Memoirs
Updated on
Mon. - 05 - Oct. - 2026 - please - go to 16th Installment - chapter 203.
Work of fiction. Any similarity to real people or circumstances - are purely - coincidental.
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Chapter 1
Hello Tina - my most favorite oldest sister in the world,
It's been some time since I have come back to "my" Chicago - for the second time - after being away for two years in Pittsburgh, Pa's - Squirrel Hill - a totally "she-she-poo-poo", fashionable, international - part of town - where - as you well know - our brother Max walks around as if he owns this part of town where he has been a landlord of his old, three unit building - in which he takes a lot of pride - but due to his big stinginess combined with a pronounced shade of laziness - the inside and the outside of his old mansion - always need a lot of work. His lack of maintenance especially stands out since his neighbors do a good job of caring for their respective - multi-units.
I told you that during the last several years - I have been "shuffling" back and forth between Chicago and Pittsburgh's - Squirrel Hill - a trendy part of Pittsburgh which is hilly and lovely. As you well know - when I leave Chicago - I - and stay in mountainous Pittsburgh for a while - before the splendid Chicago - starts calling me back - while Max has always loved Pittsburgh's Squirrel Hill - where he bought his old castle style - big, three unit house - many years ago. Even though Squirrel Hill is a gorgeous part of Pittsburgh - a city full of picturesque hills - there is no other city for me like "my" Chicago - notwithstanding its numerous problems which change from summer to summer. Still - the summers in Chicago by the glorious, changing colors daily, sweet smelling lake Michigan - are always fantastic.
At times - I like to remember the summers when Max's girls were little while we were very young in Pittsburgh's - Squirrel Hill. It seems like only yesterday his older daughter who just turned thirty five - was a year old, just learned how to walk so mother and I dressed her up like a doll and pushed her stroller around the hilly and gorgeous - Squirrel Hill. When almost everybody commented how beautiful this child looks - our mother made her famous "figas" under the stroller - the famous folding of the thumb finger between the index and the third finger - to ward off any bad spirits which may act up in response to those numerous admiring and envious - compliments.
Today - she is all grown up - and has an adorable, three year old little boy of her own - little Cyril whom I adore. When I pick him up and look into his pretty brown eyes - he looks amazingly just like his mother when she was a toddler - almost as if a part of her spirit got embedded into her son. He always tells me his baby tales since he talks a lot like a little genius - of course - like everybody in our family. His little voice always sounds great to me; I could listen to him - forever.
You know how the magic of love renders us blind, deaf, stupid and insane - for a while - anyway. I am expecting little Cyril and my niece (his mother) plus her husband to visit me this summer in Chicago. Her voice sounds good to me when I talk to her - almost - every week. I can't wait to hug this little guy - again - and hear his small but amazingly clear voice tell me his little stories - again. For certain - as our lives progress - our thrills and joys - also undergo steady changes.
Tina - I told you before that a lot of the important decisions which I make about some major decisions for my life - feel to me as if some outside force prompts me to go in certain direction; its a good force - I know that - even though - I can't readily identify how - exactly - those decisions are made. I know that everything that happens - comes out for the best even if at times - things seem going in a rough manner.
Lately I decided to hang out with some new friends since a lot of my old Chicago friends started to get on my nerves for various reasons. For example - I used to always adore Milochka - no matter how rudely and in an inconsiderate manner - she frequently expresses her unsolicited opinions regarding my life - which has been her lifelong annoying habit. Lately - after I put some distance between Milochka - she finally straightened out to a great extent - her lifelong, deeply rooted, unpleasant habits. It took a while - but I am not going anywhere in the near future - so in the interim - our glamorous cousin Yulitchka - is my major confidante. I can't wait to visit her, hug her, smell her beautiful perfume and see her family (our second cousins) again - in the beautiful Vancouver, B.C where they have lived for the last fifteen years. That project keeps me busy; its one of my long term tasks - another one is my future trip to Israel - while some other immediate objectives keep me occupied every day. I found out that if I inform you about my imminent plans - everything goes smoothly - otherwise I don't talk too much about my plans and projects.
I need to tell you something about Chicago that everybody knows - namely - it's a very exciting town - no doubt. Chicago is the center and the heart of the United States. It's a magnificent, heartland of this country, splendid in many ways - and the envy of the rest of the world - nevertheless - it has a lot of problems which change every months and for sure - every season - as the old ones are solved - the new ones - appear. That's how everything works.
Presently - the Chicago's mayor decided to combine quite a few of severely underutilized grade schools since nobody would touch the mostly - awful - high schools with a "ten foot pole" due to their rich infested with all kinds of vicious, young hoodlums of various colors, backgrounds and other "persuasions". That's not to say that Chicago doesn't have a lot of excellent public schools - the so called "magnet" schools or charter schools which show good results.
