Memoirs
Copyright@L.Hadley 2026
Updated - Mon. - 05 - Oct. - 2026 - please - go to 16th Installment - chapter 203.
Work of fiction. Any similarity to any persons - dead or alive or any circumstances - resembling the real ones - purely coincidental.
For the next segment of this exciting story - please - click here every Monday - Wednesday and Friday of each week!
Chapter 17
Dearest Tina,
It's a glorious autumn - again. The air feels crisp, cool and fresh which is a pleasant relief after the recent, late into the season - "heat wave" which felt nasty, humid and bothersome. As I mentioned to you before - at times - the events happen in my life - as if they have already decided to happen and even though I make my decisions regarding certain important steps - the events will "do" what they "want". It can be an exciting phenomenon most of the time.
I was almost sure that my apartment in Chicago would be ready before the coming fall/winter 2015/16 - however - that project will - probably have to wait until the spring of 2016 - since I have decided to move back to Max'es third floor unit for a lot of reasons - which became clear - after I lived in this big, nice, multi-unit building - for a year which seemed nice and quiet - at first. However - after living there close to a year - I - subsequently discovered that some renters - are mentally unbalanced - and - according to other normal, very good neighbors - the "mentally challenged" ones - frequently forget to take their meds - consequently - at times - some minor incidents happen.
Long story - short - I didn't want to "wait" for any possible, unpleasant encounters to happen so after Max fixed up really nicely his third floor apartment which I used to rent from him - I decided to move back to Max'es third floor large unit in his old mansion style - three unit - home - where he occupies a big apartment on the second floor. Mine is a spacious place on the third floor - a quiet, large and much closer in location to the "main drag" - the very center - of this fabulously international and trendy part of Pittsburgh - Squirrel Hill with which I have a typical - slightly - love/hate relationship since I have lived in Squirrel Hill - on and off - quite a few years.
Max'es - three unit - house - a well designed, mansion-like structure - needing some outward cosmetics - makes that location convenient for me - at the very heart of this beautiful, hilly suburb-like part of town. I like to be close to all the fancy but quaint - coffee shops and stores. Tons of beautifully designed mini-mansions of different sizes - with lush lawns, flower beds and neatly trimmed high bushes - make this part of town a desirable place to live and hang out. Needless to say all the rich dwellings here sport well maintained laws with glorious flowers and neatly trimmed high bushes - so they can cover up a bit - this opulence - which would - for sure - "jab" in the eyes a lot of newly - poor - middle class and always poor - low income people who work - around here the lower paid jobs so they come and go frequently - the jobs and the people.
Some folks who have lived here - in Pittsburgh's - Squirrel Hill a long time - may look slightly familiar to me while others - appear and disappear on a regular basis. I - normally - avoid walking through the main "drag" - during my long, morning walks - since some steady faces around here - get on my nerves a lot - like the overly friendly - for no special reason, middle aged guy with a stupid expression in his eyes - who always walks his big, boxer type dog - along the fancy main "drag" instead of side streets - while he never - ever - carries a "pooper scooper" for his dog's - poops while others - the normal people - who walk their dogs along the side streets carry their doggies' "pooper scoopers" in hands - like religion. They are normal people not nuts - like several other Squirrel Hill types whom I avoid like a plague - who also come and go - thank God. Several times I tried to influence the guy with the dog without a "pooper scooper" - by talking lightly on my cell phone to an fictitious friend about the "necessity" for the dog owners to carry either bags or some devices to clean after their dogs - but he pretends not to hear me. His new house which he built several years ago - also looks like a mess. It's hard to change some idiots' habits. I am sure glad that I don't live next door to him.
The near by coffee shops, restaurants and art galleries that change hands on a regular bases - always seem - vibrant and fun. They get tons of all kinds of business - especially over the weekends - when a lot of local people with money, out-of-towners - New York City business folks, Washingtonians and other big city slickers - who after concluding some business deals - downtown - come to Squirrel Hill and neighboring - also "she-she-poo-poo" - Shady Side - to unwind a bit just like the numerous students do - since the two, large and prestigious universities - near-by - fill Squirrel Hill and Shady Side - to the brim with all kinds of college students. The weekend fun in various restaurants and bars (which are only a few in Squirrel Hill - thank God) - starts on late Thursdays' afternoons.
I find it refreshing that - all kinds of folks who live here - the University students and others - also change quite a bit. When I lived in Skokie - a "she-she-poo-poo", international suburb by Chicago - kind of similar area to Squirrel Hill - I found it stagnant since I noticed that some of the same - slightly disturbed - types - stay in Skokie a lot longer than Squirrel Hill's - psychos - which include - the rambunctious - at times - college students - all of whom - come and go on a regular bases.
Nevertheless Skokie's glorious strip mall - Old Orchard - keeps calling me back. Milochka and I - always love to have coffee with a piece of good pastry in our favorite, quaint coffee shop - with a delightful patio for the summers - attached to a gorgeous Nordstrom Department Store - a big star of the Old Orchard Mall. Afterwards we catch a new movie in their Regal Cinemas - complex. We have been doing that for years - so I am looking forward to go visit her soon - before the coming winter - when fall always looks super good with her glowing autumn colors and smell of cool autumn wind - promising a fun holiday season - coming up soon.
* * *
Dear Tina,
When I think of the beautiful autumn and a glorious winter following it - I usually - conjure up a light layer of snow glittering on small, white Italian Christmas lights - sparkling on all the magnificent structures along the Chicago's splendid Michigan Ave's long strip of glorious shops called The Magnificent Mile since they are truly a mile of most fabulous stores, coffee shops and terrific restaurants of all specialties - which every summer and winter attract a lot of tourists from all over this country and from tons of foreign countries. It's a good thing that the winter tourists' season is short in Chicago as opposed to the summers when the avalanche of various visitors - never ends - until the heavenly September when everything goes back to normal. The fall season - preceding the splendid winter months feels glorious in Chicago - while the lake Michigan still glitters with bluish/green hues with the full autumn colors causing the numerous city parks full of trees and other lush vegetation - stand out - as if posing for an evocative, rich autumn painting.
Tina, one time you asked me about the nicest summer that I can remember. I really miss our long talks after not seeing each other for a lengthy time. During our first moments of our first encounter would be to examine how we changed in the interim - since even though we love each other a lot - we still compete a bit - regarding whose life is more meaningful, luxurious or lucky. You always say to me that I look great - however - it's you who invariably - appear glamorous, rich and movie-star - looking since your luck and hard work - started to "bloom" towards your middle age. I - on the other hand - had my life's important events - reversed - since all through my younger years - while happily married to Jack - everything went smoothly for me in every way - but after divorcing Jack in my middle age - for a few years - I had to struggle hard - but now - thank God and my hard work - everything goes really well for me and is getting better every day - thus - we are finally - at the even places in our respective - life turns.
Back to the nicest summers of my life - about which you asked me. One of the earliest ones which I can remember goes back to our childhood in Poland and then - Soviet Union. You were already in Israel - getting ready to serve in Israeli army - since you choose to live in Israel with your mother whom our father divorced so he can marry my mother - thus I could be born when you turned thirteen.
I must have been ten or eleven - and happy that school finally ended for the summer. It was fun to go to the pool with some Polish friends every day - while in the late afternoon - our father practiced some popular songs of the day on his violin after he came back from work which he loved all the twenty years he worked there as one of the manager of the leather cooperative. Poland always had some form of limited free enterprises even when under the bloody dictator Stalin's - communistic paw.
As dad played the popular tune on his violin - I could immediately hear any wrong notes he hit since my musical "ear" has always been finely tuned. That particular summer he seemed relaxed and didn't mind me straightening him out - even though at other times - as you well know - he could get easily "fly off the handle" about some minor stuff - especially when we were making fun of him. You used to laugh at him - about a lot of stuff - but usually behind his back but after you were grown up, independent and out of the house. The song played that summer a lot was called "Golden Sunflowers" which was an average folksy song frequently performed by a popular Polish folk ensemble - called "Mazowsze" - it wasn't any extremely popular hit of that summer - the way a song called "Marynika" (a Rumanian name of a lazy young girl); that summer hit was played constantly through every medium available at that time as it was massively hummed by tons of people - that summer until most folks got tired of it - big time - and didn't want to hear it for quite a while.
That golden, sunny and beautiful summer seemed glorious and long - as if denying the maxim about the time going fast when one is having fun. Even though there were other, "grown-up" summers which stand out as memorable - for one reason or another - this one seems one of the nicest - as viewed many times through my prism of quite a few - past years and lots of added new life experiences.
I can vividly remember another beautiful but turbulent summer in Chicago - many years later - right before Jack and I separated after eighteen years of - mostly happy - marriage during which I was always sure that nothing could ever come between us that we couldn't resolve in a positive manner. After all - Jack was always smart and responsible however towards his middle age - his job as a news director for a big Chicago television station - became the most vital factor in his life - and some other mid-life problems "crept" into our lives like small but persistent and clever - demons - hell bent on unraveling our strong union. Life is full of surprises but those things happen to a lot of middle aged people and it's better to part the ways after the relationship dies in many important ways. That memorable summer - Jack and I knew that some things happed which we couldn't repair - still - we tried not to say "goodbye" since that step still felt permanent with a lot of unknowns looming in our respective futures.
That's when I met Juan - a handsome and charming Latin youngster who had tons of "currency" of youthful energy and enthusiasm which I found magical to no end. At first our friendship was just that - I treated him like another close girlfriend whom I could trust and confide my problems. He started to call me several times per week and I got "hooked" quickly on our going out to dance in Chicago's numerous, classy dancing establishments.
Jack hated to dance even though he could do it and it was missing in our relationship in spite of everything else going well in our marriage for a long time. Things always change - sooner rather than later. Being always in love with dance and loving to watch the good dancers - perform - I always found Jack's snide comments about the dancers' "exhibitionism" - annoying a lot. I always answered that artists don't have to be "exhibitionists" - to express themselves since they - enrich people's lives.
* * *
Chapter 18
Hi Tina,
I started to tell you about the second most memorable and fun summer that stands out in my mind as I think about the past summers at the end of the most recent one - when my favorite season - fall - arrives.
At the beginning of my second most memorable summer - Jack left Chicago with most of his stuff - however - it was not his "final" vacating of our newly rehabbed townhouse located in the desirable, north part of Chicago close to Skokie - where Milochka have owned her townhouse for several years - since the time that she divorced her second husband. She was aware that Jack and I were having big problems; I always knew that I could trust her - even if our relationship wasn't all that perfect - since we - periodically - encountered some problems always resolved almost immediately.
I was constantly talking to her about Juan - how much fun it was for us - him and me to go out dancing to some new, fancy Latin dance clubs/restaurants - which Chicago constantly opened and closed on a regular bases. The new, sparkling venues - which opened with a big fanfare - usually stayed "hot" for a while then - most likely - closed their doors after another, new fancy, gimmicky place - took away most of their following so everybody forgot in a hurry about the original ones which had to shut their doors for typical business reasons - talent-less management causing - the excessive theft by the so called "cash" bases - employees - typical in a restaurant business.
"So you are forty three and he is twenty six - where do you think - you are going with him?" Milochka asked me one afternoon at the beginning of that memorable, magical summer.
"When Jack comes back from New York - he is not going to be too happy about you 'clubbing' with this kid," she added.
"I don't care what Jack thinks after he has been distant and let himself go as if he doesn't care if we stay together or not."
"Maybe you need to go to counseling? Do something - it's been mostly happy twenty years with him."
"That's probably a good idea," I answered but in the meantime I planned what to wear for the night of dancing with Juan while I looked in my closet for my favorite that summer - peach colored, deeply cut, silk summer blouse which emphasized my golden tan. As I glanced at myself in the mirror - I concluded that I certainly didn't look forty three - maybe thirty three - but not forty three. Juan and I were going to a dinner dance with another young couple - his friends.
The summer continued in a fun mode. I resolved to experience some different possibilities. Juan didn't pressure me for sex - even though he knew that I was enormously attracted to him - no matter how much I tried not to show it and not to let this new, growing force - direct my life's moves at that time.
Our big brother Max constantly lectured me on how some handsome young Turks frequently "engage in playing" the vulnerable, middle aged women like me going through major transitions; according to Max they do it - "for money and anything else - they can get". Jack was away for that whole summer with his infrequent phone calls sounding distant. My friendship with Juan took on a different mode every week - at times Juan and I "double dated" with his new friend and his young wife - whom Juan met recently after he moved into a nice apartment building on the west/north side of Chicago - popular with a lot of professional Latin folks.
"I don't think he is too smart or too tactful," I whispered to Juan about his young American friend/neighbor who took his cute Mexican wife to the dance floor where he was doing some exhibitionistic and exaggerated - cha-cha moves - typical to a stupid male "show off" dancing - instead of making sure that his wife looked good on a dance floor. Before that - he asked me a lot of nosy questions about me and Jack which I easily evaded while I made fun of him in a playful manner.
I made sure I leaned closer to Juan so he can smell my top perfume - "Angel" which I put sparingly on my neck since the perfumes need to "whisper" - and not "scream".
"I only know them for a few months - they seem nice people since whom I miss since most of my family is away - in Mexico - as you know."
Juan's father worked in Chicago for a long time - then retired in Guadalajara - keeping his American citizenship. Juan was going to do the same thing after he finished working for his present employer - a big computer company.
"Why don't we dance?"
"Cha-cha is not my big specialty - we will dance salsa since you are so good at it," he tried not to show his attraction to me but I knew that he liked me a lot - even if his complements were always scarce and far in-between.
We were all in a good mood after a few shots of tequila which Juan didn't drink that night - since he was a designate driver of my new Jetta. He deftly taught his Anglo friend to drink in a truly Mexican manner - a straight shot - with a pinch salt between his index and big finger. Even though Juan was not drinking that night - he was happy about driving us around in my Jetta which I seldom let him do since Max constantly made his unsolicited comments about Juan looking for money or other "favors" - which - so far - was not true.
"What is it that you want from me? Want to play with me for a while to make your husband jealous? How do I fit in your 'current events'?" He asked me suddenly. I didn't expect such loaded question in the middle of a night full of laughter and dancing.
Each time he looked at me while he talked to me - my heart would beat faster in spite of my resolve to keep cool. He - sometimes - posed his important questions unexpectedly; this time he was using the time while we were still alone at the table. Our friendship was changing from the casual, relaxed one into something different - I had no idea what to call "it" - attraction, deeper bond? Whatever it was it felt "high" but out of control. Also that "it" - whatever that "it" was - felt very scary to me. The thought of falling in love was not really pleasant to me at that time - since my long term, terrific relationship with Jack - was coming - unraveled.
After Juan's friends came back to the table - "high" on a few tequilas and evidently happy with their mediocre cha-cha - an old "cover" - eternally popular tune called "Quisaz-Quisaz-Quisaz" - Juan and I started to dance a big hit that summer - hot salsa/mambo by Groupo Niche - called "Aventura".
Almost every Latin band - even the good ones - have a practice of playing their musical numbers - the ones which they know well - way too long. It could be annoying while one had to be on a dance floor dancing one number - forever.
Both of us moved smoothly on the dance floor in our advanced salsa moves. I caught some jealous looks of a few good looking young girls who would gladly get involved with Juan since he had the appearance of an extremely successful guy.
"All those cute girls want to dance with you,"
"I don't notice things like that - the way you do,"
"So you consider yourself modest - not full of yourself?"
"I am down to earth - not a big deal - don't know why you think that 'I am full of myself' - what gave you that idea?"
"I was just about to ask you the same thing you ask me earlier - what is it that you want or expect from me because if you're thinking of any gifts - forget it."
He just rolled his eyes - briefly.
I was mad at myself because everything he did or said - seemed charming to me - that big deception of attraction worked on me - big time.
I tried not too look at him too long since lately he appeared enormously sexy all the time as I noticed that I constantly thought about him in spite of my resolve to go out with other friends and keep my friendship with Juan on the "back burner". He danced salsa well, he drove my car in Chicago's traffic - expertly - just like he did everything else - in a top notch manner.
"I just want us to be honest with each other and have a nice friendship", he finally answered after thinking a long moment about his reply.
"With the sex being a part of this 'friendship' goal?"
"You are the one always talking about it. It's not that crucial to me. I can always get it somewhere else - not boasting or anything - mind you."
"Not boasting - my foot; you love those glances you're getting from all those cute young things. It all passes fast - believe me."
"I wish you were not mentioning your husband so much - though."
"It bothers you - since he is a lot more successful than you. I wouldn't be driving the motorcycle - if my Lexus was not breaking down."
"You and him will - probably - patch things up but I am just trying - not to get hurt."
"I didn't think our friendship meant anything big deal to you - like you were going to get hurt or anything like that,"
"We'll talk about it another time," Juan's answer was quick since the band finally stop playing so we could go back to our table. His friends continued getting on my nerves a lot - since I wanted to be alone with Juan. That beautiful July night began to feel special and magical to me.
It had to be after 1 am - when we finally left that new nightclub/restaurant - where their guacamole continued in an excellent mode while their margaritas were still not watered down.
"Its a beautiful night," said Juan after we - at long last - dropped his friends off by their decent looking apartment building where Juan had a short term lease - for a studio - next door to their two bedroom unit - on the third floor.
He parked my Jetta in the back of my townhouse comlex which housed six gorgeous, spacious, re-habbed units on each side of the flowery, small courthouse. The night felt magical; I wished that it never ended while I was glancing at him - before we stopped in the back of my townhouse complex - as he was driving skillfully through the magnificent - at night - Chicago with the smile on his face. He knew how to do everything well and he looked like a young God to me - so powerful and confident - not confronted by life's challenges - yet which would - no doubt - dull his good looks.
I wanted to ask Juan to come in for a nightcap like he usually did but I hesitated that magical summer night. Lately - it was hard for me to see him leave my presence and the thoughts of him with some young thing in bed - started to bother me like stubborn, little demons thumping their noses at me. Those changes in my attitude towards him - persisted even though I didn't like how our - previously - casual and fun - friendship - morphed into this "something else" which felt - "high" but beyond my control.
I longed to hear his contagious, youthful laughter - as he sat on the couch in my modernly decorated living room - while he frequently told me the stories from his middle class childhood in Mexico. However - that night - I hesitated because it was obvious to me that my resistance during that magical night - would be "shot"; letting Juan finally into my bedroom just wouldn't feel right since some of Jack's stuff was still in the unit - plus it would seem like cheating even if Jack and I have reached a big low - in our relationship. I still wasn't sure that Jack and I are ready to part the ways after almost twenty years of mostly good - marriage.
"You can kiss me 'goodnight' then walk to the train,"
Juan always kissed me shyly and held me in his arms - as if I was a celebrity or royalty of some sort.
"Okay, okay - have a good night - yourself - I am not pressuring you or anything like that. When you're ready - or whatever - you will know. Your perfume smells great - though," he added almost reluctantly with the same kind of smile which melted me to my very core - in spite of my firm resolve not to melt each time he smiled at me - still I was glad that he praised my taste since he was never generous with his complements.
"Yes - I know it - see you soon."
* * *
The next day I was relating all the details from the night before to Milochka who always listened but didn't comment much.
"I really wanted to - finally - go to bed with him - but I don't feel confident with Juan as I would feel with a middle aged guy - my age."
"God - if you don't feel attractive - I don't know who ever could. I can't believe it,"
"You always tell me that I look beautiful but I constantly like to reassure you that it's you who inspire tons of confidence."
"Next time - just turn the lights off - and jump into bed with him if that's what you want - but keep your mouths shut when Jack comes back and questions you about Juan - it's no big deal".
"Okay - whatever you say."
* * *
Juan and I sat in a small Mexican restaurant ran by a husband and wife team. Thousands of those were opening and closing every year in Chicago area. The food was not bad but it wasn't anything spectacular. Ever since Juan and I became closer friends - I became interested in Mexico as I tried to learn more about it - with its beauty starting to fascinate me. I knew that Mexico had big problems. Juan told me many times that he loved his homeland and intended to go back there since most of his family lived there and didn't intend to be coming to the U.S.
"They didn't cook those fajitas here - they probably bought some frozen stuff and microwaved them,"
"I like that food - it tastes good to me - I am no expert," everything tasted great to me when I was with Juan.
"How long have we known each other - about a year?"
"Actually we met almost a year and a half ago when you were teaching that intense Spanish course - but we have not began to 'hang out' together - a few months after that short class - ended."
"How come you remember exactly the dates?"
"I just do - about most stuff that happens to me. You think that you are an extra special friend? Or what? Jack will come home tomorrow so if you need to call me - call me at my bakery only. Okay?" When I changed the subject - in inform him about Jack - Juan didn't seem to react but perhaps he was always ready to "shift gears."
After I told him that Jack and I will go together to Guadalajara, Mexico very soon since he needed to do his job assignment there while I could go along - taking advantage of a discounted fare offered by Jack's company - Juan suggested that we visit his family who lives there and take a few small gifts for them.
* * *
It was a glorious early summer, Saturday morning when after we ate a sumptuous buffet breakfast offered by the nice Guadalajara hotel where Jack and I stayed for a few days while he was using his company newest video equipment for his job assignment - but it came handy for video taping his own documentary which he subsequently marketed successfully with his new partner right after he got "laid off" from his big production company - the move which he expected from them.
After we got ready to go visit Juan's extended family who lived in an exclusive part of the city - Jack drove deftly the rented car through beautiful Guadalajara full of retired Americans who - at that time - could live there very cheaply.
"You're in love with him or what? When you talk about him - your inner spirit glows even though - you pretend that you don't give a hoot about him,"
"I don't know. I don't even know what love means after to what's happening to us. All our years together don't mean so much anymore."
"I am sure that you are 'just a friend' to him - for now - as if he doesn't have all those cute young things throwing themselves at him. When you get closer to him - you will see how he can hurt you,"
"You are not exactly - not hurting me - either - so I am not risking all that much. As far those 'cute young things' - you're referring to - is that all that matters to you - now - to sleep with some 'cute young things'- before they stop winking at you or what?"
"I don't know what I want."
"It's been very obvious to me for the last year and a half."
* * *
Juan's family treated us like some kind of royalty - his middle aged mother insisted on preparing a terrific, fancy meal - even though - Jack and I offered to take his family out - to dinner. His seriously ailing father kept his handicapped "chair" out in the back yard since his diabetes incapacitated him badly. Juan told us that his father was undergoing his last, painful and debilitating phase - but his wife (Juan's mother) - insisted on taking care of him at home - instead of shipping him off to some awful nursing home - to die - which is commonly done in the U.S. - but not nearly as much in other countries.
