The Memoirs
Copyright @L.Hadley 2026
Updated
Mon. Oct. - 05 - 2026 - please - go to 16th Installment - chapter 203.
Work of fiction. Any similarity to real people - dead or alive - or real events - purely coincidental.
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Chapter 32
Autumn is usually very beautiful in Chicago - but winters can be fierce in January and February. March usually brings a lot of warm days which feel heavenly - especially after particularly harsh winter months. What's annoying about the spring in the U.S. - is that - at times - bothersome heat waves can start right at the beginning of the spring.
This coming winter promises to be great in many ways; the winter holidays are always a nice time of the year for me - especially around Chicago where this rich city celebrates in a big way. During the last winter while I lived in Max'es old rental in hilly Pittsburgh - I dreamt about glorious Chicago winters in my beautiful townhouse in North part of Chicago - close to my beloved - Skokie where my best friend Milochka has owned a townhouse - "forever and a day". I chose to sell my townhouse and move to Pittsburgh when I decided to leave Chicago - ten years ago. I have frequently regretted this decision - but a lot of good things came out of it - as well - and there is no use to "cry over spilled milk."
Max'es rental was poorly insulated for the winter since Max doesn't spend proper funds to make sure the place is properly winterized - consequently - the unit was frequently on the cold side - especially if the strong wind - blew - during a particularly blistering winter day or night. The space heater which was previously permanently installed and helped quite a bit during the winter before - was removed by Max since it might present - "a fire hazard" - according to Max - which is a truly a "poppy cock" argument.
He - himself - however - has several space heaters in his big unit below the one which I occupied. It's a good feeling to get into a better situation - from not so good - one. Even though Pittsburgh's Squirrel Hill where Max - "rules like an emperor"- has always been an interesting, top notch and "with it" area of Pittsburgh - still - my present "turf" - a cool neighborhood - in a desirable area of Chicago is definitely - a lot more that way; at any rate - so far - so good. One day at a time. Let the time go. It's important that the good news continues for me and gets better each day. I paid my dues of hardships while my family "didn't give a hoot." It doesn't matter so much what they do in Pittsburgh since I have always had several close friends in Chicago area. My relationship with my close family is always better - when I am away from them. My close friends here in Chicago - need me - as well.
* * *
A nice fall morning comes to mind when several years ago when I decided to move back to Pittsburgh's Squirrel Hill after Max has assured me that the upper unit in his old, stylish, mansion like - three unit house located in a fashionable Squirrel Hill area - has been thoroughly remodeled and updated by him. He has done a good job on selling me on renting that small apartment from him which was previously occupied for many years by a long term renter - a quiet single guy whose days and nights all seemed the same. He went to work during the nights then he slept during the day. Max always extolled this particular tenant's monotonous existence since the rent was paid on time and he never bothered Max. Even though those two shared a similar outlook on life - namely - not to get too close to other people - they never became friends of any kind since Max "doesn't mix business with personal matters" and the only closeness Max believes in is the kind a man and a woman can forge as lovers. Max has had quite a few long term and shorter - term - relationships and he is used to being alone a lot even though he assures anybody who would listen that he is open to a next relationship. He has high requirements regarding his future girlfriend however due to the fact that he is stingy with his money - the kind of woman he would like to be with - would have little interest in Max.
During that fall when I decided to move back to Pittsburgh a few years ago - Max has assured me that the top unit in question - in his three unit mansion - has undergone a serious "face lift" which it badly needed. That "eternal" tenant which occupied that small place for many years before I - finally moved in - also needed some kind of a lift as well - which he never got - since he died suddenly in relatively young age after a short illness. Max never mentioned that to me. I have found out that creepy detail quite by accident after living in that unit - for two years - on and off. Still I kind of like that old apartment - oddly shaped but charming - in spite of its numerous shortcomings - but - my current apartment in a nice area of Chicago is much, much nicer. I strongly believe in moving ahead in every way - all the time - as much as possible.
Lo and behold - at that time - several years ago I decided to leave Chicago since the fancy new building located close to the gorgeous Lake Michigan shores in which I occupied a small unit - turned out to be populated by several "psychos" on the "loose" because the landlord - evidently - didn't properly check their references - as long as he got the money from the aforementioned psychotics - for the first month rent and the security deposit. That business practice is kind of similar to the one which Max used to exercise for quite a while - until he got "burned" several times by letting some heavy duty disturbed individuals with money into his rental properties.
When I first moved into Max'es - allegedly - thoroughly "remodeled", old unit - after I came back from Chicago - I noticed right away that he spent minimal funds on improving it and didn't do a good job of it - at all. However - even though the winter came right away and his "elaborate", all electric, new heating system left a lot to be desired - as always with his projects - since the huge contraption he installed made a lot of noise - but generated "puny" heat in the midst of hard winter - common in the hilly Pittsburgh. However when the summer arrived - the unit - immediately - started to be awfully hot. Max always does stuff for other people in the family - "on the cheap". The summer which followed - began immediately from the really hot and humid days - which felt awful to bear since his weak, puny cooling system in the window - again - made a lot of noise but almost didn't cool the top floor at all. For that hot upper floor apartment - Max needed to install - at least two, large cooling, window systems. Instead - as always - he installed several powerful cooling window systems - in his unit - below the one which I occupied - so his rear end was cool and comfy - during that blistering summer.
At the same time at the very beginning of that hot, hot, humid, sticky summer - I was powerfully helped by some magical "twist of fate" - which always comes to my aid at the right time; a blessed opportunity suddenly appeared just in time for me to get the hell out of Max'es hot apartment into a new building with excellent cooling and heating - systems. It felt like a paradise on the earth. Max was "ticked off" for a while - but he always "cools his jets" after some time passes. He reluctantly understands that I need to do what's best for me since he himself almost always does what feels best to him without much consideration about other people - especially if it involves his family because he is more thoughtful towards the strangers with whom he does business.
* * *
Most of the talk shows which the Chicago AM radio stations present - sound totally fascinating every morning, afternoon and night. I especially like to listen to Michael Medved whose erudition and ease of communication - have a few equals in the talk radio "landscape". I - especially - like when he quickly and effectively "disarms" a lot of misguided but seemingly - smart - "lefty" liberals who - nevertheless - repeat worn out - leftists' - slogans like parrots. Maybe they should live in Venezuela for a while - maybe Greece - could show them how the strong central government manages - maybe they should live in Cuba or China - perhaps those experiences would cure them a bit. Margaret Thatcher observed that socialism works really great - as long as there are talented and enterprising people still left - so the fruits of their labors could be "divided up" and "distributed" among the "masses".
I really like the town hall style political debates where the audience can ask the candidates hard questions since the "alleged" mass media representatives - the journalists in the U.S. and the rest of the world - are blatantly - "liberally" slanted. Most of them are rich so they can be generous with their phony "lip services" to the poor. They shamelessly advocate their phony "biases" towards the "phony liberal" leaders who - normally - also always give an obligatory "lip service" to the liberal causes while in their heart of hearts - are usually "closet" - elitists - big time - thus - "snickering down their noses" on anybody who is not well educated like they are and well off - financially - while they - frequently - accumulate millions of dollars - not by running businesses, taking risks and at times "flying by the seats of their pants" but by learning how to skillfully - maneuver various political trends to their best advantages.
The hard core "political hacks" - the long term professional politicians are viewed by many hard working people as utterly disgusting individuals - who usually don't have to "play by the rules" which the politicians set - frequently - to profit themselves big time - first of all. The long term - honest and hard working politicians are rare since most smart and energetic people - "get the hell out of politics" - because they know plus are are not afraid - to do other things - equally well.
The massive legislative efforts should be advanced immediately from the numerous - "grass roots" - suckers - paying tons of taxes "through the nose" - who need to insist on immediately instituting - term limits for any aspiring professional "political hacks".
* * *
Now that I am back in Chicago - I have more opportunities to get involved in advocating for Israel therefore I am looking for a group of people with whom I can pursue these goals. Without some beneficial goals - life seems just an empty "journey" - floating - vulnerable to any "winds" - while leading nowhere special. So I am looking for a group of several of smart people - who advocate for Israel - since according to the Chicago Jewish paper - Obama and Clinton are not pursuing friendly policies towards Israel.
I consider overly religious groups advocating for Israel - too one sided. After all - the true Israelis - the Sabras who were born there are not very religious. They believe in much more than a biblical miracle contributing to the creation of the state of Israel which survived tons of most violent attacks from the numerous enemies - inside and out of that country - always facing every powerful, hostile "factors" trying to shoot it down. Those legions of enemies - change frequently. I know that the groups of people with some similar goals are frequently more effective than one individual even though - at times - a single person - prominent in some way - can - at times not only change the course of history but accomplish as much or more than a group.
* * *
The Jewish High Holiday - Yom Kippur - or A Day of Atonement - when God looks into everybody's sins - has always been important to me; it sounds awesome; God - supposedly - looks into everybody's sins committed for the past year and decides who will go into a Book of Life and who will "wait" until there is an improvement - that premise has always fascinated me to no end. I always wonder about what is "permitted" and what is not. How do some individuals "squeeze" through but other wait?
A lot of Jewish Scholars have written numerous articles regarding that matter. However - as far as wise sages go - advocating for a terrific life - right here on Earth - the Jewish religious writings have tons of them. The life on this earth is important and not nearly as important than the promise of Heaven of some sort - which is far.
That does not mean that among Jews are extraordinary numbers of people of flawless characters and behaviors - even though - for some mysterious reason - the non-Jewish world seems to hold the Jews to much higher standards of morality - than they expect of themselves - since they are frequently - overly generous with their own flaws while quickly point out the exaggerated and mostly biased accusations against - Israel. The purported "anti-Zionist" movement of the twenty first century - allegedly seeking justice for the Palestinians who are "snickered" upon by their rich Arab brothers is no more than the new anti-Semitic, virulent Nazi style movement which - unfortunately - leads to the Global Disasters on the like of the Second World War.
* * *
One of my most favorite literary heroes has always been Pearl Buck - a magnificent American writer, a lady who noticed and skillfully wrote about all the important aspects of a human life, a Nobel Prize winner for literature - whose interesting - poetic but true to life - stories easily pass the test of time - but who was - nevertheless - also frequently "savaged" by some narrow minded - literary critics and other individuals - some of whom were - no doubt - resentful of her great talent. Voltaire observed in his eighteen century masterpiece "Candide" that most of the critics are like "castrated eunuchs - jealous of individuals who make love".
In my opinion - the true measure of a great writer would be their stories or fragments of them - firmly embedded into the minds of the readers with the thoughts about their beloved pieces of literature - frequently accompanying them in many life defining situations - especially if the readers think of the writers' pieces during some hard moments of their lives - maybe to ease their difficult passages knowing that those will pass. The readers also remember joyous passages while they know that those will pass as well.
* * *
I like to take the bus in Chicago while the morning is still fresh - that way I get to look at many poor but clean and sweet looking foreigners of all kinds who came to the U.S. with their respective meccas being one of the big towns like - Chicago - and while they're looking for better lives - and deserve a lot of credit in that respect - breaking the law to get to this country is another matter. What about the legions of legal immigrants who work hard, play by the rules and enter this country - legally?
However - later in the day - most buses and trains in Chicago - begin to be "infested" with all kinds of creepy, nasty and vicious human types of every imaginable nationality, religion, race or other "persuasions" - who crawl out of their holes and "circulate" around - causing all kinds of nasty "mischief" - at times - brazenly - since the jails are too full - around the city so I don't know for what reason those types walk this beautiful earth and this beautiful city.
* * *
Chicago's various "normal" neighborhoods present most glorious snapshots of the rich history of this - once - magnificent big town - which today - unfortunately - stands at the important crossroads for a lot of various reasons - a major one being the crooked politicians - here - and nationally - "for sale to the powerful - bidders - the potential voters - for the moment - anyway".
The big cities like Chicago are currently full of all kinds of petty criminals of all sorts and nationalities with a generous sprinkle of criminals' "wannabes" - only waiting for some kinds of unrest - so they can also start causing problems. Thank God people still have guns which deter those ugly "elements" to a great extent.
Chicago and other big cities in the U.S - also "sport" tons of mental cases "adorning" most big, beautiful cities during the summers and "frequenting" all sorts of public transportation during the winters - and most of emit a smell - not necessarily in the group of the excellent perfumes still filling the counters of the rich, exquisite department stores. Those are unfortunate human beings - nevertheless - it's puzzling that even though millions of dollars are spent or wasted - trying to solve the homelessness - the sad situation still continues to grow like a ticking bomb. Maybe Elizabeth Warren - a famous "socialistic" goddess and her followers - will be able to ease big problems of homelessness and poverty in the U.S. as well as in other Western countries.
* * *
A few years ago I was struggling financially in Chicago but during that time I was briefly in love (so I thought at that time) with my married ex-landlord. As an early middle aged divorcee - I knew how to keep that great feeling "on the leash". Still it was a great time in my life in many ways notwithstanding a lot of difficulties which I was happy to "unload" - permanently after my feeling/enchantment with Jim - finally ended. It had some "teary" moments but also a lot of "highs" which turned out to be almost useless at the end. Everything in my life - counts or not - depending on what happens at the end.
Currently - my life is good and continues to improve steadily since the main, big demon - the fear of extreme poverty - ended permanently after my ex-husband's and my own - pensions - finally "kicked in" so now I can do whatever I want - professionally - without worrying at all about paying my bills. The new minor, "petty demons" which appear and disappear from time to time are much easier to "dispel". The major fears invariably - pale and disappear - when positive and rational thoughts and actions always prevail in my life.
Now - I thank God every day - that I have a nice place to live and a comfortable income so I don't have to worry about paying my rent at the end of the month. Each day is different and fun - just like a "mini life". Some days are better than others but as long as my long term friend and confidante - Milochka listens to me and we get together to talk - at least once a week - my life continues in a good mode which gets better each day. Even if - at times - today is not so good - tomorrow always gets much better.
* * *
Chapter 33
Sometimes I think about Jim - my ex-landlord who occupied my thoughts - a lot more than I wanted - when I lived in his building a few years ago - his three story dwelling was divided into small, tiny units - which he called "apartments" in an exaggerated manner since those tiny places were total "chicken coups" to the max. It was hard for me in those days. Things are much better for me now and getting better each day.
At the "times of Jim" a few years back I couldn't afford a nice place to live so I found Jim's rental in the south/west Chicago through his promising ad on internet. Jim successfully employed "bait and switch" tactics since the "good size apartments" he advertised - turned out be small rental rooms with tiny, microscopic size kitchens attached to them - all located in his three stories building in the south/west Chicago. He leased the rooms out on a "shake hand", short term bases - never executing any leases of any kind. He was roaming around his building - ostensibly - rehabbing some rooms which enabled him to snoop on his renters - especially the newly moved in - at least - semi-attractive ladies.
While he was nice to the regular "payers" as long as they paid on time - as soon as one skipped on the rent - they were quickly locked out of their units with their belongings in the big dumpster in the back of the building. I feared and disliked him at first and avoided him like a plague even if I always noticed his big, muscular frame and rugged good looks - mainly his thick gray hair complemented the bright blue eyes which smiled frequently. He always looked good to me even when he was overweight at the beginning of my six months stay in his building located in the north/west changing neighborhood of Chicago - however - after he subsequently lost excess weight - he started to look enormously handsome - a few months after I moved in.
At times his big, muscular frame quickly circulated around his building - his own kingdom/domain - and at the beginning he appeared like a half spirit of some sort but I subsequently found out that he was getting extra favors from his female tenants - especially after he lost weight and began to look extremely good. During my six months living in his building I discovered many layers of his personality - which - usually - happens after one starts dealing with a person for an extended time.
The temporary tenants whom I avoided as much as possible without being overly rude - moved in and out of Jim's building since they were in the transition of some sort like me - thus they stopped there only for a while - on the way to a better place to live. It was also good for Jim as well not to have any yearly or semi-yearly - leases.
* * *
I will never forget one beautiful, cold winter night with beautiful snowflakes swishing around outside the window of my nicely fixed - rental room in Jim's building. The night felt like the one from a magical fairy tale. It was right after the Thanksgiving so Chicago was immersed in the - "winter holidays" - good mood. My small room had a tiny kitchen attached to it which I had to share with a fat, middle aged nurse who was gone most of the time visiting her married boyfriend whose wife was out of town a lot. Both of us locked our main rooms when we were leaving the premises during mornings as we went to our respective jobs' shifts. Jim - at times - popped in to "check" on things - while we were away - needless to say - he never left any notes of his presence regarding why he entered his rental properties. The building was a decent "cash cow" for him since he needed to put his four teenagers through college.
Jim liked to talk about his wife and his family - to his tenants as he frequently complained that they "don't respect him". It would be hard for his wife to have respect for him since she most likely had an inkling about his "activities" with women/renters - around the building. His considerable skills in the area of building maintenance enabled him to do most of the repairs - consequently he was either fixing the units or rehabbing some while he visibly enjoyed himself. He remainded me of the last of the independent cowboys working his land and his ranch in the Wild West.
During that memorable, cold winter night I woke up from a short nap during the early evening and noticed that the radiator went lukewarm which didn't happen before during the blistery winter which came early that year - right after Thanksgiving. I knew that within a short time my nicely decorated room will be cold.
"Hey Jim I know that you listen to your messages and you answer some. This is Maggie Osborne and my room is getting cold - you need to come over here immediately and fix the radiator in my room."
At that time - I already established myself as a respected tenant since my rent was paid on time, I kept the place clean and Jim had already propositioned me several times which I ignored without offending him too much.
He called me back within ten minutes.
"I don't want my beautiful superstar to get cold,"
"So cut the gas and come over quickly to fix the heat. I pay my rent on time."
"Okay, okay I will be there in fifteen minutes. You don't need to be rude like that."
"Okay - see you in a few minutes," I hung up the phone.
When he arrived - he looked more handsome than normally which I tried to ignore. He smiled at me and I melted inside - in spite of my resolve to keep this encounter - strictly business.
He went to the basement of his building to check on his big furnace and after ten minutes or so - my radiator started to make the familiar "purring" noises so my room immediately felt much warmer.
When he got back upstairs to my third floor tiny unit - I closed the door to my room and sat on the small couch located in the "common area" kitchen - which Jim installed "just in case"; I shared the common kitchen and the bathroom with my roommate - a fat middle aged nurse who was almost always gone - most likely to her married boyfriend's house whose wife was away a lot. She and I never talked too much about personal matters.
The C.D player which Jim installed for "his tenants"- started to play Maria Callas aria - Bizet's "Habanera"; it sounded heavenly from the "community" CD player and I liked to this disk - often.
"She sings beautifully," said Jim quickly as he sat on the tiny couch which he also provided in the small kitchen - as I said - "just in case". I moved away from him to the very corner of it.
"Why are you running away?" He moved closer. I could smell his good cologne and he knew right away that I was tremendously attracted to him.
"If you're finished with the furnace - our business at hand is done."
"Come on - I know that you are not nearly as cold as you pretend. How about a smile?"
He totally melted my resistance but I resolved not to give in yet - not that time anyway - maybe later.
"Why don't you go home to your wife and family? Aren't they waiting for you?"
"You like my family?"
"I really don't give a hoot abut your family or all your other business 'dealings' in the building. That blond haired, ugly lesbian from the second floor keeps propositioning me into 'a tree way sex' with you and her and that 'trio' picture just makes my skin crawl big time."
"Stop talking hard like that. If you don't want to do it - don't do it. It's a free country - but you don't have to be cruel like this."
For a brief moment he looked wounded and I never like to hurt people's feelings unless I have to do it to defend myself.
"I didn't know that it matters so much to you what I say or do," I said that to him as if it "slipped" out of my lips - as if "it" intended to be said - no matter where I wanted this encounter and this conversation to go. I didn't even know why I said that instead of doing what needed to be done - namely - employ my "poker face" and "silence is golden" devices which work well in a lot of life's opaque situations.
"I am sorry for the poor man who really loves you. You can hurt a man."
"You mean my fiancée who has to be away for a few months?" I lied expertly. "You sound as if you know me. If you think you're such a great judge of character - you are mistaken. And if you're in love with me or something" I added arrogantly and immediately regretted it - not wanting to sound stupid, "you can take a ticket and stand in a long line."
"Okay - I will go. I just wanted to talk to you but if you don't want to - that's fine," he said and left my unit. I knew that I hurt his feelings.
"Don't worry about him so much. He will survive and maybe stop cheating on his wife," commented my best friend and confidante - Milochka after I told her about what went on between me and Jim that night.
She also advised me to forget about him if I don't want his wife or teenage kids - to come after me. I totally agreed with her but it was hard for me to forget Jim for quite some time after I finally moved the hell out of his building into a much better place to live. So I thought until I found out lots of stuff which was not so hot - about my new rental.
I was happy to move out of his rental but I missed him and his crazy building even if I knew that it was a good decision to get the hell out of there at the right time - while the "going was good". The right moves always happen to me at the right time.
I frequently thought of the funny small talk he tried make with his male tenants who paid on time and didn't trash his properties but of course they also moved out after staying no more than a few months and Jim didn't hear from them again. He talked differently to women who came in touch with him briefly since they also moved out of his building after a brief stay. He seemed to be in love with everybody and life in general - especially the attractive women made him happy to talk to them and to try more... with them - to his credit - for the most part - he was honest and upfront with them about his family even if some of them expected free rent - they found out that it was not coming. I have seen him not getting his way as well - but he didn't dwell on his occasional stumbles too much since he had his family to think about.
I will never forget the early morning smell of freshly baked bread which came out of the big, industrial bakery located not far from Jim's building since the industrial and residential areas of Chicago - at times - could be together a bit; however all the neighborhoods of the city keep constantly changing. When I lived there - several years ago - the area was infested with a lot of illegals - mainly from Mexico and South America. While most of them were not certifiable criminals - they frequently behaved in an annoying, obnoxious and rude manner.
* * *
Chapter 34
It felt good - at first - to move into a large family house in the northern, green and open - suburbs of Chicago. The part of the city where Jim had his rental building seemed gray and depressing after I got out to the lush northern suburbs. However - the older landlady who owned the big house and rented out the rooms - also turned out to be crazy quite a bit - as it later came out - as it usually - does.
She had a sleep disorder whereby she wore a funny looking mask on her face with a protruding long tube coming out of her nose area which looked like a long part of her nose. During the late evenings when I stepped out of my room to use the bathroom next door she would sometimes appear wearing this contraptions and had to keep myself from laughing. She got on my nerves a lot by her arrogant attitude towards me - but I needed to "buckle under" while I vigorously looked for another, more "normal" place to live.
In the interim - the coming spring brought some floods into the tiny basement unit I rented from my new landlady - the crazy old woman who walked around with a funny looking mask attached to her face so she could breath properly while she slept at night. As a result of those spring floods - I had to sleep on the couch in her living room upstairs.
Long story short - a couple of months after I moved into that old lady's room - I was moving into another rental room in the lovely northern suburb of Wilmette - into the house which belonged to a middle aged lady who also looked somewhat goofy - whose twenty year old son worked at the same department store located in Eden's Plaza Mall - where I worked so we could share rides to and from work whenever we worked the same shift. It was actually a not a bad place to live for a while but I found a nicer room in the near by Skokie where I shared a small, cute apartment with a responsible, young Russian woman who held a steady job in the near by big Jewel store.
However - finally - my own - nice, clean and reasonably priced apartment - very close to Lake Michigan's - gorgeous, small beach - came my way. It was great to - finally - live by myself and enjoy my solitude which was sorely lacking when I had to live with those various human types which frequently - got on my nerves a lot for plenty of different reasons.
* * *
For my next move after mostly - great - lasting almost five years - "stint" at the lovely apartment by the pleasant, small beach right by the Lake Michigan's shores - I decided to move back to Pittsburgh for the second time; since that's where I lived several years before - where I moved after I divorced Jack and sold my big townhouse close to Evanston; Pittsburgh's - top notch area - Squirrel Hill seemed fun during the first few years there but after several years in Pittsburgh - that lovely, hilly town started to "work my nerves" so I moved back to "my" Chicago for the first time. I went back to Chicago since I started to miss it as if it was some live entity - calling me back.
It felt good for a few years to be back in "my" Chicago - however the high rise by Lake Michigan park overlooking glorious during the summers - Lake Michigan - got "infested" by some psychotics - male tenants who started to bother single women in the building. I decided to go back to Pittsburgh where I rented a small unit in my brother Leo's old mansion located in Pittsburgh's - Squirrel Hill - an eternally charming, international, trendy part of Pittsburgh.
At that time - I was ready for Pittsburgh since Chicago began to irritate my nerves - for a lot of reasons - but mainly because of those "psychos" in my building - however - a year after living in Pittsburgh - Chicago started to "call me back" - again - so I found myself - missing it like crazy. All the beautiful places by the glorious Lake Michigan - whispered my name - but Michigan Avenue's Magnificent Mile - wooed me in a special way since during the winter holidays it is always decorated beautifully right about Thanksgiving time. So again - I couldn't wait to get the hell out of Pittsburgh - to walk around "my" Chicago which I was fervently hoping would not get on my nerves for a long, long time. The process of "schlepping" back and forth
* * *
Every year around Thanksgiving - the rich city of Chicago starts to put on tons of terrific winter holidays' - displays of awesome spectacles around downtown and other places. My favorite manner in which I go downtown - has always bee the express bus 147 which is fast with the views of the Lake Michigan shores - no less than - magnificent.
This year's Thanksgiving has been much nicer than last year's one. Last year at this time I still lived in Max'es mansion's third floor unit in Pittsburgh's "she-she-poo-poo" Squirrel Hill which I couldn't wait to finally - leave. This year - I actually went to Thanksgiving lunch with an eccentric old character - named Alice Jane whose Louisiana drawl - accent - bugs me to no end - but she - thank God - has a lot of good qualities - to make up her annoying, phony way of talking.
Last year during the Thanksgiving holiday - my most favorite of the year - I dreamt of my imminent move back to Chicago which actually took a whole year to execute but the vision of my move back helped me a lot in terms of not letting Max get on my nerves too much. He developed a few, new annoying habits in addition to all of his old numerous shortcomings which decrease only a bit - as he gets older. Still - it's not a good idea to aggravate him - unless there is a good reason behind it.
As his younger sister I am thoroughly familiar with all his numerous shortcomings as well as his positive attributes - still I always know that - at times - I miss him, his voice, his rough but honest ways about him. He will always be my "big brother" - no matter what - even if - at times - it feels very good to get away from him since his personality has some annoying hard edges which get only minimally smoothed out as he gets older.
* * *
This winter promises to go fast and have tons of fun events - happening frequently. I remember a lot of the memorable, past New Year Eves' celebrations which make me think of many years that passed quickly when I look back at them.
Last year I was still in Pittsburgh for New Year's Eve. My quick decision not to go with Max to celebrate - appeared in my mind as if it came from an outside, smart source. I preferred to stay home and watch various New Year Eve's parties - on TV. Max can get on my nerves when I am out with him - especially when dancing ballroom is concerned. He considers himself a good dancer while he has been only average for many years. I don't like to dance with him and only do some quick dances like swing, maybe salsa and only if there is absolutely nobody else good available to dance with me. I normally - have no problem in finding me a good dance partner when I am out - dancing. I know a lot of good dancers in the dance world so those are the ones I always prefer to have as partners if all possible.
* * *
I recently met a new friend - an older lady who looks a lot younger than her biological age indicates. She has an interesting accent - South African which sounds very good and intriguing. It's so refreshing to have a new friend who is interesting, well educated and "worldly" since she lived in three diverse countries before settling in the U.S.
For now - I am tired of my long term friends. Lately they started to get on my nerves - big time for a lot of different reasons so I will "discreetly" not get together with them for a while. I will not miss them too much - at least for a short time while my new friend and I do a lot of fun stuff together. I - actually - decided - to join some groups of people with similar interests to mine - that way - I can hang out with more than one - new people in my life.
Chapter 35
I have always believed in not hiding who I am - since I like to be honest with myself and others about my political, personal and other views. If I am "upfront" as much as possible and needed - in any particular situation - about how I feel about a lot of important stuff - the people who come and go - around me - know my basic views - so I don't have to worry too much how they would feel - "if they knew".
People always talk about one another and criticize each other anyway - so being honest as much as required in a particular situation - is the best policy for my life. That's not to say that my views and attitudes - do not change - once in a while - but thank God - I am not a politician of any kind who needs to "kiss the voters' asses" to no end in "sight" to be re-elected - so at times - those so called "political hacks" forget who they really are.
My acquaintance - Alice Gail - the one with her fake southern drawl accent - can - at times - behave in a blunt and rude manner which is not the same as being honest and at times expressing a controversial statement in a diplomatic but effective - manner. Lately her exaggerated and phony manner of speech started to get on my nerves - more than usually. I think that she uses her exaggerated "jive" dialect to "reassure" her black friends that she is "one of them" or something like that because she is an educated woman and talks differently with "normal", well educated people.
At any rate - the other day I decided that I don't have any obligation of any kind to "hang out" with people which "get on my nerves a lot" since it's more fun to be with the ones who don't "work my nerves" nearly as much. Should they start to act "goofy" - they can always go on the "back burner" of my friendships until things change for the better and everything always changes - one way or the other.
All the winter holidays from the past which I can remember - have always been some of my most my favorite times of the year - for a lot of reasons - even if that time can also be a sad time for a lot of people. However some winter holidays stand out in my mind more than others.
I can vividly remember one fun Christmas season - maybe - fifteen years ago when my marriage to Jack was "rock" solid and - I never expected that things could change between us; however - looking at our break-up from the prism of several years that passed - I learned afterwards that it was a good thing in terms of establishing my financial and emotional independence as well as gaining some learning experiences which I wouldn't if he and I were still together. Those crucial life's passages are not easy - but they are always enriching and useful.
Here is what was happening that one memorable Christmas season which I consider one of the nicest even though every one of them offers some good stuff - however - during that particular season - Jack started to work a really solid job for Chicago's big TV station after putting in a few years for Warner Cable - a company which promised him a lot of opportunities with most of them "fizzling out". Still that Warner cable job enabled Jack to get a much better position for a big Chicago TV station. However - before that happened he had to work some "lousy" positions where he needed to "kiss some ugly - frogs" - the supervisors who - at times - were resentful of his good looks and steely determination to succeed.
During that memorable Christmas time - a few weeks before Christmas Eve - Jack and two other crew members got an assingment to do a dangerous job in Beirut - Lebanon - with a "crazy" star reporter who liked to take chances - for "thrills" and in order to advance his career.
Suddenly their situation in Beirut exploded into a "mini" war conflict. Jack and two other members of his news' crew - found themselves holed up in Beirut's Hilton which was quickly surrounded by several local warring factions who kept shooting non-stop at Jack's Hilton and each other.
I kept calling the station manager every morning - to begin his day - in the "right fashion" - to pressure him to send "some necessary means" to bring "the guys back - for Christmas - because if it was your family - you would do something" - I would invariably - add at the conclusion of our morning "update". Long story - short - either the hostilities stopped by themselves or they did something they promised - Jack and the other crew members were flying home - just in time for the holidays.
When he got off the plane - he - immediately showed me several big bullets which got stuck in the walls of the Hilton room where his crew was hiding in for a few days. I felt as if he "came back from the other side" since the local TV station where Jack worked - where they were sending daily signal - heavily focused on the drama - of the situation - no doubt for the ratings - how "their" crew including Jack - were being daily "assaulted" by the fighting factions.
After the guys came home to the heroes' welcome - the news director tactfully informed me at the welcome home party - that all the crew members carry a million dollars insurance policy on their lives - "should something happen to them while they're away."
I almost asked him if he - himself - insured his wife's life - perhaps - thinking that "should something happen to her" - he is insured - the idiot.
* * *
When we got back to our - newly rehabbed - townhouse - located in the very heart of Rogers Park - after I picked him up at the O'Hare Airport earlier that morning - when he arrived back in Chicago - everything looked different and teriffic - I felt as if I could look at things through Jack's eyes - how he saw his beautiful house after being away for the harrowing three weeks which seemed like an eternity - to me while I waited for his return "on pins and needles".
"How does it feel to be back home?" I asked him.
"It's great to be back - of course - but it was good to be there - as well. Sure - I was scared when the shooting was heavy but it was also enormously exciting. It's hard to explain."
"I think I know exactly how you feel."
Things went very well for us good many years after that Christmas - but then everything started to change and the pulls at our union began to feel more permanent and damaging than normally - while earlier - we could "patch things up" easily and forget about the "flare ups". The new, persistent negative changes felt minor at first but they stubbornly "stuck" instead of disappearing - the way they did before - for a long time. Still - even though our last couple of years together were rough - they also passed - so big changes could take place in mine and Jack's - lives.
That first year after we separated so Jack left Chicago - permanently - was the hardest for me - but after that difficult first year without Jack - things got gradually much easier and at times - I knew that there are also lots of benefits to being - single and independent. One of my friends - a practicing psychologist made a remark that - all of us - face loneliness - sooner or later. As far as I am concerned - I like to be alone a lot. Sure - at times - it's nice to be with people - but the solitude can be a lot of fun - as well. I heard a while ago - an enormously successful motivational speaker making a snappy comment on the radio - at the end of his exciting, weekly presentation - which went something like - "Try to love everybody this week - but trust a few - as always - and tune in next week for another dose of our dynamite - observations which you will find useful - during the coming week."
* * *
While I don't actively look for confrontations with other people - at times - there is a right time to "stand up" and defend one's positions which - at times - might be unpopular and "go against the flow" which means that some views can rub a lot of people the wrong way. Chicago has always been a heavily Democratic territory with the widely circulated anecdotal account of John Kennedy - stealing the presidential elections of 1960 - from Richard Nixon - with the help of the controversial ex-mayor - Richard Daily, Sr. who allegedly enabled a lot of "dead people" cast their votes in Cook County - the home of Chicago's famous "political machine".
In the interim - the state of California has become overwhelmingly - Democratic territory - with a very few - if any Republicans - still left there. I heard a radio commentator stating that New York City, Chicago and Los Angeles County which includes the city of Los Angeles - have the population which is drastically different from the rest of the United States.
