicious, warm - dark chocolate chip cookies in the kitchen of Alice's glorious penthouse located in the gorgeous part of Chicago's "Gold Coast" where Lake Shore Drive was full of well maintained high rises filled with mostly - owner occupied - units. Alice's penthouse was big and had large windows overlooking the Lake Shore Drive/Michigan Avenue - beach always full of the joggers during the spring and summer. The ships and many boats were constantly passing by. Her furniture had Oriental style - design. Alice's place always smelled clean - of luxury and good life.

       When she opened her unit's door that morning - the smell of freshly baked - cookies - penetrated the air. Alice always dressed nicely and elegantly - with her clothes fitting well onto her slim but muscular - frame. Her dark blond hair showed slight gray but her face looked youthful. I have known her for many years and she always looked the same good. After all - her job was fun - her husband and son were successful so her life was as good as it could be and it continued for a very, very long time.

                                 *       *      *

         That year - the New Year's Eve in Chicago and the following first day of that year - were not overly cold, windy or blistering - on the contrary - the weather was pleasant as the city was covered with a light layer of snow. The winter scenery looked breathtakingly beautiful with the city thickly covered in small, diamond colored Italian lights sparkling brightly. The city's atmosphere of winter holidays and the coming New Year - could almost be touched. Every year - at that time - Chicago had the feeling of a glorious, internationally famous place - attracting many tourists - most of them during the summer - but winter season was also popular with the tourists.

         That New Year's Eve party at Alice's house felt different in many ways - since I - usually - prefered the more familiar New Year's Eve gatherings at Milochka's townhouse in Skokie - but it was also fun at Alice's penthouse - where the glamorous, night skyline of Chicago glowed with the holiday spirit outside the big windows. The Navy Pier shot the fireworks every New Year's Eve night - at midnight. The huge - all year around decoration moving like a gigantic merry-go-around - visible from Alice's big townhouse - made the Navy Pier stand out.

         Alice - usually - prepared - delicious and nice looking "finger" snacks for her New Year's Eve parties. We were drinking quite a bit of champagne since nobody needed to drive those nights. All the public transportation modes in Chicago offered free rides every New Year's Eve - but they were packed like "sardines in a can" full of - mostly drunk - riders.

        Alice's cousin - an older, bony woman who looked gaunt and acted like a pushy Lesbian - (she always got on my nerves but I only had to deal with her rude demeanor - exclusively - during Alice's New Year's Eve parties); she lived in the condo within a few blocks from Alice's place. Her - aggressive posture - softened considerably by the champagne - still - got on my nerves and I was always glad when she was gone and Alice was also happy to "unload" her even if she didn't say that. 

       It was nice to spend the rest of the long New Year's Eve night - on the spacious sofa of Alice's big study. We - traditionally - gossiped quite a bit about her cousin and other things happening in Chicago - at the moment - following the cousin's - long awaited - departure - as we giggled due to champagne and the promise of the coming new year. It was our New Year's Eve tradition - to watch some comedy over and over as it played on Alice's video player - before and after the magnificent Navy Pier - fireworks shot every New Year's Eve in Chicago.

        I woke up that memorable New Year's Eve night around shortly before 4 am since I could see the clock radio's - red and glowing numbers from my big sofa in the spacious study of Alice's penthouse. I always liked to spend the night at Alice's and it - usually - coincided with the different seasons. During the spring or summer - I - usually - got up earlier than Alice and her long time - husband and quietly left their penthouse to hop on the Red Line train which dropped me off two blocks from my Rogers Park apartment.

       During the winters - however - it was still dark outside so I - usually - had an early breakfast with Alice and her husband  which I always tried to "hurry" since her husband - an attractive guy - got on my nerves - frequently. He considered himself a big deal for no other reason that he was good looking and had had a lot of money. I always considered him - "strictly" - a friend even if I didn't put too much trust in my girlfriends husbands. Alice - at times - made jokes about her husband's "roving eye" of sorts - as if it wasn't obvious. She never got into more intimate details even though we were close. I didn't want to ask and I didn't want to know - it was obvious that she could handle him for many years. It was also obvious to me that any good looking man with money - would have a lot of various opportunities with a lot of women. My close girlfriends - though - usually - trusted me in that "area" since they knew that their husbands - no matter how attractive - were a most definite "no-no" - to me.

      All my life I was frequently told by many people of many "persuasions" that most attractive men and many impressive Lesbian women were drawn to me. People are attracted to confidence. However - it was also obvious to me - as well - that I can't measure my self-worth - by how many impressive people "make passes at me" - even if I like that "phenomenon" and never want to loose it. Still - I always knew that it is a passing, temporary energy which is superficial - anyway.

                               *      *     *

        I will never forget a trip which Jack and I took to Reno, Nevada and near by Lake Tahoe - resort - when we still lived in San Francisco while we were both finishing our university education that cost us a lot of less money than we would have to "fork" out if we did it in Chicago. Anyway - it was a lovely early fall - the trees still had the leaves and the weather was gorgeous - just right - with the days warm and sunny and evenings already smelling of cool autumn to come. 

        During our picturesque - way to Reno, Nevada with the Rocky Mountains standing majestically over the winding, hilly highways - Jack and I talked about the physical beauty of the American West. It was ironic that California - even then - started to deteriorate due to the state's "iron fisted" rule of a single political party - veering strongly towards the political Left. The state of Nevada withstood the onslaught of the Leftists much more than the neighboring California - since barring the hotel industry in Nevada - which employed a lot of Leftist Union labor - the rest of the state was not too attractive to the Leftists; one had to have considerable skills to be able to successfully relocate to Nevada.

        Jack's long time family friend - Rusty - established a thriving medical practice for himself by purchasing a "patients' list" from a retiring physician.