His father appeared indifferent to his family but he smiled briefly at me and Jack - even though nobody expected him to be overly cordial in his condition.
After we finished a fancy, five course dinner at Juan's parents' - which didn't taste nearly as good as we would have in a decent restaurant - nevertheless Jack and I appreciated Juan's mother's hospitality in their nice but modest townhouse. After we finally finished the long meal - all of us walked down the sunny street during the lovely afternoon - to Juan's oldest brother's opulent and fancy - big house down the street - where their maid served us ice cream, fresh fruit and coffee liqueur - for dessert.
Jack kept recording all the highlights from that event - on his new, Japanese, high tech TV camera which his company provided - every year - to their news people - the job which Jack - adored - more than anything or anybody in his life - for the last ten years; he was happy shooting all kinds of news around Chicago which was constantly - "brimming to the rim" - with all sorts of news. As a big "market" - Chicago's news venues are always full of a lot of interesting news items - along with lots of "fluff" not worth any coverage - not even mentioning tons of sensationalized, gory, "crime" oriented features for which - the viewers - as the news directors - insist - supposedly - have a great appetite.
* * *
On our way back from that memorable summer trip - I was full of great impressions of Mexico and wanted to learn everything about it plus I fell in love with Juan's family which - reminded me of the best in our own family a lot - I was on the verge of - loving them for no special reason. Jack not only didn't like Mexico but he assured me that he is not going back there - even if he was getting paid a lot - again - unless it was to shoot some features for his own video production company - which he was actively trying to develop - in anticipation of big personnel cuts coming up in his current job.
Juan loved the videos of his family and beautiful Guadalajara - which we watched after we had dinner; Jack masterfully fixed a sumptuous meal in the spirit of the excellent Mexican cooking tradition. Juan always acted respectfully towards Jack as if he looked up to him while Jack - usually - looked down on Juan as if he was an annoyed - with his - suddenly successful - younger brother of some sort. After we watched Jack's professional looking videos - we talked about Mexico's future and I thought that if the three of us could be friends for a long time - things could be good. However - the events happened in a totally different manner as if they wanted to follow their own course - no matter what I wanted.
* * *
Chapter 19
Dearest Tina,
That summer ended with Jack asking me not to contact Juan for a while - since he and I decided to take some active steps to improve our relationship. That whole year was better for us - but at the end of it - all our gains - quickly "slipped" through - and we finished just where we started at the end of the previos summer.
Since Jack left town again - this time more permanently - I contacted Juan - thinking that he must be too busy with some young girlfriend - to have any time for any "old" friends.
"Maggie," his voice sounded happy, "it's so good to hear your voice again," then he stopped himself since he was always tight with his complements.
"So you didn't forget who I am?"
"How could I ever forget you - even for a moment," he stopped himself quickly.
"Jack left town - again so I am calling my single friends. You know that he wasn't crazy about me hanging out with single people."
"I don't blame him at all so how about a quick dinner tonight?"
"Sounds good but don't you get any ideas now."
"Any exciting suggestions?" he laughed his contagious laugh which I missed a lot every day for the whole year and finally got to hear it again.
I was to pick him up at 7 pm that evening - he still lived in the same apartment but his neighbors moved out to the suburbs and he didn't keep in touch with them as much as he thought - he would like.
I had three hours to get ready so suddenly everything around me took on a magic quality of some mysterious sort. I didn't think I would be so happy to see Juan again in spite of my resolve not to treat him seriously as if he was just a passing, unimportant element - either helping me or an obstacle in realizing my new, important goals - without my life-long partner - Jack. This time I didn't want to have a man as a main "centerpiece" of my entire existence.
* * *
When I saw Juan standing in front of his apartment building with his shiny, black hair slightly moist - dressed casually but he wore new clothes while he was visibly nervous - probably not expecting me to show up on time - my heart skipped a few beats as if it didn't follow my instructions - to keep cool.
"I am glad you are on time," he hugged me after he got into my Jetta. I could smell his Calvin Klein cologne. His brown eyes always made me smile in spite of myself since Juan always appeared charming to the max - which would - probably - change in a "hurry" once we got to deal with each other on more revealing bases.
For the moment - he still sported the glorious looks of a celebrity of some sort - a winner - always "on top" of things - no matter what life would throw his way.
"You look great - as always", he said and stopped himself from complementing me too much.
"Thanks."
After a long silence while I drove through the "fairy tale" looking streets of Chicago - to the small Mexican restaurant where he and I - frequently used to grab a quick bite - he asked me if Jack and I made some long term plans for the future.
"First of all - you know that to make any kind of long terms plans - would be a sure way to make God - laugh and secondly - you shouldn't be interested in any possible settlement I might be getting from Jack."
"I am not after anybody's money or anything like that. What gave you that idea?"
"Yes, sure, sure - but you wouldn't be - like - saying no - to some gifts - which - by the way - you're not getting any from me."
"You still didn't give me a chance to show you that I richly deserve anything I might get from you," he laughed again his contagious laughter which always made me feel good the summer before - even if I didn't want him to think that he was a proverbial "alpha" and "omega" to me - any really overly important factor in my life.
"I don't need anything from you - that I don't already have - so no need to prove anything," I said to make myself more confident. It worked.
"Oh, I don't know about that," he was always confident in his abilities which sometimes got on my nerves a lot. I was sure that I scored some "points" since my answer intended to be vague and intriguing even if I knew that he could read me like an open book which also got on my nerves a lot as well.
* * *
That whole second summer continued in a fun mode - but in the fall - things changed - as they always do. However - I - usually - make things change sooner - than they would without any active moves on - fate's or life events' script's - part.
I rarely could tell what Juan was thinking at any moment - while he also didn't know my intentions or plans from day to day - since both of us - weren't sure - ourselves - which direction we were going - each day or each week. One new thing started to repeat itself - at the end of the second summer which frequently got on my nerves - more than usually. I noticed his new attitude which clearly indicated that our "friendship" started to meant little to Juan - while it was quickly growing into a main energy of my life.
It was time for me to take some action - my style. I broke up with him quickly one morning when he called me. I told him that our "friendship" has run its course and we need to stop seeing each other since it's interfering with my "new friendship". I didn't know that I could be so cool even though my heart was breaking inside of me. It was very rough at first but I needed to do it and stick to my guns. I cried some nights as I talked to our brother Max who always loved to be generous with his suggestions and advices.
"Start going out with some guy or some people even if you are not that interested now. It will take your mind off things." I did just that; a group of people in the Chicago's ballroom dancing studios took my mind off Juan quite a bit. Things always improve in a lot of unexpected ways. Taking ballroom dancing lesson became my new - all consuming hobby which turned into a mini - passion.
Important stuff - usually - happens in some mysterious, unexpecded drips of "clusters of fate" - as I call the important events in my life. Admitting to myself that Jack and I will have to go our separate ways - made me feel vulnerable at times - but most of the time I kept pushing forward with my new ambitions involving working with people in several ways which would tap into my talents of communications - the newly discovered - gifts - after Jack left and I got rid of Juan who was draining my energies; this time around - it wasn't that crucial for me to have a main man in the center of my life.
"If any guy gives you an 'attitude' - you know what needs to be done. It would be better - anyway - if you hang out with a guy your age. You had your fun this summer with this young shit - it was a right time for you to 'move on' while you're ahead", our brother Max always has tons of smart solutions and unsolicited advice - galore. However - he - himself - fell deeply in love with one of his female friends; took it very hard when she suddenly dumped him and for a long that was all he could think and talk about which was frequently getting on my nerves since it took him quite a while to get over her.
* * *
Still when I look back and vividly recall all the fun moments and endless happy hours during those two summers with Juan - caused by a casual - at times - smile of Juan - it's easy for me - now - to project a lot of future fun times - since the best is yet to come - for sure. It's more fun now - even if at this stage of my life - no man - needs to be in the center of my universe - thank God - the real One.
As I mentioned to you before - the past important transitions in my life happened because of the events connected with an important - at that time - man appearing suddenly in my life or aiming for an exit out of my life. They appear and disappear - as if directed by some hidden script.
* * *
When I first talked to Jim on the phone about renting a room in his "income" building located in the middle of the city of Chicago - which once was a thriving Polish neighborhood - he sounded very ordinary on the phone. I expected him to look like an average, skinny type - however after I met him in person - I was surprised how good he looked with his tall, strong, lanky frame and his bright blue eyes strikingly contrasting with his thick gray hair - slightly premature - but styled in a fashionable manner. His age couldn't be more than forty.
He was showing me with great pride his middle sized building located in a typical Chicago neighborhood - consisting of twenty one apartment units - constantly rehabbed by Jim - handy with all the tools. The neighborhood as hundreds of them in Chicago - changed into a Spanish speaking area - after most Poles moved to the suburbs or more north towards the northern suburbs - away from low class, illegals - mostly Spanish speaking folks - and most of them bordering on a "hoodlum" status.
Jim - a ruggedly handsome forty year old "hands on - landlord" as he proudly called himself - constantly did things in the building during the mornings - but at times he lingered on - some afternoons as well. He seemed to enjoy the constant process of remodeling some rooms in his four story building (an efficient cash cow) into tiny units which he designated as "short term" rentals for temporary renters - like me - who were on their way to much better accommodations. Jim seemed to like a constant parade of various people - mostly women in transition - coming in and out - to do some business with him.
Since Jim was handy with all kinds of tools - he visibly enjoyed his rehabbing projects which enabled him to legally "snoop" into the lifestyles of his temporary - mostly female tenants; he especially liked to flirt with some attractive women who rented a room from him - usually on a very temporary bases - like me. He liked to promise his good looking female tenants - free rent which visibly hurt him - even the promises did - since he had to be stingy with his resources. His four teenage kids cost him a lot of money.
If people wanted to pay more rent - they could have their own tiny unit - however - most of his renters agreed to one roommate with whom they shared a small kitchen, truly "microscopic" size hallway and of course - the bathroom. They had keys to lock their respective rooms. Jim tried to assign his rentals to two women or two guys - but the widely circulated "anectodes" had him assign various, borderline psychotic guys to women who already occupied a room. I speculated to Milochka that those ladies - probably rudely turned down his juvenile advances which he made to almost all the decent looking women who rented from him.
His rehabbing activities also gave him a chance to get away from his four spoiled - typically American - teenagers and a nagging long term wife - who had to have an inkling about his "activities" with a lot of women temporarily staying in his building. According to his constant alternate bragging and complaining about his life - Jim managed his affairs - at least the financial ones - efficiently - even with his frequent indulging into his great fondness of attractive women which he always tried to do "on the cheap" - mostly by flapping his trap.
He bragged to me that his big family house located in the decent northern suburbs of Chicago (not exquisite location or anything close to that) is almost paid off - not that I was ever particularly interested in the details of his personal life but - as I said - Jim loved to talk about himself - to whoever would be in his "earshot" - evidently needing to give himself a pat on the back since his family - evidently - didn't give him enough respect which he probably did not deserve - anyway.
Sometimes - when I came home in the early afternoon from my job in the office - I watched the TV in the small kitchen which I shared with my roommate - a fat nurse - who was always gone. After I ate a quick lunch - Jim would appear and started to work - way too slowly on a shelf in the kitchen which opened onto a tiny hallway leading onto the winding stairs of his four story building. My unit which I shared with a fat nurse was on the third floor. Opposite my unit was the second one occupied by two fat guys who never spoke to us or anybody else. They sported a typical big city attitude of not only not socializing with anybody in the building but they also didn't glance at anybody for longer than a few seconds in spite of Jim frequently encouraging his short term renters to "talk and smile to each other". Fat chance in a huge city like Chicago.
Jim liked to talk a lot - especially about himself - about his spacious family home located in the very decent northern suburbs of Chicago - nothing fancy like full of rich liberals Wilmette or Kenilworth - replete with an old "money" - aging gizzards - hateful and prejudiced to the max. All kinds of xenophobes, racists, sexists, anti-Semites - simply thrive there - even if now-a-days they hide a bit from the hungry for sensation - glare of social media or the press with the social media forums especially eager to "chew" and "lynch"; they are well aware - that the social media could shine the light a bit on their despicable practices in the U.S. which is considered "a land of the free and the home of the brave".
Jim couldn't splurge on paying a lot of cash in Kenilworth - a fancy, top suburb where they would - probably - "sniff down their noses" on him - as well -even if he was a Catholic - still not class enough for them in terms of "old, white and Protestant - money. That exquisite suburb - still somehow "weasels" out from getting the neighbors whom they don't want" who will die soon and will be buried along with their old and outdated notions of the - U.S. and the world. For now it's still an exclusive club of "old farts". The real estate agents - drop a hint or two to the prospective buyers to the effect - "you don't belong here - so go somewhere else".
They know how to effectively prevent a lot of buyers from "buying into" their slice of American dream - so even though Jim a was a non-practicing Catholic - he might have a big problem buying anything in Kenilworth notwithstanding the fact that he was not Jewish, Black, Latino, a professional
foreigner or even a professional single woman.
If he wanted to spend enough money - he could always buy something decent in Wilmette - a rich paradise full of all kinds of phony liberals who usually speak from "both sides of their mouths" depending which way the wind is blowing.
"I don't know why you're telling me and everybody who pretends to listen - all about your general affairs and about your family. What do I care? Do you think that your temporary renters care?"
"I didn't think you would - but not everybody is as self-centered as you are. Still its nice to hear your lovely voice; and it's always a pleasure to look at you as well,"
"I am not self-centered. I am only focused on my goals. Why don't you look at Madonna on television since you have the same snowball's chance in hell with her - as you have with me."
I already lived in Jim's building for six months and tried to get the hell out of that neighborhood before some hoodlums broke into my car or mugged me in the evening. In addition - Jim might just be starting to rent his rooms to some hoodlum - plus - in spite of his endless promises to paint my room with me staying temporarily in one of his rehabbed rooms - he stalled - as always. On the bright side - I stopped being afraid that he will lock me out on a whim since as long as my rent was paid on time - he was in check.
Still - I couldn't wait to get out of Jim's building since I detested the faint old odor of past cigarette smoke mingling with the scent of old sweat - the ugly smell of poverty - which I swore to myself to be rid off - for good - every time I quickly negotiated the windy staircase of Jim's building - so my unit could be locked firmly from the inside - with the chain. I frequently swore to myself that things will get much better for me. They always do.
"I can't wait to get out of your building," I said indifferently during the same afternoon when we had a first, longer conversation - while Jim endlessly worked on the shelf which he could finish a lot sooner.
I got up and started towards my room. There was nothing else to do but turn off the TV in the common area and lock the doors behind in my room - so I could watch some more TV in my room which I fixed up in a cozy manner - with windows facing two big trees made beautiful by the leaves changing colors and blowing away slowly - promising the fairy tale like - snow and the fun winter season coming soon.
Each time I made an obvious hint for him to leave - Jim always gave me a look which reminded me of a "doggie glancing into a butcher shop."
"Did you know that this new 'butch' looking woman - who just moved in a couple of weeks ago to your second floor unit - is propositioning three way sex with you and her?"
"I had no idea she is doing that," he lied.
"F.Y.I. - you can relay my message to her - that I find this notion - disgusting." After I said that to him - I immediately regretted it since I knew that she will start her "campaign" against me. But what the heck? It was a lot of fun saying that to him since I was no longer afraid that he will lock me out of my unit and put my stuff behind the building.
"Geez - I had no idea that she behaves that way," he lied again.
"You don't think your wife will make a visit to this building - since you tell all the women you propositioning that you are married and about your vasectomy and your four teenagers who drive you crazy."
"I try to be up front and honest with people. I love everybody who comes to my building to rent from me for awhile. It helps people."
"You love them as long as they pay on time. The minute they skip on the rent - they're locked out and their stuff sits by that big dumpster in the back of your building."
"Hey, I'm not running any charitable establishments here. It's business. Sometimes hard things need to be done when one manages the business for profit."
"True - but your rough business practices make your tenants wonder about your Wild West cowboy's style of management."
"It's not your place to tell me how to run my business."
"Just a small payback - reminder that when I first moved in - you also gave me an unsolicited lecture on how to get along with people."
"And you told me that it was not my place to lecture you."
"I did."
"Okay, okay - I am not going to be talking too much but you know that I'm in love with you."
"Really? That and two dollars will buy me coffee any place in Chicago. You're in love with every woman who smiles at you."
* * *
Dearest Tina,
To make a long story - a bit shorter - after I assured Jim in a lot of ways - subtle and obvious ones - that I am not interested in him since he had nothing special to offer other than his angry teenagers attached to his wife of many years - suddenly I found him tremendously attractive but I knew that it would not lead me to any good situations. Thank God that during the spring following my last winter at his building - I was searching like crazy for another place to live which I found - at last.
My older, new landlady - who subsequently turned out to be a little crazy - rented me a nice room in a big house - close to Skokie where Milochka owned a townhouse for many years; it was good to live closer to Milochka since I couldn't rent a room from her. Her two growing daughters would have a fit. My new place was a vast improvement over Jim's building and his whole area - richly infested with lots of semi-criminal elements of all kinds.
* * *
During that spring and summer - Jim kept leaving me various messages on my phone - most of which I ignored - but sometimes I would leave him a short sentence to the effect that "our business at hand is finished - so we don't have anything special to talk about with the exception of the security deposit which you still need to return to me; the sooner - the better - before we take the necessary legal steps - to get it back."
* * *
The time was going fast as always and it was already winter with the holiday season approaching fast. Milochka always fixed some fabulous dinners at that time; especially the New Year's Eve night was always fun with her family. Her scrumptious dishes tasted just like the ones our mother cooked when we were little and growing up.
"I am so glad that this year is ending," I talked to her in the kitchen of her townhouse - while was stirring her New Year's Eve "star" dish - thick beef stew with vegetables which always smelled - heavenly. I had to tell her a lot of stuff before her daughters showed up and - as always - attempted to take over the event even if I knew how to stand my ground.
"This whole year - I have to call the year of Jim since while I lived in his building he and the whole set up - was getting on my nerves a lot - but after I moved out - suddenly I started to miss him and his building in a big way - I have no idea why and for what. In addition - I still have to get my security deposit back from him - so I have this resentment mixed with longing to look at him,"
"Business is business. You need to figure out a way to get your money back but you know you're better off - away from that building mess. The hoodlums outside and that crazy lesbian inside - all those things going on - were not a good situation for you."
"I know it. As soon as I talk about it to you - things always fall in place," I said and poured myself a straight single shot of Smirnoff vodka - my favorite - which I topped with a single ice cube.
"Drink it fast. When Ella comes over with the baby - we are drinking only wine and champagne at midnight."
Milochka didn't tell me that she invited her other friend - a Polish lady named Irena whom I never liked since she constantly, incessantly talks about her gorgeous looking daughter who just married a rich American guy - as if her own life didn't have anything interesting to talk about. Evidently - Irena considers her daughter marriage to an American - a huge "step up" - for a first generation - immigrant. I - personally - like to be around women who are like me - independent and interesting - not boasting or anything like that.
I always feel good about myself in terms of contributing to the U.S. in every possible way so if anybody born in the U.S. tries to belittle the naturalized, legal immigrants like me - I invariable inform them about the astonishingly high numbers of Nobel prize winners for the U.S. - which consist of people like me who legally immigrated to the U.S. - thus we make the lives of the U.S. citizens - much better as compared to other countries - even the socialistic Western Europe.
Sometimes I would add something like - "So I wouldn't snicker down your nose on us - the naturalized Americans - because you're helping yourself generously to our vast achievements - for the U.S."
* * *
Dear Tina,
The winter is coming soon - again - with the Thanksgiving holiday - coming very soon to ring in yet - another holiday season which is always a lot of fun since the big part of the holidays - the New Year's Eve celebration - always brings a lot of new beginnings.
The New Year's Eve parties at Milochka's are always tons of fun for me since we reminiscence about our past New Years' Eves - in Europe when we were kids or more recent ones. We always laugh about hard stuff which we had to go through - at times - during some holidays - which subsequently - improved a lot in every way for both of us - in a different manner.
I am expecting some news regarding my apartment being finally ready for me in Chicago - but in the interim - I keep noticing a lot of good things about Pittsburgh - which is big enough town but manageable. That is a big plus considering many annoying problems arising from living in a big city like Chicago which always has a lot of typical, big city issues of every kind - compounded by many of their politicians frequently pushing their ultra liberal political agendas to advance their careers. Those political hacks often speak from both sides of their mouths while they don't practice "what they preach". It's no "skin of their collective noses" that the taxpayers break their backs - to pay for their "massive social programs" which means that more often than not - "throwing the taxpayers' money at the problems - doesn't not solve those problems - in the long run - at all".
* * *
Chapter 20
Dear Tina,
When I think of many past Thanksgivings which were memorable in some ways - I remember with pleasure the one in which Jack and I managed our Bake Shop which we owned for several years. It was difficult to make joined decisions but we tried hard and this situation created a lot of problems in our relationship. Then other - typical middle aged - issues crept up - slowly but surely. Anyway - during that Thanksgiving we baked a lot of delicious pumpkin pies since the filling turned out fantastic due to using the fresh pumpkins which we baked in our huge, new convection oven. I called that oven - a Big Daddy since it blew the wonderful warm air during harsh Chicago winters.
Scooping the delicious pulp from freshly baked pumpkins turned out to be very easy and quick; the crust made from our freshly ground flour - in the stone/electric commercial flour grinder - tasted heavenly. People were talking about our outstanding pumpkin pies for many years after we closed our bakery since Jack and I decided to separate and sell the bake shop due to our divorce caused by many typical middle age problems which crawled into our union like small but clever and persistent - little demons. A few months after that memorable Thanksgiving night which we celebrated in the cozy back room of our bake shop - Jack and I separated.
That Thanksgiving was tons of fun - though - as if our respective lives' - scripts called for Jack and I - to have a good Thanksgiving together before we went our separate ways. During that warm and lovely November evening Jack and I expected a couple which we knew for several years. You think that you know people - but sometimes - you don't really know the major aspects of their personalities which they might want hidden for awhile for various reasons.
Laura worked as a school psychologist in a far Chicago suburb while he - Leo - worked independently - since he wrote and produced short commercial spots as well as some public service announcements which frequently aired on local Chicago's TV stations. While we knew Leo a lot longer - he just married Laura a year before and she always appeared somewhat distant as if there was some stuff about her - she would rather not talk about until she got to know people on a deeper level.