The public schools' teachers union has been behaving in an awfully abrasive and nasty manner. They don't produce anything tangible; they don't show any profits - on the contrary - their evaluations are lousy - so they shouldn't bleed the property owners and other taxpayers for more and more money for public schools. The place for the employees unions belongs in the companies who produce goods while they show profits. When the companies show gains - they need to support the employees' unions and to share their gains with the people who work for them. However we all know well - that the minute the wide global competition - closes the facilities down - they let all their employees go - union or non-union. The workers have to find other things to do. That's the way it goes now in 2013 when the global trade and international business makes all the prominent nations trade with each other on a big scale - thus most countries are vulnerable to each others' important internal events.
The teachers' union and their long term members fight for the "steady", guaranteed incomes. Their president gets a salary close to a third of a million dollars per year - in addition to that - they blatantly draw their bloated retirement pensions which squeeze the taxpayers' - dry - in Chicago - and continue to cost the taxpayers millions of dollars per day - extra - which runs the deficit budgets - more into the dangerous - red, negative balance - territory. Not only the politicians don't do anything about it - to the contrary - they don't give a hoot about most of their - hard working, middle or low income - constituents -while - the rich, Chicago teachers' union is calling everybody who tries to talk some bloated budget sense into them - "racists" and "bandits" who do not care about Chicago's poor children. So why doesn't the union president work for free for those children instead of enjoying a third of a million dollars in salary which bleeds the Chicago property owners and various other taxpayers?
In addition - Chicago Public Schools Systems are an abominable union "close" shop - which means that whoever starts teaching in Chicago public schools - immediately pays a large chunk of their salary to the union which does almost nothing to protect the outstanding probationary teachers while they have to support a lot of the semi-competent the so called tenure track teachers - the "lifers" - who should be doing something else - other than teaching the youngsters. The first year contracts for Chicago teachers are enormous since the general public foots the bill. This situation plus their bloated, underfunded pensions - are pounded upon every day by all the local media - which just makes your proverbial "skin crawl" - big time.
Other stuff going on this summer 2013 - the Chicago Black Hawks - the hockey team - just won the Stanley Cup. It's not that I and a lot of other people in Chicago give the "rat's ass" about hockey or other sports - but tons of other Chicago-ans are happy, going wild - however - some of those "enthusiasts" - vandalize the businesses as well as the private property owners located close to those huge sports' venues.
After they had their "ticker parade" downtown which usually creates a nightmare to get through Michigan Avenue - just like when President Obama comes to Chicago - I know that all this stuff will quiet down. All this "hoopla" will pass quickly the glorious summer of 2013 can resume with tons of free concerts and other "freebies" paid for - only partially by the Chicago taxpayers but - mostly - by rich corporations - so far - so good.
Hopefully - the last of the huge summer parades - are finished; while the gay pride parade took place at the beginning of the summer - and thank God this year it was not - a disgusting and revolting event - as it can be - at times. It's not that anybody dislikes the gay people who show some civility and good taste or anything like that. The heterosexuals who publicly display a lot of ugly, exhibitionist, extremely loud actions - also make our "skins crawl". In addition - we don't like to be called "homophobes" each time we criticize some gay excesses. The constructive criticism is always useful and effective.
Around the middle of August - I - usually - get sick of the summer - especially if it's a horribly hot, humid and full of awfully long heat waves like the summer of 2012. At any rate - I love the fall season and the beginning of winter is also fun - if it's not a fierce winter - like they frequently happen - in Chicago.
I noticed that after I am in Chicago for several years - all the city's numerous issues start getting on my nerves and I long for the beautiful, mountainous Pittsburgh - which is quite a bit warmer in the winter - than Chicago - with Pittsburgh's - pretty, hilly Squirrel Hill - a beautiful part of town where our family has always lived - starts to look good to me. After I am in Pittsburgh for several years - their West Virginia, poker faced hillbillies and other numerous idiot acting elements - start to bother me there - big time and I start missing the international, gorgeous Chicago. I am seriously thinking about going to Vancouver, B.C. for a part of the year - preferably during the Chicago's fierce winter. Vancouver, B.C. has a paradise on earth - moderate winters.
I also noticed that while I visited you in Israel - everything in Israel feels right to me as if I belong there; however - I can't stand Israel's long, hot, never ending - summers. You commented many times - that even though you have always loved Israel and lived there almost all your life - tons of stuff constantly going on there - gets on your nerves - a lot - as well. Then you added something which I will never forget - "No matter what - Israel is where we belong - it's our country and we love since it's our homeland."
I would love to live in Israel for a part of the year or - at least - to spend the fierce Chicago winters there - Israel feels like a paradise on earth during December, January, February and March - while Chicago during those winter months - is usually immersed in cruel single digit temps with the snow crystals and the famous Chicago wind - beating fiercely over the Chicagoans praying fervently for the spring - to finally arrive - always followed by the glorious Chicago summers - with the gentle breeze flowing from Lake Michigan into the vast parks by the glorious Lake Michigan.