       "I don't miss Chicago with its crazy mixtures invading it all the time plus the crime is rising every year," said Rusty as Jack and I had a lunch with him in a quaint Reno restaurant not far from his successful medical office on the main "drag" by a big casino which were abundant in Reno to keep it in a good financial shape. In addition to good casinos' restaurants - Reno had quite a few free standing restaurants of excellent reputation. Every about Reno was stylish and understated and not overdone like in Las Vegas. I ordered a chef's salad but the guys got steaks. The food looked and tasted heavenly. All of us were hungry.

       "Not everybody is as lucky as you," Jack sipped his red wine while Rusty didn't drink since he was going back to his patients. Jack was happy for his friend even if a bit envious.

       "No kidding? Luck? It's a damn hard 'row to tow' - fifteen years of difficult medical training - then establishing oneself in a demanding profession. It's no picnic," Rusty always complained but he loved everything about his life.

       During that afternoon Jack and I went driving around hilly, picturesque Reno - the weather was beautiful - we had time until the dinner in the late afternoon at Rusty's house where we were to spend one night before heading towards Lake Tahoe resort where we would be three days.

       When we got to Rusty big, ranch style home - the smell of baked chicken penetrated the hallway by the front door. Rusty's wife - Dolly - looked fat and dumpy totally not matching Rusty's handsome, trim and fit - appearance. I thought briefly that this couple was mismatched. She was polite and welcoming to me and Jack but I could sense some phoniness in her demeanor. I couldn't wait to finish the "small talk" about nothing after dinner so Jack and I could go to our big guest room at the end of the hall.

      After I put my silk pajamas and opened the window a third of a way I was breathing in the fresh mountain air which came in. Jack jumped into a big guest bed after he took a quick shower in a good size bathroom adjacent to our guest room. I took a quick bath before him since I didn't want to wet the nice tiles.

      "Did you wipe out the bathroom after your shower?"

      "Yes, madam," he looked sexy and attractive but I objected to us making love which would make too much noise.

      "Next time we will stay in a hotel," I said as I was falling asleep - before I did that - I thought briefly that it was just as good to have a nice, peaceful night - after several years of marriage - with Jack's muscular arm around me - without the commotion of making love.

                             Chapter 100

          The next morning we left early after Dolly and Rusty fixed us a quick but delicious breakfast. The scrambled eggs, toast and coffee tasted yummy. Jack and I drove to beautiful, mountainous

Lake Tahoe resort where we unloaded our stuff in a nice hotel overlooking the mountains and the lake before we went out to eat late lunch and buy some stuff to snack on. The only big grocery store was well supplied so we got some beer for later and some sandwiches - after we ate a quick buffet style lunch in our hotel restaurant which was not fancy - but clean and nicely decorated in Western motives.

        The air was fresh but the mountains looked totally breathtaking.

       "Why can't we move to Nevada? I love everything about it."

       "There is nothing to do here. No special demand for people - no jobs - unless one is a doctor like Rusty and it was even hard for him - each state has different licensing rules which can be a big pain in the ass".

        Later that night Jack and I stayed up late. First we watch on the big screen of our hotel room TV - an exciting boxing match. Leon Spinks won big - after that - the movie "Terminator" came on which was a super exciting thriller - still I fell asleep close to the end of it.

         The following morning we went to eat breakfast at the near by casino. The well known places in Nevada - have - at least - several casinos - to help to pay them their municipal bills - no doubt. All the casinos have the same climate - they are big, clean, nicely decorated but the atmosphere there is transient, temporary; however - they usually have clean restaurants inside with the good food - ridiculously cheap - so the people can eat and gamble - non stop - without having to leave the place - to eat. Of course - the city of Las Vegas - has - subsequently - grown into a huge entertainment center with gigantic casinos and top notch - restaurants all over the place.

        "People are starting to gamble that early in the morning?" I asked Jack while we sat at the table - following us grabbing good looking cheese omelets at the breakfast buffet full of good breakfast food.

       "This breakfast will cost us no more than a couple of dollars," Jack looked rested, clean and attractive.

      "How can they be giving food away?" I was eating my cheese omelet and drinking tasty, freshly brewed coffee.

      "They make money from the gamblers who schlepp here from the rest of this country and quite a few foreign ones - as well". 

      As soon as he said that - the middle aged guy dressed in a suit came up to us with some sheets of papers and pencils and asked if we could fill out the numbers for the drawing of prizes coming up soon - he wanted us to gamble. We thanked him but declined. Several other offers to gamble were presented to us in a short time.

      "Let's finish eating so we can get the hell out of here," I said slightly annoyed.

      "Yeah - let's go. Nothing is really free."

                                 *       *      *

       The following year we left California and the West Coast to go back to "normal" Midwestern Chicago where Jack got a good job offer. That first summer in Chicago was glorious - not too hot with the fresh breeze from Lake Michigan blowing gently - almost every day. Our rental town house which we - subsequently - bought and rehabbed into a luxurious dwelling - was located fairly close to a nice beach in Rogers Park. 

        The summer fest popular in Chicago called "The Taste of Chicago" had a line up of lot of fabulous concerts that summer with the food vendors offering scrumptious dishes. My favorite was always corn on the cob which they cooked in the husks on open, smoky grills. The color of Lake Michigan changes almost every day during the summer - it can be emerald green or bright blue. The Lake smells sweet and fresh during the summer mornings. The summers are more than glorious in Chicago if you have a good job to enjoy them.

                                    *       *      *

         Jack was manning a fancy television camera while his cameramen took a break to have something scrumptious to eat at at the super fantastic summer fest at Chicago's Grant park. Jack's job at the major Chicago TV station - as a news producer was tons of fun for him and it paid well.

         Tito Puente - a superstar of Latin music was to appear at the summer stage so the place was "filled to the gills" with people who brought their folding chairs and blankets. It was a lovely July night. I was standing next to the TV camera - thus my place was fantastic in terms of looking at the stage. The music noise was a little loud so I put some tissue in my ears.