Each time I happened to catch one of Leo's spots on local Chicago's TV stations - I left him a message about it which I knew that he would like. Even though all his professional activities required considerable organizational and creative skills - he barely "scraped" some income for himself - while he strongly admired Jack since at that time - Jack was still on a full time payroll of the prominent news organization. Leo's wife - a dark haired, slim and well spoken - Laura - always earned a steady income as a school psychologist - enabling them to live a comfortable, middle class lifestyle.
Since Jack and I were close friends with them - at that time - they were vaguely familiar with our marital problems. However after Laura found out that Jack and I are having weighty issues - her attitude towards us - changed - she appeared a little more distant and fake - than usually - on a lot of levels - which made it even harder for me to trust her but I still liked her a little bit.
Before that memorable Thanksgiving dinner - I spoke to Laura's best friend quite by accident - she was a woman who knew Laura since childhood and who - herself - was going through a "rough patch" with her South American boyfriend - Alfredo - temporarily - employed by Jack and me - in our bake shop. Alfredo worked for us a short time since we needed to close and sell our business with its equipment. We told Alfredo that it was going to be a short time job before he accepted it - he - nevertheless got very angry at us toward the end and started to do a poor job so we had to fire him before closing our bake shop. I always had to do the firings since Jack shrunk from it and no matter how diplomatically I dismissed people who needed to be let go - the invariable gleam of brief hatred in their eyes reminded me how hard it was to run a business in a proper way.
"Laura and Leo - are a match made in heaven just like two peas in a pod. They are both rational and always thinking through all their moves - to the max; they never seem to get mad at anything - let alone - at each other."
"I don't know about that. Sometimes people want to put up a front like that but one never knows what really goes on 'inside' them and their relationship", I wanted to finish this conversation - leading nowhere and hang up since Jack and I were busy preparing the Thanksgiving dinner at the back of our - nicely decorated - bake shop located in a trendy, newly rehabbed - Northern neighborhood in Chicago - presently - coming-up big time with the yuppies massively renting the expensive, apartments for a year - then - frequently - went back to live in their parents' basement - until they found another job. Only ten years before the whole neighborhood was full of semi-dilapidated dwellings of all kinds with the rats living it up in the basements where they property values were notoriously low and tons of poor, Spanish speaking folks dominated the area. With the building up of the neighborhood partially underwritten by the rich coffers of the city of Chicago in addition to private investors - all the poor Spanish speaking folks and other poor people moved to their turf - the seedy, crime infested Western part of town.
* * *
I knew Leo and his crazy family from my last year of high school - in Columbus, Ohio and he didn't change much in the fifteen years that I have known him in terms of him - usually - sporting a "poker face" expression until the talk started revolving around the TV or film production - that's when he always showed a great deal of animation.
When I knew him in high school he was still a rebellious son of a well established, older rabbi of a small temple in the East of Columbus. Leo's parents were old when his father married his mother. It was a third marriage for both of them so they - usually - acted peculiar and eccentric made which most people avoid them as much as possible - even if they appreciated Leo's parents' - positive traits. Leo and his sister left home as early as humanly possible - and subsequently - had as little as necessary contact with their - frequently goofy acting - parents.
Jack and I prepared a fantastic dressing - for that memorable Thanksgiving with Leo and his new wife - made of the freshly ground corn flour which looked like pure gold and tasted even better. All the products which we marketed - had a tremendous, fresh flavor and distinctly good looks - due to using freshly ground flour - of several varieties which was always treated like a perishable ingredient. That process gave our bakery a wonderful smell. The scent of freshly ground flour is hard to describe - it's similar to the smell of freshly baked bread - but a lot better.
Our huge, brand new convection oven - which we called "Big Daddy" - blew hot baking winds from every direction - onto the products we baked; the machine did a great job of baking the products in a short time - so our small turkey was ready in an amazingly brief time. When Jack and I took it out of the oven to test the temperatures of the crucial places of the bird - twice since we had to make sure that it was thoroughly baked; we could hardly believe the deeply gold, glorious color of that turkey. Not only we weren't sure that our big oven would bake one item - we never expected that fabulous appearance and the short time our oven - Big Daddy - took to thoroughly finish baking that decent sized turkey. The temperatures indicated that it was done with the flavor which turned out - fantastic.
I was chewing the leg - my all time, dark meat favorite and it was hard for me to believe that terrific flavor and the texture thoroughly juicy, sweet and delicious. I thought for a moment about the many Thanksgivings where the side dishes were prepared in a top notch manner - while the big "star" of the Thanksgiving meal - the turkey was - frequently - as dry as the old shoe sole.
Laura was acting in a stupidly flaky manner all evening while Leo's poker face and boring demeanor "worked my every last nerve" the whole evening. It was as if they might have had a big fight before they came over with the unresolved "chunks" of it - still smoldering inside them. I couldn't wait for them to leave so Jack and I could talk about them and have some fun - not that we were overly critical about the couples we associated with - but Laura and Leo were always kind of peculiar and mismatched in a lot of ways - on a lot of levels. Jack was usually very much - on-target - in noticing other people' s flaws - but whenever his own shortcomings were in question - his "generosity" kicked in - especially as he got into his "middle age" transition which makes a lot of men behave in a juvenile manner until they discover all the plentiful advantages of getting older.
After they left our bake shop which still smelled wonderfully since we baked our dressing - using our famously wonderful - freshly ground flour - Jack smiled at me in the way which was rare during the last year and a half of our life - together. It was obvious to me that he wanted to leave me but still wasn't ready; that situation was getting on my nerves - needless to say - since I hated to think that he stays with me only because - he is afraid to let go. I knew several guys - on the level - who wanted to date me - but the fact that I was still married - was holding me back. At that time of my life - I valued a lot having a partner of some decent sort - by my side. I have - subsequently - learned how to manage well - by myself and do okay. Not that is not more fun with a partner or a friend/confidante of some sort - but I have learned to count on myself - and that's fun - as well.
"You don't think that they have this so called 'open marriage' arrangement?" Asked me Jack after our Thanksgiving friends finally left. I thought for a moment that neither one of them were very attractive even though they were not ugly looking by any means. They dressed fashionably and were neat in their appearance but I always felt that their relationship had hidden flaws of some kind which they didn't want to disclose even though she - at times - freely broached all kinds of personal topics - at times - which always got on my nerves. Maybe because she considered herself entitled to ask people nosy questions since she was a practicing psychologist. At any rate - in the United States all the talk shows and many articles in popular magazines - always bring up various subjects of sex which belong behind the therapist's closed doors.
"You're not thinking of suggesting anything
disgusting like that to improve our relationship - are you?"
We laughed a lot that evening while we sipped some white wine and munched on our fabulous turkey. At the end of that evening we munched on our outstanding pumpkin pie which was not overly sweet so it complemented our cinnamon laced - hot cider.
* * *
The following Thanksgiving was my first without Jack and it was OK - as well - much better than I expected. What was nice about it was the fact that I knew - for sure - that things are getting better for me - in a lot of ways - as always - with the unexpectedly good circumstances always appearing in just the right time. I dreaded the first major holiday without Jack - but it actually turned out quite well. I was proud of myself.
The Christmas season which starts right after the Thanksgiving - is always a festive time all over the U.S. - but - of course - a big, rich city like Chicago - comes up with a lot of dazzling free events which the poorer cities cannot afford. I simply love that time of the year - there - even if - at times - some exceptionally fierce winter's spats - can bring the city to the grinding halt which happens seldom during the holiday's season.
* * *
Dear Tina,
I know that you, guys, celebrate a glorious Hanukkah in Israel - but in the U.S the Hanukkah usually comes before Christmas holiday with the New Year's Eve - always a fun celebration ending the season but starting the New Year - which has been a nice tradition of a new beginning for our family for a long time. It's always my most favorite time of the year with the dusting of snow covering up the trees and bushes so my favorite - white Christmas lights shimmer through making the winter scene appearing as if taken for the fairy tale of the best kind.
One of the nicest Christmases I can remember happened quite a few years back - when Jack and I decided to celebrate Christmas more than usually since a couple which I knew from my childhood in Poland - were coming to spend their Christmas break with us - including the New Year's Eve. Their little five year old daughter expected a tree with some gifts under it.
Jack and I decided to do all our unusually huge - that Christmas season - shopping - in one place at one store - to get it over with as quickly as possible so we chose a K-mart - a big store in Chicago's north side - the store which subsequently "morphed" into an another big discounter - Big Lots - after K-mart closed a lot of their stores in response to the fierce competition it received from many Wal-Marts and Targets - opening like crazy towards the end of 1999.
To make a long story a bit shorter - that Christmas has to be one of the nicest since our friends' little five year old behaved well during all the two weeks they stayed at our newly remodeled townhouse located in the north part of Chicago - close the northern Chicago suburbs of Skokie and Evanston. Needless to say - Jack and I worried about a little kid putting her greasy fingers on our newly painted walls but to her parents' credit - she refrained from any major "missteps" of that nature since she appeared to be a smart, perceptive and very cute five year old who easily spoke two languages - her native Polish and English which she easily picked up from the American kids she had daily contact at her pre-school.
Every morning I heard her mother warning her - before they came down from their big guest room - not to "misbehave" because "when we come home - I will remind you about it and your dad and I will not be forgetting about any mischiefs you like to pull".
Jack suggested that all of us go to the nearby - Catholic cathedral - heavily attended by numerous Chicago's - Poles - for a traditional midnight Christmas Eve service - widely observed in Poland at midnight - every Christmas Eve. I always new about it but never attended one - as a lightly observant member of a Jewish family - growing up in - at times - anti-Semitic - Poland. It would be Jack's first Catholic midnight service - as well - since within his minimally observant Presbyterian upbringing - they looked down upon the overly ritualistic elements common to Catholic church.
It was a cold, crisp night that memorable Christmas Eve - but thank God - the normally fierce and blustery - Chicago's winter wind - let up for a few hours - as if the higher forces wanted to make it easier for people to attend the midnight service that night.
Kristyna and I bundled up her semi-asleep little girl who fell asleep around 11pm - in spite of her resolve to stay awake. When we entered the filled "to the gill" - cathedral - the atmosphere of God's presence during that special Christmas service - made everybody smile. The priest's Christmas message sounded awesome - as I looked around me at the glowing faces of Chicago Poles; I had an impression - that they somehow knew about me being Jewish but it was okay with them since it was Chicago - and not "their" Poland.
"I hope you feel okay here..," whispered Kristyna, "I really appreciate Jack's suggestion to come here tonight - makes me feel less homesick for my family back home."
"The mood here is very pleasant," I whispered back while I thought to myself that this visit will - probably - be enough to last me for a very long time. I also thought briefly that if that Polish cathedral was located in Poland - the attendants - there - would not be as nearly inclusive in their outlooks - as the Chicago Poles - appear to be since they - themselves - are a minority in the U.S. - where a lot of the Americans "snicker down their noses" on them - the way most Poles - "snicker down their noses" on their minorities in Poland with the Jews being their number one - targets.
Kristyna just joined her husband in the U.S. after he finally got his "green card" which he obtained - due to his renewable, yearly work contract with the University of Chicago which extended his contract due to him proving himself a promising researcher in their computer management department. His friendly personality also worked in his favor since he was the kind of a "foreigner" to which the U.S. - supposedly - easily issues - "green cards"; while not exactly Albert Einstein but - for sure a well educated "brain"- which this country could use.
It was not easy for my childhood friend Albert - to decide to stay in the U.S. since his love for his native Poland - didn't waiver much. His family was in the minority of the fine Polish Catholics who didn't discriminate against the Jews and others; they were simply a very good and kind Polish Catholic family to whom my parents and I were very close when we lived in Poland. No wonder - Albert missed his people a lot and kept visiting Poland every year - even though he and his brother settled permanently in the U.S.
My family - on the other hand - never even considered a remote possibility of ever going back to Poland - not even for a short visit - in spite of the fact that - at first - all of us felt like the "outsiders" in the U.S. However - it didn't last long - especially for me - since after I started to study at the huge Ohio State University - I needed to quickly "learn the ropes" - which I did.
* * *
The New Year's Eve that year in Chicago - had tons and tons of households - Polish and of other nationalities - burning a single candle in their front windows generously answering the request of the leader of the Polish Solidarity party - Lech Walesa - who declared a big war on the Soviet Union's tyranny. I have to admit that as an outsider and a member of a disliked minority in Poland - nevertheless - I admired what was good about Poland even though at the same time - just like most of the smart Jews living in Poland - I detested her rich history of - at times - virulent and hateful - anti-Semitic campaigns - always encouraged by the current government in power.
Everybody admired certain famous Poles who spoke up bravely against the despicable anti-Semitic elements and other hateful factions - including the Nazis who found a lot of followers in Poland as they did in other countries - they conquered. The Polish Catholic Church - for the most part - discouraged the devout Polish Catholics from any acts of hostility against any minorities.
Our father used to comment that there were a lot of good Poles but the bad ones were awful - thus - he briefly considered it some kind of a divine retribution when Poland got bombed at the beginning of the World War II - however - his family quickly fled Poland after they got a "whiff" of what Hitler started to do with the Jews.
* * *
"Lech Walesa - finally put the tie on - so now he can be elected the best President Poland has ever had - just like Joseph Pilsudski" - our father repeated the same things a lot - especially when he got older. He always liked to talk about the legendary Polish leader - Joseph Pilsudski who was widely loved leader of Poland - one of the few who were fair to the Jews and other minorities. Father always liked to comment on the international news and he - at times - talked to the TV set as if it could hear him.
When we were coming to the U.S. - I couldn't wait to leave Poland - in spite of the fact that I had left some close Polish friends behind and missed them - especially before learning to speak good English and before quickly mastering a lot of skills to make new American friends - with ease.
My first year at the Ohio State University was difficult since my English was still lacking in terms of studying and passing courses during my first year there - however - at the end of that year - everything improved a lot for me - in every possible way. I passed all the courses and looked forward to my second year with confidence but the sheer size of that gigantic campus was getting on my nerves a lot and I wished that I could continue my studies at the smaller, more manageable university. The fate answered my "academic prayer" in an unexpected manner - as it always happens in life.
* * *
The Christmas season during that winter felt
great to me after I studied hard and passed all the courses which completed my first year at the Ohio State University. I was looking forward towards the coming spring quarter - which would start my second year - with a lot of confidence in my abilities.
I liked to hang out a lot with several close girlfriends with whom I shared an old, five bedroom house approved as student housing by Ohio State. I - got especially close to Maureen - a second year Journalism student from Akron, Ohio, an intelligent and attractive - twenty one year old - whose father had an established veterinary practice in that small town. Her family was on good terms with their next door neighbor - the affluent business manager - Harry Osborne so his son Jack was always close friends with Maureen since she always wanted to have a brother - having all the sisters while Jack came from the family of three boys - so he considered Maureen - almost an "adoptive" - sister.
Maureen's Jewish boyfriend just moved into our house and he tried not to be in the way. Sam - studied pre-med like a lot of Jewish students at Ohio State. Since each one of us - had our own bedroom and Sam stayed mostly in Maureen room - he was not in the way too much except when he cooked his quick meals in our spacious, old kitchen after which he frequently "forgot" to clean up his mess. We established a cooking schedule which included the cleaning of the dishes - so people wouldn't get on each other's nerves.
Our parents who worked as staff members for Ohio State for a long time - finally bought a nice home in the Eastern part of Columbus - which they loved a lot - after living close to the noisy campus crawling with all kinds of - at times - loud, rowdy and obnoxious - types which are frequently attracted to college crowds.
Of course - I liked to hang with my friends at the university campus where I lived with four other coeds in a big, old house.
"Hey, Maggie - my childhood friend - Jack Osborne just called me; he is coming tonight - for a few days; he's on leave from his Army term - on his way from D.C. where he is stationed - he will be a few days here - then at his sick grandpa's house in Akron for Christmas Eve - then back here for New Year's Eve," Maureen really wanted me to go out on a date with her close childhood friend - Jack Osborne.
"It's okay with me as long as you know him well. He can sleep in the attic - and use that small shower and john there - out of our way."
"Do me a favor and go out on a dinner date with him tonight. He came back from Vietnam not long ago. He saw you briefly last time he was here and he really likes you."
"I have a date with Jim which I don't feel like breaking."
"Maybe you should since - I told you before - that I have seen this pig looking coed - a few times - waiting for him on his front porch - very late at night - each time I went by close to his apartment on campus."
"I guess you're right. It will not do any harm go out with Jack Osborne."
I was a little hurt at Maureen's comments even if I knew that Jim has been seeing other people - since some cute college coeds literally threw themselves - left and right - at the young and attractive instructors - like Jim - supposedly - to get a valuable "life experiences" while away from home - in college.
When he called me to confirm our date later that night - I tried to sound casual like I don't give a "hoot" or something but my heart was beating fast. I was actually glad that things developed in an unexpected manner since I didn't like to be on the "back burner" with Jim.
"Actually - something rather important came up - so I guess - we are off for tonight. Maybe tomorrow night if 'the coast is clear'".
"What are you talking about? What could be more important to you than our date?"
"Maybe that 'pig looking' thing sitting on your front porch - lately." I hung up the phone and left the house - in case Jim called again which I knew he would do. I knew when to grab a good opportunity to teach him a "little lesson".
* * *
Whenever I tried to remember Jack Osborne from his last brief visit - I had only a vague picture of a good looking, husky youngster in an army uniform in my mind. He seemed stocky and a bit awkward - but attractive. I was still obsessed with Jim at that time even if I knew that he needs to be put "on the back burner". The perfect opportunity to do just that - presented itself when Jack Osborne came for his Christmas visit.
* * *
It was a peaceful and quiet Christmas morning at our old house at the huge Ohio State campus which I loved during the big holidays time when almost all the students were away. The big, fat snowflakes were falling slowly onto the trees outside the windows - but they didn't accumulate much - so the whole scene had a "fairy tale" appearance and mood.
The radio played "My Sweet Lord" a big hit for the Beatles that year - right before they broke up.
Jack was cooking an omlet in a big kitchen of the house which I shared with five other coeds. They were all away for Christmas. I glanced at his beautiful, muscular hands and his good looking appearance while I reflected briefly on the events of the last several days when my world seemed to turn "upside down".
"I'm leaving tomorrow morning but I will call you every night and I am coming back next weekend to ask your father and mother for your hand in marriage," he said and added, "sure hope that you will not be seeing your old boyfriend when I am gone,"
"He is not my boyfriend - we were just friends and - anyway - I am not interested in him anymore. He doesn't mean anything to me. You need to trust me when I tell you something."
* * *
"Father - listen here - next weekend - Jack Osborne and I will come over for dinner Saturday night", I spoke to our father on the phone at their home in the East side of Columbus - the next evening.
"He will ask you for my hand and you will say 'yes'. Listen to me before you start yelling. I got to know him well. He is a good, honest guy and the reason we need to get married so quick is that I can go with him to his next assignment in Germany - as a military dependent - since he needs to finish his last year in the army."
"He is not Jewish? Right?"
"So he is not Jewish - big deal. It's the twentieth century if you didn't notice. We will get married very soon - anyway - whether you approve or not".
"I didn't say I didn't approve of anything but it's all happening so fast."
"Sometimes - things happen that way. Didn't you say that you were praying at the wailing wall in Israel?"
"I wasn't praying for you marrying a Gentile."
"At times the prayers are answered in most mysterious ways."
* * *
Chapter 21
The military dependents' plane chartered by the U.S. Army - cheap and inefficient to the max - finally landed in Frankfurt after being delayed in New York for many hours. I swore to myself that I shall travel in the business class if not in the first class from then on. Of course - they notified Jack and other G.I.'s about the delay and he was extremely happy to see me so we - subsequently - had a great time in Germany from where we took lot of inexpensive trips to a lot of European countries. It was a really good time for me with the minor observation that at that time - the American army didn't not instruct the G.I's how to behave in foreign countries. Jack was smart and came from a well educated family - so he didn't need special instructions on how to conduct himself in a foreign country - while a lot of primitive acting, barely literate American solders serving in Germany - behaved like idiots when they visited European countries. It's a shame they couldn't send exclusively American officers to serve overseas.
I mentioned to you before about that memorable, military dependents', cheap chartered flight which I took when I flew to Germany for the first time - to join Jack right after we got married - having several spoiled little kids on board - screaming, carrying on and behaving like little pigs since their stupid mothers took advantage of the situation - which always gets on my nerves a lot. I asked the stewardess to do something about it to which she replied that she wished she could but it was not her place to reprimand some "dense" in their heads - parents. Even though my appeal to the stewardess didn't take care of all the three idiot mothers who let their little kids run wild - still it was a good move since one of those moron moms heard our conversation and put a considerable breaks on her loud and obnoxious - offspring.
I - normally - like to be around the reasonably well behaved children - however - the spoiled brats whose parents are afraid to say "no" - common in the U.S. - really make my skin crawl - big time. Both parties make my skin crawl - equally - the lousy parents and their screwy - children - heading for some sort of taxpayers' supported venues - no doubt. I always try to do something about some idiotic phenomena which I encounter - it might not take care of the total problem but it will do some good.
* * *
After Germany - we travelled to California - since Jack could pick the state of his permanent residency once he was finally done with his army duty. Jack and I still had to finish our university education - and at that time - the college tuitions in California were almost free. Thus the answer to my prayer to "unload" the gigantic Ohio State University - came in the shape of a lot smaller and friendlier San Francisco State University campus - much better managed than the Ohio State - a legendary, "infamous" - huge "monstrosity" of a college campus whose football team featured prominently in every campus activity - notwithstanding the legendary football coach - Woody Hayes who suddenly landed in jail.
San Francisco State University offered me a Journalism degree from the department - just as good - if not better than the one at the Ohio State. During our first two years in San Francisco - we explored that glorious looking city and liked it a lot - however - after living there several years without the change of seasons and after getting to know various "plastic" psychos - common to Northern California - both Jack and I - were happy to drive back to "our" Midwest - to Chicago - in the middle of January which was freaky hot in Los Angeles where we stopped to visit close friends on our way out - back to Midwest - to Chicago. Jack accepted an excellent job offer from Chicago's well known TV station - after both of us got our degrees from San Francisco State.
We didn't expect L.A to be that unnaturally balmy during the January when we were leaving California after living there for four years; Northern California - especially San Francisco is well known for its - almost always the same - weather - a steady, cool spring wind which doesn't let up. At first - it felt great until we got sick of its monotony and of course their thick fog during the winter months can get on anybody's nerves a lot. As we were approaching the severely cold and windy Chicago - both or us were happy to "unload" - California for a long time.