* * *
I currently live in a new, fancy building which has a fair share of people with disabilities and of course - I would never make fun of any individuals who deal with any prolonged health problems. However - I don't want to "hang out" with them either - that's not my "calling" or profession or interest. It gets on my nerves a lot that several of the older women/gossipers - who apparently have nothing else - useful to do - "hang out" with some ladies from the handicapped group in the lobby area where they can watch the only entrance to the building - so they make a cluster of gossipy old toads with their "drilling eyes".
Their regular nightly activity of "congregating" by the main entry of the vestibule - to gossip - makes other "normal" people's - like me - collective skins - crawl. They keep track of people who come in and out while they pretend to only "chat" when in reality - they carefully examin passing people for every tiny detail - to gossip heavily about the individuals they probe - no doubt. This building has several "clusters"/"clicks" - mainly consisting of women - since man who live here don't participate in any special group activities connected to this building but some "old farts" are on the look out for the females as if they were some "diplomatic ex-ambassadors" who earned the right to carry themselves in that superior manner. I try to avoid the various "clusters" who don't especially like each other. It's best not to get involved with their various "doings" in the buildings.
Of course - the gossipy group can sit in the nice community room - but that would obstruct their full view of the action in terms of who comes in and out and with whom. That nasty behavior just makes my skin crawl - big time - so I try to avoid the old, gossipy toads - even if I always say "hello" to them with a smile. Its a good thing that on my floor - the ladies seem to mind their business and they they don't associate too much with the nasty "gossipy bunch" downstairs - only as little as it's necessar which I also do.
* * *
Chapter 36
Christmas Day around most of Chicago's beautiful neighborhoods always feels very peaceful, special and fun. The brand new - just renovated - movie theater in the beautiful, friendly, prosperous and cultural - Lincoln Square - plays fabulous movies for different tastes and persuasions. Most of the good looking and expensive homes display funny and elaborate seasonal decorations. The middle aged or younger looking owners of those costly dwellings appear friendly and inclusive - smiling at the passers by - not like the uptight, hateful and anti-Semitic crowd of the well educated and wealthy group owning their presumptuous mansions in Kenilworth - the fancy, "schmantzy" Northern suburb of Chicago.
According to our Christmas/Jewish tradition - Allison and I saw a cute, new cartoon titled "Sing" featuring a lot of magnificent musical excerpts from the pop music hits - ranging from 1970's into the today's ones. The cartoons are a clever way to poke tons of fun at various important U.S. groups without them quickly screaming "bloody murder" - in terms of - "your privileged, politically incorrect insults against us are killing us dead - instead of our own - criminal, ugly behaviors exercised freely by a lot of us - plus our generous indulgence in all the various drugs - known to mankind - legal and illegal."
Actually - I like Allison's company only for going to the movies with her a few times per year. She has a habit of lecturing people which gets on my nerves however when she doesn't needlessly "inform" whomever will listen - she can be funny, smart and well versed about what's going on in the world today.
Still - my "dancing friends" and I - have a lot more fun together since the two other crazy ladies with whom I dance Ballroom dances once per week during our afternoon Ballroom Tea Dancing sessions - have tons of fun while we hang out during our weekly Tea Dancing. It's fun to chat and listen to good dancing music as we dance Ballroom with some "old farts" - but good dancers - nevertheless - who are cleanly dressed and behave nice - with the present group of gentlemen/dancers - coming to the studio like religion - for now - anyway. Those clusters of older guys also change and shift. Some come and go - then some new ones come into the studio for a while. Then several "old" ones - come back for some time.
However what's really nice about this studio is that quite a few good dancers and very nice gentlemen - are always steadily every week - there - now and have been there - for a long time. They are fun to dance with and to have some superficial, relaxing conversations without getting too much into any "personal" territory which could "backfire".
The owner of the studio - a knowledgeable ex-world champion specializes in International Style - but also teaches the American Style Ballroom moves - as well. He is a real "character". I like to dance with him since I always like to dance with the "masters". One time when I danced with him - a while ago - he had a bad breath issue - something fierce - however - his breath "situation" has - subsequently - improved a great deal. He speaks with a thick Thai accent - but his English is very correct - even if it's by no means - a literary and dazzling way of speaking. I have to say that - over all - he is an attractive guy of medium built and height - whose gray hair and dark eyes - make a nice contrast. I am really glad that he maintains his ballroom dancing facility in a good shape so that his very decent - in size and quality - group of followers - can enjoy his cozy studio.
* * *
The nice, new, rent controlled building in which I currently live - recently started to "work my nerves" - big time - after I found out about their really screwy, exaggerated security system whereby the main security lady - a middle aged black lady with only one eye - keeps every unit under almost constant surveillance. The way she notices everything and everybody makes me feel as if she had a proverbial "thousand eyes" instead of just one. I understand that it's important to keep the building safe but their exaggerated "horseshit" system gives that semi-educated main security lady a lot more hours and benefits than she deserves - not even mentioning the imaginary power she thinks she has - without having any proper education or business experience to speak off. The building needs to drastically cut their unnecessarily "bloated" security budged - but unfortunately - with the combined state and charitable funding - the trimming of the extra fat happens a lot slower then in the private corporations.
I am actively making all the effective efforts to go back to the beautiful building where I used to live where their security system is "normal". Even though that place also has some problems - like every living quarters do - but I know them well and I know how to deal with their issues effectively. I am expecting really good news soon from the other "normal" place where I used to live and while my numerous efforts progress steadily but effectively - in addition to working towards my goal of getting the hell out of this building - smoothly and efficiently - as always - the fact that I pray every single morning and night my special prayer - so "God helps me not only get the hell out of this place" - but I also promise God and myself to do something to improve other people's situation even if they either don't give a hoot or forget really fast about my efforts for them which don't give me any rewards - barring the satisfaction from doing something good - for nothing.
In addition - my present building has another problem since one of their maintenance guys - a little, skinny, vicious type has a nasty habit of entering my unit without leaving a note which would justify his entry. I have to be careful and diplomatic how I "thread that needle" with the building manager regarding that nasty little jerk. She may or may not know about his "activities". His entering frequency "thinned out" a bit but he is a mean little type which can't be trusted as far as he can be "pushed". It seems as if the building manager doesn't wield too much influence over this little shithook/idiot's activities. Every day I invoke my favorite angel in charge of straghtening out some screwy elements and removing them out of my way and I also take a lot of necessary actions to straighten out this situation. My appeal to my favorite angel - usually helps but even if it doesn't help - it never hurts - that's for sure.
* * *
The winter of 2017 "spits" freezing temps with frequent cold winds in Chicago - however it can't even compare to a horribly frigid winter of January 2014 when I lived in hilly Pittsburgh's old mansion which my brother Max converted into a three unit dwelling. He did it "on the cheap" the way he always does things - therefore the building has a lot of problems - notwithstanding its impressive appearance and prime location in the heart of Pittsburgh's most "she-she-poo-poo" suburb - Squirrel Hill. That January 2014 was horribly cold even in Pittsburgh which is - normally - a tad warmer than Chicago.
My brother Max who owns an old mansion style - three unit building in the heart of Pittsburgh's - "she - she - poo - poo" - trendy Squirrel Hill area - always tries to save money on any necessary repairs and installations - which he needs to make. Consequently - he installed a big and elaborate - all electric - heating system in the third floor unit which I rented from him for several years - on and off. Since Max does his maintenance "on the cheap" my first winter there was cold - with the only helping device being a space heater built in - located in the bedroom - so it helped a quite a bit.
Lo and behold - during my second winter there - the space heater was gone since Max dismantled it; he doesn't allow any devices like that claiming that they are "fire hazards" but he - himself has three of those in his second floor unit. Last winter was rough enough - but thank God it was not nearly as fierce as my first wintere there in Max'es old mansion which I was more than happy - to finally - "unload". My efforts to get to a better place of every kind are almost always successful - even if - at times - things seem complicated and convoluted - not for long - though - since they always get straightened out - a lot sooner rather than later.
* * *
Chapter 37
I clearly remember one mild winter morning last year when I was in the process of moving back to Chicago from Pittsburgh - yet again - but didn't want my older brother Max to know about it until I had my lease signed in Chicago and it was a "done deal" so I could get going. I know how Max can "spit" his anger and be vindictive - whenever his money is concerned - or just because of his personality trait - the dubious attributes that only slightly improve as he gets older. He can behave decently as well but not for a long time. His personality has some deeply seated flaws which he might enjoy on occasions - in addition to many positive aspects of his character.
"I have lived in Chicago for good many years so I miss it sometimes - there is always a possibility of me - maybe - moving back there..." I said casually one morning after I got some encouraging news from Chicago's rent controlled building located in an excellent neighborhood. It would be good if Max was prepared to some extend for my departure (happy "unloading" of an ancient third floor unit of Max'es - castle style - old villa) for which I waited with a great but contained - enthusiasm - since Max'es old mansion's unit for which he charged me quite a bit of money - and the "quirks" of his personality - were all "coming out of my ears" after living there for almost a year.
As always - I was ready for a change so I couldn't wait to finally happily "clear out" of Pittsburgh for a while even if I appreciate the beauty of its - Squirrel Hill part - a pride of Pittsburgh. At times - it's nice to go back to Pittsburgh - even for a visit - but at that point - I missed Chicago something fierce - as always - when I am gone from there - with Chicago's numerous shortcomings fading away a bit from my mind; but that last time I was ready to run from Pittsburgh like a proverbial "bat out of hell".
"If you leave this apartment at the end of your lease or if you break your lease - you can forget about ever living here again," his tone of voice sounded intense and hateful - typical Max when he gets angry. That's exactly what he told me the last time I moved out a month before my lease was up - the year before - however - when his renters moved out - evidently not too happy with Max'es - insufficient - heating and cooling systems - he - immediately asked me if I wanted to come back to the small - cold in the winter but hot in the summer - third floor unit of his mansion style - three story dwelling - where he installed - a barely functioning - heating and cooling systems - probably - "on the cheap" - as always.
That important morning - he didn't shave - so he looked haggard while his heavy and awful, "onion" breath almost made me gag: he usually eats tons of onions when he doesn't expect to go out to socialize. Those two factors hardly contributed that morning - to his his - normally - clean and attractive appearance with the splash of men's cologne onto his - usually -clean shaven, handsome face. Suddenly - I felt that I didn't really know my brother - with all the various "shades" of his complex personality. Things were different for us when we were children even though as an older brother - he rarely missed a chance to be abusive - at times - when the family squabbles' opportunity came his way.
Suddenly during that morning I felt - again -that I needed to get the hell out of Pittsburgh - for sure - since the handful of my close friends in Chicago - are - as always - a lot more dependable than my immediate family in Pittsburgh - especially Max. At that defining moment - as I glanced at Max'es angry face badly needing a shave - I resolved to be brave and take calculated risks - especially - considering the fact that leaving Pittsburgh for a new and reasonably priced place in a nice neighborhood of Chicago - had to be a right move. I know that it's always a good decision for me to go back to Chicago which is as familiar to me as the back of my hand.
* * *
A week after that important conversation with Max at the end of which I was more determined than before - to get the hell out of Pittsburgh - all my papers came through from Chicago. My new, small apartment in Chicago still has a wonderful scent of a new place - and is a vast improvement over Max'es old, decrepit and expensive - unit - which proves - again - that I was right to unload Max'es ancient third floor unit of his old mansion; all that - further convinces me that it's always good to be brave; my new place smells fresh and the location in the heart of Chicago's - Lincoln Square assures me of the autumn months which are no less than glorious fun until things change - as always. When things change - I start longing for Max'es old mansion - charming, warm, homey - even if his maintenance practices leave a lot to be desired.
* * *
When the harsh winter arrived in Chicago - I realized that I could still have a lot of fun - at the beginning of it - since the near by coffee shops and other places came handy in a bad weather because I always like to leave my apartment for - at least - several hours. However - due to the fact that my current building is smaller than I would like it to be - some nosy neighbors living here - during the winter get the opportunity to get on my nerves by attempting to act "too close for comfort" - at times; winter is the time when they can act bothersome - pretending to be friendly - they can stick their noses into other people's business - which is annoying to the max. Even though I have no problem - skillfully evading their personal questions in a fun way - they nevertheless get on my nerves big time - on occassions.
In addition - this building boasts another irritating factor - namely several single, older guys living here - the so called "old farts" - walk around the hallways as if they're the owners around here; they think a "world" of themselves for no special reason which makes their behavior bordering on "harassment" practices - more than annoying - at times. Men in this building always like to try their luck in finding them a new partner of sorts - as if they - themselves were some kind of retired prime ministers or something like that - and not retired old farts of limited means.
Thank God - I know how to be diplomatic about expressing my wish of not wanting any closer "friendships" of any kind with the neighbors in the same building. Another thing is that men don't know how to find a friend in their own "league". It's kind of fun to tell them jokingly but in a tactful manner so that "get the message" - to "lower their expectations" and find a friend in their own "class".
Long story short - I jumped at the chance to move to another, much bigger building and much better managed - since it appears a beautiful building where the quantity and quality of people to interact with - are much better with the wider pool to pick friends than this - here - little puny building - arranged in a cesspool fashion of which another big shortcoming - "crawled out of the woodwork" - namely - their excessive, unneeded, bothersome security procedures can get on anybody's nerves a lot. They have an excuse that Chicago has been crimey which is "poppy cock" - since this area is safe, clean, nice and well protected with all the expensive homes around.
* * *
The newly rehabbed cluster of buildings to which I am moving soon is a charming project with three five stories' high homes - located in a lush park - all spread out - with tons of new, quality people to interact with - since it's a bigger group of buildings. Their security system is different as well - thank God - its not as extensive, bothersome and intrusive - as here in my first building in Chicago which will be great to "unload" very soon.
I can't wait to get the hell out of here - and even though I appreciate this building's some good qualities - still - it's a good time to clear out while the going is good. Now that I know I will be moving in a few weeks - the bothersome elements in my current building don't annoy me nearly as much as they did - since I know that in several short weeks I will be gone - so I will not ever see them again nor will I miss them very much.
I realize that there are always some negative factors in any place - but we know how to deal with them and they will not be nearly as annoying since in my new living quarters - the group of new buildings - are much less concentrated - so I don't have to look at the same bothersome "mugs" too much - especially because of the distances between each structure; it will be easier to dampen their possible attempts to cross some boundaries instead of keeping "their necessary distance".
The "nosy elements" factors shall be reduced a lot and anyway - the unpleasant factors will not "crawl out" in a new for everybody - place - for at least - good several months - maybe a year or so and maybe longer. One has to be optimistic.
I noticed that some older guys - especially if they are single - think a lot about themselves for no special reason at all. Sometimes they don't know how or they don't want to keep the necessary distance. They don't get the message - to "flake off" - easily. It has to be repeated several times in a somewhat diplomatic manner - before it finally sticks. I can't wait to move to the new place - which is coming soon but time goes fast now - anyway since that I can see the "light at the end of the tunnel". My new building manager - a nice lady - assures me that the time will go fast for me. Every new move I make is always good in tons of ways - for a lot of positive reasons.
* * *
It's fun to think about some defining and fun times which determine the course of my life to a great extent. I remember the glorious spring at Ohio State University after Jack and I - just got married after a short engagement and I waited to join him in Europe where he needed to complete the last few months of his army duty; the Americans had a lot of bases in Germany at that time. I couldn't wait to see Germany and Western Europe - the world appeared great and full of exciting adventures ahead - Jack and I were in love.
As it frequently happens in life - after Jack and I got married and I waited to join him in Europe within a month - my old boyfriend - Mario whom I dated before Jack and I got quickly engaged and married - suddenly came back from Europe where he was teaching at the University of Rome - as a substitute instructor for a short engagement. It was fun to "rubb it in" after he called me - maybe thinking that I will be happy to hear from him. Fat chance.
"You came kind of late to the 'party' - Jack and I got married and I have tickets to join him in Europe",
"Maggie - you made a big mistake by marrying him instead of me. I was getting ready to buy you an engagement ring and ask your father for your hand in marriage."
"Oh, really? Could've fooled me. It only took you almost a year to make any decisive moves. Guess what? Now you are a day late."
"Let's have coffee tomorrow morning. Please - I want to look at you - again - at least for a short time - before you leave for Europe."
"I don't know. You looked at me and more... all last year. Now I hardly see any reason for you to look at me again - I look the same way,"
"You're still beautiful as always, right?"
"No use of trying to butter me up now. The horses are out - no sense in closing the gate," I hung up the phone then felt sorry for him for a moment even though it felt kind of good to "rub it in". Then I thought that there will be no shortage of cute coeds - ready to "wipe his tears" since he was an attractive "young Turk" - brave and "full of himself" as a young instructor at Ohio State University - the kind that - usually - can't beat off good looking coeds wanting to sleep with them - unless the guys would sport three legs and three eyes across their forehead.
* * *
Jack waited for me at the airport in Frankfurt and I was happy to be in his arms - again - after not seeing him for over a month. He glowed as he smiled at me with his handsome face full of young love.
"I couldn't wait for you to finally get here. I heard Mario was back and trying to make 'nice' with you."
"Really - I would say - he has a 'snowball's chance in hell' with me as long as you're good to me and treat me good."
* * *
The old "La Opera Hotel" in Paris next to the Paris Opera - badly needed rehabbing - since its ancient floors kept screeching each time we took a step. The bathroom for use in our newly booked, big room - was down the hall and down one flight of stairs. After we paid for two nights we explored a huge room with a big, old bed, table with three chairs (Parisian threesome variation?) while the old dresser in the corner looked like a junk antique all scratched up. Since it was an early afternoon - we ran out to explore Paris and grab a french roll sandwich in a famous Latin Quarter full of barefoot artists drawing on the sidewalks.
It was an exceptionally warm September that year - so the true Parisians just came home from their long, snobbish vacations - to avoid all the foreign tourists - especially the Americans who were strongly disliked there. I can understand that some G.I.'s behaved like idiots in Western European capitals at that time but still - the army sent for protection - can't consist exclusively of well educated officers skillful in diplomatic maneuvers instead of expressing their honest feelings - which frequently come off as insults to the surrounding natives.
During our first night at the "Hotel La Opera" when I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night through the long hallway - I could swear that some old Opera ghosts lurked from the half dirty corners. However early the next morning after the sun started shining and the fresh air came in from the big, opened window - the day promised beautiful ahead - especially after Jack turned on the radio which played many of the famous Parisian/International hit songs; Paris felt great like a true capital of the world - after New York City - The Big Apple - of course.
The maid brought us warm croissants with fresh butter (sweet - not salty like in the U.S.) - their jam also tasted great but the freshly brewed coffee served with hot milk in the nice porcelain dishes - not paper ware like in the U.S. - felt gloriously - European and Continental. The food in Europe frequently tastes fresher than in the U.S. since it's not stored and transported for a long time.
* * *
I try to avoid the confrontations with various testy elements - however - if one is necessary - I know how to discourage a lot of pushy and unpleasant "factors" who like to cause the unnecessary - negative but fun for them - totally stupid - small "incidences" - I suppose - just to give them something to do.
Sometimes it's necessary to take a stand instead of constantly attempting to "sit on the fence" to avoid any possible confrontations. If some element gets on my nerves I frequently employ a tactic which I learned from my favorite cousin - namely - as a near sighted lady she frequently squints - instead of wearing glasses. I observed that this kind of squint can serve as a smirk without being obvious about it but they get the message.
In my current building - the stocky, short older lady with the down syndrome, sporting a big, pear shaped bottom - constantly gets in everybody's way and she stares at passing by people who live in the building since she constantly hangs out in the area designed only for the outside parties waiting for someone who lives in the building - to come down. I realize that she is lonely, handicapped and all that but the nice neighbors who are going out of their way to be extra kind to her - are suckers of sorts since it's the building's staff's place to keep her busy so she she gets out of the way. The staff people working in this building collect handsome government enumerations, work short hours and have the benefits - galore - which break Chicago's taxpayers' backs.
I - personally - feel that I do my share of "charity" work for nothing - by being extra nice to an older Polish lady - tall and gawky - but a good dancer - who comes dancing once a week to the tea dancing in my favorite Chicago ballroom studio. People don't talk to her too much since she dresses like an idiot. I don't mind talking to her and being nice while I don't have to do it at all - since she - probably - entertains a lot of anti-Semitic notions like most Polish people here in Chicago even if here in the U.S. - most of them - the smart ones - anyway -do not act openly in an anti-Semitic manner - like do in Poland.
Another old "fart" crawling around this building also works my nerves by being too pushy; he seems not mean any harm but his behavior definitely borders on the harrassing sort. He frequently sits around by the mailboxes in the main entry by the main elevators - waiting for people to pick up their mail or just to get by him sitting in the mail and main elevators' area.
He always tries to chat with people - especially women - whether thay want to talk to him or not; he constantly asks women the same annoying questions namely "what have you been doing lately - how are things going for you". First of all - it's none of your business - you old fart - and you should get the message to stop asking your intrusive and stupid questions - after many ladies give you - purposely - unclear and vague answers time after time after time. It will be nice not to look at those types here for quite a while - hopefully - a long time. Thankd God - it won't be long and I will be out of here.
* * *
The other night while I tried to sneak back upstairs to my third floor unit - from the laundry room on the main floor - I heard the nosy "old fart's" familiar booming voice - the same type who hangs out by the main elevator by the mail boxes and asks women stupid questions - so I dove back to the laundry room while the nosy type enquired a new guy who recently moved into the building - about the four chairs which he just purchased. Evidently the new guy quickly got rid of the nosy type - without talking to him past the necessary couple of words - so the nosy old "fart" thankfully disappeared into his unit on the ground floor behind the mailboxes.
When I re-appeared from the laundry room - the new fellow started to explain to me at lenght why he had to get new chairs - explanation which I was not interested in the least to find out but I was happy the new guy got rid of the nosy type since he always talks too much - way too much.
"Go right ahead," I said fast to the new guy with four chairs after the elevator arrived. "I need to go back to the laundry room for a moment," I said quickly so I could ride the elevator by myself. This laundry thing usually works for me if I don't want to ride upstairs with some nosy elements. For some reason - people - at times - ask stupid questions while riding in the same elevator with other people - which they - sometimes - assume - necessarily must live in the same building with them so they can ask them nosy questions which may be none of their business.
* * *
I - at times - try to evoke a lot of memories of my past loves - as I attempt to recollect - mostly happy times. When I had an enormous crush on Juan - a handsome Latin/Mexican youngster - right after I separated from Jack after twenty years of happy marriage - that thing with Juan was generously laced with tons of highs; but - of course - the lows were also hard to forget. It was a good thing that my long time friend and confidante - Milochka listened to me - most of the time.
"Give it some time - you will meet a middle aged friend and you will see that the summer memory of Juan - will be just that - a distant memory."
Milochka can be short and impatient with me - at times - but I don't mind it so much since I always value her honesty. It's not that I let her indulge in treating me in a rude manner or anything like; she knows when she messes up since I let her know; it's always good to communicate honestly with friends.
Chapter 38
I know that I will never forget most of the events that memorable summer which I call "a summer of Juan". With the passage of time - the pleasant moments are remembered with the warm smile while the painful ones - pale - almost totally faded away - the way they should end up - sooner rather than later. The same happens when I hear any of the music popular that summer - the sounds bring back the feeling of splendor of love which can be fleeting - most of the time.
After Jack moved out for good since he loaded all his stuff into a rental U-Haul - even though we have not gotten an official divorce yet - still it was fun to feel free and independent all that summer - and I didn't miss him even if I thought about him as I constantly compared him to my "interest" that summer - Juan Rodriguez whom I actually knew the whole year before that summer.
Our newly rehabbed Rogers Park townhouse located close to Skokie and Evanston - in the North Shore part of Chicago - much in demand - took on an exciting, new feeling that summer. It was similar to the happy awareness of lack of my parents' nagging after I first moved out - to live in my own place - an old house which I shared with three other coeds when I started my first year at Ohio State.
During that first memorable summer without Jack at the beginning of which - Jack - my husband of twenty years - permanently left Chicago and our new townhouse which I wanted to keep - after we were officially divorced; that summer - however - it was still unclear if Jack would agree to it since our other - almost new townhouse in Cincinnati, Ohio - worth much less money - badly needing Jack's attention due to the neglect of the renters - and it was getting just that from Jack where he headed after he left Chicago. Neither one of us wanted to pay some "shyster" lawyer to help us divide our accumulated stuff of which the townhouse in Chicago's Rogers Park was a "jewel in the crown".
* * *
"I love your house. It's nicely, tastefully decorated, its light and warm - I just love it", said Juan as we sipped our white, summer wines on the small back patio of my townhouse. He wore a light, sea colored summer shirt which make his brown eyes and glowing complexion stand out - in a pleasant manner. Everything about him always seemed right and reassuring that summer.
My light summer dress covered with small green and salmon colored flowers emphasized my green eyes and reddish brown, thick hair. I felt good and confident when I was with him but that night felt special and I knew that I will miss Juan like crazy the following morning while he will be in his usual "happy - go lucky" mood - going about his happy daily routine - work all day then - evenings with his new friends; the young couple of his new neighbors who got on my nerves a lot - a handsome light haired Anglo guy in his late twenties - loud and obnoxious - while his wife - a pretty Mexican with typical shiny dark hair and glowing brown eyes - acted as if the sun revolved around his rear end - they had an ugly, year old baby girl who so far didn't look like any of her parents - a couple whom Juan recently met after he moved into his new, nice apartment in Logan Square.
I knew that those people were constantly introducing him to pretty single Latin women - his age which is late twenties - early thirties - the professional young women getting panicky about not having a "steady" guy in their lives. Juan felt much "in demand" with his good looks and decent, steady job. Their "matchmaking" activity bothered me like crazy but I resolved not to let it get to me - by continuing to date some single men my age. It was not hard for me to be selective in terms of dating guys like me - educated, professional etc.
During that magical summer evening with Juan - a beautiful Latin tune played from my fancy stereo system - from the popular that summer movie "Mambo Kings" about two Cuban brothers - musicians coming to the U.S. for their loves and careers - but found their adventursome endeavors generously laced with tons of "hard knocks" and "gut wrenching" drama. The tune is called "Maria of My Soul" and while it sounded good to me at the beginning of that summer - towards the end of it - I couldn't stand it since they played it way - too much - at every place known to "mankind" in Chicago and through other numerous venues - galore - ad nausea.
"You look really nice tonight," said Juan casually that memorable summer evening. He was always stingy with his complements. I acted the same way towards him but he could read me like an opened book which was irritating a lot.
I could see my next door neighbor - Julie - from my patio - a plain looking, special ed teacher in her late thirties - dating - men and women - actually; she stood behind her patio door - behind her wide Venetian blinds. She had never been married - had a nice enough personality - we got along without ever getting close since I never knew - whom she wanted to sleep with - with me or with Jack. Thank God - she knew better than proposition either me or Jack after I gave her a diplomatic "hint" that any possibility of "three way sex" - makes my skin crawl - big time.
During that memorable evening with Juan she gave me a discreet thumbs up sign which I could see through her wide Venetian blinds - from her townhouse next door since she - evidently - liked the way Juan looked and it was the first time he openly visited me. For a moment I thought briefly that she better not be stupid to ever proposition me or my date. I always hated any trio combinations - to no end so she knew it. Juan didn't know my neighbor since I avoided at all cost introducing them.
I was dreaming about this night with Juan when Jack would finally be "out of my way semi-permanently" so I didn't have to hide or lie or deceive anybody about what I am doing. When that night finally arrived - lots of reservations "crawled" into my suspicious mind like small but persistent demons. None of that would have happened if Jack and I didn't develop big problems during the last two years of our long term, happy marriage.
"So what are you thinking? You don't ever want anybody to know what you're thinking or planning. Maybe you want to live in my townhouse for a while - until the newness wears off - then you can concentrate on 'finding you a suitable permanent, young girlfriend?'"
"I would never want to hurt you in any manner - Maggie. Just trying to be honest and truthful with you."
"You always want to have an upper hand? Right? Maybe I would hurt you - but you will never get hurt - right?"
"I have been hurt enough. Isn't everybody in their respective 'love compartments'? Can't you enjoy the night like that without thinking how you will get hurt afterwards?"
"I don't know that I can trust you. Anyway - you don't know that you won't get hurt."
"Again you start this? I told you before that I don't want any of your money - which you will get from Jack. Didn't you get to know me for a year that we have been friends?"
"Listen to you - 'I don't want any money from you' - but who is bringing it up? First of all - nobody is offering you any money. You are not a paid 'escort' or anything like that. Secondly - it's hard to be 'friends' with people one is very attracted to."
His smile at that moment was charming to no end as it "melted" me inside in spite of my resolve to keep my cool; I was totally under his spell/temporary insanity of being attracted to him for no special reason other than he was enormously good looking but modest about it even though he was generally cocky and smart/streetwise - "always quick on his feet" and ready for anything which may come up.
However - he was no different than lots of other attractive youngsters I dealt with on a daily basis when I ran my successful deli/bakery business for several years with my clients - local celebrities in Chicago at that time. I would never dream before I met Juan that he or any other of those "young Turks" would be able to put a spell on me - "old fox" - so I would shudder when I imagined them in bed with some young girl. What do I care?
The younger men and other kinds of men - and gay women - sometimes - find me attractive so I am used to that kind of attention. While it's never have been or ever will be any "driving force" of my life - by no means - still - I freely admit to myself that it feels good and I never want it to go away. So far - so good. I am in my late fifties now and men of all ages - including the youngsters - still find me attractive. It's probably my self-confidence stemming from my daily, weekly, monthly - goals which keep me going every day.
My older brother Max always happily volunteers his "seasoned in love, mature man's perspective" - solicited or not. He did the same thing - as always - many times before that memorable "summer night with Juan":
"Don't make any big deal out of sleeping with some young guy - once or twice. You are an attractive woman - almost divorcee - so you can indulge yourself a bit - then you can dump them. You never know if Jack will be 'crawling' back after some time without you. Just make sure they are clean of any diseases and practice safe sex. Also make sure they smart and won't do anything stupid after you dump them." Juan fit that picture perfectly. He would not act irrationally since he had goals for his life - the main one being to work in the U.S. for while - then retire in his native Mexico - to live "high off the hog" - like scores of his countrymen - do.
It was time for me to take a big "plunge" that memorable summer - which was scary and exciting - all at the same time and always. I have - subsequently - bravely taken a lot of bold steps - most of them paid off - in every way and bolstered my self confidence. Some of those courageous decisions - may backfire - which rarely happens - however - taking calculated risks for some good goals - is always worth it and almost always - pays off. It's always fun to look back at some scary things I did for the first time - stuff which becomes a routine of sorts and it's fun to look back and laugh at the original fear; it's always exciting to conquer the fears - or most of them - anyway.
* * *
That memorable summer night with Juan was filled with magic of all kinds in spite of what Max advised me. The same powerful magic of mutual attraction "kept pouring in" like some invisible magic love potion - even if both of us - tried to "keep it on the leash". It had to be close to midnight. The events - evidently - already decided for me - what were to happen later.
He was nervous as well - I could tell - even though his "confident front" - worked for most of that night.
"I will go out on your patio to smoke,"
"Make it snappy with only a half of a cigarette. You know that I can't stand the smoke in my clean house."
"Yes - madam,"
The door closed to my patio. I peeked through the wide Venetian blind. He glanced at the moon and the bright stars as he inhaled his cigarette - I thought for a second that his breath would smell of the cigarette smoke when he would kiss me a few minutes later - which would be sexy like everything about Juan - even though I hated the cigarette smoke in any form still if Juan did it - it was okay.
I simply closed my eyes when he embraced me later.
"Just relax and have a good time," he whispered and smiled again - his magic smile, "you made love to some guys before Jack,"
"What makes you such a big 'expert' on women?"
"Are we making love or will you talk all
night?"
"You need to you pick me up and carry me upstairs like Clark Gable did in 'Gone With the Wind'? I weigh only a hundred pounds."
* * *
The whole night went great; I wished that it never ended - the few hours "fly by" like five seconds - I didn't remember how I fell asleep quickly as if in the middle of some magic dream. I must have slept a few hours but when I woke up it felt as if I just "went under" - like the anesthetic sleep preparing for some major surgery - it was a similar feeling.
He was quietly getting ready to leave around 3 am. After he made a small noise in my bathroom adjacent to my master bedroom - I pretended to be asleep; he got dressed - again - quietly and quickly.
"I am not asleep," I said, "I know that your neighbors will have dinner for you and they already invited a beautiful young thing - to sit next to you. However - I am going out to dinner tonight with Sidney Zimmerman - he knew Jack well through work."
"Why don't you stop thinking about who I am looking when I am not with you but - hey - I watch Sidney Zimmerman's specials on TV all the time. Just behave when you are with him. I hear that he is a womanizer," Juan laughed a small laugh which I couldn't immediately classify but I refrained from looking at him to examine the "variety" of his laugh. One way or another - he knew that "he had me where he wanted me". Not for a long time - though.
"Sidney is legally separated from his wife - she is out of state - just like I am separated from Jack and he is far away - for the moment - anyway. You would have to 'reincarnate' your life three times - to be at Sidney's level."
"All right - all right - you don't have to 'rub it in'".
* * *
Sidney Zimmerman was a handsome, middle aged, well established investigative reporter with a popular TV station in Chicago - so people recognized him when he was seen outside his station. His gray hair looked good on him - gave him the air or confidence.
Jack worked with him on some assignments while he worked as the news producer for ten years at the popular Chicago TV station - befor his left town after we split so he could start his own production company. His opinion of Sid was mixed - while he respected his cosiderable talent and professionalism - Sid could also frequently act like a self-centered "diva" - in a rude and vicious manner - most likely with other people at the station - since he always respected Jack who knew how not to take any "guff" from any of the station's "superstars". The women anchors looked beautiful on the air - but constantly underwent cosmetic surgeries - scared about their sudden loss of popularity with the viewers.
After working hard for that popular TV station - Jack was ready to "take his plunge" and work full time with his new partner - as they formed a production company which distributed an hour long, cargo train documentaries which Jack scripted, produced and shot as he travelled - chasing the cargo trains all over the the U.S, Mexico and Canada. He had a considerable client base which he developed - on the "side" while he worked for the network - with his free time as always - devoted to his all consuming hobby - chasing and videotaping cargo trains - which finally started to pay off when he left the network - fed up with their corporate politics which interfered with him doing his job well. He finally was his own boss - so he called his "shots" but the long hours and the grueling and demanding productions schedules - started to wear him down. Luckily - he could take an early retirement so the timing turned out - right in his life.