        I was sipping cold beer with the small ice pieces melting fast in the plastic cup used for beer during the summer fests; of course - Jack didn't drink since he was working but both of us ate a lot of tasty Chicago summer fests' staples. The hotdogs in Chicago always taste superb - especially outside in the park. 

        "I guess Celia Cruz will not appear before Tito - another Latin vocalist is getting ready", Jack announced the newest development. He had some golden summer tan and looked attractive since he enjoyed his work.

        My casual Chicago acquaintance - Sheila - stopped to say "hello" and I - immediately - tried to think of the ways to get rid of her since she was getting on my nerves due to her - frequently - very stupid comments she made about other people whom I barely knew so I was not interested to know her info that was "second hand" and probably not true - anyway. She was acting stupid a lot - still - I didn't want to be overly rude to her. She was forty and still lived with her parents in their Skokie bungalow due to the fact that she changed jobs a lot. 

       I met her during the Dances at the Park event in Grant Park which was an enormously enjoyable event every summer in Chicago with different Chicago dance studios presenting the dance lessons while the live music bands were almost always - excellent.

        During one such night a good looking, tall guy named Wayne came up to us to strike an easy, summer conversation. Jack didn't care too much if I went out dancing with my girlfriends once in a while since he hated to dance. When Wayne excused himself - evidently - to take a leak - Sheila - immediately told me that Wayne's ex-girlfriend told her that Wayne - frequently - couldn't get good sex going. First of all - I didn't need to know that - then - maybe his ex-girlfriend was just spreading the rumors since he dropped her. One way or another - Sheila would not be engaging in this kind of talk if she had some brains between her ears. The way she described Wayne's - alleged - sex problem: "his ex-friend told me that 'his noodle would go limp a lot rather than stay stiff'". What kind of a woman would spread that sort of gossip about the ex-boyfriend? - I wondered "internally" without making any comments to Sheila - since nobody knows for sure about those matters.

       Wayne didn't dance well an easy Foxtrot and he seemed a bit intimidated by my dancing skills - so I politely suggested to him that he needs some more dancing lessons; he was not offended since I was diplomatic about it. While I danced with - though - on the big stone dance floor in Chicago's beautiful Grant Park - I had a chance to notice some unattached good male dancers whom I would ask to dance later that night. Since Sheila was not a good dancer - she came to the summer dance to enjoy the music and to "hang out" with people.

                              Chapter 101

         I got rid of Sheila during that memorable Latin summer concert at the Grant Park. I knew how to do it so she wouldn't be offended. We were all expecting a legendary Latin musician Tito Puente with his Latin band but the gig right before him - a Latin woman vocalist of only passable talent with the same caliber band behind her - didn't get off the summer stage easily - on time - when their performances needed to end.

        "Is she ever getting off the stage?" I asked Jack whose cameraman returned and was deftly manned a fancy, Japanese television camera.

        "She doesn't sound so good and doesn't look good - either", said the young, handsome, Latin looking cameraman who worked for Jack.

        "You would know all about it. You are the expert - right?"

        "You're damn right I am. I know my Latin music and my Latin women."

         Jack was always fair with the people who worked for him. Most of the people who worked for him or with him - liked him and respected him. When we were driving back to our lovely, newly remodeled townhouse in Rogers Park - the slight breeze from Lake Michigan made that night super special. I glanced at Jack who was smiling and I thought that I am lucky to have a great marriage for a long time. Jack was always handsome and smart but the most important thing was that he was never to "full of himself" to start acting like an idiot. I thought that nothing could happen to change things for us.

                                     *       *      *

         It was a great summer night that evening at the Grant Park. Tito Puente gave a terrific performance once he and his band - finally - at the long last - got onto the summer stage. Everything was super that evening - the music - the food - cold beer. I wished that that night never ended. Many beautiful Chicago summers went by fast. For many years I loved living in Chicago while Jack wasn't too crazy about the city - he got to know it too much while he covered the news there for quite a few years.

        After  many years of happy marriage - Jack and I divorced; during the last two years of our good union - things started happening to both of us - as if they were meant to happen for some mysterious reason. We couldn't solve our conflicts - they way we always did - before - so we came to an agreement to separate. After a yearly separation - the divorce came "naturally". I decided to leave Chicago and move to hilly Pittsburgh where my older brother Max lived with his family for many years. After "shuffling" back and forth from Pittsburgh to Chicago and back several times - since I missed "my" Chicago like crazy - following my absence from there while in Pittsburgh - I finally settled in hilly and picturesque - Pittsburgh.

         I decided that I prefer to live in Pittsburgh which is smaller and more manageable than vast Chicagoland - following my last "stint" there for a couple of years. Chicago became "filled to the rims" with tons of people from all over the world - with nothing special for them to do - except to be "pawns" for - mostly corrupt - Chicago Democratic politicians who took over the city.

                                 *       *      *

        My older brother Max has always lived in Squirrel Hill - a "she-she", trendy, desirable part of hilly Pittsburgh with its tastefully decorated shops, restaurants, coffee shops. His mini mansion with its three rental units has always been a good source of additional income for Max. He - himself - always occupies his biggest unit on the second floor. 

        For the last several years - I have been renting from him a big unit on the first floor with a big porch in the back of the dwelling. Max likes to sit on his big front porch facing the front of the house overlooking the street - during the summers and springs - during the afternoons. The sun is gone from his porch in the afternoons so it's cool and the elevated veranda offers a good view of the street from its elevated position without him being visible too much. Everything is hilly here so the levels have different designs.

         My big first floor unit has a lot of good qualities as well as some big flaws. I got to know my area of Max'es mini mansion the way one gets to know a living being which changes as the seasons pass. The decision to find me a better place came after I thought a lot about all the positive factors which Max'es - unit offers. The little mansion started to need quite a bit of costly updates. I came to the conclusion that my move to another place will be worth the efforts of moving.