Chicago has always been great to us in every possible way and its magic continues till today. Whenever I go back there - it's as if I belong there - notwithstanding its many problems which are all very familiar to me. It's as if no matter where I go - Chicago starts calling me back like a persistent, great ex-lover so I have to go back to see how they have improved their annoying "ways". The city never lets me down since for me - its exactly the way Frank Sinatra sings - "My kind of town - Chicago is."
* * *
Dearest Tina,
It's New Year's Eve - again and I am waiting for the word from Chicago that my apartment is ready. Towards the end of the last couple of years that I have been in Pittsburgh - I started to miss Chicago a lot - as always - even though Pittsburgh is a nice, hilly city - especially the glorious, mountainous Squirrel Hill - is fun - still - I can't wait to get the hell out of here - back to "my" Chicago where our closest friends have lived in Skokie for a long time. The most irritating factor about Pittsburgh is the fact that the hills are super slippery and treacherous during the winters. It's absolutely no fun to negotiate them in any manner. Their typical winter's lack of traction for cars or even for the walking feet - can be infuriating. Chicago can get very cold, snowy and wintery - but at least - it's flat.
I can't wait to get the hell out of Pittsburgh - especially when I'm thinking about our old friends waiting for me in Skokie where they have lived for a long time. I can feel their energy giving me a lot of pep - since our brother Max - works my nerves a lot - lately - with his eternal, exaggerated - constantly loud pronouncements of his deep love for Pittsburgh since his liking and trust for people - has always been at the bare minimum. From the moment he first arrived here some thirty years ago - he continues to constantly brag about this town which gets on my nerves a lot (Max and this town); my irritation with Max stems from the fact that I have always loved Chicago - more and more each year - (without any special reason that I can think of immediately); consequently - whenever I am around Max or Pittsburgh for an extended time - I can't wait to get the hell out of Pittsburgh and get out of Max'es face - as well - for a long while. I try to be nice to him but it's always better to keep some distance since his personality can easily get intense and overbearing to the max - especially ever since he got older. I always know that the less I have to deal with Max - the better we get along.
* * *
I - usually - make the right decisions involving my major moves - even though during the last several years - I have been "schlepping" back and forth between Chicago and Pittsburgh. I know that at times it's necessary to go "back" for awhile - so the next proper move "forward" can be smarter and more permanent.
Even though I know Chicago well - it can get lonely - at times - but so is every place - for a short time - as far as I am concerned. I am not scared to be alone with my thoughts - the way some people - are.
* * *
Dear Tina,
While December was freaky warm this year - January started out with a spat of very cold weather - luckily - so far Pittsburgh with its steep hills - doesn't have to deal with a big snow fall - however - as every winter I start counting the weeks until spring about this time of the year - consequently - eight weeks left - the worst is over.
I like to look outside - at times - at the snow covered mountainous view out my window - especially when the snow just barely covers the mini mansions and hills. It's fun to remember some important days which were snowy or summery - they stand out since they were beginnings of some memorable chunks of my time in my life.
* * *
It was a gorgeous first day of June a few years ago - when my older niece - Alee - helped me pack my rental car - she is the one who is responsible and nice most of the time - and not - acting disturbed and hostile - the way some members of our family - can behave - without any special reason - sometimes. I was leaving Pittsburgh to head towards Chicago - early in the morning. I felt as if the Fate put the wings onto my rental car.
After Pittsburgh's thick morning traffic finally cleared out - it felt great to zoom out on the interstate - towards my small, new apartment which I rented in Chicago - located close to a large, glorious beach front - typical to the North of the city where the streets end almost at the very beach front - beautiful and glimmering with various summer hues of bluish/green during the summers - when Chicago's - Lake Michigan beach/parks - simply glow with a summer mood - while a constant light breathe blows gently from the lake.
Even though that whole summer was unusually hot - my small, efficient A.C. window unit kept me cool but not overly cold while the newly remodeled radiators - insured the warmth in the apartment during that - unusually cold - winter that year. I couldn't help comparing how the Chicago's designers re-designed that building with the way Max did it when he remodeled - "on the cheap" - the top, third floor apartment in his Pittsburgh's Squirrel Hill - mini old mansion - the one which I usually rent from him when I'm in Pittsburgh. Since he installed only one - old and inefficient window A.C. unit - the summers there feel awfully hot. The winters at this newly remodeled, top floor unit at Max'es old, mini mansion - are too cold since he opted for a big, cumbersome and expensive - in terms of the bills - all electric system - no doubt - "on the cheap" - again - so this "shyster system" blows tons of cold air first during the winters before - finally - "spitting" some warm breath. He always insists that the ridiculous system he chose for the third floor apartment - is "excellent" - even though he - himself - has a lot more efficient gas heating in his unit as well as a lot better - cooling apparatus in his second floor - unit's windows - for the hot summers.
Long story - short - even though I can't wait to go back to my efficient, Chicago apartment - still - I appreciate all the nice things about Max'es spacious third floor unit with the pleasant, hilly view - which is a lot of fun to glance down at - out of the numerous windows.
* * *
When I arrived in my newly remodeled Chicago apartment close to the gorgeous Lake Michigan - lakefront - several years ago - I knew that that summer will be glorious in every way. I simply loved the summer days by the lakefront followed by the evenings in my cozy, cooled by my new window A.C. - apartment. Several times per week - Milochka (our long time Skokie friend - with a couple of her friends - did some fun stuff at the Skokie's Old Orchard Mall - full of fabulous, gorgeous venues of every kind.
The fall and winter which followed were equally good but the next spring I suddenly - out of the "blue" - got a chance to move out of the city into my favorite northern suburb - Skokie where several of our long term friends have owned the townhouses ever since they moved to Chicago from Eastern Europe.
I don't know exactly why I decided to move back to the city from the suburb of Skokie - into a glorious looking high rise right by Lake Michigan beach front with fresh air - every morning - smelling of sweet Lake Michigan glowing with different shades of bluish/green - every morning - as I was taking a long walk along the beach front while I listened to Chicago's morning talk shows.
The sequence of events which frequently happens in my life - for a reason - always amazes me - even if - at times - I don't know exactly why I make the moves - which I decide to make. The whole process reminds me of following a hidden script - written by Fate which is hard to alter and that's why I always think positive thoughts which can influence - to a great extent - the sequence of events for my life - so they - for sure - always follow the best possible course.
* * *
Dear Tina,
I told you before that - for some mysterious reason - all the great things in my life happen right after the New Year - at the very beginning of January - usually when the ugly cold spats - feel awful outside while inside the house - the fireplace and the hot Irish Coffee make the snow outside look and feel like a fairly tale.
I told you before that during the memorable month of January - quite a few years ago - after Jack and I were newly married in December and he was to leave for Germany to finish his American army duty while I had to follow him within a month as a military dependent on a cheap charter flight only available to "new" military wives - the cheap flight which I didn't like at all because of a lot of little kids there acting loud and obnoxious since their mothers "conveniently" ignored them.
However before that flight - the whole month of January - while Jack was calling me from Germany every night - was one of the best months of my life. I walked around the Ohio State campus feeling like a queen on the top of the world as I looked at all the stressed out students, faculty, staff and everybody else - through a totally different prism - namely - in a few short weeks I was leaving for Europe so it felt great good not to worry about the exams or other stressful factors of that nature. I needed to settle a few scores in a "joking" manner - so that was a perfect time to do it.
* * *
"Let's go visit that goofy political science department where I worked last semester - then we'll have lunch and laugh about it," I said to my new friend Katarina who just like me - came from Serbia a few years back and already "learned the ropes" around the gargantuan giant - Ohio State University. She needed to "settle" a few scores - as well - since some young faculty "Gods" could act - in a condescending and degrading manner so the smart "payback" in terms of some - off the cuff - comments about their lousy personalities - could be a lot of fun.
"Want to say 'hello' to that good looking prick professor who constantly talks in a derogatory manner about the coeds who jump in his bed - as if he doesn't have anything else in his life to make him feel good about himself."
.
"Yeah - the other one there is a lot smarter since he says some interesting stuff - a lot."
"Yeah - I know," I told Katerina that I also had a crush - for a while on that "other" guy - a handsome faculty - but decided that Jim is enough of the "young, handsome male faculty" factor for me and was glad to "dump" him when Jack appeared in my life.
She told me that she had "a lot of feelings" for a while for the "vain and stupid" faculty guy who couldn't stop talking about himself - then she met her steady boyfriend so she could "dump" the "peacock" who didn't expect her move so he spread vicious gossips about her for a while - hence - she really liked a minor opportunity for "a small, fun payback".
"Thank God - I was never attracted to this idiot - but his general 'trash' talking about various coeds - always got on my nerves a lot - so some fun payback going towards him - was long overdue. I am glad that you had a chance to do it."
Katarina and I had a lot of fun together for the rest of that January but after I left for Europe to join Jack - we lost touch for a while.
Chapter 22
Dearest Tina,
I told you before that certain things happen to me because they are meant to happen - no matter what I decide. I remember the first day - Jack and I opened our newly remodeled coffee shop/bakery/deli - to our customers - the affluent "yuppies" who were all moving in to the newly re-established Southport/Belmont/Irwing Park - corridor with a lot of new businesses - opening massively - which stayed trendy, fashionable, "she-she-poo-poo" and popular for awhile - but closed down - after a short time in operation - for various reasons. All this urban renewal was happening in a lot of Chicago neighborhoods which were - previously - dumpy and run down - just like Southport Avenue between Irwing Park and Belmont.
After working as a sales rep for awhile - I convinced Jack that I can run my own business since I learned all I needed to know. He agreed to "finance" my new enterprises until I got "off the ground"- so we rented a store front and remodeled it into a well designed, small bakery/coffee shop/deli.
Jack and I stood behind our new counter after we opened our doors at 2 minutes after 10 a.m. Both of us felt excited and proud of our newly remodeled business. Our store's small but effective stereo discreetly played jazz - Pat Metheny's trumpet's solos sounded great. We loved our business - not seeing ahead - how it would accelerate the dissolving of our long term - union. When I look back - I think optimistically that all the bad stuff in our lives happens - for a reason - and bad events might happen anyway - in a different manner. Good things always follow the trying times. I have learned early in life to believe in myself and have a good self-image - not that all those positive things are easy to practice when life always throws some new and unexpected hurdles down anybody's path. The successful appearing people get their trials as much as everybody else; sometimes even if they only appear successful - will be enough to make themselves - targets.
A young guy came in about a minute after we opened the doors to our new business.
"You just opened - right?" He appeared neutral - not unfriendly as he examined our business. He was dressed lavishly/fashionably like a typical "Yuppie" going to his new job - downtown - Loop which might last for a year or close to it - then he might be back at his parents' house - in his old room which would be changed into a guest room - until he found another "Yuppie" job - maybe in New York, Los Angeles or Chicago.
"We like this neighborhood - all the new shops around here look vibrant," I started a small talk which he interrupted by asking us if the coffee was fresh.
"It was just made fifteen minutes ago," said Jack and smiled but his smile was returned by our first "Yuppie" customer - quickly and in an obligatory manner.
"Okay - I will have a small coffee. How much?"
"Two dollars - we have only one size,"
He gave me two one dollar bills which I took as a good sign since I wanted to immediately tape those two notes onto the wall in the back part of our bakery.
I gave him a generous sample of our blueberry muffin which looked glowing and gold - cut up in small pieces on a small, nicely decorated paper plate.
"Our products have a very distinctive look and taste." I quickly explained that we grind our own flour in the big, stone grinder in the back of our bakery - then we refrigerate it and treat it like a perishable food stuff so our products are uniquely fresh, filling, delicious and distinctively glowing looking.
"It tastes pretty good - the smell of your grinder is also noticeable - kind of - like you just baked fresh bread but better. I - should be back soon but don't know when - you have a lot of competition up and down the street - though."
"Thanks for informing us - pal - but you have a good day and thanks again for stopping by," said Jack with a small smile.
"He was not all that encouraging. The next one will be nicer."
"What do you care if they are overly nice or not? Just keep making a good product - they will all come - tons of customers - from out there. You are not in politics - you don't need to - needlessly - kiss every voter's ass."
* * *
I loved running our coffee shop/bakery for the first two years with our fabulous products quickly penetrating a lot of classy venues in Chicago - however - at the end of two years - Jack and I needed to make an important decision to expand our production which would involve taking on some large, risky loans.
During the same time - he and I quickly developed a lot of - sly but deep problems in our - previously - mostly successful marriage/partnership. There were tons of various reasons - why we - started to "rub each other the wrong way" - a lot and frequently. The main one being that he considered himself a main decision maker in "my" business. He felt "entitled" in a big way since his help after he finished a hard shift at his "regular" job - was - at first - crucial so I could "get off the ground" in establishing "mine" - not our business venture.
Long story short - after we ran our business for several years - both of us decided to sell it - since with our marriage "faltering" and ready to execute "an exit strategy" - I - by myself - couldn't - yet - secure a large business loan - in my name only. The dreams of my own enterprises - took hold in the back of my head and became my driving force but for the moment - Jack wanted out of our business and out of our relationship.
I found myself at the important crossroads of my life. It was scary and exciting at the same time. My new life would begin as Maggie Osborne - not any longer as Jack and Maggie Osborne - our union which was successful for many years - unraveled - which happens to a lot of "two careers", middle aged - couples.
* * *
After we sold the business - I missed it a lot - at first - but I got busy with trying to get a job - to pay the bills since I didn't want to "dig" into some money I got from my divorce settlement. Looking for a job is always discouraging, grueling and hard. The people who are in a "temporary" position to hire - like to play God a lot - as if their position was guaranteed by some "forces" not to change and shift and - frequently - on a short notice.
* * *
"Max - I hate Chicago. It feels lonely and huge."
"You don't need to be there. Sell your townhouse and come to Pittsburgh. You have a lot of friends here and we all love you. You need to be close to your family when you start a new life."
He sounded convincing and at that time I needed to get out of Chicago for awhile - so I put my newly rehabbed townhouse on the market and with its favorable location in the northern part of Chicago - close to Skokie - it sold in a short time. I was able to make some decent money on the sale of my townhouse - since Jack did a good job of totally - rehabbing it - so it looked and felt - new.
After - I arrived in Pittsburgh in the middle of the winter - I rented a small apartment in a decrepit, three unit building which Max tried to sell so he didn't do any special maintenance only if things literally - were falling apart. It was located in a small, deteriorated suburb close to Pittsburgh's glorious Squirrel Hill where Max owned a mansion-like three unit, classy dwelling where he rented out a couple of units - presently taken - where he always occupies the biggest, second floor apartment.
After trying to get a job in Pittsburgh so I didn't need to put a dent in my sizable chunk of money for my future business - I found out that Chicago could easily offer me much better jobs as an interpreter for their numerous courts. It wasn't steady employment but it always pays well. The only jobs which I barely obtained in Pittsburgh were all low paying telemarketing positions which never last past a few months since the managers constantly want to maintain a high turnover with a steady supply of "new hires". I knew that I could work in one of many Chicago - courts - as a foreign languages - interpreter and I would make more money. Chicago is a bigger "job pie" with a lot more job action than a much smaller work market - Pittsburgh with their decent jobs quickly and permanently - taken - for a long time.
After a year in Pittsburgh I got sick of my decrepit building's apartment - rented from Max while he frequently rented out to other tenants - some lousy ones - my "new" neighbors - without checking their references too much - as long as he promptly got their first month rent from them and their security deposit. Chicago started to call me back so I decided to go back to "my" Chicago which I began to miss like crazy - as always - and I knew that things will be much better for me there since I had nothing to loose; I needed to get out of Pittsburgh before it "rinsed me out" of my hard earned - chunk of money.
* * *
After I arrived back in Chicago - I rented a ground floor room from a middle aged, handsome Anglo named Jim Evans who owned an income building - a three story, twenty one unit dwelling which he constantly remodeled - in a west part of town - currently occupied by a lot of Latin American folks of various qualities - after the Polish people moved out and "up" - into more north of the city and to some northern suburbs of Chicago.
That building was a good "cash cow" to Jim who divided each small, two room apartment into two locked rooms so the renters shared a small kitchen, hallway and a bathroom. Jim collected rents by mail or in person without writing any kinds of leases - after he initially - asked and received the first month rent and the security deposit.
He loved to tinker in his building for several reasons - the main one being - his fascination for attractive women who rented from him for a short time - so he felt important for a brief time notwithstanding his nagging middle aged wife and his four demanding teenagers ready to start college soon - so he needed cash.
Jim frequently mentioned his married status and his four unruly teenagers as if people - especially women - would be expected to feel compassionate - towards him. To his credit - he treated his temporary renters in a fair way - as long as they paid on time. The moment they skipped or shorted him on the rent - he - frequently locked them out of their respective rooms with their stuff - outside in the big dumpsters behind his building.
* * *
While I worked short assignments as an interpreter in Chicago's courts - I kept looking for another moderately priced place to live - but Chicago's rents are high so I stayed in Jim's building a lot longer than I intended. At first - he appeared a typical middle aged father trying to support his family in a half way decent way - while he always complained about them to his renters - half strangers - who would move out of his building never to be heard from again.
The winter looked as beautiful to me - as always. I noticed with horror mixed with an amazement - that I began to feel attracted to Jim for no special reason other than I started to notice his extra-ordinarily good looks. His hair was thick, gray and pleasantly contrasted with his bright blue eyes. His body appeared muscular, with a wide bone structure which started to show after he lost some weight.
"You should have been finished with this shelf quite a while ago," I said to Jim who tinkered with a shelf in our small kitchen which I shared with my temporary roommate - a fat nurse who was always at her married boyfriend's house since his wife worked out of town.
"I like to talk to you and I like to look at you," he said with a small smile which melted me on that cold winter night.
"Don't you have to go home to your family?"
"You don't like my family?" Asked Jim with some unexpected hesitation in his voice which surprised me. He almost always appeared confident and cocky - convinced that people are interested in him and his family stories.
"Why should I like them or dislike them? I am dealing with you and not your family".
"I have been in love with you ever since you have moved into my building."
"You're in love with every woman who smiles at you."
"Maybe - since I have a good heart towards people - but you're special".
"Why don't you look at Madonna since you have the same chance with her. I need your love like I need an extra hole in my head."
* * *
A few months after we had this talk - I was all packed ready to move in with an older lady in Niles - northern suburb of Chicago - close to Skokie. Since she had a big house - she rented some rooms to professional women. The neighborhood was a vast improvement over Jim's location which was crawling with a lot of semi-criminal elements - usually illegals from Mexico or South America.
I had mixed feelings about moving out of Jim's building since I knew that I will miss him - in spite of my strong resolve - to get away from his rental property. On the other hand - I was happy to get the hell out of that neighborhood and his building which had the winding stairs - smelling faintly of poverty - an old sweat scent mingling with the smell of old dust. I always despised the odor of poverty and swore to myself - to avoid it as much as humanly possible.
Ms. Wagner's house smelled like her fresh garden she had in the back of the house - while her large, clean and bright kitchen always had a scent of the apples - which was the smell of a detergent she used for washing dishes.
My large room in Ms. Wagner's big house consisted of a room and a half in her high, finished basement so I had my own access from the back of the house - to my small, garden apartment "quarters". Things went well with Ms. Wagner for a while however after the massive spring flood filled my apartment with lots of water - I ended up having to sleep on the couch of her living room where I rarely could get a decent night's sleep. Ms. Wagner suffered from a sleep disorder whereby she had to wear a device looking like a gas mask which made her pass through the living room almost every night and she was noisy and didn't even try not to wake me. She also refused to lower my rent since I didn't have an access to my small apartment. Luckily - it didn't take me long to find a small apartment in Skokie which I shared with a professional Russian woman - much younger than me - but mature and responsible so I lived with her for a year until I got established in a part-time job which paid all my bills. It was time to move to my own place since I like to live by myself. My move back to Chicago was paying off - while in Pittsburgh I was going nowhere - having to dip in my hard earned - cash reserves.
Chapter 23
Dearest Tina,
After I rented a small but new apartment in Rogers Park - I felt very optimistic about my prospects - for the moment. My part-time job continued to pay all almost all my expenses so things were looking up for me in every way. I didn't miss Pittsburgh at all and it's always better to talk to Max on the phone - rather than having to deal with him - in person since his strong aggression traits could make him act unpredictably hostile - suddenly - at times - for no apparent reason. He is getting much better about it - as he gets older - thank God. I guess he feels the need to mellow - since - now - nobody in our family - needs to accommodate his "crazy" - tantrums - too much. I heard his oldest daughter putting him down in his place - on the phone - and he "laughed it off" while when he was younger and she was small - she was afraid - I guess - of loosing his love or something. Now she has a husband to love and her little boy - smart, gorgeous and adorable to the max - who is another addition to our family's vast collection of various "geniuses".
* * *
A few years ago - when I lived in Chicago - finally - by myself in my small, new apartment close to the beautiful Lake Michigan's beach at the end of my street - after I got on my feet - financially. I had to struggle for a while my family - didn't give a "hoot" about my needing a loan to hold me "over" which I subsequently got from my close friend - Milochka who always believes in me.
It had to be a year or so when I decided to take some action about Jim - my ex-landlord regarding him returning my security deposit. I decided to take him to Chicago's small claims court - to recover - my money - which he still owed me while he arrogantly didn't even bother to call me back to return any of my messages regarding him returning my security deposit.
However - he got a good incentive (a kick in the rear) to call me back after he got summoned to appear in court - then he - in turn - left several messages which I didn't return - for a change. Instead - I left him a word on his answering service - my important message was short and to the point - either I get paid immediately - my deposit in full - or we go to court - so they can find out that he did not issue any receipts for any cash payments he got from me and other renters - but I have all my checks made out to him - which I got from my bank.
Long story - short - both of us arrived in court almost at the same time and we were offered to settle our grievances without having to go before the judge.
While we sat at the table discussing our respective claims in front of the lady who was to settle our problem - I pondered for a moment how the relationships between people - frequently change. At first - it was business between me and Jim - then we were friends of sorts - with some intense feelings for each other - then he felt angry and rejected since I left his building. At the end we were sitting in court - trying to recoup some money from each other.
He agreed to return most of my security deposit - claiming that I didn't give him enough notice to vacate - which I did - but without securing some substantiation - a piece of paper which needed to be notarized.