The Fourth of July came and went - this year the Navy Pier Park - which usually shoots the most glorious displays - during the summer 2013 - shot only eleven minutes of puny fireworks. Last summer they displayed a half an hour of gorgeous fireworks - in a triple digit heat. Thank God this summer continues mostly cool and splendid - so far. On the eve of The Fourth - lots of places shoot the fireworks around Chicago. As you know I still live in the northern suburbs which start to get on my nerves since I like the city of Chicago - especially the enormous parks close to the Lake Michigan which is where I usually live when I live in the city - so almost every day I go for an early morning walk along the special walking path close to the silvery blue - Lake Michigan.
The suburbs shot nice fireworks which I could see through my window; the displays ran short - not like some summers when they go crazy with the noise - all night. They were a lot of fun to watch. My friends and I are going out dancing this weekend. The new ballroom studios constantly open and close around Chicago. Some of the nicest studios are located in the Loop/Downtown - however during the summers when the center of Chicago is full of tourists from everywhere - the downtown Chicago at night is not the safest place to roam with all the petty and big hoodlums on the loose.
One always has to be careful and streetwise when moving around town since during this summer 2013 - as every summer - tons of happy tourists descend on Chicago - as every summer. It's nice when they come - but it's even better when go back where they came from around Labor Day holiday. This city likes to show off and has tons of every imaginable exciting stuff to present to the visitors - but enough is enough - in addition to being a great thing for the city - this huge influx of the summer visitors - also creates some problems.
Chapter 2
My Dearest Tina,
The summer is zooming by fast and we are having tons of fun while the world - in general - is ready to explode for various reasons in various dangerous spots which the mass media "pounces" upon - every hour on the news. Nevertheless - I made a firm resolution to keep a positive outlook on life and not to associate, pay attention to or deal in any manner with any noisy, negative, mean spirited, ugly individuals of any kind. They - permanently - stay out of my way and out of my family and true friends' way - as well. Every new day is a new beginning for me now - I appreciate all the good things - the little ones and the big ones - finally happening in my life. I thank God every day for all the opportunities I get in my life - finally. Of course - I vigorously "dig" in every direction so my goals are always in focus. It's not easy to be successful - but failure is not an option for me and other people whom I admire.
This year - summer 2013 - they shot short and puny fireworks displays from Navy Pier in spite of super good weather while last year - Navy Pier had half hour of superb fireworks - in triple digit heat. Last night I was out with my long term friend - Alina - who got on my nerves quite a bit - as if my earlier resolve to distance myself from the people I have known for a long time - but who frequently get on my nerves - holds firm - so far. She always likes to talk about the same stuff - how our lives were totally different when we lived in Eastern Europe. I always look ahead into the near future - as well as further - down the road - so her endless speeches about the past - which I heard many times - get on my nerves a lot.
It's good to keep a "poker face" when anybody gets on my nerves and when I watch all the colorful, typical to Chicago - types and some of them look - awful; they don't need to read my face. It's always good to keep a "poker face" - just in case. It's a big town full of all the imaginable kinds of people but what's interesting is that - the most famous and exciting celebrities from the U.S. and other famous countries - can't stay away from this city. Because of that - one needs to be streetwise at all times - a big city like this one always attracts a lot of crazy elements. Anybody moving freely around a big town like Chicago - needs to be careful and always a few steps - ahead.
I told you that I love Chicago during the summers - when the city - glows with fun and excitement - however - as always - one has to be careful, streetwise and constantly think quickly - on your feet. It's a big town - full of tourists - up and down the glorious Michigan Avenue. At the beginning of the summer it's fun to look at them - however - towards the end of the summer season - it's nice when the kids go back to school and all the tourists go back where they came from after they spent their money in the city.
They publish a lot of exciting magazines in Chicago and since the publishers want to attract the younger readership for their ad revenues - their printed stuff is exciting even if it borders at times on a slight porno - while still being tastefully erotic. Some Polish and Russian young publishers the so called "young Turks" since they are brash and determined - do an outstanding job in terms of distributing a lot of local and international printing materials of excellent quality - which are free to the readers.
Hey, Tina - this coming week is important because I have made almost all the arrangements for a smooth and quick - move back into the city. The suburbs might be good for families with the school aged kids but for a "city slicker" like me - used to the exciting hum of a big city - the suburbs feel dull like living in a congested small town with their familiar, "small town" idiots encountered too frequently - in a grocery store and other places. That gets on my nerves a lot since I don't like to look at various losers and half-idiots. It's useful not to focus on them more than absolutely necessary and not to make any disapproving faces since they shouldn't know what I'm thinking when they glance at my "poker face". Its more useful and productive to smile and pay attention - almost exclusively - to successful and attractive people of all ages - while I only glance over some idiots' faces.