         I found me a nice place to move - as if it was meant to be. During the last few months - Max started to get on my nerves a lot. It's not that he was ever easy to deal with but as he gets older - his personality gets annoying to the max - notwithstanding some of his good qualities.

         Anyway - I am looking forward to living in my new place which is newly rehabbed and clean. Max'es old mansion is hard to keep clean and well maintained - especially in view of the fact that Max likes to "save money" as if he needed it.

        It's best to have a business relationship with Max - as much as humanly possible. I - already - gave him a customary 30 day advanced notice of moving out. He didn't take it too well - but much better than the last time when I gave him a monthly notice of moving out of his three-unit mini castle. He usually says that he will not rent to me again but whenever he has a new vacancy - he calls me first.

       I am sure that he will find good renters - for my big unit which is much too big for me. His younger daughter always wanted to live in his rental but he would have to install the fence for her big dog. Max is reluctant to spend more money than it's absolutely necessary. This kind of business policy - frequently - comes back to "bite him on the ass" but the chances are slim that he will be changing his well established - habits - in his advanced years - any time soon! 

      At any rate - now - I am almost completely packed and ready to make my move to a much smaller place a couple of miles down the road. Now - that I am ready to leave - Max doesn't get on my nerves nearly as much as before I made my decision to get me a smaller place. Right after I decided - things fell in place for me. Now I can't wait to be in my new place which is much better maintained than Max'es old mini-mansion - especially in view of the fact that he is frequently stingy with some necessary expenses. Anyway - I will be happy to be in my new place very soon.

                                    *       *      *

       At the time when I met my future husband - Jack Osborne - I was dating another fellow - attractive and solid - however - when Jack arrived on the scene - I somehow knew that he will be the one with whom I will spend a happy half of my life. Things got difficult for us at the end of our union - but nothing lasts forever. In the retrospect - on the bright side of this hard passage - it was good that it happened at the time when it happened so I could "change gears", adjust to the situation and start a new life for myself.

                                  Chapter 102

      That memorable summer after Jack and I got married during that winter - has to be one of the most beautiful ones when I think back about many glorious summer. Jack and I could travel through Europe inexpensively at that time since the tours were plentiful designed for the American military stationed in Western Europe - especially West Germany.

     I will never forget several days in Paris during which Jack and I stayed in an old Parisian hotel - which subsequently underwent drastic changes for the better. The name of the hotel "Hotel Opera" indicates its location close to the old Paris Opera. The tour guide told us many stories about this hotel which was connected to the turbulent episodes from the history of the Opera of Paris.

        After the night - full of dreams connected to macabre stories the Parisian guide related to us - the Parisian morning arrived glorious; the room service brought us hot coffee and slightly warm croissants with sweet butter and strawberry jam which reminded me of the wild strawberries I ate for breakfast when my family and I spent endless, long summers in the gorgeous mountain resort in Poland when I was a kid. The Parisian room service used nicely designed porcelain table ware and not some trashy paper plates. That European trip and the first summer with Jack which followed - was a wonderful summer in Western Europe during which I still - had no desire to go back to visit Poland at that time.

                                *      *      *

       We "fast forward" some thirty years - to the recent summer in hilly Pittsburgh - which is extremely important as well. The month of July will always stand out in my memories. I moved out of my brother Max'es mini mansion's huge, old apartment into a newly rehabbed small unit a mile from his impressive three unit dwelling - in the same "she-she-poo-poo", trendy part of picturesque, mountainous Pittsburgh where Max has owned his mini castle for the last thirty years. Even though it appreciated in value tremendously - he doesn't want to sell since he likes to "play God" around his three rental units of which he occupies the biggest - choice one on the second floor. 

      I - often think - that on some level - my brother Max became paranoid that his immediate family - that is - his two daughters - "want his money" with which he became even more stingy as he got older. It's not that he was ever generous with his feelings for his family or his money - or anything like that. If something happened to him - his two daughters would - immediately - sell his mini-castle while the selling is "good" - now-a-days. I am glad that I got the hell out of there - just in a "nick of time."

      Many siblings undergo similar to ours - changes - as they get older and more involved in their own circles - to which the brother or sister - may not fit. At any rate - each time I moved back to Chicago - I didn't miss Max for big chunks of time - being involved with my close friends there. Once in a while - I missed him and called him just to hear his voice - so familiar to me from our childhood. On occasions - he wasn't really glad that I called so our conversations were extremely brief. Sometimes he called me - in Chicago - evidently - wanting to hear my voice. In any event - now - that I live close to his mansion which "was coming out of my ears" towards the end of my living there - I will - probably - run into him sometimes; I might pretend that my phone just rang or something like that - on the other hand - we might have a semi-pleasant conversation - now - that I don't depend on him to fix things in my old unit which I rented from him for several years - but it was super nice to get the hell out of his old mansion. Finally - at the long last.

                                *       *      *

      I always try to be optimistic about various situations which come up in life; sometimes - it's hard to keep thinking positive thoughts especially when - at times - some painful memories enter the mind - as if sent by clever, negative little demons. They don't last long - though - they disappear like the shadows which "melt" in the morning light.

       As I get older I can handle much more effectively people or circumstances which "get on my nerves". When I was younger I thought that I can - single handedly - "change the world for better". I still don't particularly like to work with the group - if I can avoid it - since I believe in "rugged individualism" - however - sometimes it's necessary to spend time with a cluster of people even though one never gets to know their true motives. Still - it's better to trust people and "get burned" occasionally - than to always be "on guard".

       I stopped doing some stupid things as I got older. I stopped to look for imaginary - possible - emergencies each time I come out of some - typical crisis - which life - offers. Those sorts of pessimistic visions never happen - anyway. Now-a-days I always keep thinking and singing - at times - that "the best is yet to come" - no matter how decent and normal things are going in my life - at the moment. 