* * *
I noticed that a lot of positive energy could be very useful - in some tight spots all of us encounter. My best friend - Milochka - gave me a very nice color photo of a beautiful, glamorous, dark haired woman in her thirties - an advertising version from the Art Deco - nineteen twenties; a solid colorful image of an attractive looking female dressed according to the fashions of the day - but she had two large wings attached to her shoulders. I hung that poster close to my Ikea bed and she became my special angel. On some mornings on which I have to face some people who - I know - want to mess up my plans - I add a small request to my "angel" in addition to my brief morning prayers to a "regular" - God. This kind of magic works a lot but I can't always count on only one source of positive energy. My life's events change weekly or daily - just like a toss of a kaleidoscope - which make it interesting.
I was almost sure that my apartment in Chicago would be ready before the coming fall/winter 2015/16 - however - that project will - probably have to wait until the spring of 2016 - since I have decided to move back to Max'es third floor unit for a lot of reasons - which became clear - after I lived in this big, nice, multi-unit building - for a year which seemed nice and quiet - at first. However - after living there close to a year - I - subsequently discovered that some renters - are mentally unbalanced - and - according to other normal, very good neighbors - the "mentally challenged" ones - frequently forget to take their meds - consequently - at times - some minor incidents happen.
Long story - short - I didn't want to "wait" for any possible, unpleasant encounters to happen so after Max fixed up really nicely his third floor apartment which I used to rent from him - I decided to move back to Max'es third floor large unit in his old mansion style - three unit - home - where he occupies a big apartment on the second floor. Mine is a spacious place on the third floor - a quiet, large and much closer in location to the "main drag" - the very center - of this fabulously international and trendy part of Pittsburgh - Squirrel Hill with which I have a typical - slightly - love/hate relationship since I have lived in Squirrel Hill - on and off - quite a few years.
Max'es - three unit - house - a well designed, mansion-like structure - needing some outward cosmetics - makes that location convenient for me - at the very heart of this beautiful, hilly suburb-like part of town. I like to be close to all the fancy but quaint - coffee shops and stores. Tons of beautifully designed mini-mansions of different sizes - with lush lawns, flower beds and neatly trimmed high bushes - make this part of town a desirable place to live and hang out. Needless to say all the rich dwellings here sport well maintained laws with glorious flowers and neatly trimmed high bushes - so they can cover up a bit - this opulence - which would - for sure - "jab" in the eyes a lot of newly - poor - middle class and always poor - low income people who work - around here the lower paid jobs so they come and go frequently - the jobs and the people.
Some folks who have lived here - in Pittsburgh's - Squirrel Hill a long time - may look slightly familiar to me while others - appear and disappear on a regular basis. I - normally - avoid walking through the main "drag" - during my long, morning walks - since some steady faces around here - get on my nerves a lot - like the overly friendly - for no special reason, middle aged guy with a stupid expression in his eyes - who always walks his big, boxer type dog - along the fancy main "drag" instead of side streets - while he never - ever - carries a "pooper scooper" for his dog's - poops while others - the normal people - who walk their dogs along the side streets carry their doggies' "pooper scoopers" in hands - like religion. They are normal people not nuts - like several other Squirrel Hill types whom I avoid like a plague - who also come and go - thank God. Several times I tried to influence the guy with the dog without a "pooper scooper" - by talking lightly on my cell phone to an fictitious friend about the "necessity" for the dog owners to carry either bags or some devices to clean after their dogs - but he pretends not to hear me. His new house which he built several years ago - also looks like a mess. It's hard to change some idiots' habits. I am sure glad that I don't live next door to him.
The near by coffee shops, restaurants and art galleries that change hands on a regular bases - always seem - vibrant and fun. They get tons of all kinds of business - especially over the weekends - when a lot of local people with money, out-of-towners - New York City business folks, Washingtonians and other big city slickers - who after concluding some business deals - downtown - come to Squirrel Hill and neighboring - also "she-she-poo-poo" - Shady Side - to unwind a bit just like the numerous students do - since the two, large and prestigious universities - near-by - fill Squirrel Hill and Shady Side - to the brim with all kinds of college students. The weekend fun in various restaurants and bars (which are only a few in Squirrel Hill - thank God) - starts on late Thursdays' afternoons.
I find it refreshing that - all kinds of folks who live here - the University students and others - also change quite a bit. When I lived in Skokie - a "she-she-poo-poo", international suburb by Chicago - kind of similar area to Squirrel Hill - I found it stagnant since I noticed that some of the same - slightly disturbed - types - stay in Skokie a lot longer than Squirrel Hill's - psychos - which include - the rambunctious - at times - college students - all of whom - come and go on a regular bases.
Nevertheless Skokie's glorious strip mall - Old Orchard - keeps calling me back. Milochka and I - always love to have coffee with a piece of good pastry in our favorite, quaint coffee shop - with a delightful patio for the summers - attached to a gorgeous Nordstrom Department Store - a big star of the Old Orchard Mall. Afterwards we catch a new movie in their Regal Cinemas - complex. We have been doing that for years - so I am looking forward to go visit her soon - before the coming winter - when fall always looks super good with her glowing autumn colors and smell of cool autumn wind - promising a fun holiday season - coming up soon.
* * *
Dear Tina,
When I think of the beautiful autumn and a glorious winter following it - I usually - conjure up a light layer of snow glittering on small, white Italian Christmas lights - sparkling on all the magnificent structures along the Chicago's splendid Michigan Ave's long strip of glorious shops called The Magnificent Mile since they are truly a mile of most fabulous stores, coffee shops and terrific restaurants of all specialties - which every summer and winter attract a lot of tourists from all over this country and from tons of foreign countries. It's a good thing that the winter tourists' season is short in Chicago as opposed to the summers when the avalanche of various visitors - never ends - until the heavenly September when everything goes back to normal. The fall season - preceding the splendid winter months feels glorious in Chicago - while the lake Michigan still glitters with bluish/green hues with the full autumn colors causing the numerous city parks full of trees and other lush vegetation - stand out - as if posing for an evocative, rich autumn painting.
Tina, one time you asked me about the nicest summer that I can remember. I really miss our long talks after not seeing each other for a lengthy time. During our first moments of our first encounter would be to examine how we changed in the interim - since even though we love each other a lot - we still compete a bit - regarding whose life is more meaningful, luxurious or lucky. You always say to me that I look great - however - it's you who invariably - appear glamorous, rich and movie-star - looking since your luck and hard work - started to "bloom" towards your middle age. I - on the other hand - had my life's important events - reversed - since all through my younger years - while happily married to Jack - everything went smoothly for me in every way - but after divorcing Jack in my middle age - for a few years - I had to struggle hard - but now - thank God and my hard work - everything goes really well for me and is getting better every day - thus - we are finally - at the even places in our respective - life turns.
Back to the nicest summers of my life - about which you asked me. One of the earliest ones which I can remember goes back to our childhood in Poland and then - Soviet Union. You were already in Israel - getting ready to serve in Israeli army - since you choose to live in Israel with your mother whom our father divorced so he can marry my mother - thus I could be born when you turned thirteen.
I must have been ten or eleven - and happy that school finally ended for the summer. It was fun to go to the pool with some Polish friends every day - while in the late afternoon - our father practiced some popular songs of the day on his violin after he came back from work which he loved all the twenty years he worked there as one of the manager of the leather cooperative. Poland always had some form of limited free enterprises even when under the bloody dictator Stalin's - communistic paw.
As dad played the popular tune on his violin - I could immediately hear any wrong notes he hit since my musical "ear" has always been finely tuned. That particular summer he seemed relaxed and didn't mind me straightening him out - even though at other times - as you well know - he could get easily "fly off the handle" about some minor stuff - especially when we were making fun of him. You used to laugh at him - about a lot of stuff - but usually behind his back but after you were grown up, independent and out of the house. The song played that summer a lot was called "Golden Sunflowers" which was an average folksy song frequently performed by a popular Polish folk ensemble - called "Mazowsze" - it wasn't any extremely popular hit of that summer - the way a song called "Marynika" (a Rumanian name of a lazy young girl); that summer hit was played constantly through every medium available at that time as it was massively hummed by tons of people - that summer until most folks got tired of it - big time - and didn't want to hear it for quite a while.
That golden, sunny and beautiful summer seemed glorious and long - as if denying the maxim about the time going fast when one is having fun. Even though there were other, "grown-up" summers which stand out as memorable - for one reason or another - this one seems one of the nicest - as viewed many times through my prism of quite a few - past years and lots of added new life experiences.
I can vividly remember another beautiful but turbulent summer in Chicago - many years later - right before Jack and I separated after eighteen years of - mostly happy - marriage during which I was always sure that nothing could ever come between us that we couldn't resolve in a positive manner. After all - Jack was always smart and responsible however towards his middle age - his job as a news director for a big Chicago television station - became the most vital factor in his life - and some other mid-life problems "crept" into our lives like small but persistent and clever - demons - hell bent on unraveling our strong union. Life is full of surprises but those things happen to a lot of middle aged people and it's better to part the ways after the relationship dies in many important ways. That memorable summer - Jack and I knew that some things happed which we couldn't repair - still - we tried not to say "goodbye" since that step still felt permanent with a lot of unknowns looming in our respective futures.
That's when I met Juan - a handsome and charming Latin youngster who had tons of "currency" of youthful energy and enthusiasm which I found magical to no end. At first our friendship was just that - I treated him like another close girlfriend whom I could trust and confide my problems. He started to call me several times per week and I got "hooked" quickly on our going out to dance in Chicago's numerous, classy dancing establishments.
Jack hated to dance even though he could do it and it was missing in our relationship in spite of everything else going well in our marriage for a long time. Things always change - sooner rather than later. Being always in love with dance and loving to watch the good dancers - perform - I always found Jack's snide comments about the dancers' "exhibitionism" - annoying a lot. I always answered that artists don't have to be "exhibitionists" - to express themselves since they - enrich people's lives.
* * *
Chapter 18
Hi Tina,
I started to tell you about the second most memorable and fun summer that stands out in my mind as I think about the past summers at the end of the most recent one - when my favorite season - fall - arrives.
At the beginning of my second most memorable summer - Jack left Chicago with most of his stuff - however - it was not his "final" vacating of our newly rehabbed townhouse located in the desirable, north part of Chicago close to Skokie - where Milochka have owned her townhouse for several years - since the time that she divorced her second husband. She was aware that Jack and I were having big problems; I always knew that I could trust her - even if our relationship wasn't all that perfect - since we - periodically - encountered some problems always resolved almost immediately.
I was constantly talking to her about Juan - how much fun it was for us - him and me to go out dancing to some new, fancy Latin dance clubs/restaurants - which Chicago constantly opened and closed on a regular bases. The new, sparkling venues - which opened with a big fanfare - usually stayed "hot" for a while then - most likely - closed their doors after another, new fancy, gimmicky place - took away most of their following so everybody forgot in a hurry about the original ones which had to shut their doors for typical business reasons - talent-less management causing - the excessive theft by the so called "cash" bases - employees - typical in a restaurant business.
"So you are forty three and he is twenty six - where do you think - you are going with him?" Milochka asked me one afternoon at the beginning of that memorable, magical summer.
"When Jack comes back from New York - he is not going to be too happy about you 'clubbing' with this kid," she added.
"I don't care what Jack thinks after he has been distant and let himself go as if he doesn't care if we stay together or not."
"Maybe you need to go to counseling? Do something - it's been mostly happy twenty years with him."
"That's probably a good idea," I answered but in the meantime I planned what to wear for the night of dancing with Juan while I looked in my closet for my favorite that summer - peach colored, deeply cut, silk summer blouse which emphasized my golden tan. As I glanced at myself in the mirror - I concluded that I certainly didn't look forty three - maybe thirty three - but not forty three. Juan and I were going to a dinner dance with another young couple - his friends.
The summer continued in a fun mode. I resolved to experience some different possibilities. Juan didn't pressure me for sex - even though he knew that I was enormously attracted to him - no matter how much I tried not to show it and not to let this new, growing force - direct my life's moves at that time.
Our big brother Max constantly lectured me on how some handsome young Turks frequently "engage in playing" the vulnerable, middle aged women like me going through major transitions; according to Max they do it - "for money and anything else - they can get". Jack was away for that whole summer with his infrequent phone calls sounding distant. My friendship with Juan took on a different mode every week - at times Juan and I "double dated" with his new friend and his young wife - whom Juan met recently after he moved into a nice apartment building on the west/north side of Chicago - popular with a lot of professional Latin folks.
"I don't think he is too smart or too tactful," I whispered to Juan about his young American friend/neighbor who took his cute Mexican wife to the dance floor where he was doing some exhibitionistic and exaggerated - cha-cha moves - typical to a stupid male "show off" dancing - instead of making sure that his wife looked good on a dance floor. Before that - he asked me a lot of nosy questions about me and Jack which I easily evaded while I made fun of him in a playful manner.
I made sure I leaned closer to Juan so he can smell my top perfume - "Angel" which I put sparingly on my neck since the perfumes need to "whisper" - and not "scream".
"I only know them for a few months - they seem nice people since whom I miss since most of my family is away - in Mexico - as you know."
Juan's father worked in Chicago for a long time - then retired in Guadalajara - keeping his American citizenship. Juan was going to do the same thing after he finished working for his present employer - a big computer company.
"Why don't we dance?"
"Cha-cha is not my big specialty - we will dance salsa since you are so good at it," he tried not to show his attraction to me but I knew that he liked me a lot - even if his complements were always scarce and far in-between.
We were all in a good mood after a few shots of tequila which Juan didn't drink that night - since he was a designate driver of my new Jetta. He deftly taught his Anglo friend to drink in a truly Mexican manner - a straight shot - with a pinch salt between his index and big finger. Even though Juan was not drinking that night - he was happy about driving us around in my Jetta which I seldom let him do since Max constantly made his unsolicited comments about Juan looking for money or other "favors" - which - so far - was not true.
"What is it that you want from me? Want to play with me for a while to make your husband jealous? How do I fit in your 'current events'?" He asked me suddenly. I didn't expect such loaded question in the middle of a night full of laughter and dancing.
Each time he looked at me while he talked to me - my heart would beat faster in spite of my resolve to keep cool. He - sometimes - posed his important questions unexpectedly; this time he was using the time while we were still alone at the table. Our friendship was changing from the casual, relaxed one into something different - I had no idea what to call "it" - attraction, deeper bond? Whatever it was it felt "high" but out of control. Also that "it" - whatever that "it" was - felt very scary to me. The thought of falling in love was not really pleasant to me at that time - since my long term, terrific relationship with Jack - was coming - unraveled.
After Juan's friends came back to the table - "high" on a few tequilas and evidently happy with their mediocre cha-cha - an old "cover" - eternally popular tune called "Quisaz-Quisaz-Quisaz" - Juan and I started to dance a big hit that summer - hot salsa/mambo by Groupo Niche - called "Aventura".
Almost every Latin band - even the good ones - have a practice of playing their musical numbers - the ones which they know well - way too long. It could be annoying while one had to be on a dance floor dancing one number - forever.
Both of us moved smoothly on the dance floor in our advanced salsa moves. I caught some jealous looks of a few good looking young girls who would gladly get involved with Juan since he had the appearance of an extremely successful guy.
"All those cute girls want to dance with you,"
"I don't notice things like that - the way you do,"
"So you consider yourself modest - not full of yourself?"
"I am down to earth - not a big deal - don't know why you think that 'I am full of myself' - what gave you that idea?"
"I was just about to ask you the same thing you ask me earlier - what is it that you want or expect from me because if you're thinking of any gifts - forget it."
He just rolled his eyes - briefly.
I was mad at myself because everything he did or said - seemed charming to me - that big deception of attraction worked on me - big time.
I tried not too look at him too long since lately he appeared enormously sexy all the time as I noticed that I constantly thought about him in spite of my resolve to go out with other friends and keep my friendship with Juan on the "back burner". He danced salsa well, he drove my car in Chicago's traffic - expertly - just like he did everything else - in a top notch manner.
"I just want us to be honest with each other and have a nice friendship", he finally answered after thinking a long moment about his reply.
"With the sex being a part of this 'friendship' goal?"
"You are the one always talking about it. It's not that crucial to me. I can always get it somewhere else - not boasting or anything - mind you."
"Not boasting - my foot; you love those glances you're getting from all those cute young things. It all passes fast - believe me."
"I wish you were not mentioning your husband so much - though."
"It bothers you - since he is a lot more successful than you. I wouldn't be driving the motorcycle - if my Lexus was not breaking down."
"You and him will - probably - patch things up but I am just trying - not to get hurt."
"I didn't think our friendship meant anything big deal to you - like you were going to get hurt or anything like that,"
"We'll talk about it another time," Juan's answer was quick since the band finally stop playing so we could go back to our table. His friends continued getting on my nerves a lot - since I wanted to be alone with Juan. That beautiful July night began to feel special and magical to me.
It had to be after 1 am - when we finally left that new nightclub/restaurant - where their guacamole continued in an excellent mode while their margaritas were still not watered down.
"Its a beautiful night," said Juan after we - at long last - dropped his friends off by their decent looking apartment building where Juan had a short term lease - for a studio - next door to their two bedroom unit - on the third floor.
He parked my Jetta in the back of my townhouse comlex which housed six gorgeous, spacious, re-habbed units on each side of the flowery, small courthouse. The night felt magical; I wished that it never ended while I was glancing at him - before we stopped in the back of my townhouse complex - as he was driving skillfully through the magnificent - at night - Chicago with the smile on his face. He knew how to do everything well and he looked like a young God to me - so powerful and confident - not confronted by life's challenges - yet which would - no doubt - dull his good looks.
I wanted to ask Juan to come in for a nightcap like he usually did but I hesitated that magical summer night. Lately - it was hard for me to see him leave my presence and the thoughts of him with some young thing in bed - started to bother me like stubborn, little demons thumping their noses at me. Those changes in my attitude towards him - persisted even though I didn't like how our - previously - casual and fun - friendship - morphed into this "something else" which felt - "high" but beyond my control.
I longed to hear his contagious, youthful laughter - as he sat on the couch in my modernly decorated living room - while he frequently told me the stories from his middle class childhood in Mexico. However - that night - I hesitated because it was obvious to me that my resistance during that magical night - would be "shot"; letting Juan finally into my bedroom just wouldn't feel right since some of Jack's stuff was still in the unit - plus it would seem like cheating even if Jack and I have reached a big low - in our relationship. I still wasn't sure that Jack and I are ready to part the ways after almost twenty years of mostly good - marriage.
"You can kiss me 'goodnight' then walk to the train,"
Juan always kissed me shyly and held me in his arms - as if I was a celebrity or royalty of some sort.
"Okay, okay - have a good night - yourself - I am not pressuring you or anything like that. When you're ready - or whatever - you will know. Your perfume smells great - though," he added almost reluctantly with the same kind of smile which melted me to my very core - in spite of my firm resolve not to melt each time he smiled at me - still I was glad that he praised my taste since he was never generous with his complements.
"Yes - I know it - see you soon."
* * *
The next day I was relating all the details from the night before to Milochka who always listened but didn't comment much.
"I really wanted to - finally - go to bed with him - but I don't feel confident with Juan as I would feel with a middle aged guy - my age."
"God - if you don't feel attractive - I don't know who ever could. I can't believe it,"
"You always tell me that I look beautiful but I constantly like to reassure you that it's you who inspire tons of confidence."
"Next time - just turn the lights off - and jump into bed with him if that's what you want - but keep your mouths shut when Jack comes back and questions you about Juan - it's no big deal".
"Okay - whatever you say."
* * *
Juan and I sat in a small Mexican restaurant ran by a husband and wife team. Thousands of those were opening and closing every year in Chicago area. The food was not bad but it wasn't anything spectacular. Ever since Juan and I became closer friends - I became interested in Mexico as I tried to learn more about it - with its beauty starting to fascinate me. I knew that Mexico had big problems. Juan told me many times that he loved his homeland and intended to go back there since most of his family lived there and didn't intend to be coming to the U.S.
"They didn't cook those fajitas here - they probably bought some frozen stuff and microwaved them,"
"I like that food - it tastes good to me - I am no expert," everything tasted great to me when I was with Juan.
"How long have we known each other - about a year?"
"Actually we met almost a year and a half ago when you were teaching that intense Spanish course - but we have not began to 'hang out' together - a few months after that short class - ended."
"How come you remember exactly the dates?"
"I just do - about most stuff that happens to me. You think that you are an extra special friend? Or what? Jack will come home tomorrow so if you need to call me - call me at my bakery only. Okay?" When I changed the subject - in inform him about Jack - Juan didn't seem to react but perhaps he was always ready to "shift gears."
After I told him that Jack and I will go together to Guadalajara, Mexico very soon since he needed to do his job assignment there while I could go along - taking advantage of a discounted fare offered by Jack's company - Juan suggested that we visit his family who lives there and take a few small gifts for them.
* * *
It was a glorious early summer, Saturday morning when after we ate a sumptuous buffet breakfast offered by the nice Guadalajara hotel where Jack and I stayed for a few days while he was using his company newest video equipment for his job assignment - but it came handy for video taping his own documentary which he subsequently marketed successfully with his new partner right after he got "laid off" from his big production company - the move which he expected from them.
After we got ready to go visit Juan's extended family who lived in an exclusive part of the city - Jack drove deftly the rented car through beautiful Guadalajara full of retired Americans who - at that time - could live there very cheaply.
"You're in love with him or what? When you talk about him - your inner spirit glows even though - you pretend that you don't give a hoot about him,"
"I don't know. I don't even know what love means after to what's happening to us. All our years together don't mean so much anymore."
"I am sure that you are 'just a friend' to him - for now - as if he doesn't have all those cute young things throwing themselves at him. When you get closer to him - you will see how he can hurt you,"
"You are not exactly - not hurting me - either - so I am not risking all that much. As far those 'cute young things' - you're referring to - is that all that matters to you - now - to sleep with some 'cute young things'- before they stop winking at you or what?"
"I don't know what I want."
"It's been very obvious to me for the last year and a half."
* * *
Juan's family treated us like some kind of royalty - his middle aged mother insisted on preparing a terrific, fancy meal - even though - Jack and I offered to take his family out - to dinner. His seriously ailing father kept his handicapped "chair" out in the back yard since his diabetes incapacitated him badly. Juan told us that his father was undergoing his last, painful and debilitating phase - but his wife (Juan's mother) - insisted on taking care of him at home - instead of shipping him off to some awful nursing home - to die - which is commonly done in the U.S. - but not nearly as much in other countries.
His father appeared indifferent to his family but he smiled briefly at me and Jack - even though nobody expected him to be overly cordial in his condition.
After we finished a fancy, five course dinner at Juan's parents' - which didn't taste nearly as good as we would have in a decent restaurant - nevertheless Jack and I appreciated Juan's mother's hospitality in their nice but modest townhouse. After we finally finished the long meal - all of us walked down the sunny street during the lovely afternoon - to Juan's oldest brother's opulent and fancy - big house down the street - where their maid served us ice cream, fresh fruit and coffee liqueur - for dessert.