I love to live in a center of Chicago - close to the lake - where the summer parade of all kinds of tourists and other interesting human types - pass me every morning when I walk along the Lake Michigan shore/park - it's exciting to observe various types from all over this country and abroad who come to visit Chicago every summer. I also love to watch the foreigners making big asses of themselves as they walk down - totally magnificent Michigan Avenue and copiously take photos with their phone cameras. The Japanese tourists - normally - appear very precise, happy and eager to record everything they see in Chicago. Of course - you know that Chicago is full of Poles - tons of them are crawling around Chicago - and for the most part - they are good people. Here - they are in the United States - it's not "their" Poland where they can be free with their numerous national hostilities and prejudices. Needless to say - a lot of Polish people visit Chicago from Poland every summer - most of them speak decent English and behave in the same manner while they are in the United States.
Tomorrow - the heat wave will break. Unlike the last tortuously hot summer - this summer's the heat waves are short. I - presently - live very close to the gloriously silvery blue Lake Michigan which blows a pleasant breeze towards beautiful Chicago shores/parks - all summer - so I walk by the lake almost every morning. I told you before that Chicago is gorgeously - gorgeous during the summer. In the winter - it's an altogether a different story with the fierce, famous Chicago wind blowing mercilessly from the lake.
Did I ever tell you that I have this "elbow" theory regarding negotiating the busy places of Chicago in the rush hours or when I plow though a dense human concentration? When I take the public transportation which is necessary in a big city - some of those types riding the public transportation will - most definitely make your skin crawl - big time for a lot of reasons so it's very important to keep a proverbial "poker face" since you absolutely can't make various faces of disgust in front of them. If I feel that too many people are in my personal space - I skillfully use my arms and elbows around. It's all done inconspicuously - so anybody getting too close into my personal space - will "accidentally" get jabbed by my elbows after which I will say "excuse me" and smile a non-committal, "poker face" half a smile.
This is one of the nicest summers which I can recall - lots of fun - in additon - tons of important things of all kinds happen to me this summer - while I make damn sure - they continue to happen in that quick and effective mode. I am very happy with Milochka's recent change of behavior. She straightened out her screwy habits so we can be friends again. Not that I am not glad that things turned out that way with her - but she is not nearly as important to me as she was in the past. Some people like she - have a lot of good qualities and a few - seemingly - big shortcomings which - as it turns out - can be easily eliminated.
I told you before that I hate it when all the national and international celebrities - come to Chicago looking for validation and love from all the local media plus all the people here. If they are that talented and great - why don't they find the cure for cancer or some other terrible calamity inflicting people?
Last night my friend Ellen and I went to watch various people and little children dancing at the enormously popular Summer Dance Series - generously sponsored by the city of Chicago and held outside on a big dance floor at the lush Grant Park. The live band always plays for the dancers of different ages, skill levels and backgrounds. I like this Sunday ballroom dance event the most - because it takes place early in the day - also the ballroom variety of dancing is my favorite. Ellen is a good, solid person - a new friend - whom I have known for several years but only last summer we started to get closer during the last year's yearly Summer Dance Sundays. She is tall, masculine and plain looking even though she is not a lesbian. If I saw her more than once per week - her slight Louisiana "drawl" manner of speaking English would get on my nerves but she is well educated - so her affected speech is less irritating to me and also - I got used to it. I respect her since she is sharp, streetwise and quick on her feet - to think logically. A famous African American leader - local to Chicago - Rev. Jessie Jackson - also speaks in that Louisiana "drawl" manner which makes it easy for the comedians to make fun of him. Ellen is smart and shrewd and I always respect those attributes - still if I saw her more than once per week - she would get on my nerves - you know me.
I like to be surrounded by male and female friends who are successful, elegant, attractive and full of savoir vivre - but while I constantly look for new, accomplished individuals - I try not to neglect my old friends whom I got to know well over the years with all their good and bad qualities which - at times - so I non-commitally - attempt to "straighten up a bit". Things always change for the better for me - since I never stop looking for more advatangeous situations of every kind; since everything constantly shifts and moves up for me - just like a quick, daily toss of a colorful kaleidoscope. My important goals - which change into a reality - so the new goals constantly begin - makes the process which keeps my energies focused well. The daily flow of my life - continues.
Chapter 3
Hello, my most favorite oldest sister,
It's August now - so in another month the summer will be ending and the fall wind's smell will come towards the end of August. As much as I like the summer fun in Chicago - I can't wait for the autumn which has always been my most favorite season. I start waiting for the fall - towards the end of every summer.
It was very windy the last few days - so walking close to the lake - was bothersome - thus I had to walk a little farther from the Lake Michigan - in the park - adjacent to the lake. The Chicago city planners constantly do a magnificent job of making huge and small parks - as close to the lake as humanly - possible. Today, tomorrow and Sunday - the winds should quiet down - enabling me walking right next to the lake - which is always not only fun but I get a dose of fresh, morning energy after looking for the color of the lake which changes almost every morning. The Lake Michigan has a slightly different color almost every day. Some mornings it appears more blue while other days it glows with more green.