                                  *      *      *

      I remember one lovely summer in Europe when I was a child. We planned to go to a nice mountain resort for a half of July and the the whole month of August - so September when when the school started back - seemed far away. My parents rented a spacious cottage in the popular mountain resort - almost next door to my best friend's - Lizotchka's - summer rental. It was exceptionally beautiful summer as far as the weather was concerned - the days were mild - not too hot or humid and almost every day - the slight summer breeze - kissed our faces.

                                 *        *        *

        I was happy that my best friend's Lizotchka's rental villa (a stucco structure - full of white roses in front of it) - was three doors down from our summer rental which looked almost the same but we had pink rose bushes in front of ours. The same local Polish farmer/peasant family brought us twice per week -their home grown produce, milk products and pieces of dressed chickens which they cultivated. The food was delicious and not too expensive.

        During that memorable July morning I found out that my older brother Max will be arriving - unexpectedly - by train - later that day to stay with us till the end of the summer.

       "Mother - I am not happy about this Max's thing. He will be bossing me around all summer."

       "Don't worry about things before they happen," mother was preparing our early dinner for later which we ate before we left for the park where we stayed all evening into the late night. We dressed into fancy summer clothes to go to the beautiful park full of neatly trimmed bushes and fancy flower beds. We did the same routine almost every night since the weather was beautiful that summer. 

       I was eating my breakfast consisting of wild strawberries covered in sweet cream which our peasants/farmers made to taste good - not overly sweet. They also baked good peasant style bread which I spread with sweet butter.

       The radio played a nice tango - titled "Pmietasz Byla Jesien - (Remember It Was Autumn)" - popular in Poland that year which came from the Polish movie "Farewells" which came out earlier in the year - the movie was boring and didn't make much sense but the tango from that movie - was fabulous.

       Lizotchka arrived in the kitchen of our rental villa. I was expecting her. She wore a frilly summer dress of pink color - just like mine but mine was blue; her hair was braided in two medium thickness - pig tails. I knew that my hair was a lot thicker so my braids were much better looking as if to compensate for her - Shirley Temple style - dimples and big brown eyes. Both of us were twelve years old while her little brother who looked like her (a little movie star appearance) - was seven; I was happy that he didn't tag along with us that morning since he was - frequently - getting on our nerves.

         "Bring a lot of wild strawberries for breakfast - be careful in the woods - guys," my mom said the same thing almost every morning. The weather that summer was lovely so we could go to the near by woods almost every morning where we stayed several hours. Around 2 pm we would go back to our respective rentals - starved. Our mothers had our hot, early dinners ready. Usually we ate chicken soup then tossed salad with pieces of chicken which were cooked for the chicken soup. All our meals were enhanced by slices of thick, peasant bread covered generously with the sweet butter. The Polish peasant's family who supplied us with our breakfasts and lunches made sure the food which the sold us - was fresh even though it was not expensive. The store bought food that summer was high priced and not that fresh or tasty. The restaurants offered good menus which were expensive. Our parents indulged in some fancy restaurants' fare - on the weekends when our fathers joined us for Saturdays and Sundays.

        The time went fast for Lizotchka and me each afternoon - we were - mostly - telling each other the story lines of the popular movies of the day as well as complaining about our families.

       "That new movie 'Farewells' was a puke - boring - I couldn't wait for it to end and even that beautiful tango they played didn't make the movie any more interesting."

        "I know - nobody knew what it's about," Lizotchka usually agreed with me. When she didn't I was mad at her.

        "'Singing in the Rain' I could see every week the for next twenty years."

       "Yeah - after it started - I didn't want it to end."

       "A lot of wild strawberries should be ripened by today."

       I started to sing the famous Polish tango "Pamietasz Byla Jesien - (Remember It was Autumn)" from the movie "Farewells" - popular in Poland at that time:

       "Remember it was autumn - hotel was called 'Roses',

       We rented room no 8 - at the empty hotel in the mountain resort,

       On the way to our room - you fervently kissed my hair,

       All through that night your caresses were more plentiful,

       Than thousands of golden leaves blowing around outside the window,

        Later you told me suddenly that you have to leave me for good,

        I learned quickly how to shut the doors - cross the thresholds and move on." 

        "If my little brother heard you sing it - he would tattle to our mother and exaggerate a lot; he lies left and right to get me in trouble with mom. Fat little fart."

        "It's not as bad as being additionally scolded by my big brother each time our parents - reprimand me."

                               Chapter 103

             Max came later that afternoon to join us for the rest of that memorable summer; his special summer camp ended early - he looked gaunt and starving; the camp ended much earlier than expected - due to some money mismanagement which happened frequently in Poland. He was eating big meals for several days and was on the look out for some friends his age so he stayed away from me - to a great extent.

         One late afternoon a few weeks after Max joined us - mother and I were getting ready to go to the nice, lush park full of beautiful flower beds. We always dressed in fancy summer clothes - for the evening in the park. It was a beginning of a weekend so our father along with Lizotchka's dad were expected later that Saturday night - they stayed with us for the rest of the Saturday and most of the Sunday. Sunday evening they were returning to the city - to their jobs. 

                                 *      *     *

         After we got to the park that memorable Saturday evening - Lizotchka and I compared our fancy frilly dresses and silk ribbons of the colors matching our dresses - woven into our braids so we could shake our heads to show those ribbons. The honey suckles' aroma hung in the air - while its sweet scent mingled with the smell of our mothers' - perfumes. The park orchestra started to play various popular and classical pieces - earlier on Saturdays to finish playing well after midnight.

        "I told Cyril to go look for some college girls so he could tell Max about them - this way we could get rid of Max and Cyril - for a while,"

        "Good thinking," I said to Lizotchka since it was - usually - me who came up with all kinds of schemes of that sort. It was good to get rid of fat little Cyril and big Max - all at the same time. Lizotchka and I (mainly me) could make some moves to make friends with a couple of cool boys our age who just came for the summer from Warsaw which was an immediate status since it was a capitol of Poland. Our home big city was no "chopped liver" - either - as far as the status goes - but still the capitol of the country had to come first among the summer visitors.