Jack kept recording all the highlights from that event - on his new, Japanese, high tech TV camera which his company provided - every year - to their news people - the job which Jack - adored - more than anything or anybody in his life - for the last ten years; he was happy shooting all kinds of news around Chicago which was constantly - "brimming to the rim" - with all sorts of news. As a big "market" - Chicago's news venues are always full of a lot of interesting news items - along with lots of "fluff" not worth any coverage - not even mentioning tons of sensationalized, gory, "crime" oriented features for which - the viewers - as the news directors - insist - supposedly - have a great appetite.
* * *
On our way back from that memorable summer trip - I was full of great impressions of Mexico and wanted to learn everything about it plus I fell in love with Juan's family which - reminded me of the best in our own family a lot - I was on the verge of - loving them for no special reason. Jack not only didn't like Mexico but he assured me that he is not going back there - even if he was getting paid a lot - again - unless it was to shoot some features for his own video production company - which he was actively trying to develop - in anticipation of big personnel cuts coming up in his current job.
Juan loved the videos of his family and beautiful Guadalajara - which we watched after we had dinner; Jack masterfully fixed a sumptuous meal in the spirit of the excellent Mexican cooking tradition. Juan always acted respectfully towards Jack as if he looked up to him while Jack - usually - looked down on Juan as if he was an annoyed - with his - suddenly successful - younger brother of some sort. After we watched Jack's professional looking videos - we talked about Mexico's future and I thought that if the three of us could be friends for a long time - things could be good. However - the events happened in a totally different manner as if they wanted to follow their own course - no matter what I wanted.
* * *
Chapter 19
Dearest Tina,
That summer ended with Jack asking me not to contact Juan for a while - since he and I decided to take some active steps to improve our relationship. That whole year was better for us - but at the end of it - all our gains - quickly "slipped" through - and we finished just where we started at the end of the previos summer.
Since Jack left town again - this time more permanently - I contacted Juan - thinking that he must be too busy with some young girlfriend - to have any time for any "old" friends.
"Maggie," his voice sounded happy, "it's so good to hear your voice again," then he stopped himself since he was always tight with his complements.
"So you didn't forget who I am?"
"How could I ever forget you - even for a moment," he stopped himself quickly.
"Jack left town - again so I am calling my single friends. You know that he wasn't crazy about me hanging out with single people."
"I don't blame him at all so how about a quick dinner tonight?"
"Sounds good but don't you get any ideas now."
"Any exciting suggestions?" he laughed his contagious laugh which I missed a lot every day for the whole year and finally got to hear it again.
I was to pick him up at 7 pm that evening - he still lived in the same apartment but his neighbors moved out to the suburbs and he didn't keep in touch with them as much as he thought - he would like.
I had three hours to get ready so suddenly everything around me took on a magic quality of some mysterious sort. I didn't think I would be so happy to see Juan again in spite of my resolve not to treat him seriously as if he was just a passing, unimportant element - either helping me or an obstacle in realizing my new, important goals - without my life-long partner - Jack. This time I didn't want to have a man as a main "centerpiece" of my entire existence.
* * *
When I saw Juan standing in front of his apartment building with his shiny, black hair slightly moist - dressed casually but he wore new clothes while he was visibly nervous - probably not expecting me to show up on time - my heart skipped a few beats as if it didn't follow my instructions - to keep cool.
"I am glad you are on time," he hugged me after he got into my Jetta. I could smell his Calvin Klein cologne. His brown eyes always made me smile in spite of myself since Juan always appeared charming to the max - which would - probably - change in a "hurry" once we got to deal with each other on more revealing bases.
For the moment - he still sported the glorious looks of a celebrity of some sort - a winner - always "on top" of things - no matter what life would throw his way.
"You look great - as always", he said and stopped himself from complementing me too much.
"Thanks."
After a long silence while I drove through the "fairy tale" looking streets of Chicago - to the small Mexican restaurant where he and I - frequently used to grab a quick bite - he asked me if Jack and I made some long term plans for the future.
"First of all - you know that to make any kind of long terms plans - would be a sure way to make God - laugh and secondly - you shouldn't be interested in any possible settlement I might be getting from Jack."
"I am not after anybody's money or anything like that. What gave you that idea?"
"Yes, sure, sure - but you wouldn't be - like - saying no - to some gifts - which - by the way - you're not getting any from me."
"You still didn't give me a chance to show you that I richly deserve anything I might get from you," he laughed again his contagious laughter which always made me feel good the summer before - even if I didn't want him to think that he was a proverbial "alpha" and "omega" to me - any really overly important factor in my life.
"I don't need anything from you - that I don't already have - so no need to prove anything," I said to make myself more confident. It worked.
"Oh, I don't know about that," he was always confident in his abilities which sometimes got on my nerves a lot. I was sure that I scored some "points" since my answer intended to be vague and intriguing even if I knew that he could read me like an open book which also got on my nerves a lot as well.
* * *
That whole second summer continued in a fun mode - but in the fall - things changed - as they always do. However - I - usually - make things change sooner - than they would without any active moves on - fate's or life events' script's - part.
I rarely could tell what Juan was thinking at any moment - while he also didn't know my intentions or plans from day to day - since both of us - weren't sure - ourselves - which direction we were going - each day or each week. One new thing started to repeat itself - at the end of the second summer which frequently got on my nerves - more than usually. I noticed his new attitude which clearly indicated that our "friendship" started to meant little to Juan - while it was quickly growing into a main energy of my life.
It was time for me to take some action - my style. I broke up with him quickly one morning when he called me. I told him that our "friendship" has run its course and we need to stop seeing each other since it's interfering with my "new friendship". I didn't know that I could be so cool even though my heart was breaking inside of me. It was very rough at first but I needed to do it and stick to my guns. I cried some nights as I talked to our brother Max who always loved to be generous with his suggestions and advices.
"Start going out with some guy or some people even if you are not that interested now. It will take your mind off things." I did just that; a group of people in the Chicago's ballroom dancing studios took my mind off Juan quite a bit. Things always improve in a lot of unexpected ways. Taking ballroom dancing lesson became my new - all consuming hobby which turned into a mini - passion.
Important stuff - usually - happens in some mysterious, unexpecded drips of "clusters of fate" - as I call the important events in my life. Admitting to myself that Jack and I will have to go our separate ways - made me feel vulnerable at times - but most of the time I kept pushing forward with my new ambitions involving working with people in several ways which would tap into my talents of communications - the newly discovered - gifts - after Jack left and I got rid of Juan who was draining my energies; this time around - it wasn't that crucial for me to have a main man in the center of my life.
"If any guy gives you an 'attitude' - you know what needs to be done. It would be better - anyway - if you hang out with a guy your age. You had your fun this summer with this young shit - it was a right time for you to 'move on' while you're ahead", our brother Max always has tons of smart solutions and unsolicited advice - galore. However - he - himself - fell deeply in love with one of his female friends; took it very hard when she suddenly dumped him and for a long that was all he could think and talk about which was frequently getting on my nerves since it took him quite a while to get over her.
* * *
Still when I look back and vividly recall all the fun moments and endless happy hours during those two summers with Juan - caused by a casual - at times - smile of Juan - it's easy for me - now - to project a lot of future fun times - since the best is yet to come - for sure. It's more fun now - even if at this stage of my life - no man - needs to be in the center of my universe - thank God - the real One.
As I mentioned to you before - the past important transitions in my life happened because of the events connected with an important - at that time - man appearing suddenly in my life or aiming for an exit out of my life. They appear and disappear - as if directed by some hidden script.
* * *
When I first talked to Jim on the phone about renting a room in his "income" building located in the middle of the city of Chicago - which once was a thriving Polish neighborhood - he sounded very ordinary on the phone. I expected him to look like an average, skinny type - however after I met him in person - I was surprised how good he looked with his tall, strong, lanky frame and his bright blue eyes strikingly contrasting with his thick gray hair - slightly premature - but styled in a fashionable manner. His age couldn't be more than forty.
He was showing me with great pride his middle sized building located in a typical Chicago neighborhood - consisting of twenty one apartment units - constantly rehabbed by Jim - handy with all the tools. The neighborhood as hundreds of them in Chicago - changed into a Spanish speaking area - after most Poles moved to the suburbs or more north towards the northern suburbs - away from low class, illegals - mostly Spanish speaking folks - and most of them bordering on a "hoodlum" status.
Jim - a ruggedly handsome forty year old "hands on - landlord" as he proudly called himself - constantly did things in the building during the mornings - but at times he lingered on - some afternoons as well. He seemed to enjoy the constant process of remodeling some rooms in his four story building (an efficient cash cow) into tiny units which he designated as "short term" rentals for temporary renters - like me - who were on their way to much better accommodations. Jim seemed to like a constant parade of various people - mostly women in transition - coming in and out - to do some business with him.
Since Jim was handy with all kinds of tools - he visibly enjoyed his rehabbing projects which enabled him to legally "snoop" into the lifestyles of his temporary - mostly female tenants; he especially liked to flirt with some attractive women who rented a room from him - usually on a very temporary bases - like me. He liked to promise his good looking female tenants - free rent which visibly hurt him - even the promises did - since he had to be stingy with his resources. His four teenage kids cost him a lot of money.
If people wanted to pay more rent - they could have their own tiny unit - however - most of his renters agreed to one roommate with whom they shared a small kitchen, truly "microscopic" size hallway and of course - the bathroom. They had keys to lock their respective rooms. Jim tried to assign his rentals to two women or two guys - but the widely circulated "anectodes" had him assign various, borderline psychotic guys to women who already occupied a room. I speculated to Milochka that those ladies - probably rudely turned down his juvenile advances which he made to almost all the decent looking women who rented from him.
His rehabbing activities also gave him a chance to get away from his four spoiled - typically American - teenagers and a nagging long term wife - who had to have an inkling about his "activities" with a lot of women temporarily staying in his building. According to his constant alternate bragging and complaining about his life - Jim managed his affairs - at least the financial ones - efficiently - even with his frequent indulging into his great fondness of attractive women which he always tried to do "on the cheap" - mostly by flapping his trap.
He bragged to me that his big family house located in the decent northern suburbs of Chicago (not exquisite location or anything close to that) is almost paid off - not that I was ever particularly interested in the details of his personal life but - as I said - Jim loved to talk about himself - to whoever would be in his "earshot" - evidently needing to give himself a pat on the back since his family - evidently - didn't give him enough respect which he probably did not deserve - anyway.
Sometimes - when I came home in the early afternoon from my job in the office - I watched the TV in the small kitchen which I shared with my roommate - a fat nurse - who was always gone. After I ate a quick lunch - Jim would appear and started to work - way too slowly on a shelf in the kitchen which opened onto a tiny hallway leading onto the winding stairs of his four story building. My unit which I shared with a fat nurse was on the third floor. Opposite my unit was the second one occupied by two fat guys who never spoke to us or anybody else. They sported a typical big city attitude of not only not socializing with anybody in the building but they also didn't glance at anybody for longer than a few seconds in spite of Jim frequently encouraging his short term renters to "talk and smile to each other". Fat chance in a huge city like Chicago.
Jim liked to talk a lot - especially about himself - about his spacious family home located in the very decent northern suburbs of Chicago - nothing fancy like full of rich liberals Wilmette or Kenilworth - replete with an old "money" - aging gizzards - hateful and prejudiced to the max. All kinds of xenophobes, racists, sexists, anti-Semites - simply thrive there - even if now-a-days they hide a bit from the hungry for sensation - glare of social media or the press with the social media forums especially eager to "chew" and "lynch"; they are well aware - that the social media could shine the light a bit on their despicable practices in the U.S. which is considered "a land of the free and the home of the brave".
Jim couldn't splurge on paying a lot of cash in Kenilworth - a fancy, top suburb where they would - probably - "sniff down their noses" on him - as well -even if he was a Catholic - still not class enough for them in terms of "old, white and Protestant - money. That exquisite suburb - still somehow "weasels" out from getting the neighbors whom they don't want" who will die soon and will be buried along with their old and outdated notions of the - U.S. and the world. For now it's still an exclusive club of "old farts". The real estate agents - drop a hint or two to the prospective buyers to the effect - "you don't belong here - so go somewhere else".
They know how to effectively prevent a lot of buyers from "buying into" their slice of American dream - so even though Jim a was a non-practicing Catholic - he might have a big problem buying anything in Kenilworth notwithstanding the fact that he was not Jewish, Black, Latino, a professional
foreigner or even a professional single woman.
If he wanted to spend enough money - he could always buy something decent in Wilmette - a rich paradise full of all kinds of phony liberals who usually speak from "both sides of their mouths" depending which way the wind is blowing.
"I don't know why you're telling me and everybody who pretends to listen - all about your general affairs and about your family. What do I care? Do you think that your temporary renters care?"
"I didn't think you would - but not everybody is as self-centered as you are. Still its nice to hear your lovely voice; and it's always a pleasure to look at you as well,"
"I am not self-centered. I am only focused on my goals. Why don't you look at Madonna on television since you have the same snowball's chance in hell with her - as you have with me."
I already lived in Jim's building for six months and tried to get the hell out of that neighborhood before some hoodlums broke into my car or mugged me in the evening. In addition - Jim might just be starting to rent his rooms to some hoodlum - plus - in spite of his endless promises to paint my room with me staying temporarily in one of his rehabbed rooms - he stalled - as always. On the bright side - I stopped being afraid that he will lock me out on a whim since as long as my rent was paid on time - he was in check.
Still - I couldn't wait to get out of Jim's building since I detested the faint old odor of past cigarette smoke mingling with the scent of old sweat - the ugly smell of poverty - which I swore to myself to be rid off - for good - every time I quickly negotiated the windy staircase of Jim's building - so my unit could be locked firmly from the inside - with the chain. I frequently swore to myself that things will get much better for me. They always do.
"I can't wait to get out of your building," I said indifferently during the same afternoon when we had a first, longer conversation - while Jim endlessly worked on the shelf which he could finish a lot sooner.
I got up and started towards my room. There was nothing else to do but turn off the TV in the common area and lock the doors behind in my room - so I could watch some more TV in my room which I fixed up in a cozy manner - with windows facing two big trees made beautiful by the leaves changing colors and blowing away slowly - promising the fairy tale like - snow and the fun winter season coming soon.
Each time I made an obvious hint for him to leave - Jim always gave me a look which reminded me of a "doggie glancing into a butcher shop."
"Did you know that this new 'butch' looking woman - who just moved in a couple of weeks ago to your second floor unit - is propositioning three way sex with you and her?"
"I had no idea she is doing that," he lied.
"F.Y.I. - you can relay my message to her - that I find this notion - disgusting." After I said that to him - I immediately regretted it since I knew that she will start her "campaign" against me. But what the heck? It was a lot of fun saying that to him since I was no longer afraid that he will lock me out of my unit and put my stuff behind the building.
"Geez - I had no idea that she behaves that way," he lied again.
"You don't think your wife will make a visit to this building - since you tell all the women you propositioning that you are married and about your vasectomy and your four teenagers who drive you crazy."
"I try to be up front and honest with people. I love everybody who comes to my building to rent from me for awhile. It helps people."
"You love them as long as they pay on time. The minute they skip on the rent - they're locked out and their stuff sits by that big dumpster in the back of your building."
"Hey, I'm not running any charitable establishments here. It's business. Sometimes hard things need to be done when one manages the business for profit."
"True - but your rough business practices make your tenants wonder about your Wild West cowboy's style of management."
"It's not your place to tell me how to run my business."
"Just a small payback - reminder that when I first moved in - you also gave me an unsolicited lecture on how to get along with people."
"And you told me that it was not my place to lecture you."
"I did."
"Okay, okay - I am not going to be talking too much but you know that I'm in love with you."
"Really? That and two dollars will buy me coffee any place in Chicago. You're in love with every woman who smiles at you."
* * *
Dearest Tina,
To make a long story - a bit shorter - after I assured Jim in a lot of ways - subtle and obvious ones - that I am not interested in him since he had nothing special to offer other than his angry teenagers attached to his wife of many years - suddenly I found him tremendously attractive but I knew that it would not lead me to any good situations. Thank God that during the spring following my last winter at his building - I was searching like crazy for another place to live which I found - at last.
My older, new landlady - who subsequently turned out to be a little crazy - rented me a nice room in a big house - close to Skokie where Milochka owned a townhouse for many years; it was good to live closer to Milochka since I couldn't rent a room from her. Her two growing daughters would have a fit. My new place was a vast improvement over Jim's building and his whole area - richly infested with lots of semi-criminal elements of all kinds.
* * *
During that spring and summer - Jim kept leaving me various messages on my phone - most of which I ignored - but sometimes I would leave him a short sentence to the effect that "our business at hand is finished - so we don't have anything special to talk about with the exception of the security deposit which you still need to return to me; the sooner - the better - before we take the necessary legal steps - to get it back."
* * *
The time was going fast as always and it was already winter with the holiday season approaching fast. Milochka always fixed some fabulous dinners at that time; especially the New Year's Eve night was always fun with her family. Her scrumptious dishes tasted just like the ones our mother cooked when we were little and growing up.
"I am so glad that this year is ending," I talked to her in the kitchen of her townhouse - while was stirring her New Year's Eve "star" dish - thick beef stew with vegetables which always smelled - heavenly. I had to tell her a lot of stuff before her daughters showed up and - as always - attempted to take over the event even if I knew how to stand my ground.
"This whole year - I have to call the year of Jim since while I lived in his building he and the whole set up - was getting on my nerves a lot - but after I moved out - suddenly I started to miss him and his building in a big way - I have no idea why and for what. In addition - I still have to get my security deposit back from him - so I have this resentment mixed with longing to look at him,"
"Business is business. You need to figure out a way to get your money back but you know you're better off - away from that building mess. The hoodlums outside and that crazy lesbian inside - all those things going on - were not a good situation for you."
"I know it. As soon as I talk about it to you - things always fall in place," I said and poured myself a straight single shot of Smirnoff vodka - my favorite - which I topped with a single ice cube.
"Drink it fast. When Ella comes over with the baby - we are drinking only wine and champagne at midnight."
Milochka didn't tell me that she invited her other friend - a Polish lady named Irena whom I never liked since she constantly, incessantly talks about her gorgeous looking daughter who just married a rich American guy - as if her own life didn't have anything interesting to talk about. Evidently - Irena considers her daughter marriage to an American - a huge "step up" - for a first generation - immigrant. I - personally - like to be around women who are like me - independent and interesting - not boasting or anything like that.
I always feel good about myself in terms of contributing to the U.S. in every possible way so if anybody born in the U.S. tries to belittle the naturalized, legal immigrants like me - I invariable inform them about the astonishingly high numbers of Nobel prize winners for the U.S. - which consist of people like me who legally immigrated to the U.S. - thus we make the lives of the U.S. citizens - much better as compared to other countries - even the socialistic Western Europe.
Sometimes I would add something like - "So I wouldn't snicker down your nose on us - the naturalized Americans - because you're helping yourself generously to our vast achievements - for the U.S."
* * *
Dear Tina,
The winter is coming soon - again - with the Thanksgiving holiday - coming very soon to ring in yet - another holiday season which is always a lot of fun since the big part of the holidays - the New Year's Eve celebration - always brings a lot of new beginnings.
The New Year's Eve parties at Milochka's are always tons of fun for me since we reminiscence about our past New Years' Eves - in Europe when we were kids or more recent ones. We always laugh about hard stuff which we had to go through - at times - during some holidays - which subsequently - improved a lot in every way for both of us - in a different manner.
I am expecting some news regarding my apartment being finally ready for me in Chicago - but in the interim - I keep noticing a lot of good things about Pittsburgh - which is big enough town but manageable. That is a big plus considering many annoying problems arising from living in a big city like Chicago which always has a lot of typical, big city issues of every kind - compounded by many of their politicians frequently pushing their ultra liberal political agendas to advance their careers. Those political hacks often speak from both sides of their mouths while they don't practice "what they preach". It's no "skin of their collective noses" that the taxpayers break their backs - to pay for their "massive social programs" which means that more often than not - "throwing the taxpayers' money at the problems - doesn't not solve those problems - in the long run - at all".
* * *
Chapter 20
Dear Tina,
When I think of many past Thanksgivings which were memorable in some ways - I remember with pleasure the one in which Jack and I managed our Bake Shop which we owned for several years. It was difficult to make joined decisions but we tried hard and this situation created a lot of problems in our relationship. Then other - typical middle aged - issues crept up - slowly but surely. Anyway - during that Thanksgiving we baked a lot of delicious pumpkin pies since the filling turned out fantastic due to using the fresh pumpkins which we baked in our huge, new convection oven. I called that oven - a Big Daddy since it blew the wonderful warm air during harsh Chicago winters.
Scooping the delicious pulp from freshly baked pumpkins turned out to be very easy and quick; the crust made from our freshly ground flour - in the stone/electric commercial flour grinder - tasted heavenly. People were talking about our outstanding pumpkin pies for many years after we closed our bakery since Jack and I decided to separate and sell the bake shop due to our divorce caused by many typical middle age problems which crawled into our union like small but clever and persistent - little demons. A few months after that memorable Thanksgiving night which we celebrated in the cozy back room of our bake shop - Jack and I separated.
That Thanksgiving was tons of fun - though - as if our respective lives' - scripts called for Jack and I - to have a good Thanksgiving together before we went our separate ways. During that warm and lovely November evening Jack and I expected a couple which we knew for several years. You think that you know people - but sometimes - you don't really know the major aspects of their personalities which they might want hidden for awhile for various reasons.
Laura worked as a school psychologist in a far Chicago suburb while he - Leo - worked independently - since he wrote and produced short commercial spots as well as some public service announcements which frequently aired on local Chicago's TV stations. While we knew Leo a lot longer - he just married Laura a year before and she always appeared somewhat distant as if there was some stuff about her - she would rather not talk about until she got to know people on a deeper level.
Each time I happened to catch one of Leo's spots on local Chicago's TV stations - I left him a message about it which I knew that he would like. Even though all his professional activities required considerable organizational and creative skills - he barely "scraped" some income for himself - while he strongly admired Jack since at that time - Jack was still on a full time payroll of the prominent news organization. Leo's wife - a dark haired, slim and well spoken - Laura - always earned a steady income as a school psychologist - enabling them to live a comfortable, middle class lifestyle.