Yulitchka is getting ready to visit Chicago. She can't wait. Remember when you visited here the first time? You loved everything a lot - then you got used to the city and all its beauty. When you first got to Chicago - you never had enough of driving along the Lake Shore Drive and watching the magnificent Lake Michigan side of the city's skyline during the day and at night. Then you got used to all this beauty and didn't even notice it.
After all - Yulitchka and her family has been living in a beautiful Vancouver, B.C for the last ten years. When I first visited Vancouver last year - I found it just as breathtaking as Chicago. I know that she will be comparing Chicago to Vancouver which is by no means any "chopped liver" big city - as compared to Chicago - a famous international center of global and all American - grandeur.
Chicago has always had tons of foreigners from many different countries constantly living and working here. They - normally - stay here for a while - sometimes longer - while they - normally - dream about returning to their home country. Nevertheless the foreigners - usually - become naturalized Americans - especially after they start working here if they have salable skills thus they contribute tons to a high standard of living in the U.S.
The Americans who were born here in the U.S. - frequently - outwardly - appreciate all the vast contributions done by us - the naturalized Americans - however - frequently - during the economical downturns - the U.S. develops the underlying current of the hostility towards the foreigners; the last few years - while the U.S. and the rest of the world has been suffering the economic lack of growth - the underlying currents of undeserved resentments towards the naturalized Americans - became quite obvious - one can "cut those with the knife". Those idiotic trends come and go and they usually coincide with the economic trends in the U.S. economy.
Most of the Nobel prizes won for the U.S. - which improve the standard of living for this country - are won by the naturalized Americans which means - foreigners - and the Jews - but instead of appreciating that fact - the Americans - born here - the so called "Wasps" - which consider themselves the elite - the white anglosaxon protestants - the presumed - top layer - frequently "snicker down their noses" on the foreigners and call them all kinds of derogatory names especially when slightly drunk - among their own bodies - in their posh private clubs where they can feel better than anybody else - for a short moment. If they are smart they know very well - that they can only indulge in that kind of stupid behavior - occasionally - or they will come under heavy scrutiny and they will be "hosed" down with the same kind of criticism - they themselves - like to dole out to other people - when given an opportunity.
Tina - I can remember a lot of happy summers in Europe when we were little - that is - you were always a teenager when I was still a child. One of the happiest summers - all of us spent in a gloriously beautiful Polish mountain resort nestled at the feet of Polish mountains which which had pretty rose bushes of different colors in front of each clean summer villas - rented out to us by the locals families - when we - the families of big cities' dwellers would come to spend a few summer months there - while the rightful owners of those villas - moved into crowded quarters of their relatives or close friends - for the summers while they rented out their villas to us.
We all dressed up in fancy clothes and went to the gorgeous park full of beautiful flowers - where the orchestra played magnificent tunes and the life was great and simple. Sometimes it seems as if it was a long time ago - but at times - it feels - like yesterday. However - I much prefer to focus on today and tomorrow. This coming weekend the weather should be nice - I have some super good plans for the coming weekend.
Last week I went to the very exciting lecture downtown Chicago early in the morning. The international organization served a super good breakfast - of various fruits (beautifully arranged), coffee, fresh bagels plus selection of cheeses. The woman lecturer - appeared extremely knowledgeable about the international politics - with her specialty - Iran. She spoke "to the point" - didn't get sidetracked with "personal stories" - in short - she was an excellent speaker. The only problem with that lecture - in my opinion - arises from the guest lecturer being a part of their staff from New York City - instead of getting an outside speaker. Nevertheless - it was a good lecture where I - easily - have made several good contacts - for my lectures - since that organization has a lot of members - on the level; they are well educated, well connected, fashionably groomed and fun to be around - my kind of people.
Chapter 4
Hello Tina, my favorite oldest sister,
I told you that things happen for a reason in my life while a lot of events are meant to happen as if certain things "want" to happen - no matter what I decide. Each summer reminds me of various loves of my life. Remember when after I divorced Jack - quite a few years ago - I was madly in love with Roberto - for a while - mainly during that one summer which was - probably - one of the most beautiful summers of my life. It was a great time of my life - but it was also a very bad time for me - as well. I became too dependent on every little move this youngster expressed towards me - his smile could make me soar but each time he frowned at me - my whole day was ruined. I didn't like this situation but I couldn't free myself for a while - as if some evil magician cast a bad spell on me. I knew that there are ways to reverse that magic.
At the beginning of our friendship - I was very relaxed around Roberto who seemed perceptive and sensitive in spite of his young age. He appeared a close and good friend at first - since he was - frequently - making me laugh. He looks - gorgeously gorgeous but he is always modest about his great looks. He seems focused and goal oriented as well as being intelligent and quite streetwise - having gone through some hard times during his childhood in Durango, Mexico. I liked to listen about his life and his childhood - and after he also mentioned - at length - several of his ex-girlfriends - I thought that we will always be easy friends.