        I noticed the two new guys - our age - earlier in the week when mom and I shopped for the week in the local, big grocery/deli - the only one for the mountain resort. We - usually - loaded 2 soda water syphons, got some coffee and tea as well as some skinny sausages - "kabanosy". As soon as we entered the deli part smelling of smoky sausages - I noticed the two new guys my age, snappily dressed in jeans with trendy hair cuts - looking like cousins - who spoke loud - appearing confident - as they made sure to emphasize their Warsaw accent. They looked like they were cocky and confident - "full of themselves" for no particular reason other than their parents - probably - telling them how "special" they are as if they were some kind of musical prodigies or some other kinds of big talents. I knew that they would be in the park during the coming Saturday night.

                                  *       *      *

       Lizotchka and I immediately noticed the two new guys that Saturday evening as they stood next to a big fountain - which sprayed the "miraculous" spring water reeking of Sulphur - in the middle of the park. It was already starting to get dark in the park so our new friends looked like they were searching for friends thus Lizotchka and I had the right timing on our side. The vacationers - who milled around - still sipped that - allegedly - miraculous spring water from the glass containers with thin "necks" designed to drink this fizzy "miracle".

       "Go introduce us," Lizotchka knew that she could depend on my vast communications skills which were obvious from my early age.

       "This spring water smells of Sulphur and tastes awful," I said to the guys and they laughed while they made faces. The park orchestra was finishing playing a popular that summer tune - which increased the festive mood in the park. People were laughing their happy laugh of lovely summer night - as they strolled around.

       "I am Maratchka and that's my best friend Lizotchka,"

       "My name is Ivan; that's my cousin Erick," the cuter of the two - Ivan - was talking to me - it seemed.

       "Lizotchka and I - usually - pour it out onto the grass by the flower beds," I kept talking while our new friends continued to laugh. Then they started to boast about their families and their - allegedly - "privileged" life style in Warsaw. Lizotchka as well as I - knew that the guys exaggerated a lot - in order to impress us and themselves. The park orchestra started to play the famous Tango "La Cumparsita".

        "Let's go to the dancing platform. We will watch the dancers". 

          Lizotchka and I knew that our parents will be the best dancers on the dance floor.

        The dancers were getting ready to step onto a large, wooden dance platform in front of the big, shell shaped summer shelter for the orchestra. As soon as the four of us approached the dancing platform surrounded by lots of people eager to watch the dancers - Eric's parents approached us. They looked fat and dumpy but were well dressed. Their demeanor was in the "show-off our purported high social position" mode all the way. Lizotchka's and mine - fathers winked at us as they passed us. They gave Eric's parents a look which Lizotchka and I saw in their eyes frequently - it meant - "we can smell your kind from a mile away".

       "I didn't know people still sport 'golden tooth' up front like he does," whispered Lizotchka so they wouldn't hear us.

       "I thought that only the Gypsies do it nowadays," I answered and both of us laughed.

       The dancers - in the meantime - twirled to the sensuous sound of "LaCumparsita" with our parents' moves the best - as every Saturday evening. They danced with confidence and fun -  they lived the same way.

       Our fathers had some gray in their dark hair but they were fit with only a slight "spare tire" around their respective waist lines. I knew that Lizotchka's father was better looking than mine - but my dad's Tango moves were better and it showed. My mother always bleached her brown hair - blond - ever since I could remember; it was a good color - not any "brass - phony gold" hue of any kind. Lizotchka's mom was a Latin looking brunette. Both our mothers were stocky but not fat. They wore nice, chiffon summer dresses and good looking dancing shoes with matching colors.

      After our parents finished dancing - Eric's parents came up with their complements. I knew how my father and Lizotchka's dad would react to the Polish Socialist party activists like them. My father always said - "there is nothing else useful they can do to earn the living - so they do politics". I knew how my parents could be polite but "stand-offish" and distant with the clear message to them - "get lost - we are not interested in your kind". Lizotchka's and mine parents frequently said that those party politicians/activists - "those political Socialists/'Schmucks'  get on their nerves a lot - they pretend to care about people but - in reality - they just want to line their pockets as much as possible."

                                 Chapter 104

      That glorious summer went fast like a blink of an eye - as I think of the best past summers in Europe and in the U.S. Lizotchka and her family left for the U.S. at the end of that fall after her father sold their leather products business. I missed her tons but we didn't see each other again - for eleven years which were crucial in our lives in terms of big changes which happened during those years. 

     Our family didn't expect Lizotchka's folks to leave Poland for the U.S. - before we did. Two years after the the Levinskys left Eastern Europe - we also left for the U.S. It was tough at the beginning - but we persevered. I graduated from high school and started my freshmen year at the Ohio State University - a huge university in Columbus, Ohio where our U.S. cousins helped my parents get their jobs at the Ohio State's labs.

     During my last summer quarter at the university - I found out that Lizotchka also studied there since her family settled in Cincinnati close to their American family. She was also finishing her last summer quarter during that memorable summer. I might have passed her on the campus thinking that some student looks like her.

                                  *      *     *

       I couldn't wait to - finally - see her again during that memorable summer afternoon - after not seeing her for close to eleven years. It was a beautiful afternoon with the light breeze moving the white curtains of the university apartment. The radio played a hit of that summer "You Got Your Troubles I Got Mine". I watched from my second story window how Lizotchka deftly parked her little Ford in front of my university apartment which I needed to leave since my lease was up. I was hoping we could room together with Lizotchka since it was our last summer quarter at the Ohio State. We were both graduating and leaving Columbus, Ohio.

       She was very tall, tanned, wore her colorful summer Bermuda shorts with silk blouse of salmon color - with flare to show her muscular body. Her thick, long hair - bleached blond into a nice color - not the copper like cheap job - pleasantly contrasted with her brown eyes. She looked like an American movie star.