* * *
Chapter 39
That memorable "Juan's summer" was coming to an end with the smell of fall already in the air in the early September. I - normally - waited for the fall since I always liked autumn more than summer - especially after the exceptionally long, hot and bothersome summer. That summer was different - everything about it was not like any other endlessly happy summers with Jack.
One day towards the very end of that summer I suddenly decided to end my summer "fling" with Juan since it was leading "nowhere" - faster than I expected. My decision - which I knew will hurt - at least for a while - came after he acted arrogantly on the phone and spoke to me in a disrespectful manner - as if fully "entitled" to God knows - what.
When he called me the next time a few days later - he sounded apologetic, sheepish and sure that his cocky behavior was forgotten and forgiven. I had a surprise for that arrogant little punk.
After exchanging a few usual phrases - among others was his lame apology which I ignored - Juan suggested that we meet in our favorite Mexican restaurant for dinner which was - usually - followed by an evening and the night at my house.
"I am busy this week so we need to put our dates on hold for a while," I didn't know how my voice came out of me. There was a long silence on his end.
"I told you - I am sorry for the way I acted last time we spoke,"
"Take your 'sorry' and shove it where the 'sun don't shine'. Summer is done - the fun is over - it has been over for you - for a while - anyway."
"Maggie - don't do anything...don't feel hurt,"
"Where do you get off telling me what to do or not to do or how to feel or not to feel? Have a nice day - anyway," I hung the phone. Knowing Juan quite a bit - I knew he would not be calling me back. Not for a long time - anyway.
* * *
The October after that summer stood glorious with the trees changing colors and the air smelling of winter holidays coming up soon - celebrated in a big way - as always in rich Chicago. Most of that month that year - I felt as if I was attending some sad event like some loved one's - funeral but I had to successfully put on some "facade".
When my older brother Max called one morning towards the end of that month - I felt like crying.
"Go to your ballroom studio now that Jack has nothing to say about it. Have fun. Life is great for you - now. Life is short,"
"I know but a lot of times I feel sad and miss Juan - something fierce - at times."
"So - cry - if you feel like crying - but if you call him - things will not progress for you - time will not work for you - you know that. You need to be out with some friends like you. Those youngsters are a waste of your time."
"Sidney Zimmerman said many times that he wants to take ballroom lessons with me."
"Now - you start to keep your eyes on the ball - again - that's the material for you. Let the time work for you - not against you."
"Yes - but Sidney Zimmerman - makes my skin crawl - he is totally self-centered and self-absorbed - in love with himself."
"Just go out with him. Do something in the evenings - so the night will go fast. You are not exactly devoted to the 'good of mankind' - yourself. He is an interesting guy - anyway."
"You are that way much more than I - you consider your bank account some kind of an important being - it takes a big precedence in your life."
"I am getting older - I have to think of my 'golden years' coming up very soon. My grown kids are super absorbed in their own lives".
"Sometimes I am glad that Jack and I never had any time to bring children to the world since we were always too busy to raise them properly."
"They will make you happy - but they exact a high price."
"Ayn Rand spoke of 'second halvers' - people who always have to have some kind of a 'second half' to feel whole - they have to have someone to love or they feel empty and worthless."
"Love is a big 'high' - no question - but it's 'expensive' in every way."
"What do you call it? Love? Attraction?Life's purpose? Obsession? I remember how your first wife used to be in love with you for a while - than she hated you a lot."
"I can't say that I didn't deserve it. Various life's circumstances always pull on love and tear it."
"Even the right kind of love?"
"They tear into the right kind of love - with their extra special, clever ways. A few unions can withstand it for too many years."
* * *
The "new wave" Russian writer from the beginning of the twentieth century - Fyodor Sologub wrote a novel called "Petty Demon" which became an international sensation shortly after it was published. Essentially - the story cleverly shows how the subtle, petty but persistent - everyday's little demons can weigh heavily on everybody's lives in a typical small Russian town - and even the essentially good people can easily get caught into that "web" around them. That is - for a while - anyway.
Ayn Rand puts those human trials in a different content in her famous novel - "The Fountainhead". She cleverly explores the essence of of love, careers, relations between people and how the politics of the day - influence people's lives. The most important essence of her work is the concept of meritocracy/capitalism - the system which - in my opinion - beats the collectivism of the socialism and communism which frequently leads people into the forced labor camps, oppressive and cruel jails - and worse. Capitalism may be very a flawed system needing constant improvements but socialism and communism with their big historical mistakes - frequently cost millions of human lives.
* * *
Towards the snowy winter after that memorable "summer of Juan" - everything was slowly getting back to normal in my life. I decided to leave Chicago for a while so I sold my beautiful townhouse which appreciated a lot and attempted to make a new life for myself in hilly, picturesque and charming Pittsburgh where Max and his family have lived for a long time in Squirrel Hill - a fabulous, international, "she-she-poo-poo", trendy part of Pittsburgh. After a few years there during which Pittsburgh "rinsed" me off from a lot of my funds which I wanted to invest - instead I needed to spend a lot of my "no touchie" funds for my living expenses. My decision to run back to "my" Chicago which I missed like crazy - anyway - turned out to be the best thing I did for my life. I felt that the city called me back so it turned out a good move. I immediately got a decent job in Chicago which I couldn't do in small Pittsburgh - all divided up and "spoken for".
* * *
Chicago-land of today feels like two worlds - the city itself - is full of "left" leaning - Democratic politicians pursuing their personal and political - sometimes - despicable - agendas which enriches them a lot while they don't give a "hoot" about their constituents even if they successfully pretend to do so. On the other hand - people living outside Chicago in the suburbs or in the other parts of Illinois - who voted heavily for Trump - now openly resent the Chicago, East Coast of the U.S and similar California style - "leftist", Socialist leaning politics with a lot of their phony politicians - wealthy hypocrites and their phony, leftist political agendas giving them power and influence.
* * *
It was a cold, early spring morning as I sat in a cozy, well equipped coffee shop inside a big, magnificent Chicago's food store - Tony's Finer Foods - a true, Democratic establishment where all kinds of people - mix - even if for a few minutes.
After I got my coffee and bagel for which they have a fabulous special price every morning - I sat in their cozy, nicely equipped coffee shop. I tried to distance myself from the table with young mothers whose little kids acted overly noisy. I thought to myself that parents who believe in raising their kids in overly permissive manner - should do it within the confines of their households. People in public places should not be subject to some children who - at times - take advantage of the situation and act like obnoxious little brats.
Two tables away from me - I noticed a young, "illegal alien" and poor looking - guy. He was about thirty - in visibly ill health since his frame looked skinny and crawny - in addition all his teeth were gone since his jaw - had that appearance. His eyes showed an indifference of his spirit and yet he seemed happy that nobody bothered him in that place. The sun caressed his skinny face. If I could send an angel which would protect him while he was - probably - soon scheduled for deportation - probably - back to Mexico - I would.
All the Chicago's Spanish speaking TV stations and the printed media - are all in big uproar about the deportations of the "illegal aliens". English speaking stations also show pro-immigrant bias as they conveniently "forget" to mention about the advantages of - finally - dealing with the multitudes of "illegal" citizens draining the resources which are needed for the Americans and for the legal immigrants who by the way - for the most part - want the "illegals" gone but everybody wants the authorities to deal with the "illegals" in a most humane and respectful manner - possible.
Chapter 40
After the mild winter almost came to the end - the spring and summer promise to be terrific in every way this year. Chicago has a lot of fun, free events of every kind during the summers - organized by the city which spends money left and right - as if it was going out of style - even if its budget consistently runs into the red territory for many years while the local legislators - fight each other and collect all kinds of benefits of every kind since their regular pay has been slowed down.
I guess Goethe said that all the lawyers belong on the "bottom of the hell" - that wouldn't be a bad place for most of Chicago's politicians. In addition - The Sanctuary City expenses are "bleeding" the city budget - as well - so the city comes up with tons of frivolous taxes. Thank God - the near by suburbs don't imitate the city of Chicago too much. The neighboring states of Indiana and Wisconsin - get a lot of business from Chicagoans who balk at paying their taxes - "every time they fart - taxes - taxes - taxes - all the time - all through their their collective, proverbial - noses - as well".
* * *
The early spring feels nice since the sun is stronger so even if the snow covers the trees - at times in March - it melts fast. The smell of spring in the air - makes me a little happy that the worse of this winter is over - till next winter.
The mornings in which the March snow covers all the naked trees - feel and look - super good like a fairy tale scene. We need some snow before the winter is over to avoid the "winter dry" - but not too much of it so driving and walking is not hampered in any way. The snow smells fresh - especially the March snow after a long absence of it. It feels soft and the strong March sun - melts it quickly.
No wonder that the Conservatives came up with a derogatory nickname for the neo-Liberals - they call them the Snowflakes. At the moment - most of the U.S. colleges are overrun by the extreme leftists - hell bent on destroying the U.S. However the determined, armed to the teeth U.S. Conservatives - are getting fed up with the Left and its shameless, Nazi style tactics of attempting to silence the opposition. The U.S. police will - very soon - start using - frequently - the rubber bullets and stronger measures to deal with this new - political disease - Alt-Left - which can endanger the American democratic ways.
* * *
The building where I currently live has been getting on my nerves a whole lot - after I found out how the management and staff - get by with working less hours than they would have to put in if they worked for any private industry. They can get by on "taking it easy" while collecting a lot of benefits plus a very decent pay for not putting in all the required hours while they avoid any strenuous efforts which would be required of them had they been working for any private industry. I can't wait to be moving to my new place where their security procedures are not nearly as ridiculously exaggerated; it won't be long - and I will be out of this building - so I will almost never look back - but for now - I just enjoy my current place - now that it's easy for me to happily avoid all the bothersome elements while I enjoy this building's positive factors - not that there are very many of them.
* * *
My best friend and confidante - Milochka - lately has been treating me in a distant fashion - God only knows - what is the reason for that. I have no clue why she is acting that way but it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it used to. If she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore - fine with me. She can get on my nerves at times and anyway - I made some new friends in the ballroom studio where we dance ballroom during the Tea Dance - every week.
It's a wonderful place to socialize - talk, dance, laugh - then part for a week or two. That way - while it's a lot of fun to get together with some quality people - one doesn't have to get "deeply" involved with anybody without getting to know them first - to some extent. One can tell quite a bit about about the personality of another person by watching them dance and talking to them.
I - actually - like one guy who started to come there - again - after - not being there for a while. I wouldn't mind going out to lunch with him in order to get to know him better - however - it seems as if - for the moment - he is trying to "tie ins and ends" with his current lady friend who is put into a bit of an awkward situation since she has been active in that studio for a while - but she kept away the last few times I have been there. In addition - some single ladies who go there - are also interested. It's not like I am scared of competition - or antyhing like that - but still - I don't like to be in an awkward position to be competing for a guy. I will think of some other variations.
* * *
Even though I have known my best friend - Milochka - almost all my life - she still surprises me - at times - even though not often. If she could only keep her aggressive streak on a "leash" a bit - it would be easier to deal with her still - I appreciate her good qualities. It's nice to take a break from her for awhile.
I don't assume that I know someone until I really know them which means - going through some trying times - together. A few people can "make it" through some tough tests which invariably come up to everybody.
My friends also change - some go away and some come back - some new friends "stick around for quite while" an become closer than others. I try to be selective about getting close to people but at times - things happen as if "they want to happen" - no matter what I decide.
Its fun to chat with some ladies at my ballroom studio during my weekly Tea Dancing - where some guys are good dancers and fun to be around. I wouldn't go out to lunch - past the casual studio's interaction - with some of them since some of their features seem "repulsive" to even if I don't mind dancing with them once in a while; I know that those guys have a chance with some other ladies - eager to have a steady dance partner since it's supposedly - a status symbol of sorts. They should lower their expectations and "shoot" where they a chance.
I notice a lot of things about the people who go to that event for an extended time. One of the guys there - an older gentleman is an excellent dancer plus he has a nice, attractive personality - a sharp dresser who uses nice cologne as well. Women seem attracted to him in "droves" since he appears respectful of women - at least - on the surface.
His ex-steady lady partner however - evidently can't get over him; lately she looks "goofy", rejected and not attractive. I would never make fun of another woman or be disrespectful unless an individual acts "goofy" and nasty towards me - then I would think of a way to exercise some effective and fun - "payback" of sorts which - hopefully - will teach the offending "party" a lesson - not to bother me anymore. One has to stand up for oneself in some way.
At any rate - it's seems awkward to insist on hanging on to something that's gone and done. That lady needs to move on in many ways and she needs to stop coming to the studio in hopes of "rekindling" something that's "gone with the wind". Time to move on - ahead - for some new adventures! As far as I am concerned - its not good to live in the past - but move on - when the time is right - to move ahead full spead - no matter how scary it may seem - at first. Someone said something smart: "Fortune favors and brave" - I say "amen" to that even though it's not easy - but living in the past is also hard.
* * *
My family in Pittsburgh - which consists only of my two nieces and their father - my older brother - became distant for some mysterious reason however my other nephew and I became close lately; my nephew is a much "better" version of my brother who is his - almost estranged - at the moment - dad. I am trying to get my nephew and his dad a bit closer. It's not easy since my brother - in addition to being frequently abrasive towards his immediate family - also expects from people to reach out to him - before he makes any moves towards reconcilliation. I don't know where it's going between my brother and his almost estranged - son but it's never a bad idea to be a "peacemaker" for awhile.
Another thing about my nephew which strikes a powerful cord with me is the fact that he and his mother (my brother's first wife) are closely connected to Israel. She has lived there for many years; she left Poland - for Israel when my nephew was only six years old - following her divorce from my brother right after my nephew was born - after her brief, roller-coaster style marriage to my brother.
* * *
The light at the end of the tunnel is a good thing to see - after each unpleasant passage is coming to the end. The building in which - I currently live - not for a long time remaining here - thank God - has been getting on my nerves a lot because it's too small and too claustrophobic. There is a cluster of nosy people here who gossip and stick their noses in other people's - business which is annoying even if most people living here are a decent sort. I can't give the nosy ones "a piece of my mind" - diplomatically and in a funny way - until I am ready to move - which will happen soon. For now - I am enjoying the positive features of this building - not that there is too many of those.
* * *
My nephew sent me an exciting E-mail from Israel where he went to celebrate his mother's birthday. She looks pretty good on the photo taking into consideration that I have not seen here since she was very young and my nephew - a baby. He - presently - is a middle aged father of two college aged - youngsters.
Time has a way of drastically changing people - which is especially obvious when I look at the photos - at times.
One of my friends who passed away last year made a remark which was depressing; I don't like to dwell on sad stuff but I need to remember that - almost last visit - so I will appreciate normal days - more. I visited her when she was almost ready to die - so she looked sick, skinny and shriveled up to almost nothing - however - she was at her own - luxuriously decorated penthouse - surrounded by beautiful stuff which she loved - not that she was noticing her surroundings too much. At that moment she couldn't enjoy her place too much - still she was lucky not to be stuck in some strange hospital room - alone.
I pointed at her beautiful portrait made from the photo when she was young, beautiful and looked like a glamorous movie star. After I remarked that I always liked that enlargement - she replied: "This woman is not me anymore - she left long time ago." I felt like crying but did not.
* * *
With the cool, spring days - Passover holidays always remind me of our family celebrations when our parents were much younger and we were - children at first - then the youngsters - then my brother's kids sat at the table - when they were little. Then my brother's children brought the children of their own to the table.
When his older daughter was little she stood in the big chair looking like a little doll while our father - all dressed up was putting finishing touches on the Passover table - covered with snow white, lace table cloth. She was only three years old but seemed to understand or feel - the holiday spirit. Then dad's old friend stopped by for a moment. He glanced at the beautiful Passover table and wished us a happy Passover. My brother's older daughter Ali - was observant and smart. She watched the guest intently. She was also bold, outgoing and talked a lot when she was a child.
"Are you sitting at the table? Is there a place for you?" She asked father's friend in a clear voice while she looked straight at his face as if she was some adult - briefly caught in a children's body. Both father and his friend burst out laughing.
"That's her first Passover. She is only three," our father's voice sounded proud and happy.
"Yeah - but she is already a very important little person - with her distinct personality showing so she has an important place at the table," stated our father's friend.
As the youngest at the table - she was curious about everything our father did that night - which he did the same way for many years - but that first Seider with Ali - was special and unforgettable. She was visibly enjoying herself - soaking up all the love poured on her by our family.
* * *
Another Passover which stands out in my memory is the one which happened twenty years later. Ali was ready to graduate from college and head for the graduate school.
As I looked at this beautiful young woman expertly leading the Passover Haggadah - she made me proud even though she acted a bit distant involved with her college friend who called her on the phone frequently that evening. I couldn't figure out the exact nature of their friendship but I didn't ask and it didn't interest me all that much.
During that memorable Passover - our father was already gone - quite a few years back - so normally - my brother Max was doing the ceremony but that year - Max was not able to do it since he had to be away on some important business. Ali - his older daughter did a good job that spring. A lot of important changes took place in our lives. Jack and I were divorced. I just became independent emotionally, financially and in other ways. My older brother Max was also divorced from Ali's mother. Ali and her younger sister adjusted to the situation. It was not easy but all of us - made it.
The third Passover which stands out in my memory - was the one a few years ago - at my brother's big three unit, mansion style home in a trendy, desirable Squirrel Hill - part of Pittsburgh. I helped him clean his unit so it looked neat and presentable for Passover. At that time - I rented from him a tiny apartment right above his big, second floor apartment. While I always kept my place clean - he - normally - had a semi-pig style order while his kids - the inheritors of his costly dwelling - evidently didn't give a hoot. My stay there with them - was temporary since my dreams about returning to "my" Chicago which I missed like crazy - were just about to be realized. I didn't tell anybody about it not wanting Max to be angry since he could be indictive - at times. However - after shuffling several times back and forth from Pittsburgh to Chicago and back - my decision - at that time - was to stay put in Chicago - then bravely pursue my "dream of dreams" - Israel. The time had to be right but I knew for sure that I had to get the hell out of Pittsburgh. I felt at that time that I had enough of Pittsburgh - notwithstanding the beauty and splendor of Squirrel Hill.
When the doorbell rang downstairs - I felt as if the time magically moved back to that memorable Passover when Ali was three during her first Passover. Max answered the main door and Ali's little son - who was four - entered joyously. He was a chubby, energetic little boy with his facial features looking just like Ali when she was his age.
"Julian - give your granddad and your aunt - their gifts," said Ali. Both of us got a nice bubble bath since Ali managed "Bed, Bath and Beyond" store after she graduated from college. Her gentile husband had to work that night. She gave me a hug which felt good. She always called me by my first name - all her life - she never - ever - ever called me "aunt Maggie" which was okay - since I also always called my favorite aunt by her first name - as well.
Max'es ex-wife started to put a damper on my good mood which she usually did as long as I have known her. Max finally established decent relationship with her several years after their divorce; she kept smiling one of her sphinx-like smiles which was hard to read. As long as I have known her - I never knew how she really felt about my brother's family - that is - us - my family. He was not the best husband in the world - far from it - but she knew what she was getting into when she married him - so her frequent complaining about him to me and our mother - seemed not smart at all - considering the fact that she was highly educated woman who earned her Ph.D from the University of Pittsburgh where she worked for many years.
During that memorable Passover - I tried not to look at her since she was getting on my nerves more than anybody else present that night. The only joyous factor that evening was looking at little Julian who attentively watched his granda Max for most of the night - with the same kind of expression in his brown eyes which his mother had - when she studied our father during the Passover - some twenty years earlier. Towards the end of the evening - I felt good. I knew that I will be moving back to Chicago soon - to start my new life - again - with those sweet memories of my family - deep in my heart. There are always new, exciting beginnngs for me - each one more exciting than the one before.
Chapter 41
I have been back in Chicago for a couple of weeks and it felt good to be back. Everything looked familiar. It was the very end of a beautiful summer which was not overly hot. My favorite season of the year - the fall - was just about to begin. My new Chicago apartment felt like a vast improvement over Max'es old unit in his old mansion style - building - which really started to get on my nerves towards the end since he tried to spend minimum money - to give it a proper upkeep the way his neighbors did in this exquisite neighborhood of Pittsburgh. I shouldn't have worried so much that things will not work out for me since they always do once I come back to Chicago. Somehow Chicago always offers me a lot of opportunities which I would never have if I stayed in Pittsburgh.
As I was waiting for Milochka in Skokie's cozy, recently remodeled - "Kaufmann's Deli" - on that bright Sunday morning - sipping my coffee and munching on their excellent egg bagel with plain cream cheese - I wondered how she changed in the two years during which I was away from Chicago area. I also thought briefly about my "life's script" which "did" what "it" wanted - at times - no matter what I might decide.
"Its good to see you. It's been awhile", she shook my hand in her typical, restrained fashion while I wished that she hugged me. She looked good even though her gray hair needed covering. Her smile appeared friendly and sincere - though. As long as I have known her - she did what she really felt like doing which can cut both ways so it doesn't come without a price. you here awhile - you will be going back to Pittsburgh - last few years you've been going back and forth,"
"Not this time - it's going to be some time before I miss Pittsburgh again. My younger niece expressed the 'desire' to live in the unit I was renting from my brother", I said and added: "Suddenly I got scared that they will put me out so I grabbed my chance to move back to Chicago which I missed like crazy - anyway. It was meant to be."
We talked for awhile - then she dropped me off at the Skokie Library which is always my favorite place to "hang out" in Chicago area. After I spend a few hours in the library - I - usually - head for a glorious - Old Orchard Mall which has a few of my favorite places to finish most of the day.
I knew that everything will go really well for me - for the longest time - and it felt great to be out of Pittsburgh which I didn't miss at all. Not yet - anyway.
* * *
The fall of that year went smoothly since it has always been my favorite time of the year. Then the winter came - luckily - not too severe. It is a beautiful spring again - with the gorgeous Chicago summer - promising to be fun - like every summer. I have not spoken to Milochka for a while and it seems as if our close friendship - loosened up a bit for no special reason.
A lot of times - some important things happen to me as if they "intended" to take place. As long as my goals and plans are in place every week - I feel focused even if my objectives - change. As long as I have my weekly goals - I don't feel like I am "floating" without a purpose.
The Old Orchard Mall - has always been a fascinating and fun place - especially during the springs and summers - even if during the winter holidays - they designers show wonders with their varied winter motives. Their huge bookstore "Barnes and Noble" offers tons of titles and weekly magazines to look through but I love their coffee shop especially when I come there early in the morning so I can easily find a cozy table in the corner - so there is no need to listen too much to some "goofy", older, steady elements who go there almost every morning and can get one one's nerves since - frequently - they act pushy, loud and obnoxious - especially some older guys.
Luckily - some mornings that boisterous group of seniors doesn't show up and I don't go there every single morning - which is good since it drastically reduces my encounter with various "nasties". My week is busy in various, classy places around Chicago - and there is more of them here than in Pittsburgh where Squirrel Hill and the neighboring Water Front - areas were the only ones which interested me.
* * *
Every spring during my brief celebration of Passover we promise each other to have a good year to follow - it's been a very good year but the next one will be even better. Last year - Max did a "quickie" and I was the only other participant since his relationship with his grown kids - can be generously described as - inconsistent at times - usually during some major holidays.
The year which followed was excellent - even if it could be better as it always the case. This year I decided to forego my traditional Passover in a restaurant with Alice who is the only Jewish person in her small - immediate and extended family. They charge a lot of money for that special supper and frown if one wants to take some home. It's a big "act of God" for them to privide some containers.
It's kind of fun to celebrate solo this year -with the happy memories of our past Passovers with our family and various friends. I don't exactly expect any special Passover wishes from Max - but his son - who has a lot nicer personality - already wished me a happy Passover from Israel - where he is spending a couple of weeks visiting his immediate and extended family in our beautiful country which is never far from my thoughs. I remember that my only Passover in Israel - several years ago - was simply wonderful. Last night after I finished my very beautiful Passover supper - I prayed to God and made myself a promise to spend next Passover in Israel just like it says in the Passover little prayer book - Hagada - which relates the story of Moses leading the ancient Hebrews - out of the ancient Egypt where they were cruelly enslaved by the Egyptian Pharaoh. At the very end of this prayer book there is an important verse - "next year may we celebrate in Jerusalem".
* * *
Some days go extra well for me without any special reason and Chicago feels like a home of sorts to me - even with its high crime rate. No place is truly safe these days - anyway. However - my idea of spending two harshes winter months in Israel makes a lot of sense - since Israel has a "paradise" weather during January and February while Chicago frequently suffers from severe snow storms during those months - accompanied by a considerable spells of single digit, nasty - temps. It will be good to avoid those. My nephew's mom - my brother's first wife and I have always gotten along very well and since she is getting very old - I am sure that she will look forward to have a trusted friend like me - staying with her during the coming few winters. If could only stand overly hot summers - I would love to live in Israel which has some area a bit cooler than others during their prolonged summer months which some years start as early as in April.
* * *
The spring months can beautiful in Chicago - as long as it doesn't turn too hot right away - which can get on anybody's nerves. Some summers in Chicago have been bothersome - hot like hell - and they dragged forever. When they finally ended - the fall which followed felt like paradise on Earth. Thank God for the air-conditioners - otherwise life can get uncomfortable - to say the least - for people like me who can't stand the hot weather.
I can't wait to be finally moving out of my present building which has a lot of flaws in addition to its several positive "attributes" of sorts. However - as I am waiting to be out of here - suddenly - things which used to bother me like crazy - do not get on my nerves nearly as much as they used to.
The biggest "bug" which I noticed during my half a year or so of living here is that several women neighbors - gossipers - like to congregate downstairs in the part of the lobby which enables them to watch who comes into the building - ostensibly - wanting to be "friendly" - however - they also are nosy, busy bodies - with not much else to do - who like to know who comes into the building and with what sorts of company - as if the management didn't already have an employee at the front desk - to monitor all movement in and out of the building - 24/7. This building has a paranoid security procedures since in most dwellings - once you move in - you can exit the building by other exits - than the main one - guarded by a security person. In addition the people who live in the complex - most of the time - can use the staircase in the low-rise buildings - my favorite onces since the high "sky scrapers" in Chicago - give me the "creeps".
* * *
The summer morning walks along the parks/beaches by Chicago's Lake Michigan - gloriously shimmering in its summery emerald/green - hues - are tons of fun during the summer mornings; it feels good to drink my morning coffee as I snack on a delicious New York style bagel and listen to Chicago's morning talk shows - during which - lately - the socialistic leaning Chicago "lefties" - finally had to listen to the voices of reason; the city is almost going broke with their "sanctuary city" reckless spending - "the sanctuary cities" which frequently hide criminal elements with their policies - while they spend our - the taxpayers' money - as if it's going out of style in a hurry. If the rich liberals want to spend their own money on "illegals" - they can do it - still they owe their efforts to the needy Americans - first.
Most people in the U.S. want the funds collected from hard working taxpayers - to be used for the Americans first - then if there is any money left over - it can to go to help the "illegals" which the Dems call "undocumented" since they hope to get their relatives' votes - which they will not get since almost all of the "normal" immigrants - want the "illegals" - back in their countries where they belong first of all - then they can start an arduous procedures to get back to the U.S just like all the legal immigrants - all of us - have had to do.
* * *
The cool spring days are absolutely lovely around Chicago - providing the crazy wind doesn't blow too much from the Lake Michigan.
I have not talked to my best friend - Milochka for a while so it was very good to hear from her. Each time we get together - I feel more focused on my goals. They might change from time to time - but without the specific stuff to accomplish - I feel like I am drifting without a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel - in sight.
Milochka and frequently have breakfast in one of the Old Orchard's numerous coffee shop which turned out pricey and not all that good - to be avoided since there are lots of good places in the glorious Old Orchard Mall. It is always fun with her - anyway even though - at times - we don't contact each other for quite a while. Each time I talk to her - I feel better about everything - but during the times when we are not in touch - I feel OK as well as long as I outline the week and the day - ahead. After I do that I know that the whole week will go well since I have confirmed for the nth time that outlining "a coming week at a glance" helps a lot in terms of not "rambling around" without purpose but always moving ahead towards some good goals.
* * *
This "she-she-poo-poo", trendy, infested with many arrogant millennial types - expensive neighborhood of Chicago - Lincoln Square - lately gets on my nerves a lot. The new, big library gets frequented on a regular basis by various homeless types who smell bad and often don't behave so good probably having psychotic problems and refusing to take their respective anti-psychotic meds since it's more fun to act crazy and have an excuse for it. Not that the phony, Chicago Dems - liberal types would admit it since most of them are rich, live in nice clean places and definitely - do not practice what they preach out of both sides of their - political hacks' - respective - mouths.
The people who work in this library "forever" - the so called "lifers" are freaks in their own - respective - rights. One of them - an older lady - light skinned African American - security guard who can be very rude on occasions - just got a new "waved" in rows on her head since her natural hair - thinning out in a hurry was always pulled tight in the back of her head - God only knows why.
The other "lifer" type who can get on people's nerves - even if not as much as the first one - is also light skinned African American who likes to glance too much on people's computer screens - I guess wanting to make sure that they don't do any pornography in the public library.
Long story - short - I am looking forward to moving into my new neighborhood - very soon - that is located much closer to my most favorite "hang out" for all seasons - Skokie - with its fantastic Old Orchard Mall which offers tons of stuff to do for me and Milochka - especially during this summer. Milochka has lived a long time in her cool townhouse almost within a walking distance from Old Orchard Mall. We will have tons of fun during this summer coming up very soon - in the interim - a glorious spring continues - not too hot - thank God - so far - so good. I hate it when the spring quickly turns into a hot summer since it's usually an indication of a "scorcher summer" to follow. Since this year's spring has been on the cool side - the promise of gorgeous, cool summer will be a reality. I like the way Lake Michigan smells sweet and fresh during the lovely summer nights. Lake Michigan is large - bigger than some salt water seas - but it's sweet water makes it unique and fun.
Chapter 42
I love to go to my favorite hang out - Old Orchard Mall/Luscious Park - at least - four times per week so I have a choice of either taking a couple of buses or a bus and a train from my present building. Once I move out to my new place - very soon - the distance will be much shorter - cut - at least - in half which will be more than great. Public transportation in Chicago is generously "infested" by various psychotic types who - frequently - "forget" to take their medication - or perhaps - they prefer not to take it the way they should. Nobody knows for sure.
The Chicago's public transportation "psychos" normally do not cause disturbances - still - who wants to look at them since they behave in a psychotic way - prompting me and other normal people to diplomatically "averting our eyes" from them. The highly paid Chicago's ultra liberal, "lefty" politicians should take public transportation every single and watch those psychotics since they generously advocate that taxpayers fork out their hard earned funds - for "social causes" which fund those disturbed individuals.
I - however - know for certain that it's much nicer not to look at those various "Chicago psychtic" types and if possible - I would love to avoid them altogether - like a plague. I am not a politician running for office - having to lie about how I really feel about things. Let all the ultra liberal, Democratic, Socialistic style - Chicago politicians deal with those disturbed types and not push them onto the taxpayers.
However they are too busy attending their empty political activities which assure them of maintaining their respective political - higly paid - positions. There are too many politicians - they need to be "thinned out" a lot with the ones who are left after "thinning out" doing a lot more actual work than they are currently getting away with - barely - performing.
Another problem which takes place - normally - on the L-trains - and rears "its ugly head" when the weather gets better - are some pushy panhandlers asking for a hand out. If I take a train - I - normally - get into the first car so in case of some incident - I am close to the train engineer.
Here in my soon to be ex-building - the handicapped lady who looks like down syndrom case - always hangs around in the lobby by the main intrance where she prominently displays her walker - however - I saw how she walks fast on many occasions - in a strong manner - without a walker. She could be doing stuff with groups which go various places since lots of buses - go half empty to many places - back and forth from the building to lots of nice places to which she could go - but she insists on hanging out around the building - all the time. I am not rude or mean to her - but I can't wait to be moving out of here - very soon. It seems as if as soon as I step out of the door to my apartment - some eyes are watching. That just makes my skin crawl - big time.
* * *
There is this smart, streetwise and pleasant Lesbian lady working in the snack shop here in Lincoln Square. I like her since she seems to be smart - however - I am always weary about her intentions as far as me being "straight" is concerned so that's why I hesitate to go past "hi - how you doing - have a nice day" stage. I have known her "superficially" for quite a few months now - so she has a good idea that I am not - in the least interested in the Lesbian aspect of her personality. I don't know if I should give her credit or not - for trying to come on to me - since she knows by now - for certain - that I am not interested in that gay area.
I know for a fact that a lot of Lesbians or Gays have successful "straight" friendships - however - knowing how even "normal" friendships can "fizzle out" or go wrong - I am weary of that additional "factor" pulling on it. For one - I have had an "interesting" experiences of having to say "no" to quite a few Lesbians since that aspect of women's friendships not only doesn't interest me but I am weary about the additional stress of that sort - pulling on the friendship. Some of those individuals get "ticked off" at being rejected but men do that as well - when they don't know to make advances to parties in their own class instead of trying their luck in the group "out of their leage". People - generally - don't like their offer of friendship - turned down - but it happens to everybody. It's good to be learning how to deal with various kinds of rejections which is not "the end of the world" - they happen to everybody. One can learn a lot from that experience and move on with a better attitude and understanding of how to get ahead without being "clobbered" too much by various "haters" just waiting to criticize and stop you. One has to outsmart them so they - themselves will get "clobbered" in a short time - for sure.
* * *
I have always liked the rainy days when I can work on my projects - indoors. Lately I have learned how to quickly leave my current building without being bugged too much by the annoying elements hanging out too much by the main lobby of the building - so one can't discreetly avoid them. They are nosy people with nothing useful to do and various "service coordinators" in the building who get paid very decently in terms of various government assured - benefits and pay - are too busy to find those elements something useful to do other than "ogling" people who try to leave or enter the dwelling.
That situation has been getting on my nerves so thank God in my new complex into which I am moving very soon - they have several secured entries and exits - which enables one to come and go without those disgusting - eyes constantly watching the tenants - under the phony pretexts of being "friendly", "concerned" and caring about the security. Fiddle sticks wrapped into poppy cock wrapped into horse manure!