I am not sure how and why this feeling of casual and comfortable friendship changed to an obsessive preoccupation and constant thoughts about him - where he was - with whom - what he was doing while the images of him making love to some young girl his age - started to hurt me in an almost physical way.
I knew that I had to free myself from this suddenly powerful - bond to Roberto which gave me some big highs - when I looked at his smiling face with his brown eyes narrowing but my longing to hear the sound of his voice on the phone or to look at him - even for a moment - felt awful to me - since I like to make my own decisions and to call my own shots.
I couldn't talk to you about it since - at that time you were also involved heavily with your husband's best friend. Your sons were furious with you and our father worried that it will break your marriage which - thank God - didn't happen. At least - I was already divorced when I got involved with Roberto.
"I don't know how and what happened when everything changed so much between us in such a short time," I was trying to explain my confusion to our big brother Max who - supposedly - knows everything there is to know about the relationships between men and women - but by the time he was thirty - as you know - he was already married for the second time and his second marriage was "on the rocks" for a long time.
"I am sure - he noticed that immediately", Max always likes to lecture me about men and other things, "When he starts talking about any money you got from Jack - you need to dump him right away and in general - if he doesn't treat you right - show him the door. There is more where he came from - for a beautiful woman like you."
I fervently wished - at that time while I was obsessed with Roberto - that I could be that blaze about everything - especially about men.
However - it was obvious to me that I needed to dump Roberto and find me some other interesting, new energies for my life since my new, free lifestyle - at first - appeared scary to me. After all I was a happy part of "Jack and Maggie" team for a long time so - it was frightening - suddenly - to be in a group of women looking for a man - the same group on which I used to snicker down my nose when I was happily married to a great guy, like Jack whom almost every woman - wanted. I needed to adjust to being me - on my own - and feel good about myself.
The thoughts of getting rid of Roberto out of my life or at least - attempts to put him "on the back burner" the way Max suggested - terrified me at that time - not that I didn't try. I didn't know then - as much as I know now - about various effective ways to keep the men or other exciting but addictive - elements - on the "back burners of my life" while I glow with some other various lasting, positive - energies.
* * *
After several months of me waiting literally "on pins and needles" - for Roberto's calls so I could always initiate our next meeting - like going out to dinner - while he - clearly - enjoyed his steady upper hand - I realized that I needed to stop seeing him - I needed to stop all the contacts with him since he became like an addiction.
"Hey - Max - I need to dump this little shit - he thinks - he has me where he wants me."
Our older brother Max always loves to be our adviser.
"Just call him up and tell him that you are not interested in friendship with him - since you met a middle-aged man - on your level - so this thing with him would interfere with it. Keep it short, simple and stick to your guns but don't be bitchy or anything like that."
"You have a lot of experience in that area."
"I - usually - do the dumping - but not always", he added modestly.
"Yeah, right. With your Napoleonic complex - I can't imagine anybody dumping you."
A few days later - I was talking to Roberto on the phone in a semi-casual manner and when he asked me if we could get together I "seized the moment".
"I think that - from now on - we need to be 'just friends' for a while. You can call me sometimes if you want to talk to me - but I am - currently - kind of busy with other - things in my life so this 'friendship' with you would interfere with my lifestyle," I couldn't believe how casually my voice sounded even though I was trembling inside.
There was a silence for a long moment.
"I understand. You need some space - I will never stand in your way - I told you so before. If you need anything - call me."
"Okay. Thanks."
After he hang up, I felt - for a short time - as if a part of my heart died - but I knew that I did the right thing. You know me - once I shut some doors behind me - I plow ahead - even if it hurts a lot for a while; I know that things will get better. They always do.
* * *
It was a hard year, but some days were better than others - the year went by. I missed Roberto and thought about him frequently. It was good to be with other people, so I started to go to several Chicago's ballroom dancing studios which was a great thing to do - I also got more involved with Israel - that is - I was reading the Jerusalem Post weekly and watched for any international news from Israel. Some days were easier than others but after a year - everything got better. It always does.
Right now - things are - finally - going really well for me - in every area of my life. All the major storms are behind me. I am involved in some exciting projects - as you know. After my novel got published and it sells good on Amazon.com - I can lecture in various venues around Chicago. Of course - I make sure that my series of lectures are super exciting for the public. In addition - for the first time in my life something really good and well deserved finally happens to me - namely - I set my own fees which I keep fair and reasonable for the public - as compared to other lecturers around Chicago.
Remember when I used to relate to you in more detail than you ever wanted or needed to hear - how my supervisors - frequently - picked on me for various reasons. Now - they can all - first - "go fly a kite" then "jump in the lake" - I don't need them anymore. It's a good feeling but it's even though it's an arduous way - to get there. One has to work hard, work honestly and have a clear, positive goals and a good vision for himself or herself. It's not that hard - people do it every day. I don't get discouraged - easily or for a long time - once I set out to do something.