Since Jack and I were close friends with them - at that time - they were vaguely familiar with our marital problems. However after Laura found out that Jack and I are having weighty issues - her attitude towards us - changed - she appeared a little more distant and fake - than usually - on a lot of levels - which made it even harder for me to trust her but I still liked her a little bit.
Before that memorable Thanksgiving dinner - I spoke to Laura's best friend quite by accident - she was a woman who knew Laura since childhood and who - herself - was going through a "rough patch" with her South American boyfriend - Alfredo - temporarily - employed by Jack and me - in our bake shop. Alfredo worked for us a short time since we needed to close and sell our business with its equipment. We told Alfredo that it was going to be a short time job before he accepted it - he - nevertheless got very angry at us toward the end and started to do a poor job so we had to fire him before closing our bake shop. I always had to do the firings since Jack shrunk from it and no matter how diplomatically I dismissed people who needed to be let go - the invariable gleam of brief hatred in their eyes reminded me how hard it was to run a business in a proper way.
"Laura and Leo - are a match made in heaven just like two peas in a pod. They are both rational and always thinking through all their moves - to the max; they never seem to get mad at anything - let alone - at each other."
"I don't know about that. Sometimes people want to put up a front like that but one never knows what really goes on 'inside' them and their relationship", I wanted to finish this conversation - leading nowhere and hang up since Jack and I were busy preparing the Thanksgiving dinner at the back of our - nicely decorated - bake shop located in a trendy, newly rehabbed - Northern neighborhood in Chicago - presently - coming-up big time with the yuppies massively renting the expensive, apartments for a year - then - frequently - went back to live in their parents' basement - until they found another job. Only ten years before the whole neighborhood was full of semi-dilapidated dwellings of all kinds with the rats living it up in the basements where they property values were notoriously low and tons of poor, Spanish speaking folks dominated the area. With the building up of the neighborhood partially underwritten by the rich coffers of the city of Chicago in addition to private investors - all the poor Spanish speaking folks and other poor people moved to their turf - the seedy, crime infested Western part of town.
* * *
I knew Leo and his crazy family from my last year of high school - in Columbus, Ohio and he didn't change much in the fifteen years that I have known him in terms of him - usually - sporting a "poker face" expression until the talk started revolving around the TV or film production - that's when he always showed a great deal of animation.
When I knew him in high school he was still a rebellious son of a well established, older rabbi of a small temple in the East of Columbus. Leo's parents were old when his father married his mother. It was a third marriage for both of them so they - usually - acted peculiar and eccentric made which most people avoid them as much as possible - even if they appreciated Leo's parents' - positive traits. Leo and his sister left home as early as humanly possible - and subsequently - had as little as necessary contact with their - frequently goofy acting - parents.
Jack and I prepared a fantastic dressing - for that memorable Thanksgiving with Leo and his new wife - made of the freshly ground corn flour which looked like pure gold and tasted even better. All the products which we marketed - had a tremendous, fresh flavor and distinctly good looks - due to using freshly ground flour - of several varieties which was always treated like a perishable ingredient. That process gave our bakery a wonderful smell. The scent of freshly ground flour is hard to describe - it's similar to the smell of freshly baked bread - but a lot better.
Our huge, brand new convection oven - which we called "Big Daddy" - blew hot baking winds from every direction - onto the products we baked; the machine did a great job of baking the products in a short time - so our small turkey was ready in an amazingly brief time. When Jack and I took it out of the oven to test the temperatures of the crucial places of the bird - twice since we had to make sure that it was thoroughly baked; we could hardly believe the deeply gold, glorious color of that turkey. Not only we weren't sure that our big oven would bake one item - we never expected that fabulous appearance and the short time our oven - Big Daddy - took to thoroughly finish baking that decent sized turkey. The temperatures indicated that it was done with the flavor which turned out - fantastic.
I was chewing the leg - my all time, dark meat favorite and it was hard for me to believe that terrific flavor and the texture thoroughly juicy, sweet and delicious. I thought for a moment about the many Thanksgivings where the side dishes were prepared in a top notch manner - while the big "star" of the Thanksgiving meal - the turkey was - frequently - as dry as the old shoe sole.
Laura was acting in a stupidly flaky manner all evening while Leo's poker face and boring demeanor "worked my every last nerve" the whole evening. It was as if they might have had a big fight before they came over with the unresolved "chunks" of it - still smoldering inside them. I couldn't wait for them to leave so Jack and I could talk about them and have some fun - not that we were overly critical about the couples we associated with - but Laura and Leo were always kind of peculiar and mismatched in a lot of ways - on a lot of levels. Jack was usually very much - on-target - in noticing other people' s flaws - but whenever his own shortcomings were in question - his "generosity" kicked in - especially as he got into his "middle age" transition which makes a lot of men behave in a juvenile manner until they discover all the plentiful advantages of getting older.
After they left our bake shop which still smelled wonderfully since we baked our dressing - using our famously wonderful - freshly ground flour - Jack smiled at me in the way which was rare during the last year and a half of our life - together. It was obvious to me that he wanted to leave me but still wasn't ready; that situation was getting on my nerves - needless to say - since I hated to think that he stays with me only because - he is afraid to let go. I knew several guys - on the level - who wanted to date me - but the fact that I was still married - was holding me back. At that time of my life - I valued a lot having a partner of some decent sort - by my side. I have - subsequently - learned how to manage well - by myself and do okay. Not that is not more fun with a partner or a friend/confidante of some sort - but I have learned to count on myself - and that's fun - as well.
"You don't think that they have this so called 'open marriage' arrangement?" Asked me Jack after our Thanksgiving friends finally left. I thought for a moment that neither one of them were very attractive even though they were not ugly looking by any means. They dressed fashionably and were neat in their appearance but I always felt that their relationship had hidden flaws of some kind which they didn't want to disclose even though she - at times - freely broached all kinds of personal topics - at times - which always got on my nerves. Maybe because she considered herself entitled to ask people nosy questions since she was a practicing psychologist. At any rate - in the United States all the talk shows and many articles in popular magazines - always bring up various subjects of sex which belong behind the therapist's closed doors.
"You're not thinking of suggesting anything
disgusting like that to improve our relationship - are you?"
We laughed a lot that evening while we sipped some white wine and munched on our fabulous turkey. At the end of that evening we munched on our outstanding pumpkin pie which was not overly sweet so it complemented our cinnamon laced - hot cider.
* * *
The following Thanksgiving was my first without Jack and it was OK - as well - much better than I expected. What was nice about it was the fact that I knew - for sure - that things are getting better for me - in a lot of ways - as always - with the unexpectedly good circumstances always appearing in just the right time. I dreaded the first major holiday without Jack - but it actually turned out quite well. I was proud of myself.
The Christmas season which starts right after the Thanksgiving - is always a festive time all over the U.S. - but - of course - a big, rich city like Chicago - comes up with a lot of dazzling free events which the poorer cities cannot afford. I simply love that time of the year - there - even if - at times - some exceptionally fierce winter's spats - can bring the city to the grinding halt which happens seldom during the holiday's season.
* * *
Dear Tina,
I know that you, guys, celebrate a glorious Hanukkah in Israel - but in the U.S the Hanukkah usually comes before Christmas holiday with the New Year's Eve - always a fun celebration ending the season but starting the New Year - which has been a nice tradition of a new beginning for our family for a long time. It's always my most favorite time of the year with the dusting of snow covering up the trees and bushes so my favorite - white Christmas lights shimmer through making the winter scene appearing as if taken for the fairy tale of the best kind.
One of the nicest Christmases I can remember happened quite a few years back - when Jack and I decided to celebrate Christmas more than usually since a couple which I knew from my childhood in Poland - were coming to spend their Christmas break with us - including the New Year's Eve. Their little five year old daughter expected a tree with some gifts under it.
Jack and I decided to do all our unusually huge - that Christmas season - shopping - in one place at one store - to get it over with as quickly as possible so we chose a K-mart - a big store in Chicago's north side - the store which subsequently "morphed" into an another big discounter - Big Lots - after K-mart closed a lot of their stores in response to the fierce competition it received from many Wal-Marts and Targets - opening like crazy towards the end of 1999.
To make a long story a bit shorter - that Christmas has to be one of the nicest since our friends' little five year old behaved well during all the two weeks they stayed at our newly remodeled townhouse located in the north part of Chicago - close the northern Chicago suburbs of Skokie and Evanston. Needless to say - Jack and I worried about a little kid putting her greasy fingers on our newly painted walls but to her parents' credit - she refrained from any major "missteps" of that nature since she appeared to be a smart, perceptive and very cute five year old who easily spoke two languages - her native Polish and English which she easily picked up from the American kids she had daily contact at her pre-school.
Every morning I heard her mother warning her - before they came down from their big guest room - not to "misbehave" because "when we come home - I will remind you about it and your dad and I will not be forgetting about any mischiefs you like to pull".
Jack suggested that all of us go to the nearby - Catholic cathedral - heavily attended by numerous Chicago's - Poles - for a traditional midnight Christmas Eve service - widely observed in Poland at midnight - every Christmas Eve. I always new about it but never attended one - as a lightly observant member of a Jewish family - growing up in - at times - anti-Semitic - Poland. It would be Jack's first Catholic midnight service - as well - since within his minimally observant Presbyterian upbringing - they looked down upon the overly ritualistic elements common to Catholic church.
It was a cold, crisp night that memorable Christmas Eve - but thank God - the normally fierce and blustery - Chicago's winter wind - let up for a few hours - as if the higher forces wanted to make it easier for people to attend the midnight service that night.
Kristyna and I bundled up her semi-asleep little girl who fell asleep around 11pm - in spite of her resolve to stay awake. When we entered the filled "to the gill" - cathedral - the atmosphere of God's presence during that special Christmas service - made everybody smile. The priest's Christmas message sounded awesome - as I looked around me at the glowing faces of Chicago Poles; I had an impression - that they somehow knew about me being Jewish but it was okay with them since it was Chicago - and not "their" Poland.
"I hope you feel okay here..," whispered Kristyna, "I really appreciate Jack's suggestion to come here tonight - makes me feel less homesick for my family back home."
"The mood here is very pleasant," I whispered back while I thought to myself that this visit will - probably - be enough to last me for a very long time. I also thought briefly that if that Polish cathedral was located in Poland - the attendants - there - would not be as nearly inclusive in their outlooks - as the Chicago Poles - appear to be since they - themselves - are a minority in the U.S. - where a lot of the Americans "snicker down their noses" on them - the way most Poles - "snicker down their noses" on their minorities in Poland with the Jews being their number one - targets.
Kristyna just joined her husband in the U.S. after he finally got his "green card" which he obtained - due to his renewable, yearly work contract with the University of Chicago which extended his contract due to him proving himself a promising researcher in their computer management department. His friendly personality also worked in his favor since he was the kind of a "foreigner" to which the U.S. - supposedly - easily issues - "green cards"; while not exactly Albert Einstein but - for sure a well educated "brain"- which this country could use.
It was not easy for my childhood friend Albert - to decide to stay in the U.S. since his love for his native Poland - didn't waiver much. His family was in the minority of the fine Polish Catholics who didn't discriminate against the Jews and others; they were simply a very good and kind Polish Catholic family to whom my parents and I were very close when we lived in Poland. No wonder - Albert missed his people a lot and kept visiting Poland every year - even though he and his brother settled permanently in the U.S.
My family - on the other hand - never even considered a remote possibility of ever going back to Poland - not even for a short visit - in spite of the fact that - at first - all of us felt like the "outsiders" in the U.S. However - it didn't last long - especially for me - since after I started to study at the huge Ohio State University - I needed to quickly "learn the ropes" - which I did.
* * *
The New Year's Eve that year in Chicago - had tons and tons of households - Polish and of other nationalities - burning a single candle in their front windows generously answering the request of the leader of the Polish Solidarity party - Lech Walesa - who declared a big war on the Soviet Union's tyranny. I have to admit that as an outsider and a member of a disliked minority in Poland - nevertheless - I admired what was good about Poland even though at the same time - just like most of the smart Jews living in Poland - I detested her rich history of - at times - virulent and hateful - anti-Semitic campaigns - always encouraged by the current government in power.
Everybody admired certain famous Poles who spoke up bravely against the despicable anti-Semitic elements and other hateful factions - including the Nazis who found a lot of followers in Poland as they did in other countries - they conquered. The Polish Catholic Church - for the most part - discouraged the devout Polish Catholics from any acts of hostility against any minorities.
Our father used to comment that there were a lot of good Poles but the bad ones were awful - thus - he briefly considered it some kind of a divine retribution when Poland got bombed at the beginning of the World War II - however - his family quickly fled Poland after they got a "whiff" of what Hitler started to do with the Jews.
* * *
"Lech Walesa - finally put the tie on - so now he can be elected the best President Poland has ever had - just like Joseph Pilsudski" - our father repeated the same things a lot - especially when he got older. He always liked to talk about the legendary Polish leader - Joseph Pilsudski who was widely loved leader of Poland - one of the few who were fair to the Jews and other minorities. Father always liked to comment on the international news and he - at times - talked to the TV set as if it could hear him.
When we were coming to the U.S. - I couldn't wait to leave Poland - in spite of the fact that I had left some close Polish friends behind and missed them - especially before learning to speak good English and before quickly mastering a lot of skills to make new American friends - with ease.
My first year at the Ohio State University was difficult since my English was still lacking in terms of studying and passing courses during my first year there - however - at the end of that year - everything improved a lot for me - in every possible way. I passed all the courses and looked forward to my second year with confidence but the sheer size of that gigantic campus was getting on my nerves a lot and I wished that I could continue my studies at the smaller, more manageable university. The fate answered my "academic prayer" in an unexpected manner - as it always happens in life.
* * *
The Christmas season during that winter felt
great to me after I studied hard and passed all the courses which completed my first year at the Ohio State University. I was looking forward towards the coming spring quarter - which would start my second year - with a lot of confidence in my abilities.
I liked to hang out a lot with several close girlfriends with whom I shared an old, five bedroom house approved as student housing by Ohio State. I - got especially close to Maureen - a second year Journalism student from Akron, Ohio, an intelligent and attractive - twenty one year old - whose father had an established veterinary practice in that small town. Her family was on good terms with their next door neighbor - the affluent business manager - Harry Osborne so his son Jack was always close friends with Maureen since she always wanted to have a brother - having all the sisters while Jack came from the family of three boys - so he considered Maureen - almost an "adoptive" - sister.
Maureen's Jewish boyfriend just moved into our house and he tried not to be in the way. Sam - studied pre-med like a lot of Jewish students at Ohio State. Since each one of us - had our own bedroom and Sam stayed mostly in Maureen room - he was not in the way too much except when he cooked his quick meals in our spacious, old kitchen after which he frequently "forgot" to clean up his mess. We established a cooking schedule which included the cleaning of the dishes - so people wouldn't get on each other's nerves.
Our parents who worked as staff members for Ohio State for a long time - finally bought a nice home in the Eastern part of Columbus - which they loved a lot - after living close to the noisy campus crawling with all kinds of - at times - loud, rowdy and obnoxious - types which are frequently attracted to college crowds.
Of course - I liked to hang with my friends at the university campus where I lived with four other coeds in a big, old house.
"Hey, Maggie - my childhood friend - Jack Osborne just called me; he is coming tonight - for a few days; he's on leave from his Army term - on his way from D.C. where he is stationed - he will be a few days here - then at his sick grandpa's house in Akron for Christmas Eve - then back here for New Year's Eve," Maureen really wanted me to go out on a date with her close childhood friend - Jack Osborne.
"It's okay with me as long as you know him well. He can sleep in the attic - and use that small shower and john there - out of our way."
"Do me a favor and go out on a dinner date with him tonight. He came back from Vietnam not long ago. He saw you briefly last time he was here and he really likes you."
"I have a date with Jim which I don't feel like breaking."
"Maybe you should since - I told you before - that I have seen this pig looking coed - a few times - waiting for him on his front porch - very late at night - each time I went by close to his apartment on campus."
"I guess you're right. It will not do any harm go out with Jack Osborne."
I was a little hurt at Maureen's comments even if I knew that Jim has been seeing other people - since some cute college coeds literally threw themselves - left and right - at the young and attractive instructors - like Jim - supposedly - to get a valuable "life experiences" while away from home - in college.
When he called me to confirm our date later that night - I tried to sound casual like I don't give a "hoot" or something but my heart was beating fast. I was actually glad that things developed in an unexpected manner since I didn't like to be on the "back burner" with Jim.
"Actually - something rather important came up - so I guess - we are off for tonight. Maybe tomorrow night if 'the coast is clear'".
"What are you talking about? What could be more important to you than our date?"
"Maybe that 'pig looking' thing sitting on your front porch - lately." I hung up the phone and left the house - in case Jim called again which I knew he would do. I knew when to grab a good opportunity to teach him a "little lesson".
* * *
Whenever I tried to remember Jack Osborne from his last brief visit - I had only a vague picture of a good looking, husky youngster in an army uniform in my mind. He seemed stocky and a bit awkward - but attractive. I was still obsessed with Jim at that time even if I knew that he needs to be put "on the back burner". The perfect opportunity to do just that - presented itself when Jack Osborne came for his Christmas visit.
* * *
It was a peaceful and quiet Christmas morning at our old house at the huge Ohio State campus which I loved during the big holidays time when almost all the students were away. The big, fat snowflakes were falling slowly onto the trees outside the windows - but they didn't accumulate much - so the whole scene had a "fairy tale" appearance and mood.
The radio played "My Sweet Lord" a big hit for the Beatles that year - right before they broke up.
Jack was cooking an omlet in a big kitchen of the house which I shared with five other coeds. They were all away for Christmas. I glanced at his beautiful, muscular hands and his good looking appearance while I reflected briefly on the events of the last several days when my world seemed to turn "upside down".
"I'm leaving tomorrow morning but I will call you every night and I am coming back next weekend to ask your father and mother for your hand in marriage," he said and added, "sure hope that you will not be seeing your old boyfriend when I am gone,"
"He is not my boyfriend - we were just friends and - anyway - I am not interested in him anymore. He doesn't mean anything to me. You need to trust me when I tell you something."
* * *
"Father - listen here - next weekend - Jack Osborne and I will come over for dinner Saturday night", I spoke to our father on the phone at their home in the East side of Columbus - the next evening.
"He will ask you for my hand and you will say 'yes'. Listen to me before you start yelling. I got to know him well. He is a good, honest guy and the reason we need to get married so quick is that I can go with him to his next assignment in Germany - as a military dependent - since he needs to finish his last year in the army."
"He is not Jewish? Right?"
"So he is not Jewish - big deal. It's the twentieth century if you didn't notice. We will get married very soon - anyway - whether you approve or not".
"I didn't say I didn't approve of anything but it's all happening so fast."
"Sometimes - things happen that way. Didn't you say that you were praying at the wailing wall in Israel?"
"I wasn't praying for you marrying a Gentile."
"At times the prayers are answered in most mysterious ways."
* * *
Chapter 21
The military dependents' plane chartered by the U.S. Army - cheap and inefficient to the max - finally landed in Frankfurt after being delayed in New York for many hours. I swore to myself that I shall travel in the business class if not in the first class from then on. Of course - they notified Jack and other G.I.'s about the delay and he was extremely happy to see me so we - subsequently - had a great time in Germany from where we took lot of inexpensive trips to a lot of European countries. It was a really good time for me with the minor observation that at that time - the American army didn't not instruct the G.I's how to behave in foreign countries. Jack was smart and came from a well educated family - so he didn't need special instructions on how to conduct himself in a foreign country - while a lot of primitive acting, barely literate American solders serving in Germany - behaved like idiots when they visited European countries. It's a shame they couldn't send exclusively American officers to serve overseas.
I mentioned to you before about that memorable, military dependents', cheap chartered flight which I took when I flew to Germany for the first time - to join Jack right after we got married - having several spoiled little kids on board - screaming, carrying on and behaving like little pigs since their stupid mothers took advantage of the situation - which always gets on my nerves a lot. I asked the stewardess to do something about it to which she replied that she wished she could but it was not her place to reprimand some "dense" in their heads - parents. Even though my appeal to the stewardess didn't take care of all the three idiot mothers who let their little kids run wild - still it was a good move since one of those moron moms heard our conversation and put a considerable breaks on her loud and obnoxious - offspring.
I - normally - like to be around the reasonably well behaved children - however - the spoiled brats whose parents are afraid to say "no" - common in the U.S. - really make my skin crawl - big time. Both parties make my skin crawl - equally - the lousy parents and their screwy - children - heading for some sort of taxpayers' supported venues - no doubt. I always try to do something about some idiotic phenomena which I encounter - it might not take care of the total problem but it will do some good.
* * *
After Germany - we travelled to California - since Jack could pick the state of his permanent residency once he was finally done with his army duty. Jack and I still had to finish our university education - and at that time - the college tuitions in California were almost free. Thus the answer to my prayer to "unload" the gigantic Ohio State University - came in the shape of a lot smaller and friendlier San Francisco State University campus - much better managed than the Ohio State - a legendary, "infamous" - huge "monstrosity" of a college campus whose football team featured prominently in every campus activity - notwithstanding the legendary football coach - Woody Hayes who suddenly landed in jail.
San Francisco State University offered me a Journalism degree from the department - just as good - if not better than the one at the Ohio State. During our first two years in San Francisco - we explored that glorious looking city and liked it a lot - however - after living there several years without the change of seasons and after getting to know various "plastic" psychos - common to Northern California - both Jack and I - were happy to drive back to "our" Midwest - to Chicago - in the middle of January which was freaky hot in Los Angeles where we stopped to visit close friends on our way out - back to Midwest - to Chicago. Jack accepted an excellent job offer from Chicago's well known TV station - after both of us got our degrees from San Francisco State.
We didn't expect L.A to be that unnaturally balmy during the January when we were leaving California after living there for four years; Northern California - especially San Francisco is well known for its - almost always the same - weather - a steady, cool spring wind which doesn't let up. At first - it felt great until we got sick of its monotony and of course their thick fog during the winter months can get on anybody's nerves a lot. As we were approaching the severely cold and windy Chicago - both or us were happy to "unload" - California for a long time.
Chicago has always been great to us in every possible way and its magic continues till today. Whenever I go back there - it's as if I belong there - notwithstanding its many problems which are all very familiar to me. It's as if no matter where I go - Chicago starts calling me back like a persistent, great ex-lover so I have to go back to see how they have improved their annoying "ways". The city never lets me down since for me - its exactly the way Frank Sinatra sings - "My kind of town - Chicago is."