* * *
Several years ago a popular Chicago's television station - an affiliate of a huge network outfit - had a "morbid" lady reported who loved to report crimes. After several years of doing that and ending up with not having her yearly contract renewed which happens to most of them - anyway - especially the controversial ones - lo and behold - she totally changed her gross image - lost weight - wrote a book which didn't sell like most books written now a days - than she disappeared from the Chicago's scene.
Today - one of the well watched TV stations - another affiliate of a big network - has a different version of the "crime lady" - a heavy set reporter - a "token" individual - purportedly representing a large but useless segment of the ethnic population of Chicago - is visibly enjoying - relating to the viewers - various gross crimes of which there is no shortage in the city of Chicago's - daily TV news. At times - the news director lets another lady reporter to do some crime features - and to her credit - she doesn't show any excessive thrill about reporting anything morbid - if she could only avoid using her - probably - phony - on the air - name in the ridiculous, child like diminutive form. Common lady if you do a decent job of reporting the news - please - do not call herself "Janie Doe" since it sounds stupid - you might want to consider adapting for yourself - a more professionally sounding on the air name - thus you would say - "Jane Doe - reporting" instead of "Janie Doe reporting" which sounds idiotic - especially if you report some gruesome features.
* * *
We mentioned various human types using public transportation in the city of Chicago. During the weekends - the trains are much less crowded than during the week - especially the peak hours during the work week travel can be disgusting - when people are squeezed like "sardines in the can" on public transportation; this uncomfortable experience to be avoided like a plague. Thank God - I can - pretty much make my own hours - after working hard all my life.
The the crowded major trains "sport" a lot of smelly individuals who might forget to take a bath or use deodorant, mouth wash as well as having various nervous kinds of stinking B.O. - stemming from a stressful day at work or from some other tense situations which a big city like Chicago offers a lot. The buses are much less crowded - even during the peak hours - but they are aggravatingly - slow - like molasses in January.
During the weekends - however - the Chicago's trains are not a bad mode of travelling since they are a lot quicker than the buses. If I commute by trains early during the weekend - always in the first car by the engineer driving a train - the engineer's car is quiet - with some poor individuals sleeping - most of them do not stink badly at all - with some smelly exceptions - which can be avoided to a great extent by sitting as far as humanly possible - from them.
* * *
Chicago's "fancy - schmantzy" - super intellectual suburb of Evanston - the home of the famous Northwestern University - is full of phony liberals/lefties who mouth off their hypocritical left wing political theories in which they do not believe - themselves - since most of them are rich - to afford the astronomical tuition at the Northwestern. The U.S. universities are currently richly infected with the "fascistic" left wingers who will not allow the opposing views to be heard or debated. It's not that they were ever - open minded or anything like that - however - presently - most of them are "rabidly" left wingers - "lefties" - totally immersed in a blind hatred of President Trump.
Evanston's main library is designed in a flawed manner so that internet stations are removed from the staff - consequently - its frequented on the daily bases by various homeless perverts who watch gross pornography at their internet stations. That's just makes my skin crawl - big time. Thank God for the Skokie Library with its design which allows the staff to - at least - glance what the library patrons have on their screens.
All of the Chicago's main daily newspapers including Spanish language "Hoy" as well as most of their major TV station "sport" a hefty left wing bias - with the Spanish "Hoy" shamelessly showing the worst "lefty" preference with their virulent hatred against the Trump administration - shamelessly out in the open; next to "Hoy" follows closely the popular Chicago's tabloid - "Chicago Sun Times" while "Chicago Tribune" reluctantly displaying a small scintilla of the journalistic integrity - in terms of reporting the news and figures as they come up - and not twisting them to suit their left wing - political wishes. Why don't they go to live in Cuba or North Korea for a while if they love socialism and Big Government so much?
* * *
This spring has been continuing in a very cool mode which is fine with me. I have always loved very cold, spring days which feel great to me. Since I will be moving out of my current building very soon - their staff don't bother me nearly as much as it used to since they are nosy and want to know too much of the stuff concerning the tenants which is none of their damn business.
Most of the neighbors are OK in terms of minding their respective businesses and not gossiping too much about whatever "the gossipy" types tend to gossip about. There is - however - no shortage of the "busy buddies" types in this building who need to know other people's business. My current building allows only one main entry and exit - points to all the tenants - a totally stupid set up since it "encourages" gossipy neighbors to congregate right in the area of the entry and exit - ostensibly - to "chat" a "friendly, neighborly" conversations - but in reality - the nosy elements notice every single little detail re: other neighbors entering or leaving - so they can talk about it later - since - evidently - they have nothing better to do.
Other secured dwellings which I have lived in - have at least several secured points of - entries and exits for people who live there - the ones who have the electronic keys. This - here - building - has the "security" set up so they register the tenants moves. The main security woman - who sits at main desk - which everybody has to pass - entering or exiting the building - really gets on my nerves - big time - she reminds me of a gigantic Cyclop - with the numerous eyes oozing out of every part of her body - even out of her rear end. I will not miss this building at all - notwithstanding some good features it "sports". Their tight security system just makes my skin crawl - big time which is the main reason that I can't wait to move out of this place which will be very soon. I am sure that my new dwelling will have some challenges for me to deal with but for now - its important for me - to very soon - unload this place with their current, prison like, disgusting to the max - security system. In my new building - I can enter the new building or exit it - using several secured points of entries or exits - which - thank God are not manned by a person. In the new building the security person which is one of the clerks who work there - only check totally new elements entering the building - the parties who don't live there but either visit or deliver some business stuff.
* * *
Out of the several main, dailies in Chicago - the Spanish language one - is so left wing that the communistic hammer and sickles should be on their front page. I am sure that their owners and editors who must be well off - thanks to their wide circulation - do not idolize and worship the uneducated and at - times - misinformed - working class - whom they - profess to allegedly wanting to be in power - the way they manage Cuba, Venezuela and Greece.
Chicago can be beautiful during the cool spring like this year - before the huge hordes of all kinds of tourists descent on the city for a long three months - since they don't get the hell out of the city - until the Labor Day - when things go back to "normal". Actually - when I briefly watch various passers by as I go about my busy days which vary and are different during the week - since my daily routine changes during the weekends - it's easy for me to notice various important personality features of each person I pass briefly. Most people who live in Chicago are basically - good and honest - however - even if the vicious "elements" are plentiful as well. I thank God - every day - that I don't need to deal with them on any "permanent" or "semi-permanent" bases which I might have to do if my profession required it or something like that. individuals just make my skin crawl for a lot of reasons which almost always come out to the surface after I dealt with them for some timeem for a time. That's why - for now - I like to have a quick, superficial "dealings" with most people - that way - they don't develop any expectations and neither do I. However - I have an optimistic outlook on life - tons of people are solid and trustworthy - sometimes they don't turn out right away but they always do - when I need them.
* * *
One of the best movies I ever saw is titled "Possee" and it's an older movie - from the nineteen seventies. For some mysterious reason - it was not popular after the main release in the movie theaters. I saw it on TV and I think about the clever script - sometimes. If I met that screewriter - I would congratulate them on their skill in observing a lot of life conditions and being able to encapsulate those clever observaions into the difficult form of the sucessfully executed movie script.
Kirk Douglas did a magnificent job playing a cynical but honest protagonist - suddenly caught in dangerous circumstance - who is falsely accused of a crime he didn't commit - so he has a big "Possee" of various characters after him. The movie's events develop in an unexpected manner - just like they - sometimes - do in real life.
Long story - much shorter - an aspiring politician wants to gain "political brownie points" by making sure that "they get someone in jail who might be innocent". Kirk Douglas character delivers a smart line which sounds something like "climbing the political ladder on some - possibly innocent - individual - is 'horse manure'". The dialog runs smart, funny - at times - dramatic. It's rare that this movie could successfully combine the elements of drama and comedy - in the scenes which could be easily be identified by most movies' audiences.
Normally a decent movie needs to "make up its mind" early one if it will be a comedy or a drama with a few motion pictures which can successfully blend those two contrasting elements. The most memorable line delivered masterfully in an understated manner by the Kirk Douglas'es character which sticks in my mind happens almost at the end when "things worked out" for the main character after many unexpected "twists" and "turns" - just like a real life's events can happen at times. The main characters concludes at the end that - "Any day above the ground is a good day on Earth".
* * *
The other Sunday I was watching various people during the Mather's Day Sunday while I had my morning coffee in the popular mall in the middle income Chicago's suburb close to the city. Most families there looked Oriental and of course - Latin since the Hispanics are more than plentiful in Chicago area. The city - itself - offers the "illegals" some protection if they "keep their noses" clean of any criminal or illegal activities. However - the suburbs - frequently pursue more aggressive policies by cooperating with ICE which has a lot more help from the local suburban police than ICE has from Chicago Police.
The criminal elements consisting of "illegals" can hide successfully in "sanctuary cities" like Chicago - notwithstanding phony assurances to the contrary - generously spread by the leftist Liberals through various - Liberal left - leaning - Chicago media. Most people who live in Chicago don't believe the Chicago leftist Liberals' propaganda - anyway.
I know that a lot of the "illegals" are good people and deserve to stay in the U.S. - however - until the broken immigrations system gets properly fixed - the situation will not get any better unless the overflow of the "illegals" will be "thinned out" a lot - especially the semi-criminal or criminal elements among them.
* * *
I was watching various people passing me by as I had my morning coffee in the lovely - nicely remodeled - big shopping mall in Niles - A Golf Mill Mall - located in a northern, middle class suburb of Chicago. The security people did a good job of not letting a lot of visibly poor and handicapped folks - hang out there too long. I saw this one woman - barely able to walk with the help of her old, beat up walker. It was obvious that she was white, poor, old and handicapped - with no skills, no education, a few survival skills without any politicians/supporters - maybe connected to some church group - advocating for her - screaming for a new walker for her, more benefits and so on.
Michael Medved - a smart, shrewd commentator and an effective communicator - galore - with a massively devoted, huge radio audience/loyal followers - religiously listening to his show - stated that "justice is blind so she can't be favoring any poor folks - in terms of dispensing the laws and the ensuing resources - at the expense of the more talented, hard working - frequently - rich folks and companies - charity cannot be forced, taxed or legislated. The charity work is best administered by the elements who know it - not the justice system."
I couldn't agree with him more since most of those so called "advocates" for the poor - are themselves - rich politicians who don't really believe in their own "propaganda drivel" since they all want to stay rich - however they frequently find some "elements" to "demonize" as the ones causing the poverty - as if that condition didn't exist from the beginning of recorded history.
The U.S. government and various other groups have endlessly attempted to reduce homelessness and poverty and in the opinion of many respected experts - those noble goals have progressed some - however - most people in the United States - balk at the socialistic system which drains the taxpayers in the western European countries at the cost of the taxpayers - most of which - feel "royally screwed out of their hard earned - money and incomes". This so called "cradle to the grave - government - guaranteed - prosperity" - does not play well in the United States - full of "guns - totting" - individual freedoms - loving - people.
Chapter 42
I always find that working with even a small group of people having similar interests to mine - can be a lot of fun for a long time but then something happens to change things. I have learned to "move on" without questioning too much why certian things happen in my life - as if my life needed to follow some hidden script written by some higher forces which are hard for me to understand. Every day I learn more about the meaning of my life - while some minor, little stuff - has important role.
Lately I have been having my morning coffee in a small but efficient coffee shop in my current neighborhood of Chicago's - a fashionable and affluent - Lincoln Square area which if full of middle class young people combining with the generous sprinkle of all kinds of other groups. A lot of the youngsters are still idealistic "libtards" - so the chances are that they might retain their leftist "direction" if they pursue a successful careers with either state, city of federal government - thus are likely to remain - politically - socialistic leaning.
The business people which are also plentiful in this area - like the older Vietnamese couple who owns a successful, small coffee shop which the neighbors generously patronize. I personally - like to get my coffee because the place is not as clean as I would like it to be - however it's friendly, cozy and retains the overseas, exotic flavor - they owners bring to it. Chicago is beautiful in a lot of ways - even if a lot of the idealistic, left leaning "libturds" - plentiful among the numerous youngsters living and working here - frequently get on my nerves.
The business people which are also numerous here - may have to give some "lip service" at times - to some "lefty ideas" - not to "go against the flow" - however - they do not subscribe to any overly "socialistic" ideas for the U.S. since their vast experiences "enlightened" them re: the socialism suited only "for the birds" - so the smart ones definitely do not subscribe to it. Thus they vote their conscience and not any "fleeting" political trends - especially the one so insidious as "creeping socialism".
Any attempts to "re-distribute" the wealth of the nation - downwards - towards the extremely poor - ends up in the taxes too high and "brains" leaving the countries - which forces that system (Western Europe) in droves - while "the poor and disadvantaged of every kind" - frequently - "snicker down their noses" onto the free service offered - viewing those correctly as "forced charity". Currently - unfortunately - Western Europe seems to suffer - overrun by radical Moslems - especially Western Germany. Angela Merkel still has a slim mandate which is eroding so the next leader will most likely reverse her policy of "almost open borders" - notwithstanding some government and state - employees - "political "hacks" who - usually - derive temporary monetary benefits - each time a rich country's government undertakes even ridiculous policies which it forcefully implements - at the cost of hurting most population - in a long and even a short run.
* * *
Chicago celebrates its first big holiday for the year - the Memorial Day - in a fantastically fun - way - even if the weather messes up some years. This year - the Loop Memorial Day parade should be a big success since the "rain and thunderstorms" should be "gotten over with" very early just after the first day of the Memorial Day weekend; the parade begins shortly after the morning changes into the early afternoon - which happens withouth the rain so the weather prediction was correct.
Today was a gloriously beautiful early summer, cool day - perfect for the Memorial Day parade..which went super good in Chicago's Loop - full of all kinds of people of different colors and financial backgrounds - a true democracy in action. The Loop was full but it was not too crowded this year. The long, three day long weekend has still has some time left. The atmosphere in the city feels good - since people are getting ready for the glorious summer to come - providing - that the various, local criminal elements which "crawl out" during Chicago's summers full of foreigners and out of towners - will be kept firmly - "on the leash" in the city and in the surrounding suburbs bacause there are more policemen this summer. I have always liked the Memorial Day Holiday a lot especially when the weather cooperates. This year - so far the cool, fresh, slightly breezy days of the long Memorial Day weekend - indicate a gorgeous, cool summer - to follow.
* * *
When I was married to Jack - we celebrated our birthdays on the same day - alternating the years - choosing either his or mine since they were only ten days apart. One year we invited some people we knew so we had a buffet style, nicely presented, finger dishes on a long table placed in the small back patio of our re-habbed townhouse located in the fashionable, northern part of Chicago - close to the trendy suburbs of Skokie and Evanston. The location of my townhouse which I loved most of the time - was picturesque - close to the famous, huge Rosehill Cemetery full of statues of famous Chicagoans buried there. Each time I took peaceful walks there I could almost hear the whispers of famous souls buried there with all the pomp and expense - "funeral" budgets' - money could buy.
Jack knew how to fix exciting food bites since before starting to work for a major Chicago's TV station as a television news photographer - he worked for a famous chef in Las Vegas. Our "joint" birthday parties were lots of fun - except for one year - when an eccentric woman I hardly knew who claimed that she knew me through my fabulous, famous muffins which were distributed in every fashionable outlet in Chicago; she practically invited herself to my birthday party to which I agreed but regretted afterwards.
She showed up to an outdoor party with a big, shepherd looking dog who she claimed was friendly and well behaved. If I knew then what I know now - namely - how to handle diplomatically but firmly all kinds of idiots walking this Earth - I would tactfully send her back to the damn hole - from which this psycho crawled out from. Lo and behold - shortly after she arrived she loosened her damn dog's leash so he immediately jumped on our beautifully decorated birthday cake on the gorgeous table in the back yard - needless to say he totally demolished a lovely birthday cake. Thank God the dog/demon didn't get a chance to destroy other beautiful dishes - before Jack grabbed his leash and tactfully, discreetly but firmly - put the dog and his owner - out the doors.
We still had a lovely party even if we had to do without a cake - however - before she got "delicately" pushed out of our - she had the nerve to ask if she could stay. At that point - Jack and I had to firmly but politely ask her "if she would leave or should we call the police - upon which she agreed to get the hell out and crawl back to the damn hole she crawled out from".
* * *
The following summer or two - I celebrated my birthday with some close Chicago friends who subsequently got put on "the back burner" - since my friends changed their places with the old ones - depending on what's happening in my life. Some old friends - move away for a while - to make place for several new ones - those might go on "the back burner" while the old ones - come back.
Jack left Chicago after - close to twenty years of living with me while our marriage was good. However - things started to change between us after eighteen good years and our efforts to keep our union didn't work. We went our separate ways. When I think about this passage through the prism of the years which passed - I know that it was good for me even if it was painful at the time when I was going through it.
* * *
For the last six months I have been interacting with several women who love to dance ballroom style. We meet once per week or so during our tea dancing gatherings in the small studio located in the west north of Chicago - close to Skokie which is my most favorite part of Chicago where I will be living before long. The ladies who come to the tea dancing are sweet and fun to be around and they can dance well. It's a nice crowd for me - for now - since they guys who come to those afternoon dancing events - are also quite passable - some are attractive - but most are good dancers.
The studio owner - Mang - a gray-haired, short and stocky oriental looking guy - excellent ballroom dance teacher - who is more of a dancer than a teacher - comes from Thailand and being in this country for a long time - he prefers to teach international style ballroom of which moves are slightly different than the American style ballroom dance moves; he manages his international style ballroom studio with the help of an oriental lady who is a dark haired, dark eyed, good looking, middle aged, dancer - with a trim figure. She evidently - has lots of resources of every kind - which her partner - Dang - needs. However - lately - after twenty years of somewhat murky and not clearly - defined - partnership - she seems to be wanting to go her own way.
It will be hard for him to quickly find a suitable business partner since her performance gowns and other presentations always look stunning. I have heard some rumors that her husband - who never shows up in a studio - is a doctor and they have an "understanding" regarding their long term union. At times she appears like a lesbian or bi-sexual to me - perhaps - on the look out for some new "adventures". It's hard to know all the details which don't interest me too much - anyway. For now - I like the events in his studio and the people/dancers who go there - but things always change. For this coming summer - the the ladies who come to Mang's studio for his once per week - ballroom tea dances and I - will be doing some fun stuff. We are looking forward towards Chicago's "Summer Dance" sessions in the Grant Park which attract a lot of various dancers of various ages and skill levels. They are fun events for local dance studio's and the numerous participants - providing the weather doesn't mess up the outdoors dancing activities in the Grant Park.
* * *
Some new individuals I meet have a good "vibe" so we are friends for a while - sometimes for much longer - but some people - men or women - most definitely "rub me the wrong way" - so I just want them "out of my face" - without offending them. Now - that I am semi-retired - finally - at long last - thank God - I don't have to deal with some nasty types - I had to deal with - in the work situation.
My present building which I am going to be moving out of - very soon - has most of the people - who live here - nice enough - they mind their own business - while they don't bother other people who live in the building. The building management deserves some credit since they handle the complains in a timely fashion. I had some psycho - whom I - thank God - have never have seen since I am out of the building most of the day - trying to pound on my ceiling - their floor - that is - awhile ago. It turned out that the "pounding" individual's Alzheimer disease was getting worse and they required some kind of different living arrangements. Thank God that the building management took care of that problem in a timely manner - rather than finding excuses - not to get "involved" and let that matter - drag on.
Most people who live in my current building don't bother other neighbors too much - especially me - since I don't get too involved in their activities having almost all my dealings with folks who live outside of my building - thus I am gone almost all day. When I see the neighbors which I know a bit - the ones who live on my floor - I smile at them briefly, say a quickly, friendly "hello" and go my way. They get the message.
The new place into which I will be moving very soon - has a totally different set up as far as interacting with the neighbors - goes. Their security procedures are not nearly as stifling as at my current place - however the new building also has some issues with which I will have to deal effectively. My current building has a lot of positive aspects as well which I appreciate - nevertheless it will be nice to get the hell out of here. The effective exit strategy is always good.
* * *
I used to have a close friend - Mindy - who moved away to be closer to her immediate family - that way our respective paths went separate ways - just as well - since our friendship started to steer in that direction - anyway.
Mindy was very streetwise and experienced in all the "tight situations" which come up during the course of life's various passages. She always told me - that it is a good idea to do three "ES'es" -'before you ascertain that you're in a good situation - squint, smirk a bit, and scoff a bit - as well'" - according to Mindy's pointers -those "procedures" never hurt when dealing with all kinds of people appearing on your way - especially in some tense life's - situations which come up when not expected or prepared at all - at times.
* * *
This spring has been gloriously cool in Chicago but this second week of June 2017 - when a lot of delightful summer fests - officially begin the summer in the city - promises to "blister" Chicago with the first - ugly and bothersome - heat wave. Thank God for efficient air conditioning. As is an established "first summer heat wave" tradition with me - which repeats itself every year - at that time every summer - I start to wait for the beautiful fall which zooms by entirely too fast - just like a gorgeous cool spring does.
I got to think the other day that Chicago is a rich city with all kinds of poor ethnic elements and other "entitled" poor folks here - "nibbling" on the "crumbs" of "social redistribution" of sorts - the various leftists' legislatures enacted by the still - ruling here hypocritical, rich Democrats (hopefully continuing on their way out of here) - still - even the rich cities can go broke when their political "top layers" entertain a lot of "leftists' style, socialistic, disgusting and revolting" notions which - sooner or later ruin even rich countries - like Cuba which was very rich before Castro instituted his "revolution" which killed, maimed and needlessly victimized - tons of Cuban people.
* * *
This summer continues in an good mode - we will keep it this way - while I observe various "types" of people "crawling around" Chicago. It's important to keep a "poker face" since some of those elements really make my skin crawl - but one cannot make faces upon the sudden appearance of some mentality ill, homeless individuals who - at times chose to sleep in various - "she-she-poo-poo", rich parts of Chicago during the summers.
One can encounter - at times - during the lovely, summer mornings - some dirty, mentally ill, poor humans - wrapped up in their numerous rags - at the bus shelters in Lincoln Square - or other "ritzy" part of Chicago. A lot of those neighborhoods are full of rich, young, high income, Socialist thinking dreamers/left thinking - professionals with a lot of them "advocating" for the poor in a truly - Democratic Party slogans' spitting - fashion. I really doubt if those phony liberals would want to house in their luxurious dwellings - any of those poor, homeless individuals who have a generous sprinkle of a lot of illegal aliens - among them - who crawl around Chicago. The progressive/Socialist thinking legislators want the taxpayers to "foot" the bill. Chicago is rich but rich cities also go broke - like Detroit, Michigan - for an example - went broke.
Chapter 43
I always try to be measured in expressing my opinions around people I don't know - since it's not fun to suddenly offend some individual and be on a receiving end of their sudden anger which is not pleasant - even though - I learned how to deal with those impulsive types - since I even though - I had always been blessed with "being quick on my feet" - still I have encountered my share of enough vicious types to know how to handle them effectively. Our mother used to say - "it's better when they envy you rather than when they pity you." On the other hand - one has to be brave and not live in fear of offending various parties which might have views totally different than mine.
Lately - I started to admire Ann Coulter during the last few years of post Donald Trump political style - campaign - and subsequent ascent to White House - an era which is marked in - frequently - "in your face" - New Yorkers's style - political discourses of all kinds. I don't always agree with either President Trump or his advocates on any of their crucial issues - however - on the bright side of this new political style discourses - mainly on public media forums - now a days people dare to speak more bravely than before - to frequently hostile - listeners and the challengers - handle themselves in an OK fashion - most of the time. At any rate - anybody who loves this country has to worry about the possible "bloodshed" coming to the U.S.A - given the virulent hatred expressed in many ways - mainly on the public media forums - for either Hillary Clinton with her brand of her Democrats or Donald Trump currently representing the Republican party.
The other morning - a deranged leftist extremist shot some Republican lawmakers around Washington, D.C. area - so now the rabid faction of leftists keeps their violence provoking rhetorics - "on the leash" - for a while - at least. Lately - the semi-civilized U.S "lefties" who are mostly poor/uneducated, mob acting crowds in the U.S. spout violence provoking slogans against the U.S. professionals, business people and other smart people who hate socialism and believe in guns and the second amendment to the U.S. constitution. The verbal barbs have been escalating since President Trump got elected. Hopefully this "war of words" will not escalate to lead to any anarchy, police state and factions shooting each other in the cities and other places.
* * *
Lately I have been thinking of a smart and effective Plan B for me - if the massive unrests broke out in the U.S. and it appears that the big cities like Chicago, New York and Los Angeles would be more vulnerable than Washington, D.C or rural areas; I know from the family histories of many people who lived through some massive national catastrophes - that it doesn't take a whole lot - for the seemingly civilized people to start acting like savages while some other factions - always make tons of money - capitalizing on the temporary disasters - before the social order gets restored - sometimes it takes a while.
The U.S. is a very big country which presents a unique set of challenges and advantages. The national catastrophic break down is unlikely but it's always a good idea to be somewhat prepared - thus the
"fear" factor reduces a good deal. I know that Max would be there for me - even if we have occasional misunderstandings. He is more prepared than I since he has several rifles and the knowledge how to use them. I have never been around any fire arms of any kind but my firm belief in the second commandment to Constitution is unshaken. I also believe that when the "chips are down" - its much better to die on "one's feet - fighting" rather than accepting possible, awful circumstances without fighting.
Currently the owners of guns in the U.S. with their numbers staggering the mind - are vehemently opposed to various "antifas" - people who want to restrict the access to guns and "reform" the second amendment. The gun owners always point to the fact that the governments of totalitarian systems - first outlawed the guns - then confiscated them - then established their opressive totalitarianisms which were - subsequently - overturned at the great cost in human lives.
* * *
Chicago has quite a few international clusters of numerous ethnic varieties of people - some of which have lived here a long time - but some are more recent arrivals. The Russians are plentiful here - with a lot of them - Russian Jews but there are quite a few non-Jews among the Russians. One of the several Russian speaking radio stations - played an amazing song the other day which was written for an older audience. The female vocalist delivered the simple lyrics with an understated mastery. The title was "My Dearest Old People" and at first I started listening without any special feelings - however as the song continued - I became deeply moved. The song told a simple story of a woman wanting to hug her old parents but she found herself far away - in many ways - busy with her own demanding career and her own challenges with her own family. The time slipped by quickly - and after her "dearest old people" were gone - she longed to kiss them - at least - that one more time.
I felt as if my long departed mother - sent me a message of sorts - to tell people I love that I love them. After I heard that song - I called my only older brother Max who frequently gets on my nerves - big time. I told him I loved him - just in case if - God forbid - something happened to him - at least - my heart would not ache as much as it would - if I didn't tell him that.
* * *
I will never forget one spring morning a few years ago. It was an early June morning - with the lovely day promising a good summer - ahead.
I decided a day before to go to the lecture/presentation about a Russian composer of popular, older Russian songs. The lecturer played some work by that composer and I recognized a moving song about two brothers who had to go to war after the Soviet Union was attacked by the mighty German Nazis in 1942. Both brothers were conscripted from their village while their old mother cried heavy tears since at the beginning of the German invasion of the Soviet Union - millions of Russians were massacred by the Germans - not even mentioning the Jews who were killed first by the Germans or the plentiful "collaborators" of which many were later killed by the victorious Russians.
Back to the song which was moving in its simplicity - so both sons went to war while the old mother prayed and shed tears - like millions did during the war. Lo and behold - both guys - returned safe to the village - however - their hair turned white while the mother remembered that she when she gave birth to her first born - he came to the world with sunny (reddish) color hair - her "sunny boy". The second one was born with black hair "like black coals". When both guys came back from the war - both of their heads turned totally gray (white). The song sounded good with the lyrics - simple yet moving. I have learned a lot about the composer during that lecture - as if I have met him in person.
What was interesting connected with that lecture - that I heard this song many times before - that piece was one of the most favorite of my mother - it was performed by many talented singers. I had no clue who the composer and the lyricists were - so I learned about him during that memorable lecture. It was a good feeling - as if I met him personally after I first - liked his work a lot. It's the same way - when I meet my favorite writer - whom I know - first - through their work.
I will never forget the story which my favorite aunt Ludmilla related to me regarding her "meeting" in person her favorite singer whose voice she heard many times before she finally had an opportunity to see what he looks like in person.
"When I entered the concert hall - I expected to see an enormous handsome guy on the stage. Instead - a short, stocky, ugly, cross-eyed guy was emitting this familiar, gorgeous voice. He was definitely destined to be a successful radio performer. I discreetly left the concert hall - as soon as he finished his current song - to a big applause."
* * *
So far this summer has been glorious in Chicago - in terms of many cool days - let's keep it this way. Some summers have been awfully hot and humid most of the time which always gets on my nerves a lot. The Summer Dance sessions in the Grant Park - outside - in al fresco manner - every year attract a lot of interesting people - mostly they are the same types showing up for Sunday - Ballroom sessions. Some people come and go - some don't show up for a while - then they are back. I and my "ballroom" girlfriends - know which guys are decent or good dancers and which are "bozos" who don't want to learn how to dance even some basic steps. We know how to avoid those "clowns" without offending them too much. Some middle aged and older men - have no notion of how they behave in front of other people - especially other women; they act as if they were some kind of big deal celebrities of some kind - which they are - obviously - not. They think a world about themselves - some of them for no special reason at all.
* * *
This summer promises to be more fun than last year - even though it was an interesting and exciting summer last year as well as I was getting ready to leave Pittsburgh. I am usually glad to get out of there since Chicago always calls me back in a powerful manner and I run back as if the city was some kind of great old lover who promises to "behave" and does that for a long, long time. Pittsburgh - however - is also a beautiful, hilly town and my brother's - mansion style - two unit house in a charming Squirrel Hill area always feels familiar and homey to me - so it's nice to visit him once in a while. I just wish that he wouldn't be so stingy with his money and got his apartment cleaned out thoroughly. His long term tenant keeps her big unit downstairs - clean. She is almost like a family - in some strange way - since she has lived in his "prize" unit for a very long time. He hardly raises her rent with that location - being extremely desirable - notwithstanding Max'es upkeep which leaves a lot to be desired - to the max. Even though he likes her and respects her - his "prize" tenant - still he keeps his guard up firmly in place - not wanting to get close to his business contact - his tenant. He actually behaves that way with most people he comes in contact. I don't know that it's such a good way to live.
* * *
The Fourth of July is celebrated in a big way around Chicago - I feel sorry for the poor domestic animals - totally freaked out by the noises. They can be bothersome to a lot of people as well but "what the heck its a summer tradition".
The famous Navy Pier fireworks every year look spectacularly glorious. For many summers I watched them from the fancy-schmantzy penthouse where my close friend Gisela lived in elegant luxury until she got very old, sick and weak. Towards the very end of her long life - she had to endure some hospital stays which turned out to be totally useless. She was ninety years old - for God's sake. Most medical doctors choose not to go to any hospitals when they are very old and very sick. They know how the "life saving" procedures - frequently - fracture their week bones and so on. At any rate - it's a complicated matter.
This Fourth of July will be fun for me since after I complete my easy move to my new place on Mon. July 03 - the next day for the Fourth of July - my "ballroom dancing" friends and I should go out for a drink after our Tea Dancing will be done - since the studio will be open during that holiday. After the Tea Dancing to which - to which - probably most people will not show up - but one never knows - the studio owner (my buddy) and a few other "steady" studio members - will - probably - go out to watch some fireworks - if the places are not too crowded and busy and crazy like some summers in Chicago. If that happens - then maybe - we will just watch they fireworks on TV before the late news. One year the heat was too oppressive in Chicago on the Fourth of July - so we watched the fireworks shown on TV - transmitted from the Navy Pier.
* * *
One of the most profound, funny, surprising and enlightening movies I ever saw was the one from 1986 - titled "Peggy Sue Got Married" in which - Kathleen Turner gave an amazing performance - easily convincing as a teenager - at first - then a mature woman in her late thirties/early forties.
The masterfully executed script deals with mysteries of a human fate as the movies explores in a humorous manner some defining moments in the life of Peggy Sue - as she re-visits the important happenings during the time when she was a teenager. The cleverly thought out script makes sure that a lot of people can identify with the important moments happening to Peggy Sue as she experiences some crucial passages - at times - seemingly ordinary. She can travel in time to examine some crucial past events. The humor and the drama mixes effectively - which is no small achievement for the filmmakers. It's the kind of a movie - one could see several times - especially after going through some interesting but trying times.
* * *
This year Chicago has cool weather for the Fourth of July - can't wait to watch the magnificent fireworks display - on television. I saw tons of people heading downtown - so it was a good idea to avoid the "L" public transport mode like a plague since the crowded trains are horrible; the city buses were not too crowded - thank God.
The display looked good - however - as every year - I could see quite a few "live" fireworks shows from my apartment window. I heard the lyrics of a charming and fun Russian song - not too long ago which proclaimed that "every summer - we live a new 'mini' life each year".
Even though my new apartment has some drawbacks - the security procedures here - are normal while in the old place - all their unnecessary, tedious and bothersome security protocols - were getting on my nerves a lot. I know for a fact that some shortcomings connected with my new place - will "crawl out" - for sure - however - the experiences of the old place's - bothersome, intrusive and annoying security procedures - are behind me. Thank God for that.
* * *
I try to remember - perhaps - the most fabulous summer of my life - to wit - and I can think of two summers. The first one happened when I was ten years old and my immediate family went to visit my only maternal aunt with her family who didn't leave the Soviet Union (at that time) - unlike my mother who left the Soviet Union for Poland since she married my dad (a Polish Jew) who decided to go back to Poland. My mother's first husband was killed during the Second World War - so she married my father who divorced his first wife long time prior to their meeting. Both of them had children from their previous unions.
While I barely knew for most of my life - my half-sister - Tina - my father's older daughter from his first marriage - I grew up with my older half-brother Max and with all his flaws and positive traits - since he was the son of my mother - from her first marriage. Max and my dad - his stepfather - had a stormy relationship most of Max'es teenage life but Max left our family house early - so their relationship improved a lot after Max became independent and permanently gone from our family home. Max barely remembered his real father so he considered my dad - his parent even if he resented for a while - some episodes which happened when Max still lived at home which wasn't for a long time. He moved out permanently when he started college.