      "You look great, Maratchka," she hugged me after she entered the apartment. She smelled of a fashionable that summer perfume - "Shalimar". Her dimply smile reminded me of our childhood. Ten years seemed like a lifetime of changes of  that kind.

      "I look great? You look like a damn American movie star,"

      "Never mind my looks. Its you who always carry yourself as if you own the Earth - ever since you were a little fart in Eastern Europe," she laughed and we talked for several hours. We needed to fill each other up on what was happening in our lives during the ten years we didn't see each other.

                                   *      *      *

        Things worked out great for us that summer. It turned out that she needed a roommate for our last quarter at Ohio State while I needed to move in with someone. At the end of that summer both of us graduated from the university and left Columbus, Ohio. Neither one of us particularly missed that town. That summer - our last summer there - was tons of fun though. We had to study but - luckily -  both of us left our easiest subjects for our last quarter.

        We were spending the long 4th of July weekend that summer - at her parents spacious, ranch style house by Cincinnati. The Levinskys both worked decent jobs and enjoyed their almost new home. I woke up early that Saturday morning and walked on the clean white carpet from the guest room into the spacious, sunny kitchen smelling of freshly squeezed orange juice. The whole house smelled of cleanliness and luxury.

        "You can't sleep Maratchka?" Asked Lizotchka's mother while I adjusted my silk pajamas of coral color before I sat at the big table. She handed me a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice which tasted and smelled - heavenly. The hit song of that summer "Sunrise, Sunset" from "Fiddler on the Roof" - played softly from the record player in the living room. The house was decorated tastefully. Stella Levinsky still looked good even if she was ten years older than when I last saw her.

       "We are getting old while you - kids - are all grown up - just like he sings in that song."

       "You don't look old - Mrs. Levinsky," I was telling the truth - Lizotchka's mother was a bit heavier than ten years ago and there were some silver threads in her dark hair.

       "I bet that your parents are happy to - finally - work full time for the Ohio State University lab."

       "They have been both doing that last few years but it was grueling, hard going before that - for all our family - in some ways."

       "Tell me about it. Sasha's U.S. cousins wanted him to quickly take some menial, low paying jobs before he - finally - got something which uses his vast skills and good command of English. It was hard to start from scratch in the U.S. We had good lives in Poland. Remember our summers?"

       She didn't wait for me to answer but started on the delicious omelet filled with chopped ham and green peppers. Lizotchka announced that she "is on the diet to loose weight" after she entered the kitchen wearing a similar silk pajamas to the one I was wearing.

      "Breakfast time is no time to diet," said her mother with more love than anger. It was a scrumptious breakfast - I especially liked the coffee which smelled and tasted heavenly since Stella Levinsky' big expresso machine sitting on the large kitchen counter - ground up the whole beans and whipped the frothy milk foam.

       After we ate - Lizotchka and I put on our one piece swimming suits and went out to the big back yard covered with lush, green grass. The morning sun kissed our tanned, young bodies. The small transistor radio played loudly the hit of that summer: "You Got Your Troubles - I Got Mine".

       "You don't have any troubles. You just 'roped in' a handsome American Jew," I said to her with a twinge of envy as I examined her decent size diamond ring shining on her tanned hand.

      "I thought that you would be happy for me,"

      "I am happy for you but I would also like to wear a ring like yours. Say - I hear that the American Jews look down on the newcomers like us. A lot of the ones who were born in the U.S. have an attitude problem. They carry themselves as if they grabbed God Almighty 'by the balls'".

      "People always act like that towards the newcomers until they 'learn the ropes'. You know that some newcomers - behave like idiots at the beginning - right after they come to this country. You - for sure - don't have any problems of anybody trying to 'put something over you'", she added. 

     "You are always 'quick on your feet' - ever since you were a little fart," she announced - as if she were "discovering America for the second time" and we both laughed the easy laugh of our youthful summer. 

                                  *       *       *

      At the end of that summer which went fast like a blink of an eye - Lizotchka and Artie got married and left for Canada since Artie didn't want to risk being drafted and sent to Vietnam. Also at the end of that summer I met my future husband - Jack Osborne. We got married early that fall since he got orders to finish the last six months of his U.S. army duty in West Germany. After we married I was eligible to fly to join him in Western Europe by taking a special chartered flight for military dependents. It was a cheap flight and not all that great but that summer in West Germany - our first summer together - turned out to be super exciting and interesting.

                                  Chapter 105

          When our charter finally landed in Frankfort Airport - Jack Osborne - my new husband - took my breath away for a moment. He looked good and he was smart with many goals for our new lives together. I vividly remember that then at that instant - I swore to myself that my life will be more than just "having a good looking husband". There is nothing wrong with that but it shouldn't be the only driving force of my life. I thought briefly at that time - "If they fall - I fall?" 

       My "driving forces" and "goals" change as my life changes - but it's crucial - for me - to have objectives for every stage of my life. That summer in Europe - our first summer together - was a great experience in many ways. It went fast - especially - when I recall it now after quite a few years went by.

       I always try to be optimistic about life's challenges - especially - now - that I got older; the biggest, scariest demons which used to terrify me - got pale and insignificant. Some minor ones - sometimes - try to spoil things for me - but I know how to get rid of them - so they stay at bay and at the safe distance from my family, my close friends, my country.

      When I was younger - a big demon - like an oversized, ugly, one eyed cyclop - bothered me - at times. It was a fear of finding myself poor and destitute. However - when I got a bit older - that hideous demon was dispelled and put at bay with his eye running through his forehead - rendered harmless; I started getting a chunk of my ex-husband's Jack's pension - to supplement my regular job. Things got much better for me in every way.

      There are still - assortments of various nasty, little demons - typical in life - coming and going but they are pale and week - put at bay - by using various positive, life-enhancing, effective means like prayers and all sorts of other positive reinforcements.