My most current project is to deliver my yearly/one per month - series of lectures in various press clubs and other clubs in Chicago - which means that I am lecturing to a group of journalists - many of them with Pulitzer prizes to their names. Sometimes it's hard to keep the confidence - up - but I can - usually - hold my own - even among the people who try to "impress" me - or at times - to intimidate me. One has to practice the self-confidence - a little bit - each day. It's not such a big deal to get good at it.
Yesterday I went to a lecture in a prestigious press club in Chicago and the lecturer - a prominent local journalist with a prestigious Pulitzer to his name - delivered a boring, tedious and self-congratulatory "drivel" which was way too long. Needless to say - your little sister - seized the opportune moment to - tactfully - get the hell out of there - but not before I made all the necessary contacts - to enhance and effectively promote - my series of lectures which are exciting, informative and a lot shorter than - his - one hour and a half of boring, empty and needlessly - self - centered - "drivel".
Of course - my all-time idol has always been a famous, "muck-cracking" Chicago journalist named Mike Royko - who passed away a while ago. This legendary commentator on Chicago politics - wrote a super book titled "The Boss" which shines a great light on the political dynasty of Chicago mayors - Richard Daley, his father, his brothers, their sons.
However - when I tried to read his daily column in Chicago Sun Times where he worked before he started with Chicago Tribune - it seemed slightly boring to me. I guess it's hard to come up with some interesting stuff - every single day. Nevertheless - Mike Royko is a lasting legend among Chicago's journalists - while - needless to say - the "Royal" Dynasty of the Mayor Daley's political family - eternally despises him and his book - for exposing their political grip on power in Chicago which lasts till today - but thank God - in watered down - version.
Chapter 5
My Dearest Tina,
The summer of 2013 is ending and even though it was cool and beautiful - in every way - I want to "get rid" of it so the glorious fall season - always my favorite - will arrive. Every year the fall goes too fast - and the fierce Chicago winter - starts "ruling" the city.
I picked up three volumes of "Gone with the Wind" nicely translated into Polish - that summer - as I glanced over the books in our friends' small library. I looked the volumes over - started to read about Margaret Mitchell's life which got cut short due to a "freak" accident which killed her when she was only like forty-three years old and newly - a famous international celebrity who herself looked like a movie star.
I remembered seeing the short clips from the 1939 Oscar ceremony in which "Gone with the Wind" movie took many, many well deserved Oscars. The movie rights were bought by David Selznick for the unheard of before - price - of fifty thousand dollars and when they finally started the production - all kinds of extra-ordinary stuff were happening all the time during the time of the filming. David Selznick hired and fired the directors while Vivian Leigh's life - who played Scarlett O'Hara - also underwent a lot of important changes.
That memorable summer when I was an older teenager - ready to graduate from high school in Poland and maybe complete my first year at the University of Warsaw - before coming to the United States - my life totally changed after reading a thousand pages of Margaret Mitchell's - absolute masterpiece - "Gone with the Wind" - in an almost non-stop manner. I strongly decided to become a writer/journalist and write just Margaret Mitchell - so the reader gets totally absorbed and involved in the story - to the point that they can't wait to get back to the book or the article.
You know Tina, sometimes I think that in some ways - some events in my life - will happen - no matter what I decide. It can be awesome - I love when it happens even if it's a little scary - at times.
After I read - almost non-stop - the three volumes of "Gone with the Wind" that memorable summer - I carried each volume with me for a long time - like something I loved and didn't want to part with. It's a great high for a writer when the reader wants to carry their book with them - then keeps coming back to the story - as both lives change - the writer's and the reader's.
Some summers are defining and important to me - even though - as I mentioned to you many times - I really love the fall with the leaves changing colors, mild weather and the promise in the air of fun winter with the star holiday - the New Year's Eve coming up before long.
* * *
It's almost fall in Chicago. Tina, the weather is glorious. Yesterday I went to visit my old friend, Ruth. She is getting to be a very old lady which I didn't notice before since she used to look - at least - twenty years younger than her real age. Last year - however - she started to lose a lot of weight off her slim frame. In another words - she started to show her real age so now she is home - rarely goes outside - only if her friends and family take her for a walk. She is very lucky that she can have some helpers so she can live at home - instead of - "crawling around" in some nursing home where the crew - normally - don't give a "hoot" - even if the facility is expensive.
I told you before - Tina that I have been friends with her younger cousin - the one who speak with her Louisiana drawl accent - which - sounds phony to me and it started to get on my nerves more than ever. This summer she added additional irritants to her personality - namely - she developed various, new summer skin sensitivities that give her an excuse not to wash her body thoroughly which gives her a body odor or B.O. which I noticed a lot more this summer than during the last year. I know that last summer which was an awfully hot one - she - evidently - washed her body - more - than this last summer of 2013 - a much cooler one.