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Chapter 32
Autumn is usually very beautiful in Chicago - but winters can be fierce in January and February. March usually brings a lot of warm days which feel heavenly - especially after particularly harsh winter months. What's annoying about the spring in the U.S. - is that - at times - bothersome heat waves can start right at the beginning of the spring.
This coming winter promises to be great in many ways; the winter holidays are always a nice time of the year for me - especially around Chicago where this rich city celebrates in a big way. During the last winter while I lived in Max'es old rental in hilly Pittsburgh - I dreamt about glorious Chicago winters in my beautiful townhouse in North part of Chicago - close to my beloved - Skokie where my best friend Milochka has owned a townhouse - "forever and a day". I chose to sell my townhouse and move to Pittsburgh when I decided to leave Chicago - ten years ago. I have frequently regretted this decision - but a lot of good things came out of it - as well - and there is no use to "cry over spilled milk."
Max'es rental was poorly insulated for the winter since Max doesn't spend proper funds to make sure the place is properly winterized - consequently - the unit was frequently on the cold side - especially if the strong wind - blew - during a particularly blistering winter day or night. The space heater which was previously permanently installed and helped quite a bit during the winter before - was removed by Max since it might present - "a fire hazard" - according to Max - which is a truly a "poppy cock" argument.
He - himself - however - has several space heaters in his big unit below the one which I occupied. It's a good feeling to get into a better situation - from not so good - one. Even though Pittsburgh's Squirrel Hill where Max - "rules like an emperor"- has always been an interesting, top notch and "with it" area of Pittsburgh - still - my present "turf" - a cool neighborhood - in a desirable area of Chicago is definitely - a lot more that way; at any rate - so far - so good. One day at a time. Let the time go. It's important that the good news continues for me and gets better each day. I paid my dues of hardships while my family "didn't give a hoot." It doesn't matter so much what they do in Pittsburgh since I have always had several close friends in Chicago area. My relationship with my close family is always better - when I am away from them. My close friends here in Chicago - need me - as well.
* * *
A nice fall morning comes to mind when several years ago when I decided to move back to Pittsburgh's Squirrel Hill after Max has assured me that the upper unit in his old, stylish, mansion like - three unit house located in a fashionable Squirrel Hill area - has been thoroughly remodeled and updated by him. He has done a good job on selling me on renting that small apartment from him which was previously occupied for many years by a long term renter - a quiet single guy whose days and nights all seemed the same. He went to work during the nights then he slept during the day. Max always extolled this particular tenant's monotonous existence since the rent was paid on time and he never bothered Max. Even though those two shared a similar outlook on life - namely - not to get too close to other people - they never became friends of any kind since Max "doesn't mix business with personal matters" and the only closeness Max believes in is the kind a man and a woman can forge as lovers. Max has had quite a few long term and shorter - term - relationships and he is used to being alone a lot even though he assures anybody who would listen that he is open to a next relationship. He has high requirements regarding his future girlfriend however due to the fact that he is stingy with his money - the kind of woman he would like to be with - would have little interest in Max.
During that fall when I decided to move back to Pittsburgh a few years ago - Max has assured me that the top unit in question - in his three unit mansion - has undergone a serious "face lift" which it badly needed. That "eternal" tenant which occupied that small place for many years before I - finally moved in - also needed some kind of a lift as well - which he never got - since he died suddenly in relatively young age after a short illness. Max never mentioned that to me. I have found out that creepy detail quite by accident after living in that unit - for two years - on and off. Still I kind of like that old apartment - oddly shaped but charming - in spite of its numerous shortcomings - but - my current apartment in a nice area of Chicago is much, much nicer. I strongly believe in moving ahead in every way - all the time - as much as possible.
Lo and behold - at that time - several years ago I decided to leave Chicago since the fancy new building located close to the gorgeous Lake Michigan shores in which I occupied a small unit - turned out to be populated by several "psychos" on the "loose" because the landlord - evidently - didn't properly check their references - as long as he got the money from the aforementioned psychotics - for the first month rent and the security deposit. That business practice is kind of similar to the one which Max used to exercise for quite a while - until he got "burned" several times by letting some heavy duty disturbed individuals with money into his rental properties.
When I first moved into Max'es - allegedly - thoroughly "remodeled", old unit - after I came back from Chicago - I noticed right away that he spent minimal funds on improving it and didn't do a good job of it - at all. However - even though the winter came right away and his "elaborate", all electric, new heating system left a lot to be desired - as always with his projects - since the huge contraption he installed made a lot of noise - but generated "puny" heat in the midst of hard winter - common in the hilly Pittsburgh. However when the summer arrived - the unit - immediately - started to be awfully hot. Max always does stuff for other people in the family - "on the cheap". The summer which followed - began immediately from the really hot and humid days - which felt awful to bear since his weak, puny cooling system in the window - again - made a lot of noise but almost didn't cool the top floor at all. For that hot upper floor apartment - Max needed to install - at least two, large cooling, window systems. Instead - as always - he installed several powerful cooling window systems - in his unit - below the one which I occupied - so his rear end was cool and comfy - during that blistering summer.
At the same time at the very beginning of that hot, hot, humid, sticky summer - I was powerfully helped by some magical "twist of fate" - which always comes to my aid at the right time; a blessed opportunity suddenly appeared just in time for me to get the hell out of Max'es hot apartment into a new building with excellent cooling and heating - systems. It felt like a paradise on the earth. Max was "ticked off" for a while - but he always "cools his jets" after some time passes. He reluctantly understands that I need to do what's best for me since he himself almost always does what feels best to him without much consideration about other people - especially if it involves his family because he is more thoughtful towards the strangers with whom he does business.
* * *
Most of the talk shows which the Chicago AM radio stations present - sound totally fascinating every morning, afternoon and night. I especially like to listen to Michael Medved whose erudition and ease of communication - have a few equals in the talk radio "landscape". I - especially - like when he quickly and effectively "disarms" a lot of misguided but seemingly - smart - "lefty" liberals who - nevertheless - repeat worn out - leftists' - slogans like parrots. Maybe they should live in Venezuela for a while - maybe Greece - could show them how the strong central government manages - maybe they should live in Cuba or China - perhaps those experiences would cure them a bit. Margaret Thatcher observed that socialism works really great - as long as there are talented and enterprising people still left - so the fruits of their labors could be "divided up" and "distributed" among the "masses".
I really like the town hall style political debates where the audience can ask the candidates hard questions since the "alleged" mass media representatives - the journalists in the U.S. and the rest of the world - are blatantly - "liberally" slanted. Most of them are rich so they can be generous with their phony "lip services" to the poor. They shamelessly advocate their phony "biases" towards the "phony liberal" leaders who - normally - also always give an obligatory "lip service" to the liberal causes while in their heart of hearts - are usually "closet" - elitists - big time - thus - "snickering down their noses" on anybody who is not well educated like they are and well off - financially - while they - frequently - accumulate millions of dollars - not by running businesses, taking risks and at times "flying by the seats of their pants" but by learning how to skillfully - maneuver various political trends to their best advantages.
The hard core "political hacks" - the long term professional politicians are viewed by many hard working people as utterly disgusting individuals - who usually don't have to "play by the rules" which the politicians set - frequently - to profit themselves big time - first of all. The long term - honest and hard working politicians are rare since most smart and energetic people - "get the hell out of politics" - because they know plus are are not afraid - to do other things - equally well.
The massive legislative efforts should be advanced immediately from the numerous - "grass roots" - suckers - paying tons of taxes "through the nose" - who need to insist on immediately instituting - term limits for any aspiring professional "political hacks".
* * *
Now that I am back in Chicago - I have more opportunities to get involved in advocating for Israel therefore I am looking for a group of people with whom I can pursue these goals. Without some beneficial goals - life seems just an empty "journey" - floating - vulnerable to any "winds" - while leading nowhere special. So I am looking for a group of several of smart people - who advocate for Israel - since according to the Chicago Jewish paper - Obama and Clinton are not pursuing friendly policies towards Israel.
I consider overly religious groups advocating for Israel - too one sided. After all - the true Israelis - the Sabras who were born there are not very religious. They believe in much more than a biblical miracle contributing to the creation of the state of Israel which survived tons of most violent attacks from the numerous enemies - inside and out of that country - always facing every powerful, hostile "factors" trying to shoot it down. Those legions of enemies - change frequently. I know that the groups of people with some similar goals are frequently more effective than one individual even though - at times - a single person - prominent in some way - can - at times not only change the course of history but accomplish as much or more than a group.
* * *
The Jewish High Holiday - Yom Kippur - or A Day of Atonement - when God looks into everybody's sins - has always been important to me; it sounds awesome; God - supposedly - looks into everybody's sins committed for the past year and decides who will go into a Book of Life and who will "wait" until there is an improvement - that premise has always fascinated me to no end. I always wonder about what is "permitted" and what is not. How do some individuals "squeeze" through but other wait?
A lot of Jewish Scholars have written numerous articles regarding that matter. However - as far as wise sages go - advocating for a terrific life - right here on Earth - the Jewish religious writings have tons of them. The life on this earth is important and not nearly as important than the promise of Heaven of some sort - which is far.
That does not mean that among Jews are extraordinary numbers of people of flawless characters and behaviors - even though - for some mysterious reason - the non-Jewish world seems to hold the Jews to much higher standards of morality - than they expect of themselves - since they are frequently - overly generous with their own flaws while quickly point out the exaggerated and mostly biased accusations against - Israel. The purported "anti-Zionist" movement of the twenty first century - allegedly seeking justice for the Palestinians who are "snickered" upon by their rich Arab brothers is no more than the new anti-Semitic, virulent Nazi style movement which - unfortunately - leads to the Global Disasters on the like of the Second World War.
* * *
One of my most favorite literary heroes has always been Pearl Buck - a magnificent American writer, a lady who noticed and skillfully wrote about all the important aspects of a human life, a Nobel Prize winner for literature - whose interesting - poetic but true to life - stories easily pass the test of time - but who was - nevertheless - also frequently "savaged" by some narrow minded - literary critics and other individuals - some of whom were - no doubt - resentful of her great talent. Voltaire observed in his eighteen century masterpiece "Candide" that most of the critics are like "castrated eunuchs - jealous of individuals who make love".
In my opinion - the true measure of a great writer would be their stories or fragments of them - firmly embedded into the minds of the readers with the thoughts about their beloved pieces of literature - frequently accompanying them in many life defining situations - especially if the readers think of the writers' pieces during some hard moments of their lives - maybe to ease their difficult passages knowing that those will pass. The readers also remember joyous passages while they know that those will pass as well.
* * *
I like to take the bus in Chicago while the morning is still fresh - that way I get to look at many poor but clean and sweet looking foreigners of all kinds who came to the U.S. with their respective meccas being one of the big towns like - Chicago - and while they're looking for better lives - and deserve a lot of credit in that respect - breaking the law to get to this country is another matter. What about the legions of legal immigrants who work hard, play by the rules and enter this country - legally?
However - later in the day - most buses and trains in Chicago - begin to be "infested" with all kinds of creepy, nasty and vicious human types of every imaginable nationality, religion, race or other "persuasions" - who crawl out of their holes and "circulate" around - causing all kinds of nasty "mischief" - at times - brazenly - since the jails are too full - around the city so I don't know for what reason those types walk this beautiful earth and this beautiful city.
* * *
Chicago's various "normal" neighborhoods present most glorious snapshots of the rich history of this - once - magnificent big town - which today - unfortunately - stands at the important crossroads for a lot of various reasons - a major one being the crooked politicians - here - and nationally - "for sale to the powerful - bidders - the potential voters - for the moment - anyway".
The big cities like Chicago are currently full of all kinds of petty criminals of all sorts and nationalities with a generous sprinkle of criminals' "wannabes" - only waiting for some kinds of unrest - so they can also start causing problems. Thank God people still have guns which deter those ugly "elements" to a great extent.
Chicago and other big cities in the U.S - also "sport" tons of mental cases "adorning" most big, beautiful cities during the summers and "frequenting" all sorts of public transportation during the winters - and most of emit a smell - not necessarily in the group of the excellent perfumes still filling the counters of the rich, exquisite department stores. Those are unfortunate human beings - nevertheless - it's puzzling that even though millions of dollars are spent or wasted - trying to solve the homelessness - the sad situation still continues to grow like a ticking bomb. Maybe Elizabeth Warren - a famous "socialistic" goddess and her followers - will be able to ease big problems of homelessness and poverty in the U.S. as well as in other Western countries.
* * *
A few years ago I was struggling financially in Chicago but during that time I was briefly in love (so I thought at that time) with my married ex-landlord. As an early middle aged divorcee - I knew how to keep that great feeling "on the leash". Still it was a great time in my life in many ways notwithstanding a lot of difficulties which I was happy to "unload" - permanently after my feeling/enchantment with Jim - finally ended. It had some "teary" moments but also a lot of "highs" which turned out to be almost useless at the end. Everything in my life - counts or not - depending on what happens at the end.
Currently - my life is good and continues to improve steadily since the main, big demon - the fear of extreme poverty - ended permanently after my ex-husband's and my own - pensions - finally "kicked in" so now I can do whatever I want - professionally - without worrying at all about paying my bills. The new minor, "petty demons" which appear and disappear from time to time are much easier to "dispel". The major fears invariably - pale and disappear - when positive and rational thoughts and actions always prevail in my life.
Now - I thank God every day - that I have a nice place to live and a comfortable income so I don't have to worry about paying my rent at the end of the month. Each day is different and fun - just like a "mini life". Some days are better than others but as long as my long term friend and confidante - Milochka listens to me and we get together to talk - at least once a week - my life continues in a good mode which gets better each day. Even if - at times - today is not so good - tomorrow always gets much better.
* * *
Chapter 33
Sometimes I think about Jim - my ex-landlord who occupied my thoughts - a lot more than I wanted - when I lived in his building a few years ago - his three story dwelling was divided into small, tiny units - which he called "apartments" in an exaggerated manner since those tiny places were total "chicken coups" to the max. It was hard for me in those days. Things are much better for me now and getting better each day.
At the "times of Jim" a few years back I couldn't afford a nice place to live so I found Jim's rental in the south/west Chicago through his promising ad on internet. Jim successfully employed "bait and switch" tactics since the "good size apartments" he advertised - turned out be small rental rooms with tiny, microscopic size kitchens attached to them - all located in his three stories building in the south/west Chicago. He leased the rooms out on a "shake hand", short term bases - never executing any leases of any kind. He was roaming around his building - ostensibly - rehabbing some rooms which enabled him to snoop on his renters - especially the newly moved in - at least - semi-attractive ladies.
While he was nice to the regular "payers" as long as they paid on time - as soon as one skipped on the rent - they were quickly locked out of their units with their belongings in the big dumpster in the back of the building. I feared and disliked him at first and avoided him like a plague even if I always noticed his big, muscular frame and rugged good looks - mainly his thick gray hair complemented the bright blue eyes which smiled frequently. He always looked good to me even when he was overweight at the beginning of my six months stay in his building located in the north/west changing neighborhood of Chicago - however - after he subsequently lost excess weight - he started to look enormously handsome - a few months after I moved in.
At times his big, muscular frame quickly circulated around his building - his own kingdom/domain - and at the beginning he appeared like a half spirit of some sort but I subsequently found out that he was getting extra favors from his female tenants - especially after he lost weight and began to look extremely good. During my six months living in his building I discovered many layers of his personality - which - usually - happens after one starts dealing with a person for an extended time.
The temporary tenants whom I avoided as much as possible without being overly rude - moved in and out of Jim's building since they were in the transition of some sort like me - thus they stopped there only for a while - on the way to a better place to live. It was also good for Jim as well not to have any yearly or semi-yearly - leases.
* * *
I will never forget one beautiful, cold winter night with beautiful snowflakes swishing around outside the window of my nicely fixed - rental room in Jim's building. The night felt like the one from a magical fairy tale. It was right after the Thanksgiving so Chicago was immersed in the - "winter holidays" - good mood. My small room had a tiny kitchen attached to it which I had to share with a fat, middle aged nurse who was gone most of the time visiting her married boyfriend whose wife was out of town a lot. Both of us locked our main rooms when we were leaving the premises during mornings as we went to our respective jobs' shifts. Jim - at times - popped in to "check" on things - while we were away - needless to say - he never left any notes of his presence regarding why he entered his rental properties. The building was a decent "cash cow" for him since he needed to put his four teenagers through college.
Jim liked to talk about his wife and his family - to his tenants as he frequently complained that they "don't respect him". It would be hard for his wife to have respect for him since she most likely had an inkling about his "activities" with women/renters - around the building. His considerable skills in the area of building maintenance enabled him to do most of the repairs - consequently he was either fixing the units or rehabbing some while he visibly enjoyed himself. He remainded me of the last of the independent cowboys working his land and his ranch in the Wild West.
During that memorable, cold winter night I woke up from a short nap during the early evening and noticed that the radiator went lukewarm which didn't happen before during the blistery winter which came early that year - right after Thanksgiving. I knew that within a short time my nicely decorated room will be cold.
"Hey Jim I know that you listen to your messages and you answer some. This is Maggie Osborne and my room is getting cold - you need to come over here immediately and fix the radiator in my room."
At that time - I already established myself as a respected tenant since my rent was paid on time, I kept the place clean and Jim had already propositioned me several times which I ignored without offending him too much.
He called me back within ten minutes.
"I don't want my beautiful superstar to get cold,"
"So cut the gas and come over quickly to fix the heat. I pay my rent on time."
"Okay, okay I will be there in fifteen minutes. You don't need to be rude like that."
"Okay - see you in a few minutes," I hung up the phone.
When he arrived - he looked more handsome than normally which I tried to ignore. He smiled at me and I melted inside - in spite of my resolve to keep this encounter - strictly business.
He went to the basement of his building to check on his big furnace and after ten minutes or so - my radiator started to make the familiar "purring" noises so my room immediately felt much warmer.
When he got back upstairs to my third floor tiny unit - I closed the door to my room and sat on the small couch located in the "common area" kitchen - which Jim installed "just in case"; I shared the common kitchen and the bathroom with my roommate - a fat middle aged nurse who was almost always gone - most likely to her married boyfriend's house whose wife was away a lot. She and I never talked too much about personal matters.
The C.D player which Jim installed for "his tenants"- started to play Maria Callas aria - Bizet's "Habanera"; it sounded heavenly from the "community" CD player and I liked to this disk - often.
"She sings beautifully," said Jim quickly as he sat on the tiny couch which he also provided in the small kitchen - as I said - "just in case". I moved away from him to the very corner of it.
"Why are you running away?" He moved closer. I could smell his good cologne and he knew right away that I was tremendously attracted to him.
"If you're finished with the furnace - our business at hand is done."
"Come on - I know that you are not nearly as cold as you pretend. How about a smile?"
He totally melted my resistance but I resolved not to give in yet - not that time anyway - maybe later.
"Why don't you go home to your wife and family? Aren't they waiting for you?"
"You like my family?"
"I really don't give a hoot abut your family or all your other business 'dealings' in the building. That blond haired, ugly lesbian from the second floor keeps propositioning me into 'a tree way sex' with you and her and that 'trio' picture just makes my skin crawl big time."
"Stop talking hard like that. If you don't want to do it - don't do it. It's a free country - but you don't have to be cruel like this."
For a brief moment he looked wounded and I never like to hurt people's feelings unless I have to do it to defend myself.
"I didn't know that it matters so much to you what I say or do," I said that to him as if it "slipped" out of my lips - as if "it" intended to be said - no matter where I wanted this encounter and this conversation to go. I didn't even know why I said that instead of doing what needed to be done - namely - employ my "poker face" and "silence is golden" devices which work well in a lot of life's opaque situations.
"I am sorry for the poor man who really loves you. You can hurt a man."
"You mean my fiancée who has to be away for a few months?" I lied expertly. "You sound as if you know me. If you think you're such a great judge of character - you are mistaken. And if you're in love with me or something" I added arrogantly and immediately regretted it - not wanting to sound stupid, "you can take a ticket and stand in a long line."
"Okay - I will go. I just wanted to talk to you but if you don't want to - that's fine," he said and left my unit. I knew that I hurt his feelings.
"Don't worry about him so much. He will survive and maybe stop cheating on his wife," commented my best friend and confidante - Milochka after I told her about what went on between me and Jim that night.
She also advised me to forget about him if I don't want his wife or teenage kids - to come after me. I totally agreed with her but it was hard for me to forget Jim for quite some time after I finally moved the hell out of his building into a much better place to live. So I thought until I found out lots of stuff which was not so hot - about my new rental.
I was happy to move out of his rental but I missed him and his crazy building even if I knew that it was a good decision to get the hell out of there at the right time - while the "going was good". The right moves always happen to me at the right time.
I frequently thought of the funny small talk he tried make with his male tenants who paid on time and didn't trash his properties but of course they also moved out after staying no more than a few months and Jim didn't hear from them again. He talked differently to women who came in touch with him briefly since they also moved out of his building after a brief stay. He seemed to be in love with everybody and life in general - especially the attractive women made him happy to talk to them and to try more... with them - to his credit - for the most part - he was honest and upfront with them about his family even if some of them expected free rent - they found out that it was not coming. I have seen him not getting his way as well - but he didn't dwell on his occasional stumbles too much since he had his family to think about.
I will never forget the early morning smell of freshly baked bread which came out of the big, industrial bakery located not far from Jim's building since the industrial and residential areas of Chicago - at times - could be together a bit; however all the neighborhoods of the city keep constantly changing. When I lived there - several years ago - the area was infested with a lot of illegals - mainly from Mexico and South America. While most of them were not certifiable criminals - they frequently behaved in an annoying, obnoxious and rude manner.
* * *
Chapter 34
It felt good - at first - to move into a large family house in the northern, green and open - suburbs of Chicago. The part of the city where Jim had his rental building seemed gray and depressing after I got out to the lush northern suburbs. However - the older landlady who owned the big house and rented out the rooms - also turned out to be crazy quite a bit - as it later came out - as it usually - does.
She had a sleep disorder whereby she wore a funny looking mask on her face with a protruding long tube coming out of her nose area which looked like a long part of her nose. During the late evenings when I stepped out of my room to use the bathroom next door she would sometimes appear wearing this contraptions and had to keep myself from laughing. She got on my nerves a lot by her arrogant attitude towards me - but I needed to "buckle under" while I vigorously looked for another, more "normal" place to live.
In the interim - the coming spring brought some floods into the tiny basement unit I rented from my new landlady - the crazy old woman who walked around with a funny looking mask attached to her face so she could breath properly while she slept at night. As a result of those spring floods - I had to sleep on the couch in her living room upstairs.
Long story short - a couple of months after I moved into that old lady's room - I was moving into another rental room in the lovely northern suburb of Wilmette - into the house which belonged to a middle aged lady who also looked somewhat goofy - whose twenty year old son worked at the same department store located in Eden's Plaza Mall - where I worked so we could share rides to and from work whenever we worked the same shift. It was actually a not a bad place to live for a while but I found a nicer room in the near by Skokie where I shared a small, cute apartment with a responsible, young Russian woman who held a steady job in the near by big Jewel store.
However - finally - my own - nice, clean and reasonably priced apartment - very close to Lake Michigan's - gorgeous, small beach - came my way. It was great to - finally - live by myself and enjoy my solitude which was sorely lacking when I had to live with those various human types which frequently - got on my nerves a lot for plenty of different reasons.
* * *
For my next move after mostly - great - lasting almost five years - "stint" at the lovely apartment by the pleasant, small beach right by the Lake Michigan's shores - I decided to move back to Pittsburgh for the second time; since that's where I lived several years before - where I moved after I divorced Jack and sold my big townhouse close to Evanston; Pittsburgh's - top notch area - Squirrel Hill seemed fun during the first few years there but after several years in Pittsburgh - that lovely, hilly town started to "work my nerves" so I moved back to "my" Chicago for the first time. I went back to Chicago since I started to miss it as if it was some live entity - calling me back.
It felt good for a few years to be back in "my" Chicago - however the high rise by Lake Michigan park overlooking glorious during the summers - Lake Michigan - got "infested" by some psychotics - male tenants who started to bother single women in the building. I decided to go back to Pittsburgh where I rented a small unit in my brother Leo's old mansion located in Pittsburgh's - Squirrel Hill - an eternally charming, international, trendy part of Pittsburgh.
At that time - I was ready for Pittsburgh since Chicago began to irritate my nerves - for a lot of reasons - but mainly because of those "psychos" in my building - however - a year after living in Pittsburgh - Chicago started to "call me back" - again - so I found myself - missing it like crazy. All the beautiful places by the glorious Lake Michigan - whispered my name - but Michigan Avenue's Magnificent Mile - wooed me in a special way since during the winter holidays it is always decorated beautifully right about Thanksgiving time. So again - I couldn't wait to get the hell out of Pittsburgh - to walk around "my" Chicago which I was fervently hoping would not get on my nerves for a long, long time. The process of "schlepping" back and forth
* * *
Every year around Thanksgiving - the rich city of Chicago starts to put on tons of terrific winter holidays' - displays of awesome spectacles around downtown and other places. My favorite manner in which I go downtown - has always bee the express bus 147 which is fast with the views of the Lake Michigan shores - no less than - magnificent.
This year's Thanksgiving has been much nicer than last year's one. Last year at this time I still lived in Max'es mansion's third floor unit in Pittsburgh's "she-she-poo-poo" Squirrel Hill which I couldn't wait to finally - leave. This year - I actually went to Thanksgiving lunch with an eccentric old character - named Alice Jane whose Louisiana drawl - accent - bugs me to no end - but she - thank God - has a lot of good qualities - to make up her annoying, phony way of talking.
Last year during the Thanksgiving holiday - my most favorite of the year - I dreamt of my imminent move back to Chicago which actually took a whole year to execute but the vision of my move back helped me a lot in terms of not letting Max get on my nerves too much. He developed a few, new annoying habits in addition to all of his old numerous shortcomings which decrease only a bit - as he gets older. Still - it's not a good idea to aggravate him - unless there is a good reason behind it.
As his younger sister I am thoroughly familiar with all his numerous shortcomings as well as his positive attributes - still I always know that - at times - I miss him, his voice, his rough but honest ways about him. He will always be my "big brother" - no matter what - even if - at times - it feels very good to get away from him since his personality has some annoying hard edges which get only minimally smoothed out as he gets older.
* * *
This winter promises to go fast and have tons of fun events - happening frequently. I remember a lot of the memorable, past New Year Eves' celebrations which make me think of many years that passed quickly when I look back at them.
Last year I was still in Pittsburgh for New Year's Eve. My quick decision not to go with Max to celebrate - appeared in my mind as if it came from an outside, smart source. I preferred to stay home and watch various New Year Eve's parties - on TV. Max can get on my nerves when I am out with him - especially when dancing ballroom is concerned. He considers himself a good dancer while he has been only average for many years. I don't like to dance with him and only do some quick dances like swing, maybe salsa and only if there is absolutely nobody else good available to dance with me. I normally - have no problem in finding me a good dance partner when I am out - dancing. I know a lot of good dancers in the dance world so those are the ones I always prefer to have as partners if all possible.
* * *
I recently met a new friend - an older lady who looks a lot younger than her biological age indicates. She has an interesting accent - South African which sounds very good and intriguing. It's so refreshing to have a new friend who is interesting, well educated and "worldly" since she lived in three diverse countries before settling in the U.S.
For now - I am tired of my long term friends. Lately they started to get on my nerves - big time for a lot of different reasons so I will "discreetly" not get together with them for a while. I will not miss them too much - at least for a short time while my new friend and I do a lot of fun stuff together. I - actually - decided - to join some groups of people with similar interests to mine - that way - I can hang out with more than one - new people in my life.
Chapter 35
I have always believed in not hiding who I am - since I like to be honest with myself and others about my political, personal and other views. If I am "upfront" as much as possible and needed - in any particular situation - about how I feel about a lot of important stuff - the people who come and go - around me - know my basic views - so I don't have to worry too much how they would feel - "if they knew".
People always talk about one another and criticize each other anyway - so being honest as much as required in a particular situation - is the best policy for my life. That's not to say that my views and attitudes - do not change - once in a while - but thank God - I am not a politician of any kind who needs to "kiss the voters' asses" to no end in "sight" to be re-elected - so at times - those so called "political hacks" forget who they really are.
My acquaintance - Alice Gail - the one with her fake southern drawl accent - can - at times - behave in a blunt and rude manner which is not the same as being honest and at times expressing a controversial statement in a diplomatic but effective - manner. Lately her exaggerated and phony manner of speech started to get on my nerves - more than usually. I think that she uses her exaggerated "jive" dialect to "reassure" her black friends that she is "one of them" or something like that because she is an educated woman and talks differently with "normal", well educated people.
At any rate - the other day I decided that I don't have any obligation of any kind to "hang out" with people which "get on my nerves a lot" since it's more fun to be with the ones who don't "work my nerves" nearly as much. Should they start to act "goofy" - they can always go on the "back burner" of my friendships until things change for the better and everything always changes - one way or the other.
All the winter holidays from the past which I can remember - have always been some of my most my favorite times of the year - for a lot of reasons - even if that time can also be a sad time for a lot of people. However some winter holidays stand out in my mind more than others.
I can vividly remember one fun Christmas season - maybe - fifteen years ago when my marriage to Jack was "rock" solid and - I never expected that things could change between us; however - looking at our break-up from the prism of several years that passed - I learned afterwards that it was a good thing in terms of establishing my financial and emotional independence as well as gaining some learning experiences which I wouldn't if he and I were still together. Those crucial life's passages are not easy - but they are always enriching and useful.
Here is what was happening that one memorable Christmas season which I consider one of the nicest even though every one of them offers some good stuff - however - during that particular season - Jack started to work a really solid job for Chicago's big TV station after putting in a few years for Warner Cable - a company which promised him a lot of opportunities with most of them "fizzling out". Still that Warner cable job enabled Jack to get a much better position for a big Chicago TV station. However - before that happened he had to work some "lousy" positions where he needed to "kiss some ugly - frogs" - the supervisors who - at times - were resentful of his good looks and steely determination to succeed.
During that memorable Christmas time - a few weeks before Christmas Eve - Jack and two other crew members got an assingment to do a dangerous job in Beirut - Lebanon - with a "crazy" star reporter who liked to take chances - for "thrills" and in order to advance his career.
Suddenly their situation in Beirut exploded into a "mini" war conflict. Jack and two other members of his news' crew - found themselves holed up in Beirut's Hilton which was quickly surrounded by several local warring factions who kept shooting non-stop at Jack's Hilton and each other.
I kept calling the station manager every morning - to begin his day - in the "right fashion" - to pressure him to send "some necessary means" to bring "the guys back - for Christmas - because if it was your family - you would do something" - I would invariably - add at the conclusion of our morning "update". Long story - short - either the hostilities stopped by themselves or they did something they promised - Jack and the other crew members were flying home - just in time for the holidays.
When he got off the plane - he - immediately showed me several big bullets which got stuck in the walls of the Hilton room where his crew was hiding in for a few days. I felt as if he "came back from the other side" since the local TV station where Jack worked - where they were sending daily signal - heavily focused on the drama - of the situation - no doubt for the ratings - how "their" crew including Jack - were being daily "assaulted" by the fighting factions.
After the guys came home to the heroes' welcome - the news director tactfully informed me at the welcome home party - that all the crew members carry a million dollars insurance policy on their lives - "should something happen to them while they're away."
I almost asked him if he - himself - insured his wife's life - perhaps - thinking that "should something happen to her" - he is insured - the idiot.
* * *
When we got back to our - newly rehabbed - townhouse - located in the very heart of Rogers Park - after I picked him up at the O'Hare Airport earlier that morning - when he arrived back in Chicago - everything looked different and teriffic - I felt as if I could look at things through Jack's eyes - how he saw his beautiful house after being away for the harrowing three weeks which seemed like an eternity - to me while I waited for his return "on pins and needles".
"How does it feel to be back home?" I asked him.
"It's great to be back - of course - but it was good to be there - as well. Sure - I was scared when the shooting was heavy but it was also enormously exciting. It's hard to explain."
"I think I know exactly how you feel."
Things went very well for us good many years after that Christmas - but then everything started to change and the pulls at our union began to feel more permanent and damaging than normally - while earlier - we could "patch things up" easily and forget about the "flare ups". The new, persistent negative changes felt minor at first but they stubbornly "stuck" instead of disappearing - the way they did before - for a long time. Still - even though our last couple of years together were rough - they also passed - so big changes could take place in mine and Jack's - lives.
That first year after we separated so Jack left Chicago - permanently - was the hardest for me - but after that difficult first year without Jack - things got gradually much easier and at times - I knew that there are also lots of benefits to being - single and independent. One of my friends - a practicing psychologist made a remark that - all of us - face loneliness - sooner or later. As far as I am concerned - I like to be alone a lot. Sure - at times - it's nice to be with people - but the solitude can be a lot of fun - as well. I heard a while ago - an enormously successful motivational speaker making a snappy comment on the radio - at the end of his exciting, weekly presentation - which went something like - "Try to love everybody this week - but trust a few - as always - and tune in next week for another dose of our dynamite - observations which you will find useful - during the coming week."
* * *
While I don't actively look for confrontations with other people - at times - there is a right time to "stand up" and defend one's positions which - at times - might be unpopular and "go against the flow" which means that some views can rub a lot of people the wrong way. Chicago has always been a heavily Democratic territory with the widely circulated anecdotal account of John Kennedy - stealing the presidential elections of 1960 - from Richard Nixon - with the help of the controversial ex-mayor - Richard Daily, Sr. who allegedly enabled a lot of "dead people" cast their votes in Cook County - the home of Chicago's famous "political machine".
In the interim - the state of California has become overwhelmingly - Democratic territory - with a very few - if any Republicans - still left there. I heard a radio commentator stating that New York City, Chicago and Los Angeles County which includes the city of Los Angeles - have the population which is drastically different from the rest of the United States.
* * *
I currently live in a new, fancy building which has a fair share of people with disabilities and of course - I would never make fun of any individuals who deal with any prolonged health problems. However - I don't want to "hang out" with them either - that's not my "calling" or profession or interest. It gets on my nerves a lot that several of the older women/gossipers - who apparently have nothing else - useful to do - "hang out" with some ladies from the handicapped group in the lobby area where they can watch the only entrance to the building - so they make a cluster of gossipy old toads with their "drilling eyes".