* * *
Dearest Tina,
It's New Year's Eve - again and I am waiting for the word from Chicago that my apartment is ready. Towards the end of the last couple of years that I have been in Pittsburgh - I started to miss Chicago a lot - as always - even though Pittsburgh is a nice, hilly city - especially the glorious, mountainous Squirrel Hill - is fun - still - I can't wait to get the hell out of here - back to "my" Chicago where our closest friends have lived in Skokie for a long time. The most irritating factor about Pittsburgh is the fact that the hills are super slippery and treacherous during the winters. It's absolutely no fun to negotiate them in any manner. Their typical winter's lack of traction for cars or even for the walking feet - can be infuriating. Chicago can get very cold, snowy and wintery - but at least - it's flat.
I can't wait to get the hell out of Pittsburgh - especially when I'm thinking about our old friends waiting for me in Skokie where they have lived for a long time. I can feel their energy giving me a lot of pep - since our brother Max - works my nerves a lot - lately - with his eternal, exaggerated - constantly loud pronouncements of his deep love for Pittsburgh since his liking and trust for people - has always been at the bare minimum. From the moment he first arrived here some thirty years ago - he continues to constantly brag about this town which gets on my nerves a lot (Max and this town); my irritation with Max stems from the fact that I have always loved Chicago - more and more each year - (without any special reason that I can think of immediately); consequently - whenever I am around Max or Pittsburgh for an extended time - I can't wait to get the hell out of Pittsburgh and get out of Max'es face - as well - for a long while. I try to be nice to him but it's always better to keep some distance since his personality can easily get intense and overbearing to the max - especially ever since he got older. I always know that the less I have to deal with Max - the better we get along.
* * *
I - usually - make the right decisions involving my major moves - even though during the last several years - I have been "schlepping" back and forth between Chicago and Pittsburgh. I know that at times it's necessary to go "back" for awhile - so the next proper move "forward" can be smarter and more permanent.
Even though I know Chicago well - it can get lonely - at times - but so is every place - for a short time - as far as I am concerned. I am not scared to be alone with my thoughts - the way some people - are.
* * *
Dear Tina,
While December was freaky warm this year - January started out with a spat of very cold weather - luckily - so far Pittsburgh with its steep hills - doesn't have to deal with a big snow fall - however - as every winter I start counting the weeks until spring about this time of the year - consequently - eight weeks left - the worst is over.
I like to look outside - at times - at the snow covered mountainous view out my window - especially when the snow just barely covers the mini mansions and hills. It's fun to remember some important days which were snowy or summery - they stand out since they were beginnings of some memorable chunks of my time in my life.
* * *
It was a gorgeous first day of June a few years ago - when my older niece - Alee - helped me pack my rental car - she is the one who is responsible and nice most of the time - and not - acting disturbed and hostile - the way some members of our family - can behave - without any special reason - sometimes. I was leaving Pittsburgh to head towards Chicago - early in the morning. I felt as if the Fate put the wings onto my rental car.
After Pittsburgh's thick morning traffic finally cleared out - it felt great to zoom out on the interstate - towards my small, new apartment which I rented in Chicago - located close to a large, glorious beach front - typical to the North of the city where the streets end almost at the very beach front - beautiful and glimmering with various summer hues of bluish/green during the summers - when Chicago's - Lake Michigan beach/parks - simply glow with a summer mood - while a constant light breathe blows gently from the lake.
Even though that whole summer was unusually hot - my small, efficient A.C. window unit kept me cool but not overly cold while the newly remodeled radiators - insured the warmth in the apartment during that - unusually cold - winter that year. I couldn't help comparing how the Chicago's designers re-designed that building with the way Max did it when he remodeled - "on the cheap" - the top, third floor apartment in his Pittsburgh's Squirrel Hill - mini old mansion - the one which I usually rent from him when I'm in Pittsburgh. Since he installed only one - old and inefficient window A.C. unit - the summers there feel awfully hot. The winters at this newly remodeled, top floor unit at Max'es old, mini mansion - are too cold since he opted for a big, cumbersome and expensive - in terms of the bills - all electric system - no doubt - "on the cheap" - again - so this "shyster system" blows tons of cold air first during the winters before - finally - "spitting" some warm breath. He always insists that the ridiculous system he chose for the third floor apartment - is "excellent" - even though he - himself - has a lot more efficient gas heating in his unit as well as a lot better - cooling apparatus in his second floor - unit's windows - for the hot summers.
Long story - short - even though I can't wait to go back to my efficient, Chicago apartment - still - I appreciate all the nice things about Max'es spacious third floor unit with the pleasant, hilly view - which is a lot of fun to glance down at - out of the numerous windows.
* * *
When I arrived in my newly remodeled Chicago apartment close to the gorgeous Lake Michigan - lakefront - several years ago - I knew that that summer will be glorious in every way. I simply loved the summer days by the lakefront followed by the evenings in my cozy, cooled by my new window A.C. - apartment. Several times per week - Milochka (our long time Skokie friend - with a couple of her friends - did some fun stuff at the Skokie's Old Orchard Mall - full of fabulous, gorgeous venues of every kind.
The fall and winter which followed were equally good but the next spring I suddenly - out of the "blue" - got a chance to move out of the city into my favorite northern suburb - Skokie where several of our long term friends have owned the townhouses ever since they moved to Chicago from Eastern Europe.
I don't know exactly why I decided to move back to the city from the suburb of Skokie - into a glorious looking high rise right by Lake Michigan beach front with fresh air - every morning - smelling of sweet Lake Michigan glowing with different shades of bluish/green - every morning - as I was taking a long walk along the beach front while I listened to Chicago's morning talk shows.
The sequence of events which frequently happens in my life - for a reason - always amazes me - even if - at times - I don't know exactly why I make the moves - which I decide to make. The whole process reminds me of following a hidden script - written by Fate which is hard to alter and that's why I always think positive thoughts which can influence - to a great extent - the sequence of events for my life - so they - for sure - always follow the best possible course.
* * *
Dear Tina,
I told you before that - for some mysterious reason - all the great things in my life happen right after the New Year - at the very beginning of January - usually when the ugly cold spats - feel awful outside while inside the house - the fireplace and the hot Irish Coffee make the snow outside look and feel like a fairly tale.
I told you before that during the memorable month of January - quite a few years ago - after Jack and I were newly married in December and he was to leave for Germany to finish his American army duty while I had to follow him within a month as a military dependent on a cheap charter flight only available to "new" military wives - the cheap flight which I didn't like at all because of a lot of little kids there acting loud and obnoxious since their mothers "conveniently" ignored them.
However before that flight - the whole month of January - while Jack was calling me from Germany every night - was one of the best months of my life. I walked around the Ohio State campus feeling like a queen on the top of the world as I looked at all the stressed out students, faculty, staff and everybody else - through a totally different prism - namely - in a few short weeks I was leaving for Europe so it felt great good not to worry about the exams or other stressful factors of that nature. I needed to settle a few scores in a "joking" manner - so that was a perfect time to do it.
* * *
"Let's go visit that goofy political science department where I worked last semester - then we'll have lunch and laugh about it," I said to my new friend Katarina who just like me - came from Serbia a few years back and already "learned the ropes" around the gargantuan giant - Ohio State University. She needed to "settle" a few scores - as well - since some young faculty "Gods" could act - in a condescending and degrading manner so the smart "payback" in terms of some - off the cuff - comments about their lousy personalities - could be a lot of fun.
"Want to say 'hello' to that good looking prick professor who constantly talks in a derogatory manner about the coeds who jump in his bed - as if he doesn't have anything else in his life to make him feel good about himself."
.
"Yeah - the other one there is a lot smarter since he says some interesting stuff - a lot."
"Yeah - I know," I told Katerina that I also had a crush - for a while on that "other" guy - a handsome faculty - but decided that Jim is enough of the "young, handsome male faculty" factor for me and was glad to "dump" him when Jack appeared in my life.
She told me that she had "a lot of feelings" for a while for the "vain and stupid" faculty guy who couldn't stop talking about himself - then she met her steady boyfriend so she could "dump" the "peacock" who didn't expect her move so he spread vicious gossips about her for a while - hence - she really liked a minor opportunity for "a small, fun payback".
"Thank God - I was never attracted to this idiot - but his general 'trash' talking about various coeds - always got on my nerves a lot - so some fun payback going towards him - was long overdue. I am glad that you had a chance to do it."
Katarina and I had a lot of fun together for the rest of that January but after I left for Europe to join Jack - we lost touch for a while.
Chapter 22
Dearest Tina,
I told you before that certain things happen to me because they are meant to happen - no matter what I decide. I remember the first day - Jack and I opened our newly remodeled coffee shop/bakery/deli - to our customers - the affluent "yuppies" who were all moving in to the newly re-established Southport/Belmont/Irwing Park - corridor with a lot of new businesses - opening massively - which stayed trendy, fashionable, "she-she-poo-poo" and popular for awhile - but closed down - after a short time in operation - for various reasons. All this urban renewal was happening in a lot of Chicago neighborhoods which were - previously - dumpy and run down - just like Southport Avenue between Irwing Park and Belmont.
After working as a sales rep for awhile - I convinced Jack that I can run my own business since I learned all I needed to know. He agreed to "finance" my new enterprises until I got "off the ground"- so we rented a store front and remodeled it into a well designed, small bakery/coffee shop/deli.
Jack and I stood behind our new counter after we opened our doors at 2 minutes after 10 a.m. Both of us felt excited and proud of our newly remodeled business. Our store's small but effective stereo discreetly played jazz - Pat Metheny's trumpet's solos sounded great. We loved our business - not seeing ahead - how it would accelerate the dissolving of our long term - union. When I look back - I think optimistically that all the bad stuff in our lives happens - for a reason - and bad events might happen anyway - in a different manner. Good things always follow the trying times. I have learned early in life to believe in myself and have a good self-image - not that all those positive things are easy to practice when life always throws some new and unexpected hurdles down anybody's path. The successful appearing people get their trials as much as everybody else; sometimes even if they only appear successful - will be enough to make themselves - targets.
A young guy came in about a minute after we opened the doors to our new business.
"You just opened - right?" He appeared neutral - not unfriendly as he examined our business. He was dressed lavishly/fashionably like a typical "Yuppie" going to his new job - downtown - Loop which might last for a year or close to it - then he might be back at his parents' house - in his old room which would be changed into a guest room - until he found another "Yuppie" job - maybe in New York, Los Angeles or Chicago.
"We like this neighborhood - all the new shops around here look vibrant," I started a small talk which he interrupted by asking us if the coffee was fresh.
"It was just made fifteen minutes ago," said Jack and smiled but his smile was returned by our first "Yuppie" customer - quickly and in an obligatory manner.
"Okay - I will have a small coffee. How much?"
"Two dollars - we have only one size,"
He gave me two one dollar bills which I took as a good sign since I wanted to immediately tape those two notes onto the wall in the back part of our bakery.
I gave him a generous sample of our blueberry muffin which looked glowing and gold - cut up in small pieces on a small, nicely decorated paper plate.
"Our products have a very distinctive look and taste." I quickly explained that we grind our own flour in the big, stone grinder in the back of our bakery - then we refrigerate it and treat it like a perishable food stuff so our products are uniquely fresh, filling, delicious and distinctively glowing looking.
"It tastes pretty good - the smell of your grinder is also noticeable - kind of - like you just baked fresh bread but better. I - should be back soon but don't know when - you have a lot of competition up and down the street - though."
"Thanks for informing us - pal - but you have a good day and thanks again for stopping by," said Jack with a small smile.
"He was not all that encouraging. The next one will be nicer."
"What do you care if they are overly nice or not? Just keep making a good product - they will all come - tons of customers - from out there. You are not in politics - you don't need to - needlessly - kiss every voter's ass."
* * *
I loved running our coffee shop/bakery for the first two years with our fabulous products quickly penetrating a lot of classy venues in Chicago - however - at the end of two years - Jack and I needed to make an important decision to expand our production which would involve taking on some large, risky loans.
During the same time - he and I quickly developed a lot of - sly but deep problems in our - previously - mostly successful marriage/partnership. There were tons of various reasons - why we - started to "rub each other the wrong way" - a lot and frequently. The main one being that he considered himself a main decision maker in "my" business. He felt "entitled" in a big way since his help after he finished a hard shift at his "regular" job - was - at first - crucial so I could "get off the ground" in establishing "mine" - not our business venture.
Long story short - after we ran our business for several years - both of us decided to sell it - since with our marriage "faltering" and ready to execute "an exit strategy" - I - by myself - couldn't - yet - secure a large business loan - in my name only. The dreams of my own enterprises - took hold in the back of my head and became my driving force but for the moment - Jack wanted out of our business and out of our relationship.
I found myself at the important crossroads of my life. It was scary and exciting at the same time. My new life would begin as Maggie Osborne - not any longer as Jack and Maggie Osborne - our union which was successful for many years - unraveled - which happens to a lot of "two careers", middle aged - couples.
* * *
After we sold the business - I missed it a lot - at first - but I got busy with trying to get a job - to pay the bills since I didn't want to "dig" into some money I got from my divorce settlement. Looking for a job is always discouraging, grueling and hard. The people who are in a "temporary" position to hire - like to play God a lot - as if their position was guaranteed by some "forces" not to change and shift and - frequently - on a short notice.
* * *
"Max - I hate Chicago. It feels lonely and huge."
"You don't need to be there. Sell your townhouse and come to Pittsburgh. You have a lot of friends here and we all love you. You need to be close to your family when you start a new life."
He sounded convincing and at that time I needed to get out of Chicago for awhile - so I put my newly rehabbed townhouse on the market and with its favorable location in the northern part of Chicago - close to Skokie - it sold in a short time. I was able to make some decent money on the sale of my townhouse - since Jack did a good job of totally - rehabbing it - so it looked and felt - new.
After - I arrived in Pittsburgh in the middle of the winter - I rented a small apartment in a decrepit, three unit building which Max tried to sell so he didn't do any special maintenance only if things literally - were falling apart. It was located in a small, deteriorated suburb close to Pittsburgh's glorious Squirrel Hill where Max owned a mansion-like three unit, classy dwelling where he rented out a couple of units - presently taken - where he always occupies the biggest, second floor apartment.
After trying to get a job in Pittsburgh so I didn't need to put a dent in my sizable chunk of money for my future business - I found out that Chicago could easily offer me much better jobs as an interpreter for their numerous courts. It wasn't steady employment but it always pays well. The only jobs which I barely obtained in Pittsburgh were all low paying telemarketing positions which never last past a few months since the managers constantly want to maintain a high turnover with a steady supply of "new hires". I knew that I could work in one of many Chicago - courts - as a foreign languages - interpreter and I would make more money. Chicago is a bigger "job pie" with a lot more job action than a much smaller work market - Pittsburgh with their decent jobs quickly and permanently - taken - for a long time.
After a year in Pittsburgh I got sick of my decrepit building's apartment - rented from Max while he frequently rented out to other tenants - some lousy ones - my "new" neighbors - without checking their references too much - as long as he promptly got their first month rent from them and their security deposit. Chicago started to call me back so I decided to go back to "my" Chicago which I began to miss like crazy - as always - and I knew that things will be much better for me there since I had nothing to loose; I needed to get out of Pittsburgh before it "rinsed me out" of my hard earned - chunk of money.
* * *
After I arrived back in Chicago - I rented a ground floor room from a middle aged, handsome Anglo named Jim Evans who owned an income building - a three story, twenty one unit dwelling which he constantly remodeled - in a west part of town - currently occupied by a lot of Latin American folks of various qualities - after the Polish people moved out and "up" - into more north of the city and to some northern suburbs of Chicago.
That building was a good "cash cow" to Jim who divided each small, two room apartment into two locked rooms so the renters shared a small kitchen, hallway and a bathroom. Jim collected rents by mail or in person without writing any kinds of leases - after he initially - asked and received the first month rent and the security deposit.
He loved to tinker in his building for several reasons - the main one being - his fascination for attractive women who rented from him for a short time - so he felt important for a brief time notwithstanding his nagging middle aged wife and his four demanding teenagers ready to start college soon - so he needed cash.
Jim frequently mentioned his married status and his four unruly teenagers as if people - especially women - would be expected to feel compassionate - towards him. To his credit - he treated his temporary renters in a fair way - as long as they paid on time. The moment they skipped or shorted him on the rent - he - frequently locked them out of their respective rooms with their stuff - outside in the big dumpsters behind his building.
* * *
While I worked short assignments as an interpreter in Chicago's courts - I kept looking for another moderately priced place to live - but Chicago's rents are high so I stayed in Jim's building a lot longer than I intended. At first - he appeared a typical middle aged father trying to support his family in a half way decent way - while he always complained about them to his renters - half strangers - who would move out of his building never to be heard from again.
The winter looked as beautiful to me - as always. I noticed with horror mixed with an amazement - that I began to feel attracted to Jim for no special reason other than I started to notice his extra-ordinarily good looks. His hair was thick, gray and pleasantly contrasted with his bright blue eyes. His body appeared muscular, with a wide bone structure which started to show after he lost some weight.
"You should have been finished with this shelf quite a while ago," I said to Jim who tinkered with a shelf in our small kitchen which I shared with my temporary roommate - a fat nurse who was always at her married boyfriend's house since his wife worked out of town.
"I like to talk to you and I like to look at you," he said with a small smile which melted me on that cold winter night.
"Don't you have to go home to your family?"
"You don't like my family?" Asked Jim with some unexpected hesitation in his voice which surprised me. He almost always appeared confident and cocky - convinced that people are interested in him and his family stories.
"Why should I like them or dislike them? I am dealing with you and not your family".
"I have been in love with you ever since you have moved into my building."
"You're in love with every woman who smiles at you."
"Maybe - since I have a good heart towards people - but you're special".
"Why don't you look at Madonna since you have the same chance with her. I need your love like I need an extra hole in my head."
* * *
A few months after we had this talk - I was all packed ready to move in with an older lady in Niles - northern suburb of Chicago - close to Skokie. Since she had a big house - she rented some rooms to professional women. The neighborhood was a vast improvement over Jim's location which was crawling with a lot of semi-criminal elements - usually illegals from Mexico or South America.
I had mixed feelings about moving out of Jim's building since I knew that I will miss him - in spite of my strong resolve - to get away from his rental property. On the other hand - I was happy to get the hell out of that neighborhood and his building which had the winding stairs - smelling faintly of poverty - an old sweat scent mingling with the smell of old dust. I always despised the odor of poverty and swore to myself - to avoid it as much as humanly possible.
Ms. Wagner's house smelled like her fresh garden she had in the back of the house - while her large, clean and bright kitchen always had a scent of the apples - which was the smell of a detergent she used for washing dishes.
My large room in Ms. Wagner's big house consisted of a room and a half in her high, finished basement so I had my own access from the back of the house - to my small, garden apartment "quarters". Things went well with Ms. Wagner for a while however after the massive spring flood filled my apartment with lots of water - I ended up having to sleep on the couch of her living room where I rarely could get a decent night's sleep. Ms. Wagner suffered from a sleep disorder whereby she had to wear a device looking like a gas mask which made her pass through the living room almost every night and she was noisy and didn't even try not to wake me. She also refused to lower my rent since I didn't have an access to my small apartment. Luckily - it didn't take me long to find a small apartment in Skokie which I shared with a professional Russian woman - much younger than me - but mature and responsible so I lived with her for a year until I got established in a part-time job which paid all my bills. It was time to move to my own place since I like to live by myself. My move back to Chicago was paying off - while in Pittsburgh I was going nowhere - having to dip in my hard earned - cash reserves.
Chapter 23
Dearest Tina,
After I rented a small but new apartment in Rogers Park - I felt very optimistic about my prospects - for the moment. My part-time job continued to pay all almost all my expenses so things were looking up for me in every way. I didn't miss Pittsburgh at all and it's always better to talk to Max on the phone - rather than having to deal with him - in person since his strong aggression traits could make him act unpredictably hostile - suddenly - at times - for no apparent reason. He is getting much better about it - as he gets older - thank God. I guess he feels the need to mellow - since - now - nobody in our family - needs to accommodate his "crazy" - tantrums - too much. I heard his oldest daughter putting him down in his place - on the phone - and he "laughed it off" while when he was younger and she was small - she was afraid - I guess - of loosing his love or something. Now she has a husband to love and her little boy - smart, gorgeous and adorable to the max - who is another addition to our family's vast collection of various "geniuses".
* * *
A few years ago - when I lived in Chicago - finally - by myself in my small, new apartment close to the beautiful Lake Michigan's beach at the end of my street - after I got on my feet - financially. I had to struggle for a while my family - didn't give a "hoot" about my needing a loan to hold me "over" which I subsequently got from my close friend - Milochka who always believes in me.
It had to be a year or so when I decided to take some action about Jim - my ex-landlord regarding him returning my security deposit. I decided to take him to Chicago's small claims court - to recover - my money - which he still owed me while he arrogantly didn't even bother to call me back to return any of my messages regarding him returning my security deposit.
However - he got a good incentive (a kick in the rear) to call me back after he got summoned to appear in court - then he - in turn - left several messages which I didn't return - for a change. Instead - I left him a word on his answering service - my important message was short and to the point - either I get paid immediately - my deposit in full - or we go to court - so they can find out that he did not issue any receipts for any cash payments he got from me and other renters - but I have all my checks made out to him - which I got from my bank.
Long story - short - both of us arrived in court almost at the same time and we were offered to settle our grievances without having to go before the judge.
While we sat at the table discussing our respective claims in front of the lady who was to settle our problem - I pondered for a moment how the relationships between people - frequently change. At first - it was business between me and Jim - then we were friends of sorts - with some intense feelings for each other - then he felt angry and rejected since I left his building. At the end we were sitting in court - trying to recoup some money from each other.
He agreed to return most of my security deposit - claiming that I didn't give him enough notice to vacate - which I did - but without securing some substantiation - a piece of paper which needed to be notarized.
* * *
I noticed that a lot of positive energy could be very useful - in some tight spots all of us encounter. My best friend - Milochka - gave me a very nice color photo of a beautiful, glamorous, dark haired woman in her thirties - an advertising version from the Art Deco - nineteen twenties; a solid colorful image of an attractive looking female dressed according to the fashions of the day - but she had two large wings attached to her shoulders. I hung that poster close to my Ikea bed and she became my special angel. On some mornings on which I have to face some people who - I know - want to mess up my plans - I add a small request to my "angel" in addition to my brief morning prayers to a "regular" - God. This kind of magic works a lot but I can't always count on only one source of positive energy. My life's events change weekly or daily - just like a toss of a kaleidoscope - which make it interesting.
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