That and her Louisiana drawl/accent started to work my nerves - big time - when on occasions - when we would attend the outside park concerts together - I would start to smell her unwashed body since she sits next to me. One time this summer - I decided to try an "opaque/oblique" approach - to improve her personal hygiene - a bit. I broached the subject lightly by saying that "some people don't even take a simple sponge bath during the hot days of summer - so they smell".
She started to sniff - her underarms until - she got the hint. Tina, I wish you could see the expression on her face - it looked really funny. You know me - while I don't like to be rude to people - I find an effective way to communicate what needs to be said. At any rate - her constant excuses regarding her various "sensitivities" and "allergies" also got on my nerves a lot; she thinks that all that - gives her an excuse to not to clean her house properly - which also smells like dirt - so I am told since I always find an effective excuse for not visiting her at home - especially during the hot summer days.
* * *
Lately I have been spending some time with my new friend - Julie. She seems to have a lot of nice qualities which I appreciate - however the fact that her new car is always messy inside - tells me something about her personality.
I made a strong decision about meeting new friends who are - outstanding, successful and fun and there are a lot of people like that in Chicago who would like to be friends with me.
I told you before that I have a lot of cyber friends with whom I am in contact via the web. It's amazing how close I can get to some people whom - at first - I don't know. However as the time goes and we express our various views and opinions on Youtube's various clips - we get to know each other over the years. It's a fascinating process in which I made some meaningful friends - but I also lost some - and of course - the new ones always - appear while the old ones - come back. The cyber space is like another version of interesting life/parallel life - it's very exciting.
Yesterday I watched the exciting tennis match by two top female tennis players - one was an established champion - looking strong, powerful, undefeated like a cross between a big tank and a super mighty animal - her opponent appeared a lot smaller, slimmer - a lot more human. I always pull for the underdog. It was amazing to see the strength coming out of the plays of the slimmer player. The slim "underdog" really gave the established champion a big "run for her money" - notwithstanding the lady champ's gigantic, muscular physique - she appeared like a huge, muscular gorilla/tank. It was a good game which showed a lot of promise for a slender but strong - opponent. You know what they say Tina - in order to beat the champ - you have to really "destroy" them. The sportsmanship always amazes me - right after the contestants' fierce fight - at the end of the game - they hug each other. Awesome. This phenomenon should happen a lot more in real life.
I have the theory regarding the pay backs. Our family supports it as you well know. We believe that after we always need to "even out the score" in some way - first - but after that - we can be friends with our ex-opponents.
After all - the likes and dislikes are the opposite sides of the same coin - and one can follow another - soon. At the moment - I can honestly admit to you that I dislike most of my "old" friends but I know that it will change. I don't like to abandon my old friends - unless they "cross me". Milochka - for some mysterious reason - doesn't get on my nerves - nearly as much as my other friends - get on my nerves at times - for certain - its because Milochka straightened out her "crooked" ways - to a large degree.
* * *
Hey, Tina - did we ever talk about some great times we had during our long chats - while we sipped some red wine which - definitely puts us in a good mood. Needless to say, we never overdo the red wine during the winter nights or beer during the breezy summer evenings when the chilled beer tastes heavenly. Nobody wants to drink too much - but some alcohol is a great helper in some tight situation and general fun enhancer when entertaining or closing a lot of fabulously profitable and good for everybody - business deals - the kind the smart people - especially our family members - almost always - accomplish.
Chapter 6
* * *
Tina, do you remember how the youngsters in Europe loved to ride the motor scooters? They were a lot of fun during the warm spring, summer and fall days. Of course, the bad weather always spoiled the rides in the open vehicles. Our older brother Max absolutely adored his tan colored Lambretta scooter, and it was a lot of fun for me to ride behind him while he enjoyed himself, his youth, his life. When I studied for one short year at the University of Warsaw - I dated a few good-looking guys who owned scooters which were always tons of fun - it's a shame that in the United States - the cars are the main modes of transportation for the youngsters.
I told you that when I get up early - every morning - I like to say a short prayer which always gives me a lot of "good" energy for the day ahead. Before falling asleep - it's also good to spend a short time on meditation - to clear out some negative moments of the day.
Finally my life entered a very good stage for which I waited for a long time and worked very hard to achieve it. My projects are excellent and a lot of people - including me - finally - really enjoy them plus that goes together with - all of us - earning - the well deserved - royalties. The last most important factor has finally arrived. We are having a lot of fun while we honestly earn our well deserved - monetary rewards. Life is finally - really great for me - after some typical turbulences so now I know for sure that even though - things are finally really good for us - everything gets progressively better and better and better for me, my family, our true friends and our second, precious homeland - Israel. We always love the U.S - first - her many good people who offered us not only the sanctuary but a real home away from true home - our Israel - which we will never forget and will always continue to bless the U.S which means we shall keep contributing in tons of positive ways - to the good lives for tons of decent Americans who will always appreciate us - the decent - even if not always perfect - naturalized Americans.
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