Their regular nightly activity of "congregating" by the main entry of the vestibule - to gossip - makes other "normal" people's - like me - collective skins - crawl. They keep track of people who come in and out while they pretend to only "chat" when in reality - they carefully examin passing people for every tiny detail - to gossip heavily about the individuals they probe - no doubt. This building has several "clusters"/"clicks" - mainly consisting of women - since man who live here don't participate in any special group activities connected to this building but some "old farts" are on the look out for the females as if they were some "diplomatic ex-ambassadors" who earned the right to carry themselves in that superior manner. I try to avoid the various "clusters" who don't especially like each other. It's best not to get involved with their various "doings" in the buildings.
Of course - the gossipy group can sit in the nice community room - but that would obstruct their full view of the action in terms of who comes in and out and with whom. That nasty behavior just makes my skin crawl - big time - so I try to avoid the old, gossipy toads - even if I always say "hello" to them with a smile. Its a good thing that on my floor - the ladies seem to mind their business and they they don't associate too much with the nasty "gossipy bunch" downstairs - only as little as it's necessar which I also do.
* * *
Chapter 36
Christmas Day around most of Chicago's beautiful neighborhoods always feels very peaceful, special and fun. The brand new - just renovated - movie theater in the beautiful, friendly, prosperous and cultural - Lincoln Square - plays fabulous movies for different tastes and persuasions. Most of the good looking and expensive homes display funny and elaborate seasonal decorations. The middle aged or younger looking owners of those costly dwellings appear friendly and inclusive - smiling at the passers by - not like the uptight, hateful and anti-Semitic crowd of the well educated and wealthy group owning their presumptuous mansions in Kenilworth - the fancy, "schmantzy" Northern suburb of Chicago.
According to our Christmas/Jewish tradition - Allison and I saw a cute, new cartoon titled "Sing" featuring a lot of magnificent musical excerpts from the pop music hits - ranging from 1970's into the today's ones. The cartoons are a clever way to poke tons of fun at various important U.S. groups without them quickly screaming "bloody murder" - in terms of - "your privileged, politically incorrect insults against us are killing us dead - instead of our own - criminal, ugly behaviors exercised freely by a lot of us - plus our generous indulgence in all the various drugs - known to mankind - legal and illegal."
Actually - I like Allison's company only for going to the movies with her a few times per year. She has a habit of lecturing people which gets on my nerves however when she doesn't needlessly "inform" whomever will listen - she can be funny, smart and well versed about what's going on in the world today.
Still - my "dancing friends" and I - have a lot more fun together since the two other crazy ladies with whom I dance Ballroom dances once per week during our afternoon Ballroom Tea Dancing sessions - have tons of fun while we hang out during our weekly Tea Dancing. It's fun to chat and listen to good dancing music as we dance Ballroom with some "old farts" - but good dancers - nevertheless - who are cleanly dressed and behave nice - with the present group of gentlemen/dancers - coming to the studio like religion - for now - anyway. Those clusters of older guys also change and shift. Some come and go - then some new ones come into the studio for a while. Then several "old" ones - come back for some time.
However what's really nice about this studio is that quite a few good dancers and very nice gentlemen - are always steadily every week - there - now and have been there - for a long time. They are fun to dance with and to have some superficial, relaxing conversations without getting too much into any "personal" territory which could "backfire".
The owner of the studio - a knowledgeable ex-world champion specializes in International Style - but also teaches the American Style Ballroom moves - as well. He is a real "character". I like to dance with him since I always like to dance with the "masters". One time when I danced with him - a while ago - he had a bad breath issue - something fierce - however - his breath "situation" has - subsequently - improved a great deal. He speaks with a thick Thai accent - but his English is very correct - even if it's by no means - a literary and dazzling way of speaking. I have to say that - over all - he is an attractive guy of medium built and height - whose gray hair and dark eyes - make a nice contrast. I am really glad that he maintains his ballroom dancing facility in a good shape so that his very decent - in size and quality - group of followers - can enjoy his cozy studio.
* * *
The nice, new, rent controlled building in which I currently live - recently started to "work my nerves" - big time - after I found out about their really screwy, exaggerated security system whereby the main security lady - a middle aged black lady with only one eye - keeps every unit under almost constant surveillance. The way she notices everything and everybody makes me feel as if she had a proverbial "thousand eyes" instead of just one. I understand that it's important to keep the building safe but their exaggerated "horseshit" system gives that semi-educated main security lady a lot more hours and benefits than she deserves - not even mentioning the imaginary power she thinks she has - without having any proper education or business experience to speak off. The building needs to drastically cut their unnecessarily "bloated" security budged - but unfortunately - with the combined state and charitable funding - the trimming of the extra fat happens a lot slower then in the private corporations.
I am actively making all the effective efforts to go back to the beautiful building where I used to live where their security system is "normal". Even though that place also has some problems - like every living quarters do - but I know them well and I know how to deal with their issues effectively. I am expecting really good news soon from the other "normal" place where I used to live and while my numerous efforts progress steadily but effectively - in addition to working towards my goal of getting the hell out of this building - smoothly and efficiently - as always - the fact that I pray every single morning and night my special prayer - so "God helps me not only get the hell out of this place" - but I also promise God and myself to do something to improve other people's situation even if they either don't give a hoot or forget really fast about my efforts for them which don't give me any rewards - barring the satisfaction from doing something good - for nothing.
In addition - my present building has another problem since one of their maintenance guys - a little, skinny, vicious type has a nasty habit of entering my unit without leaving a note which would justify his entry. I have to be careful and diplomatic how I "thread that needle" with the building manager regarding that nasty little jerk. She may or may not know about his "activities". His entering frequency "thinned out" a bit but he is a mean little type which can't be trusted as far as he can be "pushed". It seems as if the building manager doesn't wield too much influence over this little shithook/idiot's activities. Every day I invoke my favorite angel in charge of straghtening out some screwy elements and removing them out of my way and I also take a lot of necessary actions to straighten out this situation. My appeal to my favorite angel - usually helps but even if it doesn't help - it never hurts - that's for sure.
* * *
The winter of 2017 "spits" freezing temps with frequent cold winds in Chicago - however it can't even compare to a horribly frigid winter of January 2014 when I lived in hilly Pittsburgh's old mansion which my brother Max converted into a three unit dwelling. He did it "on the cheap" the way he always does things - therefore the building has a lot of problems - notwithstanding its impressive appearance and prime location in the heart of Pittsburgh's most "she-she-poo-poo" suburb - Squirrel Hill. That January 2014 was horribly cold even in Pittsburgh which is - normally - a tad warmer than Chicago.
My brother Max who owns an old mansion style - three unit building in the heart of Pittsburgh's - "she - she - poo - poo" - trendy Squirrel Hill area - always tries to save money on any necessary repairs and installations - which he needs to make. Consequently - he installed a big and elaborate - all electric - heating system in the third floor unit which I rented from him for several years - on and off. Since Max does his maintenance "on the cheap" my first winter there was cold - with the only helping device being a space heater built in - located in the bedroom - so it helped a quite a bit.
Lo and behold - during my second winter there - the space heater was gone since Max dismantled it; he doesn't allow any devices like that claiming that they are "fire hazards" but he - himself has three of those in his second floor unit. Last winter was rough enough - but thank God it was not nearly as fierce as my first wintere there in Max'es old mansion which I was more than happy - to finally - "unload". My efforts to get to a better place of every kind are almost always successful - even if - at times - things seem complicated and convoluted - not for long - though - since they always get straightened out - a lot sooner rather than later.
* * *
Chapter 37
I clearly remember one mild winter morning last year when I was in the process of moving back to Chicago from Pittsburgh - yet again - but didn't want my older brother Max to know about it until I had my lease signed in Chicago and it was a "done deal" so I could get going. I know how Max can "spit" his anger and be vindictive - whenever his money is concerned - or just because of his personality trait - the dubious attributes that only slightly improve as he gets older. He can behave decently as well but not for a long time. His personality has some deeply seated flaws which he might enjoy on occasions - in addition to many positive aspects of his character.
"I have lived in Chicago for good many years so I miss it sometimes - there is always a possibility of me - maybe - moving back there..." I said casually one morning after I got some encouraging news from Chicago's rent controlled building located in an excellent neighborhood. It would be good if Max was prepared to some extend for my departure (happy "unloading" of an ancient third floor unit of Max'es - castle style - old villa) for which I waited with a great but contained - enthusiasm - since Max'es old mansion's unit for which he charged me quite a bit of money - and the "quirks" of his personality - were all "coming out of my ears" after living there for almost a year.
As always - I was ready for a change so I couldn't wait to finally happily "clear out" of Pittsburgh for a while even if I appreciate the beauty of its - Squirrel Hill part - a pride of Pittsburgh. At times - it's nice to go back to Pittsburgh - even for a visit - but at that point - I missed Chicago something fierce - as always - when I am gone from there - with Chicago's numerous shortcomings fading away a bit from my mind; but that last time I was ready to run from Pittsburgh like a proverbial "bat out of hell".
"If you leave this apartment at the end of your lease or if you break your lease - you can forget about ever living here again," his tone of voice sounded intense and hateful - typical Max when he gets angry. That's exactly what he told me the last time I moved out a month before my lease was up - the year before - however - when his renters moved out - evidently not too happy with Max'es - insufficient - heating and cooling systems - he - immediately asked me if I wanted to come back to the small - cold in the winter but hot in the summer - third floor unit of his mansion style - three story dwelling - where he installed - a barely functioning - heating and cooling systems - probably - "on the cheap" - as always.
That important morning - he didn't shave - so he looked haggard while his heavy and awful, "onion" breath almost made me gag: he usually eats tons of onions when he doesn't expect to go out to socialize. Those two factors hardly contributed that morning - to his his - normally - clean and attractive appearance with the splash of men's cologne onto his - usually -clean shaven, handsome face. Suddenly - I felt that I didn't really know my brother - with all the various "shades" of his complex personality. Things were different for us when we were children even though as an older brother - he rarely missed a chance to be abusive - at times - when the family squabbles' opportunity came his way.
Suddenly during that morning I felt - again -that I needed to get the hell out of Pittsburgh - for sure - since the handful of my close friends in Chicago - are - as always - a lot more dependable than my immediate family in Pittsburgh - especially Max. At that defining moment - as I glanced at Max'es angry face badly needing a shave - I resolved to be brave and take calculated risks - especially - considering the fact that leaving Pittsburgh for a new and reasonably priced place in a nice neighborhood of Chicago - had to be a right move. I know that it's always a good decision for me to go back to Chicago which is as familiar to me as the back of my hand.
* * *
A week after that important conversation with Max at the end of which I was more determined than before - to get the hell out of Pittsburgh - all my papers came through from Chicago. My new, small apartment in Chicago still has a wonderful scent of a new place - and is a vast improvement over Max'es old, decrepit and expensive - unit - which proves - again - that I was right to unload Max'es ancient third floor unit of his old mansion; all that - further convinces me that it's always good to be brave; my new place smells fresh and the location in the heart of Chicago's - Lincoln Square assures me of the autumn months which are no less than glorious fun until things change - as always. When things change - I start longing for Max'es old mansion - charming, warm, homey - even if his maintenance practices leave a lot to be desired.
* * *
When the harsh winter arrived in Chicago - I realized that I could still have a lot of fun - at the beginning of it - since the near by coffee shops and other places came handy in a bad weather because I always like to leave my apartment for - at least - several hours. However - due to the fact that my current building is smaller than I would like it to be - some nosy neighbors living here - during the winter get the opportunity to get on my nerves by attempting to act "too close for comfort" - at times; winter is the time when they can act bothersome - pretending to be friendly - they can stick their noses into other people's business - which is annoying to the max. Even though I have no problem - skillfully evading their personal questions in a fun way - they nevertheless get on my nerves big time - on occassions.
In addition - this building boasts another irritating factor - namely several single, older guys living here - the so called "old farts" - walk around the hallways as if they're the owners around here; they think a "world" of themselves for no special reason which makes their behavior bordering on "harassment" practices - more than annoying - at times. Men in this building always like to try their luck in finding them a new partner of sorts - as if they - themselves were some kind of retired prime ministers or something like that - and not retired old farts of limited means.
Thank God - I know how to be diplomatic about expressing my wish of not wanting any closer "friendships" of any kind with the neighbors in the same building. Another thing is that men don't know how to find a friend in their own "league". It's kind of fun to tell them jokingly but in a tactful manner so that "get the message" - to "lower their expectations" and find a friend in their own "class".
Long story short - I jumped at the chance to move to another, much bigger building and much better managed - since it appears a beautiful building where the quantity and quality of people to interact with - are much better with the wider pool to pick friends than this - here - little puny building - arranged in a cesspool fashion of which another big shortcoming - "crawled out of the woodwork" - namely - their excessive, unneeded, bothersome security procedures can get on anybody's nerves a lot. They have an excuse that Chicago has been crimey which is "poppy cock" - since this area is safe, clean, nice and well protected with all the expensive homes around.
* * *
The newly rehabbed cluster of buildings to which I am moving soon is a charming project with three five stories' high homes - located in a lush park - all spread out - with tons of new, quality people to interact with - since it's a bigger group of buildings. Their security system is different as well - thank God - its not as extensive, bothersome and intrusive - as here in my first building in Chicago which will be great to "unload" very soon.
I can't wait to get the hell out of here - and even though I appreciate this building's some good qualities - still - it's a good time to clear out while the going is good. Now that I know I will be moving in a few weeks - the bothersome elements in my current building don't annoy me nearly as much as they did - since I know that in several short weeks I will be gone - so I will not ever see them again nor will I miss them very much.
I realize that there are always some negative factors in any place - but we know how to deal with them and they will not be nearly as annoying since in my new living quarters - the group of new buildings - are much less concentrated - so I don't have to look at the same bothersome "mugs" too much - especially because of the distances between each structure; it will be easier to dampen their possible attempts to cross some boundaries instead of keeping "their necessary distance".
The "nosy elements" factors shall be reduced a lot and anyway - the unpleasant factors will not "crawl out" in a new for everybody - place - for at least - good several months - maybe a year or so and maybe longer. One has to be optimistic.
I noticed that some older guys - especially if they are single - think a lot about themselves for no special reason at all. Sometimes they don't know how or they don't want to keep the necessary distance. They don't get the message - to "flake off" - easily. It has to be repeated several times in a somewhat diplomatic manner - before it finally sticks. I can't wait to move to the new place - which is coming soon but time goes fast now - anyway since that I can see the "light at the end of the tunnel". My new building manager - a nice lady - assures me that the time will go fast for me. Every new move I make is always good in tons of ways - for a lot of positive reasons.
* * *
It's fun to think about some defining and fun times which determine the course of my life to a great extent. I remember the glorious spring at Ohio State University after Jack and I - just got married after a short engagement and I waited to join him in Europe where he needed to complete the last few months of his army duty; the Americans had a lot of bases in Germany at that time. I couldn't wait to see Germany and Western Europe - the world appeared great and full of exciting adventures ahead - Jack and I were in love.
As it frequently happens in life - after Jack and I got married and I waited to join him in Europe within a month - my old boyfriend - Mario whom I dated before Jack and I got quickly engaged and married - suddenly came back from Europe where he was teaching at the University of Rome - as a substitute instructor for a short engagement. It was fun to "rubb it in" after he called me - maybe thinking that I will be happy to hear from him. Fat chance.
"You came kind of late to the 'party' - Jack and I got married and I have tickets to join him in Europe",
"Maggie - you made a big mistake by marrying him instead of me. I was getting ready to buy you an engagement ring and ask your father for your hand in marriage."
"Oh, really? Could've fooled me. It only took you almost a year to make any decisive moves. Guess what? Now you are a day late."
"Let's have coffee tomorrow morning. Please - I want to look at you - again - at least for a short time - before you leave for Europe."
"I don't know. You looked at me and more... all last year. Now I hardly see any reason for you to look at me again - I look the same way,"
"You're still beautiful as always, right?"
"No use of trying to butter me up now. The horses are out - no sense in closing the gate," I hung up the phone then felt sorry for him for a moment even though it felt kind of good to "rub it in". Then I thought that there will be no shortage of cute coeds - ready to "wipe his tears" since he was an attractive "young Turk" - brave and "full of himself" as a young instructor at Ohio State University - the kind that - usually - can't beat off good looking coeds wanting to sleep with them - unless the guys would sport three legs and three eyes across their forehead.
* * *
Jack waited for me at the airport in Frankfurt and I was happy to be in his arms - again - after not seeing him for over a month. He glowed as he smiled at me with his handsome face full of young love.
"I couldn't wait for you to finally get here. I heard Mario was back and trying to make 'nice' with you."
"Really - I would say - he has a 'snowball's chance in hell' with me as long as you're good to me and treat me good."
* * *
The old "La Opera Hotel" in Paris next to the Paris Opera - badly needed rehabbing - since its ancient floors kept screeching each time we took a step. The bathroom for use in our newly booked, big room - was down the hall and down one flight of stairs. After we paid for two nights we explored a huge room with a big, old bed, table with three chairs (Parisian threesome variation?) while the old dresser in the corner looked like a junk antique all scratched up. Since it was an early afternoon - we ran out to explore Paris and grab a french roll sandwich in a famous Latin Quarter full of barefoot artists drawing on the sidewalks.
It was an exceptionally warm September that year - so the true Parisians just came home from their long, snobbish vacations - to avoid all the foreign tourists - especially the Americans who were strongly disliked there. I can understand that some G.I.'s behaved like idiots in Western European capitals at that time but still - the army sent for protection - can't consist exclusively of well educated officers skillful in diplomatic maneuvers instead of expressing their honest feelings - which frequently come off as insults to the surrounding natives.
During our first night at the "Hotel La Opera" when I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night through the long hallway - I could swear that some old Opera ghosts lurked from the half dirty corners. However early the next morning after the sun started shining and the fresh air came in from the big, opened window - the day promised beautiful ahead - especially after Jack turned on the radio which played many of the famous Parisian/International hit songs; Paris felt great like a true capital of the world - after New York City - The Big Apple - of course.
The maid brought us warm croissants with fresh butter (sweet - not salty like in the U.S.) - their jam also tasted great but the freshly brewed coffee served with hot milk in the nice porcelain dishes - not paper ware like in the U.S. - felt gloriously - European and Continental. The food in Europe frequently tastes fresher than in the U.S. since it's not stored and transported for a long time.
* * *
I try to avoid the confrontations with various testy elements - however - if one is necessary - I know how to discourage a lot of pushy and unpleasant "factors" who like to cause the unnecessary - negative but fun for them - totally stupid - small "incidences" - I suppose - just to give them something to do.
Sometimes it's necessary to take a stand instead of constantly attempting to "sit on the fence" to avoid any possible confrontations. If some element gets on my nerves I frequently employ a tactic which I learned from my favorite cousin - namely - as a near sighted lady she frequently squints - instead of wearing glasses. I observed that this kind of squint can serve as a smirk without being obvious about it but they get the message.
In my current building - the stocky, short older lady with the down syndrome, sporting a big, pear shaped bottom - constantly gets in everybody's way and she stares at passing by people who live in the building since she constantly hangs out in the area designed only for the outside parties waiting for someone who lives in the building - to come down. I realize that she is lonely, handicapped and all that but the nice neighbors who are going out of their way to be extra kind to her - are suckers of sorts since it's the building's staff's place to keep her busy so she she gets out of the way. The staff people working in this building collect handsome government enumerations, work short hours and have the benefits - galore - which break Chicago's taxpayers' backs.
I - personally - feel that I do my share of "charity" work for nothing - by being extra nice to an older Polish lady - tall and gawky - but a good dancer - who comes dancing once a week to the tea dancing in my favorite Chicago ballroom studio. People don't talk to her too much since she dresses like an idiot. I don't mind talking to her and being nice while I don't have to do it at all - since she - probably - entertains a lot of anti-Semitic notions like most Polish people here in Chicago even if here in the U.S. - most of them - the smart ones - anyway -do not act openly in an anti-Semitic manner - like do in Poland.
Another old "fart" crawling around this building also works my nerves by being too pushy; he seems not mean any harm but his behavior definitely borders on the harrassing sort. He frequently sits around by the mailboxes in the main entry by the main elevators - waiting for people to pick up their mail or just to get by him sitting in the mail and main elevators' area.
He always tries to chat with people - especially women - whether thay want to talk to him or not; he constantly asks women the same annoying questions namely "what have you been doing lately - how are things going for you". First of all - it's none of your business - you old fart - and you should get the message to stop asking your intrusive and stupid questions - after many ladies give you - purposely - unclear and vague answers time after time after time. It will be nice not to look at those types here for quite a while - hopefully - a long time. Thankd God - it won't be long and I will be out of here.
* * *
The other night while I tried to sneak back upstairs to my third floor unit - from the laundry room on the main floor - I heard the nosy "old fart's" familiar booming voice - the same type who hangs out by the main elevator by the mail boxes and asks women stupid questions - so I dove back to the laundry room while the nosy type enquired a new guy who recently moved into the building - about the four chairs which he just purchased. Evidently the new guy quickly got rid of the nosy type - without talking to him past the necessary couple of words - so the nosy old "fart" thankfully disappeared into his unit on the ground floor behind the mailboxes.
When I re-appeared from the laundry room - the new fellow started to explain to me at lenght why he had to get new chairs - explanation which I was not interested in the least to find out but I was happy the new guy got rid of the nosy type since he always talks too much - way too much.
"Go right ahead," I said fast to the new guy with four chairs after the elevator arrived. "I need to go back to the laundry room for a moment," I said quickly so I could ride the elevator by myself. This laundry thing usually works for me if I don't want to ride upstairs with some nosy elements. For some reason - people - at times - ask stupid questions while riding in the same elevator with other people - which they - sometimes - assume - necessarily must live in the same building with them so they can ask them nosy questions which may be none of their business.
* * *
I - at times - try to evoke a lot of memories of my past loves - as I attempt to recollect - mostly happy times. When I had an enormous crush on Juan - a handsome Latin/Mexican youngster - right after I separated from Jack after twenty years of happy marriage - that thing with Juan was generously laced with tons of highs; but - of course - the lows were also hard to forget. It was a good thing that my long time friend and confidante - Milochka listened to me - most of the time.
"Give it some time - you will meet a middle aged friend and you will see that the summer memory of Juan - will be just that - a distant memory."
Milochka can be short and impatient with me - at times - but I don't mind it so much since I always value her honesty. It's not that I let her indulge in treating me in a rude manner or anything like; she knows when she messes up since I let her know; it's always good to communicate honestly with friends.
Chapter 38
I know that I will never forget most of the events that memorable summer which I call "a summer of Juan". With the passage of time - the pleasant moments are remembered with the warm smile while the painful ones - pale - almost totally faded away - the way they should end up - sooner rather than later. The same happens when I hear any of the music popular that summer - the sounds bring back the feeling of splendor of love which can be fleeting - most of the time.
After Jack moved out for good since he loaded all his stuff into a rental U-Haul - even though we have not gotten an official divorce yet - still it was fun to feel free and independent all that summer - and I didn't miss him even if I thought about him as I constantly compared him to my "interest" that summer - Juan Rodriguez whom I actually knew the whole year before that summer.
Our newly rehabbed Rogers Park townhouse located close to Skokie and Evanston - in the North Shore part of Chicago - much in demand - took on an exciting, new feeling that summer. It was similar to the happy awareness of lack of my parents' nagging after I first moved out - to live in my own place - an old house which I shared with three other coeds when I started my first year at Ohio State.
During that first memorable summer without Jack at the beginning of which - Jack - my husband of twenty years - permanently left Chicago and our new townhouse which I wanted to keep - after we were officially divorced; that summer - however - it was still unclear if Jack would agree to it since our other - almost new townhouse in Cincinnati, Ohio - worth much less money - badly needing Jack's attention due to the neglect of the renters - and it was getting just that from Jack where he headed after he left Chicago. Neither one of us wanted to pay some "shyster" lawyer to help us divide our accumulated stuff of which the townhouse in Chicago's Rogers Park was a "jewel in the crown".
* * *
"I love your house. It's nicely, tastefully decorated, its light and warm - I just love it", said Juan as we sipped our white, summer wines on the small back patio of my townhouse. He wore a light, sea colored summer shirt which make his brown eyes and glowing complexion stand out - in a pleasant manner. Everything about him always seemed right and reassuring that summer.
My light summer dress covered with small green and salmon colored flowers emphasized my green eyes and reddish brown, thick hair. I felt good and confident when I was with him but that night felt special and I knew that I will miss Juan like crazy the following morning while he will be in his usual "happy - go lucky" mood - going about his happy daily routine - work all day then - evenings with his new friends; the young couple of his new neighbors who got on my nerves a lot - a handsome light haired Anglo guy in his late twenties - loud and obnoxious - while his wife - a pretty Mexican with typical shiny dark hair and glowing brown eyes - acted as if the sun revolved around his rear end - they had an ugly, year old baby girl who so far didn't look like any of her parents - a couple whom Juan recently met after he moved into his new, nice apartment in Logan Square.
I knew that those people were constantly introducing him to pretty single Latin women - his age which is late twenties - early thirties - the professional young women getting panicky about not having a "steady" guy in their lives. Juan felt much "in demand" with his good looks and decent, steady job. Their "matchmaking" activity bothered me like crazy but I resolved not to let it get to me - by continuing to date some single men my age. It was not hard for me to be selective in terms of dating guys like me - educated, professional etc.
During that magical summer evening with Juan - a beautiful Latin tune played from my fancy stereo system - from the popular that summer movie "Mambo Kings" about two Cuban brothers - musicians coming to the U.S. for their loves and careers - but found their adventursome endeavors generously laced with tons of "hard knocks" and "gut wrenching" drama. The tune is called "Maria of My Soul" and while it sounded good to me at the beginning of that summer - towards the end of it - I couldn't stand it since they played it way - too much - at every place known to "mankind" in Chicago and through other numerous venues - galore - ad nausea.
"You look really nice tonight," said Juan casually that memorable summer evening. He was always stingy with his complements. I acted the same way towards him but he could read me like an opened book which was irritating a lot.
I could see my next door neighbor - Julie - from my patio - a plain looking, special ed teacher in her late thirties - dating - men and women - actually; she stood behind her patio door - behind her wide Venetian blinds. She had never been married - had a nice enough personality - we got along without ever getting close since I never knew - whom she wanted to sleep with - with me or with Jack. Thank God - she knew better than proposition either me or Jack after I gave her a diplomatic "hint" that any possibility of "three way sex" - makes my skin crawl - big time.
During that memorable evening with Juan she gave me a discreet thumbs up sign which I could see through her wide Venetian blinds - from her townhouse next door since she - evidently - liked the way Juan looked and it was the first time he openly visited me. For a moment I thought briefly that she better not be stupid to ever proposition me or my date. I always hated any trio combinations - to no end so she knew it. Juan didn't know my neighbor since I avoided at all cost introducing them.
I was dreaming about this night with Juan when Jack would finally be "out of my way semi-permanently" so I didn't have to hide or lie or deceive anybody about what I am doing. When that night finally arrived - lots of reservations "crawled" into my suspicious mind like small but persistent demons. None of that would have happened if Jack and I didn't develop big problems during the last two years of our long term, happy marriage.
"So what are you thinking? You don't ever want anybody to know what you're thinking or planning. Maybe you want to live in my townhouse for a while - until the newness wears off - then you can concentrate on 'finding you a suitable permanent, young girlfriend?'"
"I would never want to hurt you in any manner - Maggie. Just trying to be honest and truthful with you."
"You always want to have an upper hand? Right? Maybe I would hurt you - but you will never get hurt - right?"
"I have been hurt enough. Isn't everybody in their respective 'love compartments'? Can't you enjoy the night like that without thinking how you will get hurt afterwards?"
"I don't know that I can trust you. Anyway - you don't know that you won't get hurt."
"Again you start this? I told you before that I don't want any of your money - which you will get from Jack. Didn't you get to know me for a year that we have been friends?"
"Listen to you - 'I don't want any money from you' - but who is bringing it up? First of all - nobody is offering you any money. You are not a paid 'escort' or anything like that. Secondly - it's hard to be 'friends' with people one is very attracted to."
His smile at that moment was charming to no end as it "melted" me inside in spite of my resolve to keep my cool; I was totally under his spell/temporary insanity of being attracted to him for no special reason other than he was enormously good looking but modest about it even though he was generally cocky and smart/streetwise - "always quick on his feet" and ready for anything which may come up.
However - he was no different than lots of other attractive youngsters I dealt with on a daily basis when I ran my successful deli/bakery business for several years with my clients - local celebrities in Chicago at that time. I would never dream before I met Juan that he or any other of those "young Turks" would be able to put a spell on me - "old fox" - so I would shudder when I imagined them in bed with some young girl. What do I care?
The younger men and other kinds of men - and gay women - sometimes - find me attractive so I am used to that kind of attention. While it's never have been or ever will be any "driving force" of my life - by no means - still - I freely admit to myself that it feels good and I never want it to go away. So far - so good. I am in my late fifties now and men of all ages - including the youngsters - still find me attractive. It's probably my self-confidence stemming from my daily, weekly, monthly - goals which keep me going every day.
My older brother Max always happily volunteers his "seasoned in love, mature man's perspective" - solicited or not. He did the same thing - as always - many times before that memorable "summer night with Juan":
"Don't make any big deal out of sleeping with some young guy - once or twice. You are an attractive woman - almost divorcee - so you can indulge yourself a bit - then you can dump them. You never know if Jack will be 'crawling' back after some time without you. Just make sure they are clean of any diseases and practice safe sex. Also make sure they smart and won't do anything stupid after you dump them." Juan fit that picture perfectly. He would not act irrationally since he had goals for his life - the main one being to work in the U.S. for while - then retire in his native Mexico - to live "high off the hog" - like scores of his countrymen - do.
It was time for me to take a big "plunge" that memorable summer - which was scary and exciting - all at the same time and always. I have - subsequently - bravely taken a lot of bold steps - most of them paid off - in every way and bolstered my self confidence. Some of those courageous decisions - may backfire - which rarely happens - however - taking calculated risks for some good goals - is always worth it and almost always - pays off. It's always fun to look back at some scary things I did for the first time - stuff which becomes a routine of sorts and it's fun to look back and laugh at the original fear; it's always exciting to conquer the fears - or most of them - anyway.
* * *
That memorable summer night with Juan was filled with magic of all kinds in spite of what Max advised me. The same powerful magic of mutual attraction "kept pouring in" like some invisible magic love potion - even if both of us - tried to "keep it on the leash". It had to be close to midnight. The events - evidently - already decided for me - what were to happen later.
He was nervous as well - I could tell - even though his "confident front" - worked for most of that night.
"I will go out on your patio to smoke,"
"Make it snappy with only a half of a cigarette. You know that I can't stand the smoke in my clean house."
"Yes - madam,"
The door closed to my patio. I peeked through the wide Venetian blind. He glanced at the moon and the bright stars as he inhaled his cigarette - I thought for a second that his breath would smell of the cigarette smoke when he would kiss me a few minutes later - which would be sexy like everything about Juan - even though I hated the cigarette smoke in any form still if Juan did it - it was okay.
I simply closed my eyes when he embraced me later.
"Just relax and have a good time," he whispered and smiled again - his magic smile, "you made love to some guys before Jack,"
"What makes you such a big 'expert' on women?"
"Are we making love or will you talk all
night?"
"You need to you pick me up and carry me upstairs like Clark Gable did in 'Gone With the Wind'? I weigh only a hundred pounds."
* * *
The whole night went great; I wished that it never ended - the few hours "fly by" like five seconds - I didn't remember how I fell asleep quickly as if in the middle of some magic dream. I must have slept a few hours but when I woke up it felt as if I just "went under" - like the anesthetic sleep preparing for some major surgery - it was a similar feeling.
He was quietly getting ready to leave around 3 am. After he made a small noise in my bathroom adjacent to my master bedroom - I pretended to be asleep; he got dressed - again - quietly and quickly.
"I am not asleep," I said, "I know that your neighbors will have dinner for you and they already invited a beautiful young thing - to sit next to you. However - I am going out to dinner tonight with Sidney Zimmerman - he knew Jack well through work."
"Why don't you stop thinking about who I am looking when I am not with you but - hey - I watch Sidney Zimmerman's specials on TV all the time. Just behave when you are with him. I hear that he is a womanizer," Juan laughed a small laugh which I couldn't immediately classify but I refrained from looking at him to examine the "variety" of his laugh. One way or another - he knew that "he had me where he wanted me". Not for a long time - though.
"Sidney is legally separated from his wife - she is out of state - just like I am separated from Jack and he is far away - for the moment - anyway. You would have to 'reincarnate' your life three times - to be at Sidney's level."
"All right - all right - you don't have to 'rub it in'".
* * *
Sidney Zimmerman was a handsome, middle aged, well established investigative reporter with a popular TV station in Chicago - so people recognized him when he was seen outside his station. His gray hair looked good on him - gave him the air or confidence.
Jack worked with him on some assignments while he worked as the news producer for ten years at the popular Chicago TV station - befor his left town after we split so he could start his own production company. His opinion of Sid was mixed - while he respected his cosiderable talent and professionalism - Sid could also frequently act like a self-centered "diva" - in a rude and vicious manner - most likely with other people at the station - since he always respected Jack who knew how not to take any "guff" from any of the station's "superstars". The women anchors looked beautiful on the air - but constantly underwent cosmetic surgeries - scared about their sudden loss of popularity with the viewers.
After working hard for that popular TV station - Jack was ready to "take his plunge" and work full time with his new partner - as they formed a production company which distributed an hour long, cargo train documentaries which Jack scripted, produced and shot as he travelled - chasing the cargo trains all over the the U.S, Mexico and Canada. He had a considerable client base which he developed - on the "side" while he worked for the network - with his free time as always - devoted to his all consuming hobby - chasing and videotaping cargo trains - which finally started to pay off when he left the network - fed up with their corporate politics which interfered with him doing his job well. He finally was his own boss - so he called his "shots" but the long hours and the grueling and demanding productions schedules - started to wear him down. Luckily - he could take an early retirement so the timing turned out - right in his life.