                                      *       *      *

      When I think of many nice Thanksgivings - my favorite holiday - the one which I like the best was when Jack and I ran our fashionable, she-she-poo-poo, trendy deli/bakery in the part of Chicago which was upcoming, massively rehabbed - inhabited by rich, young professional - Yuppies who - for a while - were in love with our products. My ex-husband Jack was an accomplished chef in his young age - before his started his sucessful career in broadcasting which he loved. He was working for many years as a television news photographer for a big Chicago television station while I was running our deli/bakery which was hard and grueling but I loved my business and everything about it.

      Jack was helping me a lot to run mine/ours - lovely, cozy, charming deli/bakery - nicely decorated and equipped with the newest appliances. During that Thanksgiving season we developed a delicious pumpkin pie recipe in which we used the fresh pumpkins so the pies tasted delicious as we baked them in our new, big convection oven which blew the hot air as it baked our delicious products. The flavors and the looks of the products baked in our new, commercial convection oven - were outstanding. Jack helped me a lot to run our business since my employees - frequently - let me down - for various reasons. Both of us wanted to make all the important decisions which put an additional stress on our - already stressed - marriage.

        During the morning of that memorable Thanksgiving Day - Jack and I arrived in our deli/bakery ready to cook our Thanksgiving pie and our turkey in the commercial convection oven which we installed in our bakery; our deli/bakery acquired a new, magic atmosphere that Thanksgiving morning - just for us - since the main doors were locked for our customers for that holiday. We were rested after working super hard the night before.

       "You are a beautiful woman," said Jack as we were getting ready to eat our tender turkey which was baked perfectly moist in the big convection oven. The deli/bakery smelled delightful of the baked turkey and our fabulous pumpkin pie.

       "Last time you told me that was several years ago - on my birthday," I answered without bitterness. I took a sip of red wine and thought about Jack and mine's relationship - how it changed over the years.

       "I haven't been good to you. I know. Things are bothering me at work - I don't know what's going to happen with this new management making changes. This business is also getting to me - too."

      "It's our business - we built it."

      "This business is your 'baby'. I am doing it all for you and can't wait until we can sell it."

        At that time during that memorable Thanksgiving in our deli/baker I thought for the first time that Jack and I might "part our ways". It didn't scare me even though I knew that it would be a "hard passage" for me but after all - I was always trying to be brave and make the best out of hard times. I always knew and know - that the good times - invariably - follow rough times.

       We were playing Sade's C.D. "Smooth Operator" several times. Her voice was silky but strong. Our deli/bakery started to smell heavenly of the golden, moist turkey which our big, commercial convection oven baked to perfection. I started to call our big oven - "the first King of our bakery" - the second big King/machine being the big flour grinder - electric design by the Swiss company "Samap" who was using the stone blades which did not overheat the flour. The smell of freshly ground flour  whenever we ground it from the whole berries - several times per week - was undescribably - delightful - better than the scent of freshly baked bread.

       When I looked outside - behind the big, glass window of our deli/bakery - I saw first, big snowflakes - twirling around - slowly - in a shy manner. The coming winter holidays and the new year - that year - promised exciting like a new adventure. For the moment - our Thanksgiving turkey looked and tasted terrific - tender inside and golden on the outside - baked to  perfection by our "bakery star" - the big, new convection over. The pumpking pie also looked gold and tasted heavenly - made of fresh pumpkins.

                                    Chapter 106

       When I think of many wonderful Christmas seasons which I loved - there are only a few which stand out as the best of the best. The Christmas season during which my long-time husband Jack got engaged - started out in a different way - much different than I expected to end. I was dating a handsome, dark haired Ohio State University instructor - Jeff - who interested me a great deal even though I kept myself from falling in love - knowing that he was not sure "where we are going" in our relationship. I - actually - decided that if some other guy - as attractive or for sure - no less - attractive than Jeff came along - I would dump Jeff.

      Lo and behold - my Ohio State University friend Maureen who rented an old house at the OSU campus - not far where my small college rental was located - asked me to stop over in the evening

to meet her childhood friend Jack who was visiting from Washington, DC over Christmas through the New Year's Eve of that year. He was almost finished with his U.S. Army duty - after his tour in Vietnam. She mentioned that he saw me earlier walking through the Ohio State campus and was "dying to meet me".

      When I walked into Maureen's rental house beautifully decorated for Christmas - I noticed right away a handsome, Scandinavian looking guy who appeared slightly shy. She introduced me to Jack as "my beautiful, European college friend" as if I needed her to "boost" my chances with Jack who was already - visibly - smitten with me. The radio played Santana's "Black Magic Woman" a big hit that winter. There was some magic in the air; I wasn't sure if it was just normal Christmas spirit or some subdued sparkles "tried" to fly upon my sudden encounter with Jack Osborne. I had to admit to myself and anybody who would ask me about it - that I had feelings for Jeff. Which coed wouldn't? He was handsome, intelligent and sexy.

       Jack immediately asked me out to dinner for the same night - which would happen a few hours later so I needed to "break" my date with Jeff. I decided to "break" my date with Jeff even if I wasn't totally sure - at that moment - if that was a right move. I didn't know at that time whether the next twenty years of my life will be decided by my unexpected decision to pursue something with Jack whom I didn't know - or - perhaps - my life's "script" - has already decided on the events to follow.

      "I can't believe that you are breaking our date. Who is in the hospital?" Jeff's voice sounded cocky when I talked to him on the phone an hour later - but I could sense a slight fear as well - which was unusual for him since he normally seemed in control of any situation.

      "Let's just say that I am busy this evening and leave it at that."

      "What? 'Leave it at that?' What's come over you?"

      "Where do you 'get off' assuming that attitude? Did you offer me an engagement ring or thought about it? Or maybe you 'consulted' this 'pig' looking coed who sits on your front steps every night?"

      "You don't know what I thought about or whether I looked at any engagement rings. She doesn't mean anything to me - Maggie. You know that I care only about you".

      I hung up the phone and wished I could see the expression on his face but my imagination "helped" me a bit.

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