* * *
Chapter 39
That memorable "Juan's summer" was coming to an end with the smell of fall already in the air in the early September. I - normally - waited for the fall since I always liked autumn more than summer - especially after the exceptionally long, hot and bothersome summer. That summer was different - everything about it was not like any other endlessly happy summers with Jack.
One day towards the very end of that summer I suddenly decided to end my summer "fling" with Juan since it was leading "nowhere" - faster than I expected. My decision - which I knew will hurt - at least for a while - came after he acted arrogantly on the phone and spoke to me in a disrespectful manner - as if fully "entitled" to God knows - what.
When he called me the next time a few days later - he sounded apologetic, sheepish and sure that his cocky behavior was forgotten and forgiven. I had a surprise for that arrogant little punk.
After exchanging a few usual phrases - among others was his lame apology which I ignored - Juan suggested that we meet in our favorite Mexican restaurant for dinner which was - usually - followed by an evening and the night at my house.
"I am busy this week so we need to put our dates on hold for a while," I didn't know how my voice came out of me. There was a long silence on his end.
"I told you - I am sorry for the way I acted last time we spoke,"
"Take your 'sorry' and shove it where the 'sun don't shine'. Summer is done - the fun is over - it has been over for you - for a while - anyway."
"Maggie - don't do anything...don't feel hurt,"
"Where do you get off telling me what to do or not to do or how to feel or not to feel? Have a nice day - anyway," I hung the phone. Knowing Juan quite a bit - I knew he would not be calling me back. Not for a long time - anyway.
* * *
The October after that summer stood glorious with the trees changing colors and the air smelling of winter holidays coming up soon - celebrated in a big way - as always in rich Chicago. Most of that month that year - I felt as if I was attending some sad event like some loved one's - funeral but I had to successfully put on some "facade".
When my older brother Max called one morning towards the end of that month - I felt like crying.
"Go to your ballroom studio now that Jack has nothing to say about it. Have fun. Life is great for you - now. Life is short,"
"I know but a lot of times I feel sad and miss Juan - something fierce - at times."
"So - cry - if you feel like crying - but if you call him - things will not progress for you - time will not work for you - you know that. You need to be out with some friends like you. Those youngsters are a waste of your time."
"Sidney Zimmerman said many times that he wants to take ballroom lessons with me."
"Now - you start to keep your eyes on the ball - again - that's the material for you. Let the time work for you - not against you."
"Yes - but Sidney Zimmerman - makes my skin crawl - he is totally self-centered and self-absorbed - in love with himself."
"Just go out with him. Do something in the evenings - so the night will go fast. You are not exactly devoted to the 'good of mankind' - yourself. He is an interesting guy - anyway."
"You are that way much more than I - you consider your bank account some kind of an important being - it takes a big precedence in your life."
"I am getting older - I have to think of my 'golden years' coming up very soon. My grown kids are super absorbed in their own lives".
"Sometimes I am glad that Jack and I never had any time to bring children to the world since we were always too busy to raise them properly."
"They will make you happy - but they exact a high price."
"Ayn Rand spoke of 'second halvers' - people who always have to have some kind of a 'second half' to feel whole - they have to have someone to love or they feel empty and worthless."
"Love is a big 'high' - no question - but it's 'expensive' in every way."
"What do you call it? Love? Attraction?Life's purpose? Obsession? I remember how your first wife used to be in love with you for a while - than she hated you a lot."
"I can't say that I didn't deserve it. Various life's circumstances always pull on love and tear it."
"Even the right kind of love?"
"They tear into the right kind of love - with their extra special, clever ways. A few unions can withstand it for too many years."
* * *
The "new wave" Russian writer from the beginning of the twentieth century - Fyodor Sologub wrote a novel called "Petty Demon" which became an international sensation shortly after it was published. Essentially - the story cleverly shows how the subtle, petty but persistent - everyday's little demons can weigh heavily on everybody's lives in a typical small Russian town - and even the essentially good people can easily get caught into that "web" around them. That is - for a while - anyway.
Ayn Rand puts those human trials in a different content in her famous novel - "The Fountainhead". She cleverly explores the essence of of love, careers, relations between people and how the politics of the day - influence people's lives. The most important essence of her work is the concept of meritocracy/capitalism - the system which - in my opinion - beats the collectivism of the socialism and communism which frequently leads people into the forced labor camps, oppressive and cruel jails - and worse. Capitalism may be very a flawed system needing constant improvements but socialism and communism with their big historical mistakes - frequently cost millions of human lives.
* * *
Towards the snowy winter after that memorable "summer of Juan" - everything was slowly getting back to normal in my life. I decided to leave Chicago for a while so I sold my beautiful townhouse which appreciated a lot and attempted to make a new life for myself in hilly, picturesque and charming Pittsburgh where Max and his family have lived for a long time in Squirrel Hill - a fabulous, international, "she-she-poo-poo", trendy part of Pittsburgh. After a few years there during which Pittsburgh "rinsed" me off from a lot of my funds which I wanted to invest - instead I needed to spend a lot of my "no touchie" funds for my living expenses. My decision to run back to "my" Chicago which I missed like crazy - anyway - turned out to be the best thing I did for my life. I felt that the city called me back so it turned out a good move. I immediately got a decent job in Chicago which I couldn't do in small Pittsburgh - all divided up and "spoken for".
* * *
Chicago-land of today feels like two worlds - the city itself - is full of "left" leaning - Democratic politicians pursuing their personal and political - sometimes - despicable - agendas which enriches them a lot while they don't give a "hoot" about their constituents even if they successfully pretend to do so. On the other hand - people living outside Chicago in the suburbs or in the other parts of Illinois - who voted heavily for Trump - now openly resent the Chicago, East Coast of the U.S and similar California style - "leftist", Socialist leaning politics with a lot of their phony politicians - wealthy hypocrites and their phony, leftist political agendas giving them power and influence.
* * *
It was a cold, early spring morning as I sat in a cozy, well equipped coffee shop inside a big, magnificent Chicago's food store - Tony's Finer Foods - a true, Democratic establishment where all kinds of people - mix - even if for a few minutes.
After I got my coffee and bagel for which they have a fabulous special price every morning - I sat in their cozy, nicely equipped coffee shop. I tried to distance myself from the table with young mothers whose little kids acted overly noisy. I thought to myself that parents who believe in raising their kids in overly permissive manner - should do it within the confines of their households. People in public places should not be subject to some children who - at times - take advantage of the situation and act like obnoxious little brats.
Two tables away from me - I noticed a young, "illegal alien" and poor looking - guy. He was about thirty - in visibly ill health since his frame looked skinny and crawny - in addition all his teeth were gone since his jaw - had that appearance. His eyes showed an indifference of his spirit and yet he seemed happy that nobody bothered him in that place. The sun caressed his skinny face. If I could send an angel which would protect him while he was - probably - soon scheduled for deportation - probably - back to Mexico - I would.
All the Chicago's Spanish speaking TV stations and the printed media - are all in big uproar about the deportations of the "illegal aliens". English speaking stations also show pro-immigrant bias as they conveniently "forget" to mention about the advantages of - finally - dealing with the multitudes of "illegal" citizens draining the resources which are needed for the Americans and for the legal immigrants who by the way - for the most part - want the "illegals" gone but everybody wants the authorities to deal with the "illegals" in a most humane and respectful manner - possible.
Chapter 40
After the mild winter almost came to the end - the spring and summer promise to be terrific in every way this year. Chicago has a lot of fun, free events of every kind during the summers - organized by the city which spends money left and right - as if it was going out of style - even if its budget consistently runs into the red territory for many years while the local legislators - fight each other and collect all kinds of benefits of every kind since their regular pay has been slowed down.
I guess Goethe said that all the lawyers belong on the "bottom of the hell" - that wouldn't be a bad place for most of Chicago's politicians. In addition - The Sanctuary City expenses are "bleeding" the city budget - as well - so the city comes up with tons of frivolous taxes. Thank God - the near by suburbs don't imitate the city of Chicago too much. The neighboring states of Indiana and Wisconsin - get a lot of business from Chicagoans who balk at paying their taxes - "every time they fart - taxes - taxes - taxes - all the time - all through their their collective, proverbial - noses - as well".
* * *
The early spring feels nice since the sun is stronger so even if the snow covers the trees - at times in March - it melts fast. The smell of spring in the air - makes me a little happy that the worse of this winter is over - till next winter.
The mornings in which the March snow covers all the naked trees - feel and look - super good like a fairy tale scene. We need some snow before the winter is over to avoid the "winter dry" - but not too much of it so driving and walking is not hampered in any way. The snow smells fresh - especially the March snow after a long absence of it. It feels soft and the strong March sun - melts it quickly.
No wonder that the Conservatives came up with a derogatory nickname for the neo-Liberals - they call them the Snowflakes. At the moment - most of the U.S. colleges are overrun by the extreme leftists - hell bent on destroying the U.S. However the determined, armed to the teeth U.S. Conservatives - are getting fed up with the Left and its shameless, Nazi style tactics of attempting to silence the opposition. The U.S. police will - very soon - start using - frequently - the rubber bullets and stronger measures to deal with this new - political disease - Alt-Left - which can endanger the American democratic ways.
* * *
The building where I currently live has been getting on my nerves a whole lot - after I found out how the management and staff - get by with working less hours than they would have to put in if they worked for any private industry. They can get by on "taking it easy" while collecting a lot of benefits plus a very decent pay for not putting in all the required hours while they avoid any strenuous efforts which would be required of them had they been working for any private industry. I can't wait to be moving to my new place where their security procedures are not nearly as ridiculously exaggerated; it won't be long - and I will be out of this building - so I will almost never look back - but for now - I just enjoy my current place - now that it's easy for me to happily avoid all the bothersome elements while I enjoy this building's positive factors - not that there are very many of them.
* * *
My best friend and confidante - Milochka - lately has been treating me in a distant fashion - God only knows - what is the reason for that. I have no clue why she is acting that way but it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it used to. If she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore - fine with me. She can get on my nerves at times and anyway - I made some new friends in the ballroom studio where we dance ballroom during the Tea Dance - every week.
It's a wonderful place to socialize - talk, dance, laugh - then part for a week or two. That way - while it's a lot of fun to get together with some quality people - one doesn't have to get "deeply" involved with anybody without getting to know them first - to some extent. One can tell quite a bit about about the personality of another person by watching them dance and talking to them.
I - actually - like one guy who started to come there - again - after - not being there for a while. I wouldn't mind going out to lunch with him in order to get to know him better - however - it seems as if - for the moment - he is trying to "tie ins and ends" with his current lady friend who is put into a bit of an awkward situation since she has been active in that studio for a while - but she kept away the last few times I have been there. In addition - some single ladies who go there - are also interested. It's not like I am scared of competition - or antyhing like that - but still - I don't like to be in an awkward position to be competing for a guy. I will think of some other variations.
* * *
Even though I have known my best friend - Milochka - almost all my life - she still surprises me - at times - even though not often. If she could only keep her aggressive streak on a "leash" a bit - it would be easier to deal with her still - I appreciate her good qualities. It's nice to take a break from her for awhile.
I don't assume that I know someone until I really know them which means - going through some trying times - together. A few people can "make it" through some tough tests which invariably come up to everybody.
My friends also change - some go away and some come back - some new friends "stick around for quite while" an become closer than others. I try to be selective about getting close to people but at times - things happen as if "they want to happen" - no matter what I decide.
Its fun to chat with some ladies at my ballroom studio during my weekly Tea Dancing - where some guys are good dancers and fun to be around. I wouldn't go out to lunch - past the casual studio's interaction - with some of them since some of their features seem "repulsive" to even if I don't mind dancing with them once in a while; I know that those guys have a chance with some other ladies - eager to have a steady dance partner since it's supposedly - a status symbol of sorts. They should lower their expectations and "shoot" where they a chance.
I notice a lot of things about the people who go to that event for an extended time. One of the guys there - an older gentleman is an excellent dancer plus he has a nice, attractive personality - a sharp dresser who uses nice cologne as well. Women seem attracted to him in "droves" since he appears respectful of women - at least - on the surface.
His ex-steady lady partner however - evidently can't get over him; lately she looks "goofy", rejected and not attractive. I would never make fun of another woman or be disrespectful unless an individual acts "goofy" and nasty towards me - then I would think of a way to exercise some effective and fun - "payback" of sorts which - hopefully - will teach the offending "party" a lesson - not to bother me anymore. One has to stand up for oneself in some way.
At any rate - it's seems awkward to insist on hanging on to something that's gone and done. That lady needs to move on in many ways and she needs to stop coming to the studio in hopes of "rekindling" something that's "gone with the wind". Time to move on - ahead - for some new adventures! As far as I am concerned - its not good to live in the past - but move on - when the time is right - to move ahead full spead - no matter how scary it may seem - at first. Someone said something smart: "Fortune favors and brave" - I say "amen" to that even though it's not easy - but living in the past is also hard.
* * *
My family in Pittsburgh - which consists only of my two nieces and their father - my older brother - became distant for some mysterious reason however my other nephew and I became close lately; my nephew is a much "better" version of my brother who is his - almost estranged - at the moment - dad. I am trying to get my nephew and his dad a bit closer. It's not easy since my brother - in addition to being frequently abrasive towards his immediate family - also expects from people to reach out to him - before he makes any moves towards reconcilliation. I don't know where it's going between my brother and his almost estranged - son but it's never a bad idea to be a "peacemaker" for awhile.
Another thing about my nephew which strikes a powerful cord with me is the fact that he and his mother (my brother's first wife) are closely connected to Israel. She has lived there for many years; she left Poland - for Israel when my nephew was only six years old - following her divorce from my brother right after my nephew was born - after her brief, roller-coaster style marriage to my brother.
* * *
The light at the end of the tunnel is a good thing to see - after each unpleasant passage is coming to the end. The building in which - I currently live - not for a long time remaining here - thank God - has been getting on my nerves a lot because it's too small and too claustrophobic. There is a cluster of nosy people here who gossip and stick their noses in other people's - business which is annoying even if most people living here are a decent sort. I can't give the nosy ones "a piece of my mind" - diplomatically and in a funny way - until I am ready to move - which will happen soon. For now - I am enjoying the positive features of this building - not that there is too many of those.
* * *
My nephew sent me an exciting E-mail from Israel where he went to celebrate his mother's birthday. She looks pretty good on the photo taking into consideration that I have not seen here since she was very young and my nephew - a baby. He - presently - is a middle aged father of two college aged - youngsters.
Time has a way of drastically changing people - which is especially obvious when I look at the photos - at times.
One of my friends who passed away last year made a remark which was depressing; I don't like to dwell on sad stuff but I need to remember that - almost last visit - so I will appreciate normal days - more. I visited her when she was almost ready to die - so she looked sick, skinny and shriveled up to almost nothing - however - she was at her own - luxuriously decorated penthouse - surrounded by beautiful stuff which she loved - not that she was noticing her surroundings too much. At that moment she couldn't enjoy her place too much - still she was lucky not to be stuck in some strange hospital room - alone.
I pointed at her beautiful portrait made from the photo when she was young, beautiful and looked like a glamorous movie star. After I remarked that I always liked that enlargement - she replied: "This woman is not me anymore - she left long time ago." I felt like crying but did not.
* * *
With the cool, spring days - Passover holidays always remind me of our family celebrations when our parents were much younger and we were - children at first - then the youngsters - then my brother's kids sat at the table - when they were little. Then my brother's children brought the children of their own to the table.
When his older daughter was little she stood in the big chair looking like a little doll while our father - all dressed up was putting finishing touches on the Passover table - covered with snow white, lace table cloth. She was only three years old but seemed to understand or feel - the holiday spirit. Then dad's old friend stopped by for a moment. He glanced at the beautiful Passover table and wished us a happy Passover. My brother's older daughter Ali - was observant and smart. She watched the guest intently. She was also bold, outgoing and talked a lot when she was a child.
"Are you sitting at the table? Is there a place for you?" She asked father's friend in a clear voice while she looked straight at his face as if she was some adult - briefly caught in a children's body. Both father and his friend burst out laughing.
"That's her first Passover. She is only three," our father's voice sounded proud and happy.
"Yeah - but she is already a very important little person - with her distinct personality showing so she has an important place at the table," stated our father's friend.
As the youngest at the table - she was curious about everything our father did that night - which he did the same way for many years - but that first Seider with Ali - was special and unforgettable. She was visibly enjoying herself - soaking up all the love poured on her by our family.
* * *
Another Passover which stands out in my memory is the one which happened twenty years later. Ali was ready to graduate from college and head for the graduate school.
As I looked at this beautiful young woman expertly leading the Passover Haggadah - she made me proud even though she acted a bit distant involved with her college friend who called her on the phone frequently that evening. I couldn't figure out the exact nature of their friendship but I didn't ask and it didn't interest me all that much.
During that memorable Passover - our father was already gone - quite a few years back - so normally - my brother Max was doing the ceremony but that year - Max was not able to do it since he had to be away on some important business. Ali - his older daughter did a good job that spring. A lot of important changes took place in our lives. Jack and I were divorced. I just became independent emotionally, financially and in other ways. My older brother Max was also divorced from Ali's mother. Ali and her younger sister adjusted to the situation. It was not easy but all of us - made it.
The third Passover which stands out in my memory - was the one a few years ago - at my brother's big three unit, mansion style home in a trendy, desirable Squirrel Hill - part of Pittsburgh. I helped him clean his unit so it looked neat and presentable for Passover. At that time - I rented from him a tiny apartment right above his big, second floor apartment. While I always kept my place clean - he - normally - had a semi-pig style order while his kids - the inheritors of his costly dwelling - evidently didn't give a hoot. My stay there with them - was temporary since my dreams about returning to "my" Chicago which I missed like crazy - were just about to be realized. I didn't tell anybody about it not wanting Max to be angry since he could be indictive - at times. However - after shuffling several times back and forth from Pittsburgh to Chicago and back - my decision - at that time - was to stay put in Chicago - then bravely pursue my "dream of dreams" - Israel. The time had to be right but I knew for sure that I had to get the hell out of Pittsburgh. I felt at that time that I had enough of Pittsburgh - notwithstanding the beauty and splendor of Squirrel Hill.
When the doorbell rang downstairs - I felt as if the time magically moved back to that memorable Passover when Ali was three during her first Passover. Max answered the main door and Ali's little son - who was four - entered joyously. He was a chubby, energetic little boy with his facial features looking just like Ali when she was his age.
"Julian - give your granddad and your aunt - their gifts," said Ali. Both of us got a nice bubble bath since Ali managed "Bed, Bath and Beyond" store after she graduated from college. Her gentile husband had to work that night. She gave me a hug which felt good. She always called me by my first name - all her life - she never - ever - ever called me "aunt Maggie" which was okay - since I also always called my favorite aunt by her first name - as well.
Max'es ex-wife started to put a damper on my good mood which she usually did as long as I have known her. Max finally established decent relationship with her several years after their divorce; she kept smiling one of her sphinx-like smiles which was hard to read. As long as I have known her - I never knew how she really felt about my brother's family - that is - us - my family. He was not the best husband in the world - far from it - but she knew what she was getting into when she married him - so her frequent complaining about him to me and our mother - seemed not smart at all - considering the fact that she was highly educated woman who earned her Ph.D from the University of Pittsburgh where she worked for many years.
During that memorable Passover - I tried not to look at her since she was getting on my nerves more than anybody else present that night. The only joyous factor that evening was looking at little Julian who attentively watched his granda Max for most of the night - with the same kind of expression in his brown eyes which his mother had - when she studied our father during the Passover - some twenty years earlier. Towards the end of the evening - I felt good. I knew that I will be moving back to Chicago soon - to start my new life - again - with those sweet memories of my family - deep in my heart. There are always new, exciting beginnngs for me - each one more exciting than the one before.
Chapter 41
I have been back in Chicago for a couple of weeks and it felt good to be back. Everything looked familiar. It was the very end of a beautiful summer which was not overly hot. My favorite season of the year - the fall - was just about to begin. My new Chicago apartment felt like a vast improvement over Max'es old unit in his old mansion style - building - which really started to get on my nerves towards the end since he tried to spend minimum money - to give it a proper upkeep the way his neighbors did in this exquisite neighborhood of Pittsburgh. I shouldn't have worried so much that things will not work out for me since they always do once I come back to Chicago. Somehow Chicago always offers me a lot of opportunities which I would never have if I stayed in Pittsburgh.
As I was waiting for Milochka in Skokie's cozy, recently remodeled - "Kaufmann's Deli" - on that bright Sunday morning - sipping my coffee and munching on their excellent egg bagel with plain cream cheese - I wondered how she changed in the two years during which I was away from Chicago area. I also thought briefly about my "life's script" which "did" what "it" wanted - at times - no matter what I might decide.
"Its good to see you. It's been awhile", she shook my hand in her typical, restrained fashion while I wished that she hugged me. She looked good even though her gray hair needed covering. Her smile appeared friendly and sincere - though. As long as I have known her - she did what she really felt like doing which can cut both ways so it doesn't come without a price. you here awhile - you will be going back to Pittsburgh - last few years you've been going back and forth,"
"Not this time - it's going to be some time before I miss Pittsburgh again. My younger niece expressed the 'desire' to live in the unit I was renting from my brother", I said and added: "Suddenly I got scared that they will put me out so I grabbed my chance to move back to Chicago which I missed like crazy - anyway. It was meant to be."
We talked for awhile - then she dropped me off at the Skokie Library which is always my favorite place to "hang out" in Chicago area. After I spend a few hours in the library - I - usually - head for a glorious - Old Orchard Mall which has a few of my favorite places to finish most of the day.
I knew that everything will go really well for me - for the longest time - and it felt great to be out of Pittsburgh which I didn't miss at all. Not yet - anyway.
* * *
The fall of that year went smoothly since it has always been my favorite time of the year. Then the winter came - luckily - not too severe. It is a beautiful spring again - with the gorgeous Chicago summer - promising to be fun - like every summer. I have not spoken to Milochka for a while and it seems as if our close friendship - loosened up a bit for no special reason.
A lot of times - some important things happen to me as if they "intended" to take place. As long as my goals and plans are in place every week - I feel focused even if my objectives - change. As long as I have my weekly goals - I don't feel like I am "floating" without a purpose.
The Old Orchard Mall - has always been a fascinating and fun place - especially during the springs and summers - even if during the winter holidays - they designers show wonders with their varied winter motives. Their huge bookstore "Barnes and Noble" offers tons of titles and weekly magazines to look through but I love their coffee shop especially when I come there early in the morning so I can easily find a cozy table in the corner - so there is no need to listen too much to some "goofy", older, steady elements who go there almost every morning and can get one one's nerves since - frequently - they act pushy, loud and obnoxious - especially some older guys.
Luckily - some mornings that boisterous group of seniors doesn't show up and I don't go there every single morning - which is good since it drastically reduces my encounter with various "nasties". My week is busy in various, classy places around Chicago - and there is more of them here than in Pittsburgh where Squirrel Hill and the neighboring Water Front - areas were the only ones which interested me.
* * *
Every spring during my brief celebration of Passover we promise each other to have a good year to follow - it's been a very good year but the next one will be even better. Last year - Max did a "quickie" and I was the only other participant since his relationship with his grown kids - can be generously described as - inconsistent at times - usually during some major holidays.
The year which followed was excellent - even if it could be better as it always the case. This year I decided to forego my traditional Passover in a restaurant with Alice who is the only Jewish person in her small - immediate and extended family. They charge a lot of money for that special supper and frown if one wants to take some home. It's a big "act of God" for them to privide some containers.
It's kind of fun to celebrate solo this year -with the happy memories of our past Passovers with our family and various friends. I don't exactly expect any special Passover wishes from Max - but his son - who has a lot nicer personality - already wished me a happy Passover from Israel - where he is spending a couple of weeks visiting his immediate and extended family in our beautiful country which is never far from my thoughs. I remember that my only Passover in Israel - several years ago - was simply wonderful. Last night after I finished my very beautiful Passover supper - I prayed to God and made myself a promise to spend next Passover in Israel just like it says in the Passover little prayer book - Hagada - which relates the story of Moses leading the ancient Hebrews - out of the ancient Egypt where they were cruelly enslaved by the Egyptian Pharaoh. At the very end of this prayer book there is an important verse - "next year may we celebrate in Jerusalem".
* * *
Some days go extra well for me without any special reason and Chicago feels like a home of sorts to me - even with its high crime rate. No place is truly safe these days - anyway. However - my idea of spending two harshes winter months in Israel makes a lot of sense - since Israel has a "paradise" weather during January and February while Chicago frequently suffers from severe snow storms during those months - accompanied by a considerable spells of single digit, nasty - temps. It will be good to avoid those. My nephew's mom - my brother's first wife and I have always gotten along very well and since she is getting very old - I am sure that she will look forward to have a trusted friend like me - staying with her during the coming few winters. If could only stand overly hot summers - I would love to live in Israel which has some area a bit cooler than others during their prolonged summer months which some years start as early as in April.
* * *
The spring months can beautiful in Chicago - as long as it doesn't turn too hot right away - which can get on anybody's nerves. Some summers in Chicago have been bothersome - hot like hell - and they dragged forever. When they finally ended - the fall which followed felt like paradise on Earth. Thank God for the air-conditioners - otherwise life can get uncomfortable - to say the least - for people like me who can't stand the hot weather.
I can't wait to be finally moving out of my present building which has a lot of flaws in addition to its several positive "attributes" of sorts. However - as I am waiting to be out of here - suddenly - things which used to bother me like crazy - do not get on my nerves nearly as much as they used to.
The biggest "bug" which I noticed during my half a year or so of living here is that several women neighbors - gossipers - like to congregate downstairs in the part of the lobby which enables them to watch who comes into the building - ostensibly - wanting to be "friendly" - however - they also are nosy, busy bodies - with not much else to do - who like to know who comes into the building and with what sorts of company - as if the management didn't already have an employee at the front desk - to monitor all movement in and out of the building - 24/7. This building has a paranoid security procedures since in most dwellings - once you move in - you can exit the building by other exits - than the main one - guarded by a security person. In addition the people who live in the complex - most of the time - can use the staircase in the low-rise buildings - my favorite onces since the high "sky scrapers" in Chicago - give me the "creeps".
* * *
The summer morning walks along the parks/beaches by Chicago's Lake Michigan - gloriously shimmering in its summery emerald/green - hues - are tons of fun during the summer mornings; it feels good to drink my morning coffee as I snack on a delicious New York style bagel and listen to Chicago's morning talk shows - during which - lately - the socialistic leaning Chicago "lefties" - finally had to listen to the voices of reason; the city is almost going broke with their "sanctuary city" reckless spending - "the sanctuary cities" which frequently hide criminal elements with their policies - while they spend our - the taxpayers' money - as if it's going out of style in a hurry. If the rich liberals want to spend their own money on "illegals" - they can do it - still they owe their efforts to the needy Americans - first.
Most people in the U.S. want the funds collected from hard working taxpayers - to be used for the Americans first - then if there is any money left over - it can to go to help the "illegals" which the Dems call "undocumented" since they hope to get their relatives' votes - which they will not get since almost all of the "normal" immigrants - want the "illegals" - back in their countries where they belong first of all - then they can start an arduous procedures to get back to the U.S just like all the legal immigrants - all of us - have had to do.
* * *
The cool spring days are absolutely lovely around Chicago - providing the crazy wind doesn't blow too much from the Lake Michigan.
I have not talked to my best friend - Milochka for a while so it was very good to hear from her. Each time we get together - I feel more focused on my goals. They might change from time to time - but without the specific stuff to accomplish - I feel like I am drifting without a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel - in sight.
Milochka and frequently have breakfast in one of the Old Orchard's numerous coffee shop which turned out pricey and not all that good - to be avoided since there are lots of good places in the glorious Old Orchard Mall. It is always fun with her - anyway even though - at times - we don't contact each other for quite a while. Each time I talk to her - I feel better about everything - but during the times when we are not in touch - I feel OK as well as long as I outline the week and the day - ahead. After I do that I know that the whole week will go well since I have confirmed for the nth time that outlining "a coming week at a glance" helps a lot in terms of not "rambling around" without purpose but always moving ahead towards some good goals.
* * *
This "she-she-poo-poo", trendy, infested with many arrogant millennial types - expensive neighborhood of Chicago - Lincoln Square - lately gets on my nerves a lot. The new, big library gets frequented on a regular basis by various homeless types who smell bad and often don't behave so good probably having psychotic problems and refusing to take their respective anti-psychotic meds since it's more fun to act crazy and have an excuse for it. Not that the phony, Chicago Dems - liberal types would admit it since most of them are rich, live in nice clean places and definitely - do not practice what they preach out of both sides of their - political hacks' - respective - mouths.
The people who work in this library "forever" - the so called "lifers" are freaks in their own - respective - rights. One of them - an older lady - light skinned African American - security guard who can be very rude on occasions - just got a new "waved" in rows on her head since her natural hair - thinning out in a hurry was always pulled tight in the back of her head - God only knows why.
The other "lifer" type who can get on people's nerves - even if not as much as the first one - is also light skinned African American who likes to glance too much on people's computer screens - I guess wanting to make sure that they don't do any pornography in the public library.
Long story - short - I am looking forward to moving into my new neighborhood - very soon - that is located much closer to my most favorite "hang out" for all seasons - Skokie - with its fantastic Old Orchard Mall which offers tons of stuff to do for me and Milochka - especially during this summer. Milochka has lived a long time in her cool townhouse almost within a walking distance from Old Orchard Mall. We will have tons of fun during this summer coming up very soon - in the interim - a glorious spring continues - not too hot - thank God - so far - so good. I hate it when the spring quickly turns into a hot summer since it's usually an indication of a "scorcher summer" to follow. Since this year's spring has been on the cool side - the promise of gorgeous, cool summer will be a reality. I like the way Lake Michigan smells sweet and fresh during the lovely summer nights. Lake Michigan is large - bigger than some salt water seas - but it's sweet water makes it unique and fun.
Chapter 42
I love to go to my favorite hang out - Old Orchard Mall/Luscious Park - at least - four times per week so I have a choice of either taking a couple of buses or a bus and a train from my present building. Once I move out to my new place - very soon - the distance will be much shorter - cut - at least - in half which will be more than great. Public transportation in Chicago is generously "infested" by various psychotic types who - frequently - "forget" to take their medication - or perhaps - they prefer not to take it the way they should. Nobody knows for sure.
The Chicago's public transportation "psychos" normally do not cause disturbances - still - who wants to look at them since they behave in a psychotic way - prompting me and other normal people to diplomatically "averting our eyes" from them. The highly paid Chicago's ultra liberal, "lefty" politicians should take public transportation every single and watch those psychotics since they generously advocate that taxpayers fork out their hard earned funds - for "social causes" which fund those disturbed individuals.
I - however - know for certain that it's much nicer not to look at those various "Chicago psychtic" types and if possible - I would love to avoid them altogether - like a plague. I am not a politician running for office - having to lie about how I really feel about things. Let all the ultra liberal, Democratic, Socialistic style - Chicago politicians deal with those disturbed types and not push them onto the taxpayers.
However they are too busy attending their empty political activities which assure them of maintaining their respective political - higly paid - positions. There are too many politicians - they need to be "thinned out" a lot with the ones who are left after "thinning out" doing a lot more actual work than they are currently getting away with - barely - performing.
Another problem which takes place - normally - on the L-trains - and rears "its ugly head" when the weather gets better - are some pushy panhandlers asking for a hand out. If I take a train - I - normally - get into the first car so in case of some incident - I am close to the train engineer.
Here in my soon to be ex-building - the handicapped lady who looks like down syndrom case - always hangs around in the lobby by the main intrance where she prominently displays her walker - however - I saw how she walks fast on many occasions - in a strong manner - without a walker. She could be doing stuff with groups which go various places since lots of buses - go half empty to many places - back and forth from the building to lots of nice places to which she could go - but she insists on hanging out around the building - all the time. I am not rude or mean to her - but I can't wait to be moving out of here - very soon. It seems as if as soon as I step out of the door to my apartment - some eyes are watching. That just makes my skin crawl - big time.
* * *
There is this smart, streetwise and pleasant Lesbian lady working in the snack shop here in Lincoln Square. I like her since she seems to be smart - however - I am always weary about her intentions as far as me being "straight" is concerned so that's why I hesitate to go past "hi - how you doing - have a nice day" stage. I have known her "superficially" for quite a few months now - so she has a good idea that I am not - in the least interested in the Lesbian aspect of her personality. I don't know if I should give her credit or not - for trying to come on to me - since she knows by now - for certain - that I am not interested in that gay area.
I know for a fact that a lot of Lesbians or Gays have successful "straight" friendships - however - knowing how even "normal" friendships can "fizzle out" or go wrong - I am weary of that additional "factor" pulling on it. For one - I have had an "interesting" experiences of having to say "no" to quite a few Lesbians since that aspect of women's friendships not only doesn't interest me but I am weary about the additional stress of that sort - pulling on the friendship. Some of those individuals get "ticked off" at being rejected but men do that as well - when they don't know to make advances to parties in their own class instead of trying their luck in the group "out of their leage". People - generally - don't like their offer of friendship - turned down - but it happens to everybody. It's good to be learning how to deal with various kinds of rejections which is not "the end of the world" - they happen to everybody. One can learn a lot from that experience and move on with a better attitude and understanding of how to get ahead without being "clobbered" too much by various "haters" just waiting to criticize and stop you. One has to outsmart them so they - themselves will get "clobbered" in a short time - for sure.
* * *
I have always liked the rainy days when I can work on my projects - indoors. Lately I have learned how to quickly leave my current building without being bugged too much by the annoying elements hanging out too much by the main lobby of the building - so one can't discreetly avoid them. They are nosy people with nothing useful to do and various "service coordinators" in the building who get paid very decently in terms of various government assured - benefits and pay - are too busy to find those elements something useful to do other than "ogling" people who try to leave or enter the dwelling.
That situation has been getting on my nerves so thank God in my new complex into which I am moving very soon - they have several secured entries and exits - which enables one to come and go without those disgusting - eyes constantly watching the tenants - under the phony pretexts of being "friendly", "concerned" and caring about the security. Fiddle sticks wrapped into poppy cock wrapped into horse manure!
* * *
Several years ago a popular Chicago's television station - an affiliate of a huge network outfit - had a "morbid" lady reported who loved to report crimes. After several years of doing that and ending up with not having her yearly contract renewed which happens to most of them - anyway - especially the controversial ones - lo and behold - she totally changed her gross image - lost weight - wrote a book which didn't sell like most books written now a days - than she disappeared from the Chicago's scene.
Today - one of the well watched TV stations - another affiliate of a big network - has a different version of the "crime lady" - a heavy set reporter - a "token" individual - purportedly representing a large but useless segment of the ethnic population of Chicago - is visibly enjoying - relating to the viewers - various gross crimes of which there is no shortage in the city of Chicago's - daily TV news. At times - the news director lets another lady reporter to do some crime features - and to her credit - she doesn't show any excessive thrill about reporting anything morbid - if she could only avoid using her - probably - phony - on the air - name in the ridiculous, child like diminutive form. Common lady if you do a decent job of reporting the news - please - do not call herself "Janie Doe" since it sounds stupid - you might want to consider adapting for yourself - a more professionally sounding on the air name - thus you would say - "Jane Doe - reporting" instead of "Janie Doe reporting" which sounds idiotic - especially if you report some gruesome features.
* * *
We mentioned various human types using public transportation in the city of Chicago. During the weekends - the trains are much less crowded than during the week - especially the peak hours during the work week travel can be disgusting - when people are squeezed like "sardines in the can" on public transportation; this uncomfortable experience to be avoided like a plague. Thank God - I can - pretty much make my own hours - after working hard all my life.
The the crowded major trains "sport" a lot of smelly individuals who might forget to take a bath or use deodorant, mouth wash as well as having various nervous kinds of stinking B.O. - stemming from a stressful day at work or from some other tense situations which a big city like Chicago offers a lot. The buses are much less crowded - even during the peak hours - but they are aggravatingly - slow - like molasses in January.
During the weekends - however - the Chicago's trains are not a bad mode of travelling since they are a lot quicker than the buses. If I commute by trains early during the weekend - always in the first car by the engineer driving a train - the engineer's car is quiet - with some poor individuals sleeping - most of them do not stink badly at all - with some smelly exceptions - which can be avoided to a great extent by sitting as far as humanly possible - from them.
* * *
Chicago's "fancy - schmantzy" - super intellectual suburb of Evanston - the home of the famous Northwestern University - is full of phony liberals/lefties who mouth off their hypocritical left wing political theories in which they do not believe - themselves - since most of them are rich - to afford the astronomical tuition at the Northwestern. The U.S. universities are currently richly infected with the "fascistic" left wingers who will not allow the opposing views to be heard or debated. It's not that they were ever - open minded or anything like that - however - presently - most of them are "rabidly" left wingers - "lefties" - totally immersed in a blind hatred of President Trump.
Evanston's main library is designed in a flawed manner so that internet stations are removed from the staff - consequently - its frequented on the daily bases by various homeless perverts who watch gross pornography at their internet stations. That's just makes my skin crawl - big time. Thank God for the Skokie Library with its design which allows the staff to - at least - glance what the library patrons have on their screens.
All of the Chicago's main daily newspapers including Spanish language "Hoy" as well as most of their major TV station "sport" a hefty left wing bias - with the Spanish "Hoy" shamelessly showing the worst "lefty" preference with their virulent hatred against the Trump administration - shamelessly out in the open; next to "Hoy" follows closely the popular Chicago's tabloid - "Chicago Sun Times" while "Chicago Tribune" reluctantly displaying a small scintilla of the journalistic integrity - in terms of reporting the news and figures as they come up - and not twisting them to suit their left wing - political wishes. Why don't they go to live in Cuba or North Korea for a while if they love socialism and Big Government so much?
* * *
This spring has been continuing in a very cool mode which is fine with me. I have always loved very cold, spring days which feel great to me. Since I will be moving out of my current building very soon - their staff don't bother me nearly as much as it used to since they are nosy and want to know too much of the stuff concerning the tenants which is none of their damn business.
Most of the neighbors are OK in terms of minding their respective businesses and not gossiping too much about whatever "the gossipy" types tend to gossip about. There is - however - no shortage of the "busy buddies" types in this building who need to know other people's business. My current building allows only one main entry and exit - points to all the tenants - a totally stupid set up since it "encourages" gossipy neighbors to congregate right in the area of the entry and exit - ostensibly - to "chat" a "friendly, neighborly" conversations - but in reality - the nosy elements notice every single little detail re: other neighbors entering or leaving - so they can talk about it later - since - evidently - they have nothing better to do.
Other secured dwellings which I have lived in - have at least several secured points of - entries and exits for people who live there - the ones who have the electronic keys. This - here - building - has the "security" set up so they register the tenants moves. The main security woman - who sits at main desk - which everybody has to pass - entering or exiting the building - really gets on my nerves - big time - she reminds me of a gigantic Cyclop - with the numerous eyes oozing out of every part of her body - even out of her rear end. I will not miss this building at all - notwithstanding some good features it "sports". Their tight security system just makes my skin crawl - big time which is the main reason that I can't wait to move out of this place which will be very soon. I am sure that my new dwelling will have some challenges for me to deal with but for now - its important for me - to very soon - unload this place with their current, prison like, disgusting to the max - security system. In my new building - I can enter the new building or exit it - using several secured points of entries or exits - which - thank God are not manned by a person. In the new building the security person which is one of the clerks who work there - only check totally new elements entering the building - the parties who don't live there but either visit or deliver some business stuff.
* * *
Out of the several main, dailies in Chicago - the Spanish language one - is so left wing that the communistic hammer and sickles should be on their front page. I am sure that their owners and editors who must be well off - thanks to their wide circulation - do not idolize and worship the uneducated and at - times - misinformed - working class - whom they - profess to allegedly wanting to be in power - the way they manage Cuba, Venezuela and Greece.
Chicago can be beautiful during the cool spring like this year - before the huge hordes of all kinds of tourists descent on the city for a long three months - since they don't get the hell out of the city - until the Labor Day - when things go back to "normal". Actually - when I briefly watch various passers by as I go about my busy days which vary and are different during the week - since my daily routine changes during the weekends - it's easy for me to notice various important personality features of each person I pass briefly. Most people who live in Chicago are basically - good and honest - however - even if the vicious "elements" are plentiful as well. I thank God - every day - that I don't need to deal with them on any "permanent" or "semi-permanent" bases which I might have to do if my profession required it or something like that. individuals just make my skin crawl for a lot of reasons which almost always come out to the surface after I dealt with them for some timeem for a time. That's why - for now - I like to have a quick, superficial "dealings" with most people - that way - they don't develop any expectations and neither do I. However - I have an optimistic outlook on life - tons of people are solid and trustworthy - sometimes they don't turn out right away but they always do - when I need them.
* * *
One of the best movies I ever saw is titled "Possee" and it's an older movie - from the nineteen seventies. For some mysterious reason - it was not popular after the main release in the movie theaters. I saw it on TV and I think about the clever script - sometimes. If I met that screewriter - I would congratulate them on their skill in observing a lot of life conditions and being able to encapsulate those clever observaions into the difficult form of the sucessfully executed movie script.
Kirk Douglas did a magnificent job playing a cynical but honest protagonist - suddenly caught in dangerous circumstance - who is falsely accused of a crime he didn't commit - so he has a big "Possee" of various characters after him. The movie's events develop in an unexpected manner - just like they - sometimes - do in real life.
Long story - much shorter - an aspiring politician wants to gain "political brownie points" by making sure that "they get someone in jail who might be innocent". Kirk Douglas character delivers a smart line which sounds something like "climbing the political ladder on some - possibly innocent - individual - is 'horse manure'". The dialog runs smart, funny - at times - dramatic. It's rare that this movie could successfully combine the elements of drama and comedy - in the scenes which could be easily be identified by most movies' audiences.
Normally a decent movie needs to "make up its mind" early one if it will be a comedy or a drama with a few motion pictures which can successfully blend those two contrasting elements. The most memorable line delivered masterfully in an understated manner by the Kirk Douglas'es character which sticks in my mind happens almost at the end when "things worked out" for the main character after many unexpected "twists" and "turns" - just like a real life's events can happen at times. The main characters concludes at the end that - "Any day above the ground is a good day on Earth".
* * *
The other Sunday I was watching various people during the Mather's Day Sunday while I had my morning coffee in the popular mall in the middle income Chicago's suburb close to the city. Most families there looked Oriental and of course - Latin since the Hispanics are more than plentiful in Chicago area. The city - itself - offers the "illegals" some protection if they "keep their noses" clean of any criminal or illegal activities. However - the suburbs - frequently pursue more aggressive policies by cooperating with ICE which has a lot more help from the local suburban police than ICE has from Chicago Police.
The criminal elements consisting of "illegals" can hide successfully in "sanctuary cities" like Chicago - notwithstanding phony assurances to the contrary - generously spread by the leftist Liberals through various - Liberal left - leaning - Chicago media. Most people who live in Chicago don't believe the Chicago leftist Liberals' propaganda - anyway.
I know that a lot of the "illegals" are good people and deserve to stay in the U.S. - however - until the broken immigrations system gets properly fixed - the situation will not get any better unless the overflow of the "illegals" will be "thinned out" a lot - especially the semi-criminal or criminal elements among them.
* * *
I was watching various people passing me by as I had my morning coffee in the lovely - nicely remodeled - big shopping mall in Niles - A Golf Mill Mall - located in a northern, middle class suburb of Chicago. The security people did a good job of not letting a lot of visibly poor and handicapped folks - hang out there too long. I saw this one woman - barely able to walk with the help of her old, beat up walker. It was obvious that she was white, poor, old and handicapped - with no skills, no education, a few survival skills without any politicians/supporters - maybe connected to some church group - advocating for her - screaming for a new walker for her, more benefits and so on.
Michael Medved - a smart, shrewd commentator and an effective communicator - galore - with a massively devoted, huge radio audience/loyal followers - religiously listening to his show - stated that "justice is blind so she can't be favoring any poor folks - in terms of dispensing the laws and the ensuing resources - at the expense of the more talented, hard working - frequently - rich folks and companies - charity cannot be forced, taxed or legislated. The charity work is best administered by the elements who know it - not the justice system."
I couldn't agree with him more since most of those so called "advocates" for the poor - are themselves - rich politicians who don't really believe in their own "propaganda drivel" since they all want to stay rich - however they frequently find some "elements" to "demonize" as the ones causing the poverty - as if that condition didn't exist from the beginning of recorded history.
The U.S. government and various other groups have endlessly attempted to reduce homelessness and poverty and in the opinion of many respected experts - those noble goals have progressed some - however - most people in the United States - balk at the socialistic system which drains the taxpayers in the western European countries at the cost of the taxpayers - most of which - feel "royally screwed out of their hard earned - money and incomes". This so called "cradle to the grave - government - guaranteed - prosperity" - does not play well in the United States - full of "guns - totting" - individual freedoms - loving - people.
Chapter 42
I always find that working with even a small group of people having similar interests to mine - can be a lot of fun for a long time but then something happens to change things. I have learned to "move on" without questioning too much why certian things happen in my life - as if my life needed to follow some hidden script written by some higher forces which are hard for me to understand. Every day I learn more about the meaning of my life - while some minor, little stuff - has important role.
Lately I have been having my morning coffee in a small but efficient coffee shop in my current neighborhood of Chicago's - a fashionable and affluent - Lincoln Square area which if full of middle class young people combining with the generous sprinkle of all kinds of other groups. A lot of the youngsters are still idealistic "libtards" - so the chances are that they might retain their leftist "direction" if they pursue a successful careers with either state, city of federal government - thus are likely to remain - politically - socialistic leaning.
The business people which are also plentiful in this area - like the older Vietnamese couple who owns a successful, small coffee shop which the neighbors generously patronize. I personally - like to get my coffee because the place is not as clean as I would like it to be - however it's friendly, cozy and retains the overseas, exotic flavor - they owners bring to it. Chicago is beautiful in a lot of ways - even if a lot of the idealistic, left leaning "libturds" - plentiful among the numerous youngsters living and working here - frequently get on my nerves.
The business people which are also numerous here - may have to give some "lip service" at times - to some "lefty ideas" - not to "go against the flow" - however - they do not subscribe to any overly "socialistic" ideas for the U.S. since their vast experiences "enlightened" them re: the socialism suited only "for the birds" - so the smart ones definitely do not subscribe to it. Thus they vote their conscience and not any "fleeting" political trends - especially the one so insidious as "creeping socialism".
Any attempts to "re-distribute" the wealth of the nation - downwards - towards the extremely poor - ends up in the taxes too high and "brains" leaving the countries - which forces that system (Western Europe) in droves - while "the poor and disadvantaged of every kind" - frequently - "snicker down their noses" onto the free service offered - viewing those correctly as "forced charity". Currently - unfortunately - Western Europe seems to suffer - overrun by radical Moslems - especially Western Germany. Angela Merkel still has a slim mandate which is eroding so the next leader will most likely reverse her policy of "almost open borders" - notwithstanding some government and state - employees - "political "hacks" who - usually - derive temporary monetary benefits - each time a rich country's government undertakes even ridiculous policies which it forcefully implements - at the cost of hurting most population - in a long and even a short run.
* * *
Chicago celebrates its first big holiday for the year - the Memorial Day - in a fantastically fun - way - even if the weather messes up some years. This year - the Loop Memorial Day parade should be a big success since the "rain and thunderstorms" should be "gotten over with" very early just after the first day of the Memorial Day weekend; the parade begins shortly after the morning changes into the early afternoon - which happens withouth the rain so the weather prediction was correct.
Today was a gloriously beautiful early summer, cool day - perfect for the Memorial Day parade..which went super good in Chicago's Loop - full of all kinds of people of different colors and financial backgrounds - a true democracy in action. The Loop was full but it was not too crowded this year. The long, three day long weekend has still has some time left. The atmosphere in the city feels good - since people are getting ready for the glorious summer to come - providing - that the various, local criminal elements which "crawl out" during Chicago's summers full of foreigners and out of towners - will be kept firmly - "on the leash" in the city and in the surrounding suburbs bacause there are more policemen this summer. I have always liked the Memorial Day Holiday a lot especially when the weather cooperates. This year - so far the cool, fresh, slightly breezy days of the long Memorial Day weekend - indicate a gorgeous, cool summer - to follow.
* * *
When I was married to Jack - we celebrated our birthdays on the same day - alternating the years - choosing either his or mine since they were only ten days apart. One year we invited some people we knew so we had a buffet style, nicely presented, finger dishes on a long table placed in the small back patio of our re-habbed townhouse located in the fashionable, northern part of Chicago - close to the trendy suburbs of Skokie and Evanston. The location of my townhouse which I loved most of the time - was picturesque - close to the famous, huge Rosehill Cemetery full of statues of famous Chicagoans buried there. Each time I took peaceful walks there I could almost hear the whispers of famous souls buried there with all the pomp and expense - "funeral" budgets' - money could buy.
Jack knew how to fix exciting food bites since before starting to work for a major Chicago's TV station as a television news photographer - he worked for a famous chef in Las Vegas. Our "joint" birthday parties were lots of fun - except for one year - when an eccentric woman I hardly knew who claimed that she knew me through my fabulous, famous muffins which were distributed in every fashionable outlet in Chicago; she practically invited herself to my birthday party to which I agreed but regretted afterwards.
She showed up to an outdoor party with a big, shepherd looking dog who she claimed was friendly and well behaved. If I knew then what I know now - namely - how to handle diplomatically but firmly all kinds of idiots walking this Earth - I would tactfully send her back to the damn hole - from which this psycho crawled out from. Lo and behold - shortly after she arrived she loosened her damn dog's leash so he immediately jumped on our beautifully decorated birthday cake on the gorgeous table in the back yard - needless to say he totally demolished a lovely birthday cake. Thank God the dog/demon didn't get a chance to destroy other beautiful dishes - before Jack grabbed his leash and tactfully, discreetly but firmly - put the dog and his owner - out the doors.
We still had a lovely party even if we had to do without a cake - however - before she got "delicately" pushed out of our - she had the nerve to ask if she could stay. At that point - Jack and I had to firmly but politely ask her "if she would leave or should we call the police - upon which she agreed to get the hell out and crawl back to the damn hole she crawled out from".
* * *
The following summer or two - I celebrated my birthday with some close Chicago friends who subsequently got put on "the back burner" - since my friends changed their places with the old ones - depending on what's happening in my life. Some old friends - move away for a while - to make place for several new ones - those might go on "the back burner" while the old ones - come back.
Jack left Chicago after - close to twenty years of living with me while our marriage was good. However - things started to change between us after eighteen good years and our efforts to keep our union didn't work. We went our separate ways. When I think about this passage through the prism of the years which passed - I know that it was good for me even if it was painful at the time when I was going through it.
* * *
For the last six months I have been interacting with several women who love to dance ballroom style. We meet once per week or so during our tea dancing gatherings in the small studio located in the west north of Chicago - close to Skokie which is my most favorite part of Chicago where I will be living before long. The ladies who come to the tea dancing are sweet and fun to be around and they can dance well. It's a nice crowd for me - for now - since they guys who come to those afternoon dancing events - are also quite passable - some are attractive - but most are good dancers.
The studio owner - Mang - a gray-haired, short and stocky oriental looking guy - excellent ballroom dance teacher - who is more of a dancer than a teacher - comes from Thailand and being in this country for a long time - he prefers to teach international style ballroom of which moves are slightly different than the American style ballroom dance moves; he manages his international style ballroom studio with the help of an oriental lady who is a dark haired, dark eyed, good looking, middle aged, dancer - with a trim figure. She evidently - has lots of resources of every kind - which her partner - Dang - needs. However - lately - after twenty years of somewhat murky and not clearly - defined - partnership - she seems to be wanting to go her own way.
It will be hard for him to quickly find a suitable business partner since her performance gowns and other presentations always look stunning. I have heard some rumors that her husband - who never shows up in a studio - is a doctor and they have an "understanding" regarding their long term union. At times she appears like a lesbian or bi-sexual to me - perhaps - on the look out for some new "adventures". It's hard to know all the details which don't interest me too much - anyway. For now - I like the events in his studio and the people/dancers who go there - but things always change. For this coming summer - the the ladies who come to Mang's studio for his once per week - ballroom tea dances and I - will be doing some fun stuff. We are looking forward towards Chicago's "Summer Dance" sessions in the Grant Park which attract a lot of various dancers of various ages and skill levels. They are fun events for local dance studio's and the numerous participants - providing the weather doesn't mess up the outdoors dancing activities in the Grant Park.
* * *
Some new individuals I meet have a good "vibe" so we are friends for a while - sometimes for much longer - but some people - men or women - most definitely "rub me the wrong way" - so I just want them "out of my face" - without offending them. Now - that I am semi-retired - finally - at long last - thank God - I don't have to deal with some nasty types - I had to deal with - in the work situation.
My present building which I am going to be moving out of - very soon - has most of the people - who live here - nice enough - they mind their own business - while they don't bother other people who live in the building. The building management deserves some credit since they handle the complains in a timely fashion. I had some psycho - whom I - thank God - have never have seen since I am out of the building most of the day - trying to pound on my ceiling - their floor - that is - awhile ago. It turned out that the "pounding" individual's Alzheimer disease was getting worse and they required some kind of different living arrangements. Thank God that the building management took care of that problem in a timely manner - rather than finding excuses - not to get "involved" and let that matter - drag on.
Most people who live in my current building don't bother other neighbors too much - especially me - since I don't get too involved in their activities having almost all my dealings with folks who live outside of my building - thus I am gone almost all day. When I see the neighbors which I know a bit - the ones who live on my floor - I smile at them briefly, say a quickly, friendly "hello" and go my way. They get the message.
The new place into which I will be moving very soon - has a totally different set up as far as interacting with the neighbors - goes. Their security procedures are not nearly as stifling as at my current place - however the new building also has some issues with which I will have to deal effectively. My current building has a lot of positive aspects as well which I appreciate - nevertheless it will be nice to get the hell out of here. The effective exit strategy is always good.
* * *
I used to have a close friend - Mindy - who moved away to be closer to her immediate family - that way our respective paths went separate ways - just as well - since our friendship started to steer in that direction - anyway.
Mindy was very streetwise and experienced in all the "tight situations" which come up during the course of life's various passages. She always told me - that it is a good idea to do three "ES'es" -'before you ascertain that you're in a good situation - squint, smirk a bit, and scoff a bit - as well'" - according to Mindy's pointers -those "procedures" never hurt when dealing with all kinds of people appearing on your way - especially in some tense life's - situations which come up when not expected or prepared at all - at times.
* * *
This spring has been gloriously cool in Chicago but this second week of June 2017 - when a lot of delightful summer fests - officially begin the summer in the city - promises to "blister" Chicago with the first - ugly and bothersome - heat wave. Thank God for efficient air conditioning. As is an established "first summer heat wave" tradition with me - which repeats itself every year - at that time every summer - I start to wait for the beautiful fall which zooms by entirely too fast - just like a gorgeous cool spring does.
I got to think the other day that Chicago is a rich city with all kinds of poor ethnic elements and other "entitled" poor folks here - "nibbling" on the "crumbs" of "social redistribution" of sorts - the various leftists' legislatures enacted by the still - ruling here hypocritical, rich Democrats (hopefully continuing on their way out of here) - still - even the rich cities can go broke when their political "top layers" entertain a lot of "leftists' style, socialistic, disgusting and revolting" notions which - sooner or later ruin even rich countries - like Cuba which was very rich before Castro instituted his "revolution" which killed, maimed and needlessly victimized - tons of Cuban people.
* * *
This summer continues in an good mode - we will keep it this way - while I observe various "types" of people "crawling around" Chicago. It's important to keep a "poker face" since some of those elements really make my skin crawl - but one cannot make faces upon the sudden appearance of some mentality ill, homeless individuals who - at times chose to sleep in various - "she-she-poo-poo", rich parts of Chicago during the summers.
One can encounter - at times - during the lovely, summer mornings - some dirty, mentally ill, poor humans - wrapped up in their numerous rags - at the bus shelters in Lincoln Square - or other "ritzy" part of Chicago. A lot of those neighborhoods are full of rich, young, high income, Socialist thinking dreamers/left thinking - professionals with a lot of them "advocating" for the poor in a truly - Democratic Party slogans' spitting - fashion. I really doubt if those phony liberals would want to house in their luxurious dwellings - any of those poor, homeless individuals who have a generous sprinkle of a lot of illegal aliens - among them - who crawl around Chicago. The progressive/Socialist thinking legislators want the taxpayers to "foot" the bill. Chicago is rich but rich cities also go broke - like Detroit, Michigan - for an example - went broke.
Chapter 43
I always try to be measured in expressing my opinions around people I don't know - since it's not fun to suddenly offend some individual and be on a receiving end of their sudden anger which is not pleasant - even though - I learned how to deal with those impulsive types - since I even though - I had always been blessed with "being quick on my feet" - still I have encountered my share of enough vicious types to know how to handle them effectively. Our mother used to say - "it's better when they envy you rather than when they pity you." On the other hand - one has to be brave and not live in fear of offending various parties which might have views totally different than mine.
Lately - I started to admire Ann Coulter during the last few years of post Donald Trump political style - campaign - and subsequent ascent to White House - an era which is marked in - frequently - "in your face" - New Yorkers's style - political discourses of all kinds. I don't always agree with either President Trump or his advocates on any of their crucial issues - however - on the bright side of this new political style discourses - mainly on public media forums - now a days people dare to speak more bravely than before - to frequently hostile - listeners and the challengers - handle themselves in an OK fashion - most of the time. At any rate - anybody who loves this country has to worry about the possible "bloodshed" coming to the U.S.A - given the virulent hatred expressed in many ways - mainly on the public media forums - for either Hillary Clinton with her brand of her Democrats or Donald Trump currently representing the Republican party.
The other morning - a deranged leftist extremist shot some Republican lawmakers around Washington, D.C. area - so now the rabid faction of leftists keeps their violence provoking rhetorics - "on the leash" - for a while - at least. Lately - the semi-civilized U.S "lefties" who are mostly poor/uneducated, mob acting crowds in the U.S. spout violence provoking slogans against the U.S. professionals, business people and other smart people who hate socialism and believe in guns and the second amendment to the U.S. constitution. The verbal barbs have been escalating since President Trump got elected. Hopefully this "war of words" will not escalate to lead to any anarchy, police state and factions shooting each other in the cities and other places.
* * *
Lately I have been thinking of a smart and effective Plan B for me - if the massive unrests broke out in the U.S. and it appears that the big cities like Chicago, New York and Los Angeles would be more vulnerable than Washington, D.C or rural areas; I know from the family histories of many people who lived through some massive national catastrophes - that it doesn't take a whole lot - for the seemingly civilized people to start acting like savages while some other factions - always make tons of money - capitalizing on the temporary disasters - before the social order gets restored - sometimes it takes a while.
The U.S. is a very big country which presents a unique set of challenges and advantages. The national catastrophic break down is unlikely but it's always a good idea to be somewhat prepared - thus the
"fear" factor reduces a good deal. I know that Max would be there for me - even if we have occasional misunderstandings. He is more prepared than I since he has several rifles and the knowledge how to use them. I have never been around any fire arms of any kind but my firm belief in the second commandment to Constitution is unshaken. I also believe that when the "chips are down" - its much better to die on "one's feet - fighting" rather than accepting possible, awful circumstances without fighting.
Currently the owners of guns in the U.S. with their numbers staggering the mind - are vehemently opposed to various "antifas" - people who want to restrict the access to guns and "reform" the second amendment. The gun owners always point to the fact that the governments of totalitarian systems - first outlawed the guns - then confiscated them - then established their opressive totalitarianisms which were - subsequently - overturned at the great cost in human lives.
* * *
Chicago has quite a few international clusters of numerous ethnic varieties of people - some of which have lived here a long time - but some are more recent arrivals. The Russians are plentiful here - with a lot of them - Russian Jews but there are quite a few non-Jews among the Russians. One of the several Russian speaking radio stations - played an amazing song the other day which was written for an older audience. The female vocalist delivered the simple lyrics with an understated mastery. The title was "My Dearest Old People" and at first I started listening without any special feelings - however as the song continued - I became deeply moved. The song told a simple story of a woman wanting to hug her old parents but she found herself far away - in many ways - busy with her own demanding career and her own challenges with her own family. The time slipped by quickly - and after her "dearest old people" were gone - she longed to kiss them - at least - that one more time.
I felt as if my long departed mother - sent me a message of sorts - to tell people I love that I love them. After I heard that song - I called my only older brother Max who frequently gets on my nerves - big time. I told him I loved him - just in case if - God forbid - something happened to him - at least - my heart would not ache as much as it would - if I didn't tell him that.
* * *
I will never forget one spring morning a few years ago. It was an early June morning - with the lovely day promising a good summer - ahead.
I decided a day before to go to the lecture/presentation about a Russian composer of popular, older Russian songs. The lecturer played some work by that composer and I recognized a moving song about two brothers who had to go to war after the Soviet Union was attacked by the mighty German Nazis in 1942. Both brothers were conscripted from their village while their old mother cried heavy tears since at the beginning of the German invasion of the Soviet Union - millions of Russians were massacred by the Germans - not even mentioning the Jews who were killed first by the Germans or the plentiful "collaborators" of which many were later killed by the victorious Russians.
Back to the song which was moving in its simplicity - so both sons went to war while the old mother prayed and shed tears - like millions did during the war. Lo and behold - both guys - returned safe to the village - however - their hair turned white while the mother remembered that she when she gave birth to her first born - he came to the world with sunny (reddish) color hair - her "sunny boy". The second one was born with black hair "like black coals". When both guys came back from the war - both of their heads turned totally gray (white). The song sounded good with the lyrics - simple yet moving. I have learned a lot about the composer during that lecture - as if I have met him in person.
What was interesting connected with that lecture - that I heard this song many times before - that piece was one of the most favorite of my mother - it was performed by many talented singers. I had no clue who the composer and the lyricists were - so I learned about him during that memorable lecture. It was a good feeling - as if I met him personally after I first - liked his work a lot. It's the same way - when I meet my favorite writer - whom I know - first - through their work.
I will never forget the story which my favorite aunt Ludmilla related to me regarding her "meeting" in person her favorite singer whose voice she heard many times before she finally had an opportunity to see what he looks like in person.
"When I entered the concert hall - I expected to see an enormous handsome guy on the stage. Instead - a short, stocky, ugly, cross-eyed guy was emitting this familiar, gorgeous voice. He was definitely destined to be a successful radio performer. I discreetly left the concert hall - as soon as he finished his current song - to a big applause."
* * *
So far this summer has been glorious in Chicago - in terms of many cool days - let's keep it this way. Some summers have been awfully hot and humid most of the time which always gets on my nerves a lot. The Summer Dance sessions in the Grant Park - outside - in al fresco manner - every year attract a lot of interesting people - mostly they are the same types showing up for Sunday - Ballroom sessions. Some people come and go - some don't show up for a while - then they are back. I and my "ballroom" girlfriends - know which guys are decent or good dancers and which are "bozos" who don't want to learn how to dance even some basic steps. We know how to avoid those "clowns" without offending them too much. Some middle aged and older men - have no notion of how they behave in front of other people - especially other women; they act as if they were some kind of big deal celebrities of some kind - which they are - obviously - not. They think a world about themselves - some of them for no special reason at all.
* * *
This summer promises to be more fun than last year - even though it was an interesting and exciting summer last year as well as I was getting ready to leave Pittsburgh. I am usually glad to get out of there since Chicago always calls me back in a powerful manner and I run back as if the city was some kind of great old lover who promises to "behave" and does that for a long, long time. Pittsburgh - however - is also a beautiful, hilly town and my brother's - mansion style - two unit house in a charming Squirrel Hill area always feels familiar and homey to me - so it's nice to visit him once in a while. I just wish that he wouldn't be so stingy with his money and got his apartment cleaned out thoroughly. His long term tenant keeps her big unit downstairs - clean. She is almost like a family - in some strange way - since she has lived in his "prize" unit for a very long time. He hardly raises her rent with that location - being extremely desirable - notwithstanding Max'es upkeep which leaves a lot to be desired - to the max. Even though he likes her and respects her - his "prize" tenant - still he keeps his guard up firmly in place - not wanting to get close to his business contact - his tenant. He actually behaves that way with most people he comes in contact. I don't know that it's such a good way to live.
* * *
The Fourth of July is celebrated in a big way around Chicago - I feel sorry for the poor domestic animals - totally freaked out by the noises. They can be bothersome to a lot of people as well but "what the heck its a summer tradition".
The famous Navy Pier fireworks every year look spectacularly glorious. For many summers I watched them from the fancy-schmantzy penthouse where my close friend Gisela lived in elegant luxury until she got very old, sick and weak. Towards the very end of her long life - she had to endure some hospital stays which turned out to be totally useless. She was ninety years old - for God's sake. Most medical doctors choose not to go to any hospitals when they are very old and very sick. They know how the "life saving" procedures - frequently - fracture their week bones and so on. At any rate - it's a complicated matter.
This Fourth of July will be fun for me since after I complete my easy move to my new place on Mon. July 03 - the next day for the Fourth of July - my "ballroom dancing" friends and I should go out for a drink after our Tea Dancing will be done - since the studio will be open during that holiday. After the Tea Dancing to which - to which - probably most people will not show up - but one never knows - the studio owner (my buddy) and a few other "steady" studio members - will - probably - go out to watch some fireworks - if the places are not too crowded and busy and crazy like some summers in Chicago. If that happens - then maybe - we will just watch they fireworks on TV before the late news. One year the heat was too oppressive in Chicago on the Fourth of July - so we watched the fireworks shown on TV - transmitted from the Navy Pier.
* * *
One of the most profound, funny, surprising and enlightening movies I ever saw was the one from 1986 - titled "Peggy Sue Got Married" in which - Kathleen Turner gave an amazing performance - easily convincing as a teenager - at first - then a mature woman in her late thirties/early forties.
The masterfully executed script deals with mysteries of a human fate as the movies explores in a humorous manner some defining moments in the life of Peggy Sue - as she re-visits the important happenings during the time when she was a teenager. The cleverly thought out script makes sure that a lot of people can identify with the important moments happening to Peggy Sue as she experiences some crucial passages - at times - seemingly ordinary. She can travel in time to examine some crucial past events. The humor and the drama mixes effectively - which is no small achievement for the filmmakers. It's the kind of a movie - one could see several times - especially after going through some interesting but trying times.
* * *
This year Chicago has cool weather for the Fourth of July - can't wait to watch the magnificent fireworks display - on television. I saw tons of people heading downtown - so it was a good idea to avoid the "L" public transport mode like a plague since the crowded trains are horrible; the city buses were not too crowded - thank God.
The display looked good - however - as every year - I could see quite a few "live" fireworks shows from my apartment window. I heard the lyrics of a charming and fun Russian song - not too long ago which proclaimed that "every summer - we live a new 'mini' life each year".
Even though my new apartment has some drawbacks - the security procedures here - are normal while in the old place - all their unnecessary, tedious and bothersome security protocols - were getting on my nerves a lot. I know for a fact that some shortcomings connected with my new place - will "crawl out" - for sure - however - the experiences of the old place's - bothersome, intrusive and annoying security procedures - are behind me. Thank God for that.
* * *
I try to remember - perhaps - the most fabulous summer of my life - to wit - and I can think of two summers. The first one happened when I was ten years old and my immediate family went to visit my only maternal aunt with her family who didn't leave the Soviet Union (at that time) - unlike my mother who left the Soviet Union for Poland since she married my dad (a Polish Jew) who decided to go back to Poland. My mother's first husband was killed during the Second World War - so she married my father who divorced his first wife long time prior to their meeting. Both of them had children from their previous unions.
While I barely knew for most of my life - my half-sister - Tina - my father's older daughter from his first marriage - I grew up with my older half-brother Max and with all his flaws and positive traits - since he was the son of my mother - from her first marriage. Max and my dad - his stepfather - had a stormy relationship most of Max'es teenage life but Max left our family house early - so their relationship improved a lot after Max became independent and permanently gone from our family home. Max barely remembered his real father so he considered my dad - his parent even if he resented for a while - some episodes which happened when Max still lived at home which wasn't for a long time. He moved out permanently when he started college.
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